Chapter 32 – Clay
The nurse reenters, her smile professional but tinged with empathy now.
“I’m sorry to interrupt, but we need to take Maggie for some additional scans to assess the extent of her kidney damage. We’ll also be meeting with the transplant team to get her on the registry and making a plan for dialysis. You’ll be able to visit her again in about two hours.”
I rise from the edge of the bed and lean down to kiss the top of her head gently. “I’ll be here when you get back,” I promise, my voice steady despite the turmoil raging inside of me.
She nods, still not meeting my gaze as I watch her be wheeled away down the hallway and out of sight.
I head back towards the lobby, feeling lost in my head, lost in the misery and find Chief Hollister seated calmly, his legs crossed, head tilted back, and eyes closed as if he’s sleeping.
“So, now you know,” he says with a sigh when I sit down.
I nod, catching his gaze as his eyes flutter open.
“This is why Maggie always mentions how worried you are about what she’ll do when you’re not around?” I ask.
He nods, his eyes closing again. “She has the chance to live a full life, but I worry this might hold her back. That people might hesitate to love her for fear of losing her.”
I understand now. Everything Maggie has said, everything the chief has told me—it all makes sense.
But I want to prove to Maggie that my love for her doesn’t end where my fear of losing her begins.
I rise to my feet, standing resolutely over the chief and knowing what I need to do.
“I’ve been participating in underground MMA fighting in San Angelo.”
The chief’s eyes slowly open, narrowing as he studies me.
“Did you think I didn’t notice what you were up to?
You stroll into my station every week with a new black eye or a limp.
Hell, last time Cat-man tossed you your helmet, you caught it against your ribs and tried to play it off like you weren’t in pain. You are a terrible actor, by the way.”
I shake my head. Nothing about this situation feels amusing but I can’t help the way my cheeks tick at his response. I should have known he’d have caught on.
“I train to channel the anger and hurt inside me because most people can’t handle the darker parts and life disappointments that make me who I am.
They expect me to be the cheerful Cameron, the one who brings laughter to the family no matter the circumstances.
My family’s always been uneasy about my feelings of regret over losing my mom so young and missing out on having her watch me grow up.
So, I train to deal with those feelings of disappointment and inadequacy, especially in my relationship with Savannah,” I sigh before continuing.
“For a while, I wondered if it was my fault. If I failed her, and that was why she sought someone else's affection. I also train to protect the people I love, to feel as though I can defend them if in danger. But chief, no amount of training can shield Maggie from this disease. And that fucking kills me. I can’t reconcile that, the idea that despite all the strength I can build, I can’t save her. ”
I rub my temples, trying to make sense of it all while standing there.
“You love my daughter, don’t you?”
I puff out a breath. “Yes. I do. Completely and without hesitation or fear.”
He stands, meeting my stance and extending his arm for a handshake.
“People saw Wylie and Nash as the glue holding the family together after your mom passed, but it wasn’t them—it was you, Clay.
I know you were young, but you remember her vividly.
Of all your brothers, you’re the one who’s most like her, and maybe that’s why it’s been the hardest for you to cope with her loss.
It’s also why your brothers and father have struggled to see you for who you are.
You’ve got a good heart, and you’ve been the one keeping everyone together for so long.
You don’t have to carry that burden now and you don’t have to carry this alone.
Maggie’s strong. We’ll get through this together. ”
“I’m not leaving her side.”
He shakes his head. “I wouldn’t want you to. In fact, I expect you to be here every day for my daughter.”
I swallow thickly and nod. “You raised an incredible daughter. How can a woman so young, be so wise and so fucking… good? The world needs to know her goodness. She deserves the opportunity to discover who she is and experience a full life. Not be hooked up on dialysis and in pain while she awaits a new kidney.”
“We’ll get her on the list. She’s going to be alright. She’ll return to school in the spring or whenever she’s ready,” he adds.
I shake my head, frustrated. That’s not good enough for me. And I know how to change that.
Turning on my heel, I stride down the hospital corridor, leaving the chief behind and following signs for the transplant department. When I find it, I step forward towards the receptionist without any hesitation.
“Hi, I’d like to get tested to see if I’m a match for a kidney transplant. How does this process work?”
The receptionist looks up, her brow raised. “Sure, we can start the testing process today. It involves blood work and several exams to determine if you’re a match. It usually takes a few hours to complete. Could you tell me who the recipient is?”
“The patient’s name is Maggie Hollister. And I need it to be an anonymous donation.”
She types into her computer, pulling up Maggie’s records as I wait impatiently. I know these things take time, but I’m half tempted to grab a scalpel, find a spare room and cut my own kidney out if it means putting a stop to Maggie's suffering.
“Ok, I have her info right here,” she responds with a smile.
“Does she need anything else?” I ask.
Her brows furrow as she looks up at me. “Anything else?”
“Yeah,” my voice catches in my throat as I work to clear it. “Does she need any other organs?”
She laughs as if I’m joking but my face remains serious.
“Oh...” she responds, taking in my demeanor.
Maggie needs a kidney?
I’ve got two. Take one.
Maggie needs a lung?
I’ll give her one of those too. She’s already taken my breath away.
Fingers?
I’ve got plenty to spare. Their sole purpose is to hold her now.
A new brain?
She consumes my thoughts.
Eyes?
Mine are only for her.
Heart?
She fucking has it already.
An age gap seems trivial when you consider that one of the participants might have their life span drastically shortened. Why worry about fifteen years when Maggie might not even have that amount of time, or at least not live it fully in the way that she deserves?
I’ve lived my life—I’ve traveled, loved, and lost. Maggie, on the other hand, has so much left to experience and achieve. If I could give my whole life to her, I would do so without a second thought.
She already has my heart; what’s a few more organs to lose?