11. Chapter Eleven
Chapter Eleven
Katie
It's been a week since Paxton moved in and slowly but surely all of us are working our way towards a new normal. While it still feels weird not to be alone at home when I wake up, I'm starting to get used to another presence in the flat. The worst thing is having to talk to someone right after waking up. It’s been a while since that was the case.
Yet it’s nice to have someone keep me company while I’m drinking my first coffee of the day. Pax doesn’t talk too much; usually, he just gets his own mug and scrolls through his phone while I stare at the wall, trying to make sense of reality. Then he leaves the apartment for a few hours every day to some meeting he doesn’t specify, so that helps me get accustomed to his presence.
Meanwhile, Bruce let me increase my work hours by a bit. Jen is having some personal troubles, so now, I am taking over some of her hours. This means I'm leaving for work even earlier and spending less time at home.
Thank god that Micah, being the heaven-sent he is, still offered to drive me to work, without me even having to ask him. Because, I wouldn’t have. I’d have bought a cheap bike from someone on the internet and tried to make do with it. He didn’t leave me with much of a choice, really. When I tried to protest, he assured me he'd just take his laptop along and spend some time working on a secret project he's not willing to tell me about or watching movies.
God, I love that guy. May his pillow always be cold and his traffic lights green.
I'm also still his volunteer for his shows and I don't think that's going to be changing anytime soon. He's enjoying himself way too much for that, even without Serena watching his show. So far I’ve hung on him upside down, another time he balanced me on his shoulders, another time he threw me up into the air and caught me. I felt like a cheerleader, but I also made him promise to not do it again because, while of course nothing happened, I felt like I was having a goddamn heart attack from the surprise of it.
When I find Micah after my shift today, I see him watching videos about lap dances and taking notes for his future choreographies. When I make myself known by rapping my fingers against the door of the locker room, he looks up and smiles at me mischievously before he folds his laptop together and gets up.
"Do I want to know?" I mutter and shake my head at him. “Scratch that, do I need to know?”
"Well, you're going to find out soon enough," he assures me with a wide grin on his face and pats my shoulder. "Do you have a fear of heights?"
"Depends on the situation," I chuckle as I climb into his car, continuing when he’s in the driver's seat. "If it's about going up a building to watch the city or any other fixed observation decks, I'm good. If it's about climbing a ladder and fixing something to a wall, nope. I will absolutely panic."
"Shame," he says, his lips pursing in a pout while I stifle a yawn. "I was thinking about making you stand on my shoulders."
"Nope. No way in hell." I shake my head with panic-wide eyes. "And I'm saying that for your sake as well as mine."
"It looks easy. I could totally carry you around like that."
"Well, I repeat, please don't." I chuckle awkwardly. "But good to know you also have that toxic trait of thinking everything you see on the internet is easy-peasy.” He bursts into laughter, and I giggle along with him. “So, what are your plans for tomorrow?" I change the topic to good old small talk.
"I'm having lunch with Serena," he says, keeping his eyes fixed on the road.
"Serena, huh? Tell her 'Hi' from me." And tell her to pull her head out of her ass and confess her feelings for you. But of course, I don’t say that.
"Will do," he promises. I take a breath but before I can add anything else, he continues. "And no. It’s not a romantic lunch. Don't even think about it."
"I wasn't going to." I look at him wide-eyed, freeing my lip from my teeth when I remember Luke’s remark about my tell.
"Sure, you weren’t," he says with an eye roll and turns onto my street. When he comes to a stop in front of my house, I turn to him.
"Seriously, Micah. Thank you. I feel like I'm not saying it enough, but you're really saving my ass by driving me around."
"You're very welcome."
"You need to tell me if it's too much, yes? I don't want to impose." He rolls his eyes and sighs, trying to ignore me, but I continue to look at him until he answers.
"Just shut up, Katie,” he finally says and shakes his head. “You'd do the same for me. Stop doubting me."
"A hundred percent, I’d do the same for you. That doesn’t mean I’ll ever take it for granted." I lean over the console and give him an awkward side hug before I jump out of the car. He waves at me as he drives off.
I take a deep breath before I climb the few stairs to the front door and unlock it.
"And then we threw eggs at their house and ran away," I hear Paxton's voice bellowing through the apartment, followed by Luke’s roaring laughter. Curiously, I quietly shut the door behind me and take off my shoes without making any sound, wanting to listen in. Is he talking about that one Halloween when we were fourteen?
"The guy who lived there came running out, but Harper was parked close by. We ran to her car and quickly took off. The guy kept running behind us, cursing us out and swinging an umbrella around in his hand."
Luke giggles and I decide to eavesdrop a bit more. I was doubtful in the beginning, but it's good to hear that the two of them get along so well .
"What did he want with an umbrella?" Luke asks through laughter.
"No fucking idea, but we weren't too keen on finding out." Pax chuckles. I set down my bag quietly and lean my back against the hallway wall, staring into nothingness.
Those were the easier days. Carefree. Fun. A smile spreads on my face as I remember that Halloween. For weeks I had nightmares of the man running after us. In my dreams, he caught up to the car and tore the doors open, beating us to a pulp with his dingy neon-green umbrella with flowers on it. In other dreams he appeared like a jump-scare and flew through the windshield, causing us to drive into a ditch.
