Chapter 40
PAIGE
“You’re home early.” Emma sounds surprised to see me as I walk through the door only having left a few hours ago.
“I got fired.” God, that hurts. I’m the girl who graduated from Yale Law School with honors. Rule follower, perfect attendance, spotless record; I do everything by the book and yet here I am, out of a job because I had sex with Max.
We were stupid to think we wouldn’t get caught.
We broke every rule we promised never to break. We made an oath. Then we tore every one of them to shreds. We let our bodies betray us, answering a call we swore we’d never answer.
“Oh.” Emma’s eyes widen. “Oh,” she says again, as if hit by a sudden thought, her mouth forming the shape of an O.
“Your job is safe, you’re still hired,” I say, my voice lifeless. To hell with pretending I’m okay. I feel broken.
I had already decided to keep Emma on; she’s too good to lose and Alfie loves her. With six months’ salary to tide me over, I’ll find a new job, or maybe this is the push I needed to take a leap of faith and start my own law firm.
I dump the box of my belongings on the floor and toe off my shoes before untying my hair from its ponytail, then I dig my fingers into my scalp to relieve the tension.
What a fucking day. The worst I’ve ever had.
“Alfie is taking a nap. He was fussy; I think his gums are sore from teething,” Emma informs me, worry written all over her face as she assesses me. “Are you okay?”
“Not really.” I pull a faint fake smile. “You can go, Emma.”
“Are you sure? I can take Alfie out for the afternoon once he’s woken up.”
“No, it’s fine. Come back tomorrow.” I tag on the end a small, “Please.”
Tomorrow. It’s my first day since leaving college of being unemployed. I’ll do whatever it takes to keep a roof over my head; I’m not going to become homeless too.
As Emma gathers her things to leave, Max bursts into my home looking frantic and beside himself, his hair messier than usual and eyes darting everywhere.
“What happened, Paige?” he asks, sounding breathless, wrapping me in his arms and hugging me so tight my lungs might burst.
From over his shoulder, Emma mouths, See you tomorrow, disappearing quietly out of the door as I break down in his arms, yet again. Much the same as the day he comforted me when Marin was here, swaddling me like a baby as my life lies around my feet in tatters.
My heart can’t take any more.
He lets me weep, lament, as I fall to pieces in the arms I never want to let me go.
“I was going to tell work today, Max.” I sob, my hot tears making my eyes sting.
“I know you were,” he coos, rubbing my back with his hand, trying to soothe me, but it doesn’t work. “Me too. I was going to tell my brothers that we’ve been meeting in secret since the day we made the list in my office. They think I only found out last week it was you at The Velvet Rooms.”
“We were stupid to think we wouldn’t get caught.” I cling to him, burying myself into his neck.
“It’s all my fault. I shouldn’t have pushed you the way I did,” he admits, but that’s the furthest thing from the truth.
“I wanted to.” I did, and no one ever makes me do anything I don’t want to. I’m not that weak. I wanted Max and I have no regrets about that.
“Come and work for us,” he offers.
“No.” Ethically, that doesn’t sit right with me. Screwing the opposition is one thing, but screwing the boss to get a job is a different thing entirely.
I’ve already broken rules and codes of conduct I never thought I would to satisfy my needs; I won’t do it again.
“Dalton warned me when I left that I was to stay away from Griffin Holmes.” My words come out in stuttered breaths.
Max stiffens around me, and after a while, he pulls out of our embrace. “Say that again, Paige.” He holds me at arm’s length.
“Dalton said, ‘Be careful, Paige. Griffin Holmes is not a man to be messed with.’ Then he went on to warn me further. ‘Stay away from him, Paige. That’s all I’m saying.’” I quote him verbatim, wiping my snotty nose with the back of my hand.
All the blood drains from Max’s usually tan face as he steps back and begins pacing my hallway floor. “Oh, my fucking God,” he says, clawing at the ends of his hair. “Motherfucker,” he roars, running his hands down his face, dragging his features downward.
“What?” A dull ache of foreboding looms over me, and I get the sense Max is about to tell me something I’m not going to like. “Max?” I shout loud enough to wake Alfie.
His mouth opens in horror before he tells me, “I spoke with him at the wedding.”
“Who?”
“Griffin.”
“Why? What about?” A suffocating feeling grips my throat as I realize what he’s implying. “Oh, my God. What did you do? Tell me you didn’t mention the adoption or Marin.”
He closes his eyes, dropping his head in shame, confirming what I already know. He did.
“Do you have any idea what you’ve done?” I seethe, all the blood rushing to my head.
“I thought I was helping. I asked him if he could make the adoption go through quicker.” His voice sounds strained as we begin to spiral.
“You screwed everything up, Max. I lost my job because he sent photographs and video footage of us together at every hotel we checked into. To my fucking boss. Where would we be now if Griffin had sent them to our clients? Our reputations would be in tatters, Max.” Mine already is.
And it wasn’t just a suspicion I had, I was right about it being Griffin.
Having never mentioned him before, there’s no other reason why Dalton would warn me away from him.
“I’m now getting a home visit from the adoption agency because they received some new information relevant to my case.
” I wrap air quotes angrily around my words.
“The person who sent that information was Griffin fucking Holmes.” I spray spit out of my mouth, angrier than I’ve ever been, rage pumping around my veins at Mach speed.
