14. Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fourteen
Katie
"Congratulations!" Phoebe shouts when Luke and I open the door to Flour Power. He has just finished his very last final today and now, he is officially done with high school. As soon as we step inside, he gets crowded by Phoebe, Harper and, to my surprise, the guys from Hystoria, all of them talking to him at once and congratulating him on finishing school and his newfound freedom.
I step aside and take a look around the bakery. Phoebe has decorated the café and baked him a cake for the occasion, and may I say, she outdid herself. It's a white cake with black buttercream going up the sides to the middle of it, accompanied by golden specks that are distributed all over .
On top of the cake, she wrote "Congratulations" in black and modeled a graduation cap, as well as a rolled-up diploma out of what I hope is marzipan instead of fondant. I live for that shit, but fondant... I might as well have a spoon full of sugar. It looks delicious and I know it is. After all, I’m the one who told her which flavors Luke likes.
We've also decided to invite some of Luke's friends and their families, so the boys can celebrate together before they leave for their respective universities. Several parents and older and younger siblings stand to the side, awestruck by the celebrities in the room. The guys don't give a damn though, taking pictures with everyone who asks and celebrating the boys. It's loud and bustling and I don't think I've ever seen Luke smile so widely and so much.
No wonder. He's never had a huge party like this thrown for him, either.
He was keen on inviting Pax as well, but Pax excused himself. I told him who would be here, and he decided it would be fairer to everyone if he stayed home. Even without knowing that the band would be here, he didn’t want Harper and Phoebe to lie for him, either.
I’m not going to lie, being here is a lot. Knowing our parents should be here, waiting for him to get his diploma with wide smiles on their faces. They would have insisted on baking the cake themselves and argued during the whole process in an attempt to make it look perfect. In the end, it would probably have looked horrible, but it would have tasted just right. They would have spent the whole day behind their phones, trying to capture every single moment of this big day from all possible angles, to display them in our home.
If they were here right now, Dad would have Luke pose against the incoming daylight from the windows, making the pictures look horribly dark. The cake would have a stripe of buttercream missing where Mum would have swiped it up for her so-called ‘quality control’. But where would I be?
Which reminds me. Since I’m the only one here, I should probably take the pictures. In the end, nobody else is. So, one day Luke can look back on this day, that’s probably passing way too quickly for him to take it all in, and show pictures to his spouse, children, and grandchildren.
It’s been a while since I’ve visited Mum's and Dad's graves, but it’s time to pay them a visit. To be honest, it’s long overdue. I’ll get a taxi over there in the next few days and show them a picture of Luke on his big day and we can place some fresh flowers by their headstone.
With a gulp and burning throat, I take out my phone and take a picture of Luke smiling at the cake from where I'm standing, blinking quickly to keep the tears at bay.
They would have been so proud of him. So, fucking proud.
I walk around and take a few more pictures. Of the cake, since it hasn't been cut yet, of Luke and the awesome 'Congratulations' decoration Phoebe put up in Flour Power and all the balloons floating about the room. I just know Mum and Dad would have been thrilled at her going so all out for Luke.
I hide a yawn behind my hand as I take a picture of Luke talking to Cole and ignore the glare Phoebe shoots me.
Why the hell is everyone angry at me working so much? First Luke, now Phoebe. Do they think I overwork myself because I have so much fun handing drinks to inebriated strangers? Even they should know it’s because I’d like for Luke and me to have a roof over our head and food in the fridge. Goddamn .
At least I managed to get half a shift off today. And since Micah is also invited to Luke's party and currently hovering around the cake as he waits for it to be cut, it thankfully works out and I won't have to get a taxi. And today, only today, I would have. Because I wouldn’t have missed being here for Luke for the world.
Still, I can't wait for the day that I have my own car again. I'm starting to learn that it's okay to depend on my friends, after all some of them aren’t giving me much of a choice, like Micah. But I'd still very much appreciate some more independence when it comes to going places. Now, everyone is in my business all the time and that's pretty annoying.