Still, I wouldn't have traded that day for the world. All of us, the guys from Hystoria and us girls, coordinated our costumes. I think in that year we settled on the theme 'orange.' I don't recall all of the costumes worn that day, but if I memory serves me right, I dressed up as Tigger, Paxton as Garfield, and I'm pretty sure one of the other guys went as Nemo, maybe Jake. Our parents’ basement was doused in orange crafting leftovers as we put together our costumes there. Cleaning that up was a bitch.
Right after Harper drove to our meeting spot, all of us shared our trick-or-treating candy with each other. I'd get all the gummy candy because I'm a sucker for those. Cole, Jake, and Eve got the sugar candy. Finally, Phoebe, Si, and Pax shared the chocolate bars amongst themselves. Everyone was so happy.
"Tell me some more cringy stories about my sister's teenage years!" Luke asks Pax excitedly and my eyes grow wide. I might not be here most of the day, but no way in hell am I letting Pax tell my little brother about my embarrassing teenage years on my watch. It's time to announce my presence.
I creep to the door and pull it open gently, before shutting it a bit more forcefully than needed.
"I'm home!"
"Awe, damn." I hear Luke mutter and grin. Mission accomplished. I kick my shoes to make it sound like I've just taken them off and round the corner to the kitchen.
Both of them sit at the table, cereal bowls and empty coffee mugs in front of them, looking at me with wide, innocent eyes. "Why are you two looking at me like that?"
"No reason," Luke says, way too quickly, and I just know that Pax has already gotten a bunch of my embarrassing stories out. Probably of that one time I fell into a mud pit in the middle of recess and had to walk around in my dirty clothes for the whole day. I sigh. Luke is not going to let me live those stories down. I should have added keeping quiet about my youthful sins as one of the rules for Pax.
"I have no idea what you’re talking about. Here, sit down, have a coffee," Pax jumps up and scoots my chair back. I sit down skeptically and watch him pour me a mug, fill it up with milk and half a spoonful of sugar. I scrunch my eyebrows together, trying to hide my surprise. I know we spend every morning over coffee, but I’d never have thought that he remembers how I drink mine. I take the mug he offers me and take a sip as he sits back down.
"Okay, that's new. Thank you."
I hide a yawn behind my hand and hold the mug between both of my hands as I take a deep whiff of its smell. As bad as coffee tastes, the smell just hits the right spots in my brain.
"Oh, maybe you shouldn't drink it if you're going to sleep soon," Pax wonders out loud. "I can make you a hot chocolate as well. "
"No worries. The amount of caffeine I'd need to keep me from sleeping right now would fill up a lot more than our pot," I assure him, followed by another yawn.
"That doesn't sound healthy," Luke says, scrutinizing me with narrow eyes and I shrug.
"That's because it isn't. Don't be like me." He shoots me a glare and I know exactly what it says: 'You've got problems.' He’s always been vocal about not liking me working so much, but his disdain has increased since I’ve started to work seven days a week to cover for Jen, even skipping my weekly Flour Power dates with Phoebe.
And he'd be right. There’s nothing I can do about it, though.
"Why shouldn't he be like you?" Pax asks confusion etched on his face as he looks between the two of us. “You’re his sister, he should be looking up to you.”
"Because I'm not a great role model," I say with a tight smile on my face, my shoulders tensing up.
"And on that note, I need to get ready for school," Luke says and jumps up, all but running out of the kitchen.
"Are you always this self-deprecating?" Pax asks quietly, turning the mug in his hands.
"Only on days that end in ‘y,’” I say and roll my eyes. “I'm only telling the truth. Isn’t that why you’re here? I'm not a great role model. Maybe I was once upon a time, but now? He really shouldn't imitate me."
“Well, then maybe you should behave in a way you want him to imitate.”
I narrow my eyes at him. “You’re overstepping, Pax. You don’t know enough to make any kind of statement regarding my brother and me, so zip it.”
He lifts his arms with his hands raised in a defensive gesture, and I cross my arms in front of my chest.
I can see that he wants to add something, but I shake my head. I'm not having this discussion with him. My problems are mine to solve, just like his problems are his to solve. I'm not meddling in his issues unless asked, so he can stay right out of mine.
"I'm off," Luke shouts from the hallway.
"Have a fun day at school!" I shout right back, before I down the rest of the coffee and get up to wash the mug. I can feel Pax's eyes on the back of my head as I rinse it, the feeling growing more intense as I dry it and put it away. I catch him doing it when I turn around.
"Would you like to tell me something or why are you staring?"
"Maybe. But you don’t seem like you want to hear it.” I raise my eyebrow at him. What a weird thing to say.
“Do I seem like I don’t want to hear it, or am I going to be angry because you’re talking about something you don’t know enough about to have an opinion?” The ensuing silence tells me all I need to know.
"That’s what I thought. I'm going to sleep now. Have a good day, Paxton."
"Sleep well, Katie."