“How dare you interfere in my life,” I grind out.
He flinches at my scalding fury. “That’s not what I was doing; I was trying to help.”
“Instead, you screwed everything up.” My life is falling apart around me while I’m coming apart at the seams. “What did you say to him?” Tears stream down my face, but I stand firm, ignoring them as I question him like I would a witness on the stand.
Max runs his hands through his hair, once, twice, before he finally tells me. “I asked him if he knew Marin. He said he’d never heard of her.” He points to somewhere far off in the distance.
I fold my arms in front of myself; my defenses are up and I’m ready for battle. “Of course he wouldn’t admit that; she’s a sex worker, Max.” And an addict. “Then what?”
“Then I told him what Marin told us outside your house that day, which he denied again and said he wasn’t Alfie’s father. However, he mentioned he would look into the adoption as a favor, but there was no guarantee he could help.”
And now he’s using Alfie’s adoption as a threat—to show me how powerful he is. He’s the most influential judge in San Francisco and capable of anything. “Do you really think the adoption agency will allow Alfie’s adoption to go through if I don’t have a job with no way to support him?”
“I just offered you a job,” he shoots back, his voice a sharp bite.
I bark back, “You can stick your job offer up your ass. I will never work for you. I can’t even bear to be in the same room as you right now.
” I don’t want to be anywhere near him. Tears continue to stream down my cheeks, my throat aching and my temples thumping from all the stress of today, the last few months, everything.
Max and I glare at each other: Me shooting virtual daggers at him while he looks at me with so much pain etched into his expression that tells me he knows he fucked up. Good. Let him choke on that guilt.
“I’m so sorry,” he finally says, his voice cracking. I believe him. I know he’s sorry, but still, he destroyed everything good in my life.
“Get out of my house,” I grit through my teeth, anger swelling in my guts.
“Paige.” He steps forward, but I stop him in his tracks with my hands, signaling for him to back away.
“Please get out of my house. I never want to see you again.”
The look of devastation on his face cuts my already shattered heart to ribbons. “Paige, don’t do this.”
“Don’t do this?” I mimic mockingly, my tone chaotic and rising with every word.
“It’s a little too late for ‘don’t do this.
’ I wish I had never gone to The Velvet Rooms that night, wish it wasn’t you, wish I had never met up with you all those times.
You pushed yourself into my life, pretending to care about me, and Alfie.
But the reality is, you don’t care about us or you wouldn’t have spoken to Griffin behind my back.
I never asked you to do that and now you’ve fucking destroyed my life.
And his.” I point up the stairs, gesturing to Alfie who is now crying.
“You might be reckless with your life, throwing yourself out of planes without consequence, but that’s not how I live my life.
So, do me a favor, Max, get the fuck out of my house and never think about me again.
I know I won’t be giving you a second thought.
” That’s not true but for all our sakes, I have to forget him and move on with a new plan.
The first one being, how I turn Alfie’s adoption around.
“Paige, please listen to me,” he begs, his voice trembling, breaking in places, and coming out in short, sharp bursts.
“I know I ruined everything, but if it’s any consolation, I don’t regret The Velvet Rooms or our lunches together—none of it, except talking to Griffin.
If I could go back in time and change what I did, I would.
I’m so sorry, Paige. Please, baby, you have to forgive me. ”
Is he joking?
“Forgive you? I fucking hate you.” I don’t hate him.
“Now, leave or I’m calling the cops.” I place my foot on the first step of my stairs.
“I was doing just fine before you entered my life. I may not have had a picture-perfect show home that’s always tidy, but it’s full of love and happiness.
My life was uncomplicated before we started whatever the fuck this is.
” I motion to the space between us. “I guess the chase was always part of the excitement for you. But you got me. You’ve had your fun, and you can move on to the next woman.
” Damn, that’s painful. “I don’t need you, Max.
I don’t need anyone. So, please, just leave me alone and see yourself out.
I have a baby who needs me and a job to find so I can support him.
Goodbye, Max.” Then I run up the stairs, away from the man I wanted to spend every hour of every day with.
Instead, he broke my heart, broke me, shredding any possibilities of me having a family to call my own.
Dashing into Alfie’s room, I lift him out of his crib and into my arms, soothing him to settle him down.
He instantly stops crying when he realizes it’s me, and when I bop his nose, he looks happy to see me, his cute smile melting my shattered heart.
He’s the only good thing in my life.
While I pull him close to me, and bounce him up and down, I watch Max out of Alfie’s bedroom window drive erratically out of my gates, his car roaring through the neighborhood and out of our lives while I bite my bottom lip to conceal my sobs as grief rips through me once again.
He lost me. I lost him. The man I’m completely and utterly smitten with and know that deep in my heart I’m in love with.
It was stupid of me to let my guard down too soon, and trust him with my heart, because he broke it.
But my heart will heal, and I’ll find another job or start my own company if I have to, because gossip will be flying today at Moore & Associates after Elenor, Dalton’s secretary, accompanied me to the lobby, and that news and speculation will spread rapidly before the day is over.
I’ll come back fighting, though. For Alfie’s sake. He’s my family. Just him and me, my mom and dad. We don’t need anyone else.
“I can’t lose you, Alfie. Please don’t leave me,” I whisper.
I won’t survive otherwise.