I shake my head to chase away the thoughts. Today is about Luke. He doesn't deserve to have his sister sulking in a corner while he's celebrating probably the happiest day of his life so far. So, I mingle and make some small talk with the other parents, my heart warming at the compliments they're giving me about Luke.
"Our son only passed math because of your boy," one of the fathers says, nodding towards a scrawny ginger boy with glasses and freckles. "We were so worried about him, but Luke really came through and taught him with the patience of a saint. You’ve raised a good lad."
"Thank you. I'm so glad Luke was able to help your son," I answer with a smile on my face and pride filling my heart.
"You did a good job with him," a mother standing beside us adds.
“Thank you, Sharon,” I say quietly, and excuse myself quickly, my throat is tightening up and I’m on the verge of tears. In an attempt to find a quiet spot, I almost run into Phoebe, who is cursing at her coffee machine, which seems to have stopped cooperating with her.
"Can I help you out?" I clear my throat to make the uncomfortable feeling in it go away.
"Yeah, you can- wait, why do you look like that?" She grabs my arm and turns me to her so she can have a better look at my face. "Why do you look like you're about to cry?"
"I'm okay," I pull my arm out of her grasp, gulping down the tears. "It's just a bit much today, okay? But I'm fine. Now, can I help you out?"
She looks me up and down skeptically before she hands me some plates. "Go put them next to the cake, please."
I nod and do as she says, while plastering a smile on my face and weaving my way through the people talking and laughing and drinking coffee.
On my way back I gather some of the empty glasses and plates lying around and bring them to Phoebe's kitchen, where Noel is preparing the usual treats the bakery sells, probably for tomorrow.
"Hey there," I set down the dishes by the sink and walk over to him.
"Hey there yourself," he chuckles. "You okay? You don’t look so hot."
"I'm good," I take a seat at one of their planning stations. Notes of ingredients, recipes, and shopping lists are scattered on the table, and I do my best not to disturb them. But I can’t help myself from trying to decipher some of those. I’m nosy after all. "It's just... loud and a bit much in there."
"Yeah, so I’ve noticed" he agrees with a chuckle. “But still, shouldn't you be in there? It's your brother's party after all."
"It’s okay, why don’t you twist the knife a bit? Throw some salt in the wound while you’re at it,” I say with a grin, taking one of the pens and drawing a tiny smiley face on one of the papers because I’m childish. “My brother is almost an adult, he will survive a few minutes without me," I say with a grin, that slowly slips off my face.
Damn right, he's almost an adult. That knowledge hits me like a freight train at full speed, no matter how often I’m reminded.
"You could help me out, Katie," Noel interrupts my melancholy and holds out a spoon. "I'm trying a new cupcake filling. Tell me how you like it."
"Sure," I sigh and shoot him a thankful smile, very aware that he's doing his best to distract me, because he's a good guy like that. "Hmm this is awesome. Lemon, right?" He nods and looks at me expectantly. "It’s delicious, Noel. I only wish it was a tiny bit sweeter."
"You sure?" He takes a new spoon and tries it himself, closing his eyes as he’s taking in the taste. When he opens them again, he shoots me a sheepish glance. "You're right."
"Of course, I am. This one would be the bomb for a tarte or something, though." I nod towards the mixing bowl.
"I was planning on doing lemon cookies. Hold on." He walks towards the back of the kitchen and returns with a cookie in his hand. "Here, try this one."
I bite into it and my eyes grow wide, angels singing in the sky and a ray of sunshine shining upon us. "Perfect. No notes. Ten out of ten. Give me three dozen."
"Maybe for your birthday," he chuckles but hands me another one. "Eat that one and then get back out there."
"Aye, sir!" I salute him and nibble on the cookie. Only when he shoots me a glare, do I eat it in full bites and wave goodbye as I return to the front of the bakery .
I roll my eyes at Noel as I step back into the noise, the door to the quiet haven that is the kitchen falling closed behind me. Nobody even noticed I was gone for a few minutes. Not quite knowing what to do with myself, I lean my back against the wall and cross my arms in front of my chest and watch the others.