The flat is completely silent when I wake up. No wonder, because a glance at my phone tells me it's the middle of the day. Luke is still at school and from what I've gathered over the past week, Pax should be out for at least another hour or so for his undisclosed appointment.
I let my phone fall on the mattress next to me and stare at the ceiling. For the first time in a while, I have a fewer worries. There's still so much I need to do, but for now, I grant myself a few more minutes to just think.
I close my eyes again as I try to sort all the thoughts running through my head.
What am I going to do once Luke is off to university? His finals are getting closer and closer, and soon after that, he's off for a week to check out his new university. While I've been looking forward to an empty nest for eight damn years, now that it's happening, I'm overwhelmed. It's not like my responsibility for Luke just magically disappears and I can just stop working. After all, I said I'd help him pay for his tuition, along with the fund my parents left. My own college fund is long gone, having paid for some repairs in our flat a few years back; so, of course, I'm going to have to keep working just as much, even if I'm living alone.
But I'm just so tired. So damn tired, all the fucking time.
No wonder I don’t have more friends and don’t spend more time with the ones I have. All I want to do when I come home is fall into bed and sleep. Then I wake up, do some household chores, and off to work I go. Wash, rinse, repeat.
Well, whining and self-pity are of no use; I've learned that over the years. The only thing I can do is to push through. For Luke. Once he’s done with university and has a better life, with a degree and hopefully a well-paying job on hand, I might be able to relax.
Only a few more years of exhausting night shifts, energy drinks, and several pots of coffee.
With a sigh, I get up and raise my arms above myself to stretch. There's a loud crack, but I wouldn't even know which joint it came from.
Shaking my head slightly, I walk out of my room to get my first pot of coffee, for what constitutes my day, going. Enough laying in bed, I need to be productive. Today I wanted to start checking out cheaper flats to move into after Luke leaves, so I need a good amount of caffeine to get my brain started.
I add one more spoonful of coffee powder than usual to the filter. It’s probably going to taste disgusting, but at this point, I don’t care. I’ll just add more sugar and hold my breath drinking it.
I let the machine do its thing, and turn on the radio, letting my eyes wander around the fridge.
What am I having for breakfast today? Cereal is growing old really fast, so what else do I have on hand? With a hum I open the fridge, scanning its contents. I could have an apple, but I’m not feeling like a healthy breakfast today.
Pancakes. Pancakes sound good.
Mixing the ingredients, my thoughts start to wander. How many months would I need to live in a cheaper flat to afford a car? Scratch that, the more important question is, what kind of deposit will a cheaper flat require?
I grimace. Right. A deposit. I fight the urge to knock my forehead against the fridge door. I knew I was forgetting something. Where am I taking money for a deposit from? If I'm lucky, I have a hundred bucks a month to spare. And I’m not very lucky at the moment.
"Hey, what-?"
"Ah!" I jump, almost letting go of the bowl with my pancake batter and throwing my whisk at the person behind me. I turn around, my heart beating so fucking fast, and find Pax, standing in the door frame. His hair is wet and the only thing he’s wearing is a towel. "What are you doing here?"
"I live here now, remember?" He chuckles and steps inside the kitchen. "Can I have a cup of your coffee?" He points at the now-finished machine and full pot.
Still tense with shock, I nod, my cheeks turning red as the situation registers. Paxton is only. Wearing. A. Towel. Not knowing where to look, I turn around and continue to whisk the batter. “Didn't you say you have meetings at this time?"
"Today's meeting got postponed," he mumbles as he pours himself a cup, then he opens the fridge to drop the tiniest amount of milk in it before taking a sip. From the corner of my eye, I see him grimacing. "Damn, this one is strong."
"Sorry, should have warned you," I admit quietly.
I've seen him shirtless before, of course. But that was when he was a scrawny teenager. Not when he was a man . A man with a lot of fucking tattoos all over his chest and back, and muscular shoulders that could very well be twice as wide as they were back then.
My heart is still beating fast as I watch his back while he checks his phone, but not in shock anymore. Goddamnit. I quickly turn around again and whisk the pancake batter a bit more for good measure, trying to refocus my attention on my breakfast.
I start the stove and set a pan on it when suddenly, a mug appears beside me.
“Uh, thank you,” I mutter and take a sip. I expected the mixture to taste off with the stronger coffee, but it’s surprisingly balanced. I shoot him a curious glance. He’s sitting at the table, his legs spread out under it, and scrolling through his phone as he gently blows on his coffee to cool it down.
I don’t know why, but that picture just… gets me. He’s here. In my kitchen. Still a bit of an asshole, or clueless if I give him the benefit of the doubt, but now he’s a goddamn world-famous star.
And if my galloping heart and the blood in my cheeks are any indication, then my crush on him is back with a vengeance. I quickly turn around again, taking a spatula and dropping a piece of butter into the pan, watching it melt and bubble up, just like my stomach currently is.
Oh, this is not good. Being in love with Paxton was never a good idea. It wasn’t then, and it certainly isn’t now. My shoulders sag when I hear him walk out of the room, as he answers the phone, a relieved sigh falling from my lips. I should avoid him.
As if I don't have enough on my plate at the moment.