Chapter 18
PAIGE
What made me send that text? I slide my cell phone into the pocket of my silk blouse, forcing the fabric to droop from the weight of it.
What on God’s given Earth was I thinking?
It was a moment of insanity.
A glitch.
I can’t take it back either; can’t unsend or erase it.
He knows who I am.
I know who he is.
Not only did I suck the dick of a man I’ve loathed since the day I met him, but I liked it. Loved every hot minute.
This is terrible.
Possibly the worst thing to have ever happened to me professionally and personally.
It was good, though. Great.
He made me come so hard with just his fingers while I had my tongue shoved down his throat.
“Oh my God.” I lay my hand over my chest where my heart is beating faster than a mariachi band beneath it.
“Everything okay?” Emma, my nanny, walks into the hall I haven’t been able to move out of, looking concerned with a bright-faced Alfie resting on her hip, his cheeks pink, and he’s smiling with excitement to see me.
“Peachy.” I feign happiness, shooting her a fake smile and waving at Alfie.
“I saw what happened on the camera. Who’s the guy?” she asks.
“Work colleague.” Six-three, blue-gray eyes I crave, and has an impressive dick, with great fingers and knows what to do with them. An involuntary burst of laughter breaks from my chest and I have to slap my hand over my mouth to stop it.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Emma eyes me suspiciously.
“I’m fine. I’ll be fine. My sister, you know, she makes me crazy.” I corkscrew my finger around in the air next to my temple. I feel unhinged. Delirious.
Why me? Why him?
Oblivious to the chaos zooming around my skull, Emma informs me, “She was outside for ages before you arrived, Paige. I’m so glad you had the gates in place to keep her out.”
That’s exactly why I had them installed in the first place.
“We’re safe. And you know what to do if she shows up again.
You did the right thing messaging me.” Unless Marin has a change of heart, she won’t be back.
And I’ll be repaying every cent of Marin’s rent and supplies Max said he would pay for.
Nope, not happening. She’s my responsibility.
“I saw you crying on the camera. I’m sorry she upset you.”
Oh, great, Emma saw my breakdown on the app too.
What a day.
“I’ll be okay,” I say, checking myself out in the wall mirror and running my fingers under my eyes to wipe away my smudged mascara.
Marin will always be my sister, just not the one I grew up with. Addiction took her somewhere dark, a place I didn’t follow her into. I’ll never be okay with her choices, but I accepted the truth long ago. This is the path she’s on, and I can’t change it. I still love her. I just have to let go.
Besides, without her, there would be no Alfie, my delicious little pudding chops who brings me so much joy and love.
I turn on the balls of my feet and push my shoulders back. Don’t let anyone see you’re struggling, Paige. Shoulders back, tits out, chin up.
“Hey, baby. Wanna come to Momma?” I might be his aunt by blood, but I’ll be his mom by heart and law soon enough. I do a grabby hands gesture, beckoning him to me.
Alfie extends his little arms to move into my embrace, and within seconds he’s snuggling into my chest. “How has he been today?” I ask Emma.
“He’s eaten lots and we’ve spent most of the day in the yard.”
I plant soft kisses on top of his thick hair; there’s so much of it. I need to take him for his first haircut soon.
“You should get an early night, you look tired today, Paige.”
“I plan on having a hot bath then doing exactly that.”
Emma waggles her finger at me. “Promise me once he goes down to sleep, you will do that.”
“I promise.” I roll my eyes at her bossiness.
A glass of Chardonnay might also be on the menu; I need it after today’s revelations.
“You can go now, if you want, Emma.” Coming home earlier than planned feels luxurious and a little reckless.
Many of my colleagues do it, but it’s not something I usually do.
Having more time off is something I should do more of because I love nothing better than spending time with Alfie.
He’s already changed so much in a few months, and I’m missing out on the best part of his life.
I can’t afford not to work. Not only have I become used to the luxurious life and home I built for myself, but with Alfie in my life now, I have schools and college to plan and save for.
Emma hastily looks around for her bag, which she locates and scoops off the floor.
“I don’t suppose you could take me to the garage in the morning to pick up my car?
Please.” It’s been in three times in the past six months.
If the dealership would admit there is a fault with it then I would be happy, but they’re dragging their heels, and I might need to threaten taking legal action if they don’t sort it out once and for all this time. It’s only seven months old.
“No problem. What time?” Emma is a dream.
I look upward, mentally picturing my calendar. “I’m due in court at nine thirty, so eight? Would that work?”
“Perfect. I’ll see you then.”
“Thanks, Emma.” I don’t know what I would do without her.
If only she did the housework too, she’d be the perfect woman.
Looking after Alfie is a full-time job and it feels too much to ask her to do my laundry and clean as well.
I’d pay her of course, but I much prefer her sticking to being the nanny, nurturing Alfie in the best ways possible.
I never did get around to hiring a housekeeper. I make another mental note to do that tomorrow after court and mark it as urgent.
“Have a great night. Bye, little man, see you tomorrow.” Emma pinches Alfie’s cheek, causing him to throw her a lazy smile, and he bops her on her nose with his pointer finger in an affectionate gesture.
The two of them share a special bond I will forever be grateful for.
I trust that girl with my life and my boy.
