Chapter 45
NATHAN
“Eli tells me you haven’t been home before midnight since you and Arianna broke up.” My mother swans into my office and makes herself comfortable on the sofa opposite my desk.
“Eli needs a hobby,” I mutter.
And we didn’t break up. I fired her.
“Eli is worried about you.” She drums her fingertips against the leather fabric and stares me down. “As are Max and Cole.”
We’ve barely spoken to one another in weeks. No texts. No tennis on Saturdays.
It’s all strictly business.
I lean back in my chair and rub my tired eyes. I’m exhausted but still can’t sleep.
I miss her.
My girl.
But she’s not my girl anymore.
What the fuck was I thinking?
I didn’t want her to leave.
I didn’t want to do what I did.
I should have listened to what she had to say.
But I did it to protect my father’s reputation.
My brothers hate me for looking into her family’s case.
Hate that I planted our brains with doubt about our father, something we all knew wasn’t true but for a minute there, we questioned him, and ourselves, which we will never do again.
Scratch that—it wasn’t us that sowed the seeds of doubt, it was Arianna.
“Go to her, Nathaniel.”
“I can’t do that.” My brothers will never forgive me.
“They will forgive you,” she says as if reading my mind.
“Hell, I forgive you already. And I forgive Arianna because she didn’t do anything wrong.
She wasn’t going to go through with it. As soon as she discovered the truth and worked things out herself because she’s a smart girl, she halted whatever her initial intention was. ”
“She made me question… everything. Dad.”
Our entire relationship was built on a lie. Turns out I don’t really know her at all so how could I ever trust her?
“And if the roles were reversed? And if you had even the smallest niggle in your gut that made you want to seek justice for your family, would you follow the niggle or would you leave it alone?” She doesn’t let me answer because she knows me better than I know myself.
“You would follow your gut even if it didn’t lead to the outcome you hoped for.
Because that’s what family does for each other.
We fight for the people we love. Regardless. ”
It’s what Arianna did.
She wanted to do right by her family no matter what. She took a risk that didn’t pay off and something within me admires her for that. I love her for it.
“She loves you, Nathaniel.”
I stay quiet, because when Arianna told me she loved me that fateful day in the boardroom, I couldn’t bring myself to look at her from fear of giving in, forgetting what happened and not letting go of her. Now I wonder if my silence was a greater betrayal than hers.
“Stop hating her.”
“I don’t hate her.” I hate myself.
Hating her couldn’t be further from the truth. I love her. I love her so damn much it hurts.
But love makes me weak, and weakness has no place in my world. She betrayed me, and I did what had to be done.
My chest tightens. I need to let her go—erase her from my mind like she never existed. And yet, the thought of never seeing her again burns more than the betrayal itself.
“This firm,” my mom says, spreading her hands to gesture around us, “will be here for years—decades, even centuries. It will be passed down to your children, your grandchildren, and the generations after them. It will go on and on. But Arianna won’t.
” She exhales slowly. “You, of all people, should understand that. Disease took away your father’s chance at retirement and any enjoyment of life.
Don’t lose Arianna because you were too stubborn to admit to your brothers that you still love her.
You don’t need their permission, Nathaniel.
And unlike the illness that took your father from us, you have a choice.
You’re not a cruel man. And love doesn’t come easy.
So grab it with both hands while you still can—because I lost the love of my life, and I don’t want the same thing to happen to you. ”
“They will hate me.” I refer to the tense relationship that’s already under immense strain with my brothers.
“Do you love her?”
I nod.
“Even though she might have betrayed you but didn’t, you still love her? After everything?”
“Yes.” It’s an unshakable feeling I can’t ignore, no matter how much I try. It sits deep in my chest, pressing against my ribs, refusing to be silenced. I know what I want—what I’ve always wanted. But wanting something and having the courage to reach for it are two very different things.
Admitting I was wrong is a different matter entirely.
I swallow hard, my mother’s words echoing in my head. Love doesn’t come easy .
And yet, it’s out there. She’s out there.
Waiting.
Heartbroken, like me. I know because Joseph has been checking in on her, and she’s spent the last four weeks in her bed probably dying inside like I feel I am.
“Well, I think you’ve got your answer because the same can be said about your brothers.
Regardless of the decision you made to investigate the part your father played in her family’s case, they love you and that will never change.
Together, you four are unbreakable. Go to her. Fix it.” She dares me to take the risk.
“I’ll think about it.”
“Well, don’t think about it too long, or you’ll lose her completely.”
I tilt my head up in understanding.
“Now, switch that computer off and take your old mother out for dinner. I’m famished.”
“You’re going to get me drunk then make me spill my secrets, aren’t you?”
“That’s the plan.” She winks cheekily. “A drunk mind speaks the truth. Liquid courage is exactly what you need.”
I shut my computer down, grab my jacket, and offer her my arm, which she takes.
“You always have been the matriarch of meddling,” I say with a hint of humor.
“I’m the cement that holds you boys together.”
She really is.
If only she could cement my heart back together, maybe then I’d feel whole.
That’s a lie.
I only feel whole when I’m with Arianna.