Chapter 18 #2
I study her face, admiring the many facets of her sunny personality.
As a leading lawyer in my profession, I am often surrounded by intensity, chaotic and messy negotiations, impossible deadlines, and people focused on wins and losses.
However, Sapphire is different. Instead of questioning, she teases and she doesn’t compete; instead she laughs and carves her own path.
She doesn’t make demands either; she gently coaxes, and somehow she makes me forget about time, my clients, the chase, and my OCD. With her, I feel human again.
“I apologize for taking so long to make a decision.” I don’t tell her it’s because I lengthened the wait, enjoyed seeing her every week, just to torture myself: being with her but not really being with her.
If only she knew I adore her mindless chatter and busy brain she can’t keep contained.
“Apology accepted. I will get that booked this afternoon and all that’s left to do is confirm attendee numbers.”
“There’s surely more to do than that?” We have hundreds of staff to organize conference badge names for, welcome packs, food choices, travel… My mind begins to spiral.
“We have people who do all that.” Sapphire turns her attention to her forty-strong team, who all appear to be playing giant Jenga thirty minutes before clocking off for the day.
“Does anything ever get done?” My doubt is out of my mouth before I can catch it.
“Every day and before the deadline, I encourage freedom, play, and exploration. Highly motivated staff perform better. We have a juice bar, ping-pong tables, a basketball net, and a room you can use to meditate if you want. It’s what they asked for, so I give them what they want and need.
Every one of them has been with me since I started.
I’ve never had anyone hand in their resignation. ”
People don’t leave her because she cares for them, and that’s a unique kind of enchantment that binds them without chains.
“You’re kidding?” I’m still surprised.
“I swear on my mother’s life, I am not.” She pauses to think. “People stay because I guide and lift them up. In return they give me their steadfast loyalty.”
We don’t have a high turnover rate with staff but it could be a lot less. Maybe she could help human resources with that.
Maybe she’d visit me when she was in the building and bring me donuts again…
Fuck, I’m so screwed.
With her pointer finger, Sapphire draws invisible circles on the table as she changes the subject. “I meant to book the retreat today, but I ran out of time.”
I think what she meant was she was hoping I had changed my mind but I’m glad she brought that up.
“Ah, that’s the other thing I need to talk to you about.
I can’t make it this weekend.” During our clash over the venue on Monday, plus the threat of her quitting, and the fact that she’s really gotten under my skin and is making me lose my mind, I forgot this weekend is off-limits.
“My brother is getting married Saturday. I’m the best man.
Well, my two brothers and I are best men. ”
I still can’t believe this slipped my mind. Although I think I’m right about her being an enchantress. Every time I walk into a room, it feels like she’s placed me under a spell, causing me to loosen my grip on my control.
“The weekend after then, maybe?” she asks, sounding unsure, as if she’s secretly praying I’ll say no.
I like this game.
Part of me hopes there are no spaces left for that weekend because it’s such short notice, and to see what she’ll suggest next, while the other part is imagining what it would be like to spend a few days with her, away from work, just the two of us.
However, there will be other people there, and that kinda fucks up my ideology of what the weekend will look like.
Spiders.
And strangers.
And spiritual exercises.
Oh fuck no.
“Count me in for next weekend. What’s the retreat called again?” I ask.
“Rooted in Trust.”
“Great.” I might call them myself and book every available space just to test her.
Stop being so childish.
Or maybe Sapphire will forget or run out of time to book it because she is so busy, like she is today.
Maybe I should just ask her out for dinner, because fuck, how long can we keep this up?
She holds my gaze as she lifts her hand off the table and mindlessly plays with the fabric at the neckline of her dress, then smiles tightly.
“Perfect, I’ll get it booked, or, you know, if something else comes up then we can always cancel; not that I want to, it’s just, you know, in case you’re too busy or you have an important client who needs you urgently. ” She stumbles over her response.
Sapphire is stalling, and her act isn’t fooling me.
She threw out that retreat invite on Monday, expecting me to shut it down. Hell, she probably counted on it. Now she’s backpedaling, bluffing her way out of something she never thought I’d agree to. But fine. I’ll keep my cool and match her move for move.
I’m not backing down just because she thought I would.
If I’m being honest, I quite like this game we keep tiptoeing around.
Two can play that game… and I intend to win.
I can’t tell if she wants me close or wants me gone, because every time she looks at me, I swear she’s saying both.