Cole and Eve are standing in a corner, sharing a slice of cake while looking at each other adoringly. Disgustingly cute, the two of them. Harper and Si are talking to Phoebe by the coffee machine while Luke and his friends have claimed a table in the corner, laughing at something one of them is showing the others on their phone.
"There you are." Suddenly, Cole appears beside me, and I startle. What the hell? He was with Eve only a few seconds ago!
"Long time, no see," I chuckle and shift uncomfortably. It's not that I don't like Cole, but he's the one I always talked the least with. He was too occupied with Eve to pay any attention to other girls, including those in the friend group.
"I have a bone to pick with you," he says quietly, leaning against the wall right next to me and staring straight ahead. If it weren't for the hint of humor in his voice, I'd probably shit my pants once the words register.
"You do?" I look at him with wide eyes. “What did I do?”
"He's with you, isn't he?" he asks even more quietly, and I gulp. He doesn’t need to clarify who he’s talking about, it’s pretty obvious. But how does he know?
It's like a bucket of cold water has been emptied over me and I feel like I got caught doing something I wasn't supposed to. I grab his arm and pull him towards Phoebe's office, just until we're around the corner and out of sight from the party guests .
"Yes," I admit quietly and Cole nods, satisfied with that answer. "He’s at my place. Been there for a few weeks now. How did you know?"
"Good." Cole's shoulders sag in relief. "That's good. How is he?"
I cross my arms in front of my shoulders again. "How did you know?”
“I have my sources,” he repeats, and I glare at him. What a non-answer. “How is he doing?”
“Why don't you ask him yourself?" Two can play that game, my friend. If he’s not giving me any answers, neither am I.
"Because he's not answering his phone," he says sheepishly and scratches his temple. "We've all tried to reach him, but he won't answer. Our calls go through, so I don't think we're blocked but he's not answering and not answering messages. He’s icing us out."
"Well, if he doesn't want you to know, I'm not sure why I should tell you." I lift my hand to my face, fingers nervously picking at my lip, while I hug my middle with the other arm.
"Please? We're all worried about him." A piece of skin on my lip comes loose and I subtly bite it off. Cole sounds nervous, wringing his fingers and shifting his weight from one side to the other, but a tiny spark of hope is shining in his eyes. But I already feel bad enough that I've admitted to him that Pax is with me. After all, he doesn't want them to know.
"He's okay, overall," I say diplomatically. "That's all I'm telling you. Whatever is going on between you, I am not getting involved."
"Of course," Cole assures me, followed by a quick and sincere "Thank you." He looks down nervously before he continues. "And you're doing okay, too? We know how he is."
"I am," I say, touched that he worries about me. At the same time, I'm sad for Pax that this is the first question he feels the need to ask. I want to tell him he’s changed, and I want to sing his praises for the growth he’s shown, but this is not the time for that. "It’s nothing I can’t handle," I add instead.
"Somehow, I don't doubt that." Cole chuckles, still a deep worried line on his forehead. "Does he seem to be better to you?"
"Cole, as much as I'd love to help y'all out, I'm not letting myself get dragged between you guys." I shake my head. "Yes, he's currently crashing at my place, yes I can handle him and yes he's all right. No need to send a search party. Anything else you'll need to ask him when he's ready and willing to talk to you or see for yourself when the time comes."
"I know, I know," he rubs his hand over his face, clearly frustrated. "It's just grating. All of us are hanging in the air, not knowing if Hystoria will have a future."
"I get it, but you won't get any answers by talking to me," I stop torturing my lip and pat his arm. "If anything happens with Pax, I'll let Harper know, but aside from that you need to give Pax the room to come to you and let him know you're waiting for him."
"All right," he sighs. "Promise you'll let us know if he's too much or anything happens."
"Of course," I say with an eye roll. "Now get back to the party, I'm sure your girlfriend is already looking for you."
"Nah, I'm pretty sure she enjoys eating cake without me stealing half of it," he chuckles, and I grin in response. All of us knew back then that those two would be stinking cute together and what can I say? We were right. With a nod in my direction, he steps out and into the party again, and I’m left wondering how I suddenly got into the middle of whatever is going on between them.