He buries himself into my chest again, which he’s done since the day he arrived here. It’s as if he’s clinging to me for dear life and never wants me to let him go. Don’t worry, buddy, I won’t.
“Get some rest, Paige.” Emma squeezes the top of my arm before leaving through the front door.
“Will do. Bye,” I shout after her as she disappears out the door.
“It’s just you and me, Alfie, what are we going to do?
” I should really clean the house but to hell with it.
I press Alfie to my chest tightly, enjoying the smell of his fresh lavender shampoo.
“Would you like to watch Nemo?” No reaction.
“Or Lightning McQueen?” Nothing. “What about Buzz?” Alfie flings his head back and grabs my face with both hands.
“You want Buzz on?” He loves Toy Story. He starts hopping up and down in my arms with excitement.
Great. “All I have to do is call Tate then we can settle on the sofa together and watch a movie.” I can’t remember the last time I sat and did nothing.
It was longer than six months ago.
“Right, you sit here.” I park Alfie’s bum on the leather sofa and pass him his Buzz Lightyear plushie to keep him content while I scroll the menu on the streaming service to find his favorite movie.
“Do you think you’ll be an astronaut when you grow up?
Or maybe even a cowboy?” I look down at him and smile, my heart full of love.
“Just don’t be a lawyer. Long hours but it pays well.
” He just looks at me like I have three heads.
“Maybe think about that one. But your daddy has a big brain.” He’s a goddamn judge of all things.
“I can see you working things out in that clever head of yours, little fella. I think you have a big brain like him too.” The way he solves problems is not only clever but also cute.
Imitating me brushing my hair the other day was adorable.
Now that Max knows about my sister and Griffin Holmes, I might ask him how I go about confirming Alfie’s parentage. It won’t be easy. Griffin will push back, I already know that, so I need something more concrete than an untrustworthy addict’s word that he’s the father.
I continue scrolling through the television menu until I find what I’m looking for.
Alfie points at the screen and makes a little bu-bu noise, telling me which one he wants on when I highlight the icon for the movie. Then he slaps his hands together haphazardly with overenthusiasm.
“Buzz.” I raise my hands in the air and Alfie mirrors me, making him look even cuter. Thank you, Disney, for bringing so much joy into my boy’s life.
I hit play and settle myself next to Alfie, wrapping one arm around him, locking him into my side.
Moments like this I will treasure forever. He’s such a contented child, and I know that for the entirety of the movie he’ll sit like this with me. It’s unimaginable what would have become of him had Marin not left him with me.
Her abandoning him was a blessing. He’s mine now, and once those adoption papers are finalized, no one can take him from me.
Once I see that Alfie is engrossed in the television, I take my cell phone out of my blouse pocket and call Tate Young to explain the situation with Max driving me here today.
He immediately picks up, and I inform him that I had a family emergency this afternoon and my interaction with Max was unavoidable and round the call up as soon as Tate thanks me for calling him.
“Well, that’s one problem solved, Alfie.”
Now how do I solve an even bigger one?
The huge and inescapable one: Max Hart.
He’s my enemy.
My masked date.
It was meant to be nothing. A fleeting moment. A one-night enigma I’d never have to think about again. No names. No faces. No consequences.
But now I know.
It’s him. The arrogant, ruthless attorney I’m toe-to-toe with in yet another nasty divorce case.
And suddenly, I can’t stop thinking about that night. The sound of his voice in the dark. The way he made me laugh even when I can’t bear to be in the same room as him sometimes. The way he made me feel.
Awkward doesn’t even begin to cover it. How am I supposed to keep a straight face across the courtroom table, pretending I don’t know exactly what he tastes like? Pretending I don’t want to find out if it would be even better without the masks?
It’s wrong. It’s reckless. It’s impossible.
And yet… I can’t stop imagining what would happen if we broke every rule again.
What a mess.
I pick Alfie up off the couch, pushing my hands under armpits, and turn him to face me, letting his legs bounce up and down on my knee. “What do I do, huh? Do you think I should tell my work or keep my mouth shut?”
Alfie blows me a raspberry, covering himself and my silk blouse in saliva, looking really pleased with himself.
“Was that a no?” I blow him a raspberry back, which makes him smile widely, and he mimics me, blowing another one back, but much louder this time.
“Okay, okay, I get it. I’ll think about it.” And if I do tell my work, then I’ll have to deal with the consequences.
A text arrives on my cell phone and when I look down, the name across the screen makes my heart jump in my chest. Max.
Max
We need to talk.
That man is like a mind reader.
I place Alfie on my lap and turn him toward the TV, holding him securely with my arm wrapped around his waist.
With one hand, I open my text and tap my screen to reply.
Me
There’s nothing to talk about.
What happened happened, and we can’t change it.
Max
I have things I want to say.
Me
I don’t.
Max
I’ll call you later.
Me
Don’t.
Max
For once, Paige, will you just go with the flow? Please?
I take my time to reply. After all, he did say please.
Me
Okay
Max
Good girl ;)
Oh God, why does his text sound so sexual?
It’s what he said to me in the car too, and it did things to me that made my center quiver, soaking my panties.
Max Hart is the devil. The worst kind, the one who feeds you his cock, then stands there grinning down at you while you beg for more.
I hate him. I want him.
And that truth is the worst one of all.