Often, I catch her looking at me, and that makes me think she likes me, but there’s heat in her glare that tells me she hates how much she does—like she’s almost furious with herself, and God help me, I love that.
How long can we pretend this is just a flirty banter game before one of us snaps and gives in?
I’m so close to losing my damn mind over her. That might have already happened.
Sapphire clears her throat, fiddling with the strands of gold necklaces resting on her collarbone. She’s wearing four today. “Are you looking forward to the wedding?” She moves us into safer territory.
“Weddings really aren’t my thing, but it’s the first one we’ve had in the family, and my mom is very excited.
” It’s not Arianna who has become bridezilla, it’s my mother who is stealing that crown, fretting over the tiniest of details, making sure everything is perfect for Arianna and Nathan’s big day.
“I bet she is. Her firstborn getting married is a big deal.”
“Yeah.” On more than one occasion, my dad spoke to me about waiting to find the one, someone who will be there for me and stand by me no matter what.
That seems like a lifetime ago now, and the thought of marriage for me feels so far out of my reach. There isn’t even a glimmer of it anywhere to be seen.
She tilts her head to the side, her brows furrowing to form a bump between her eyes, then twirls a lock of powder-blue hair. I’ve noticed she often does it when she’s deep in thought.
“You know,” she begins tentatively, “to get a better sense of your family values, I could come to the wedding, if it’s okay with your brother and the bride-to-be.
You wouldn’t even know I was there. I think it would help me understand your family’s ethics by spending time immersing myself in the Hart fold. Observe. Yes?”
“Oh, I don’t know about that,” I reply, my voice uncertain. Nathan and Arianna may freak out if there are any last-minute changes. Not that it matters. They’re having it at my mom’s ranch, and her team organizes everything. They’d easily add her to the table plan, without question.
“Did you get a plus-one invite?” she asks hopefully, her voice rising at the end.
“Yes, but…”
“Well, that’s settled then. I’ll text you my address, and you can pick me up on Saturday.”
“Eh, no. I’d have to check that with Arianna and Nathan.” I try to push her off the idea.
“Can you text them now?”
I can but I don’t want to. Having a plus-one isn’t something I had given any thought. I imagined the day with just my brothers, family and friends. I was looking forward to going alone and if Sapphire comes with me, then her enjoyment feels like a lot of responsibility on me.
My thoughts keep escalating into a cyclone of worry.
Would everyone at the wedding think we are romantically involved, something more than just working together? Because if so, I’ll be bombarded with questions and assumptions about us all day.
If she does come, then I’ll have to leave earlier in the morning than I arranged to, and change my plans to have Clark, my chauffeur, pick me up at least an hour before I asked him to.
This already sounds too much for my brain to deal with.
We aren’t even compatible. So why does she want to come with me when all we do is argue? However, that little spark of something between us is becoming my favorite thing about us. I almost crave it and love her fresh little digs.
“Eli? Are you okay?” Sapphire pulls me out of my overthinking.
I jerk my head. “Yes. I’m fine,” I snap back.
“Text them, then.”
“I don’t—”
“It’s just a text. One simple text.”
Why is she pushing this?
And why do I keep resisting when I should be breaking the cycle of micromanaging every little thing I do and plan? Life never fits neatly into perfect boxes and I keep trying to fill them with perfection. It’s ludicrous to think this is how my brain works now, even when I know it’s wrong.
Give in, Eli, it’s just one text and they’ll probably say no anyway. It’s too late to make changes.
“Okay,” I agree and fire an unusually quick text to Arianna.
When she replies instantly, a ball in my throat makes me feel like I have a fur ball in it when I tell Sapphire, “You can come.”
“Well, this is exciting.” Sapphire beams.
“Yeah, I guess it is,” I agree again.
Is it exciting though?
Now this is real, I can’t shake the feeling that I’m not ready for her to unravel my rhythm I’d set for the day. She’s twisting the day I imagined.
My stomach churns. I want her to be there because sometimes, when I lie in bed at night, I ache to see her. But spending the day with her makes panic creep into my gut. What if she notices things about me, like my checking and aligning, my just-right tendencies?
What if spending the day with her stirs emotions in me I’m not ready to face?
Like every time we’re together, my instinct is to say no to her, but somehow Sapphire just won’t let me, gradually pushing her way into my life one small step at a time.
And what the hell happened here?
I just handed her my balls, that’s what happened.