"Congrats, man!" Pax greets Luke when we finally make it home. "I remember how thrilled I was on my last day. How does it feel to finally be free?"
"Amazing," he answers with a wide grin and begins to tell Pax about his party excitedly.
I stay back and watch the two. Luke has taken to Pax quickly, even though I doubt he remembers much about him from his childhood. But Pax, too, has taken to Luke incredibly quickly. They've gotten so close so fast, and I wonder if it's because Luke sees in him something like an older brother, a man to take as a role model. And I wonder if that motivates Pax to continue to recover from his narcissism.
He doesn’t interrupt Luke once, doesn’t change the topic in order to talk about himself or throw in random anecdotes that let him talk while having nothing to do with the topic at hand. No, he listens intently, asking questions that let Luke continue to talk. It’s making me grin, but my stomach drops at the same time.
I just hope Luke won't go through the same heartbreak with Pax as I did. Losing contact once you go to college hurts. Sure, Luke is also going to be busy, but he's also very attached. The child psychologist he went to, told me that's normal to a certain degree. But it will mean he'll hurt even more if the contact breaks. I'm just hoping it will work out.
"Here, I got you something." Pax turns around and rummages for something in a bag behind him, before he presents Luke an envelope. "Ta-dah!"
"What is it?" Luke asks as he tears the paper out of Pax's hands and proceeds to rip it open until the paper falls into his hands. He reads it, his eyes growing wider and wider with each word.
"Are you for real?" he asks and looks up at him, his face beaming with happiness.
"Of course."
Before he can elaborate, Luke rushes forward to hug him, squealing with delight. "I'm going to Europe!"
"You're doing what now?" My eyes are wide now as well but for a different reason.
"Look!" He lets go of Pax and shows me the paper. In it is a handwritten voucher for a Europe trip for him and a friend, all-inclusive, everything paid for. My eyes dart between Pax and the paper. Damn, that must be expensive.
"Good for you, little bro." I ruffle his hair and laugh when his only reaction is a wide yawn. I guess it's pretty late for him. "You're going to have the best time."
"I might not look like it, but I'm very excited," he says with another yawn that turns into laughter. "Thank you, Pax!"
"You're welcome, man." They exchange a handshake and bro hug before Luke goes to our room. As soon as the door shuts behind him, I deflate.
I'm happy for him. I really am. And I love him with all my heart. But I underestimated just how difficult this would be. To see him living the life I should have had, free of responsibility aside from school. To know he's turning into an adult and sooner rather than later he's not going to need me anymore.
"Hey, you okay?"
"Honestly? Not really." I shrug and gulp past the knot forming in my throat. "But I will be. Like always." I clear my throat, but the obstacle is persistent. "I just need a few minutes to myself before I leave for work."
I walk past him to the living room and close the door behind me. There's not much here, only a small couch and a TV mounted to the wall. But it's more than enough to sit down and have a quick cry.
Reaching for one of the pillows I hug it to my chest, burying my face in it as tears start to stream down my face and sobs wreck my whole body. Biting into the pillow to muffle the sound of them, I just let everything out.
I can't even pinpoint the reason for this outburst. Maybe it's just everything coming together. Luke graduating. Missing my parents. Being overworked as fuck. Having no idea how to navigate finances for the next few years, just all around hopelessness.
Suddenly, I hear the door to the living room open and my whole body tenses, but I can’t stop. It closes quietly and only a few moments later, I feel the couch dip beside me and a warm body nudging my shoulder. Without any words, Pax maneuvers me until I’m sitting in his lap. With more gentleness than I thought he possessed, he pries the pillow out of my grasp and away from my face, throwing it to the side, before cupping my head and guiding my face to his chest.
“It’s all right,” he whispers against the crown of my hair and lays his chin on top of my head. The weight is kind of welcome and reassuring. “You’re going to be fine.”
I just nod against my shoulder. Of course, I will be. I have no other choice.
But that doesn’t mean I can’t allow myself to break apart, even if it’s just for today. Just for a bit.
When I go to work later, I will be fine. I have to be.