Chapter 42
PAIGE
“Wow,” Cat says after I’ve given her the unedited version of events that led me to be able to go for walks in the park midweek with Alfie.
I push and pull Alfie’s stroller back and forth. He’s sound asleep, and I don’t need to soothe him. It’s a habit more than anything.
Cat and I are sitting on one of the green benches that overlook the brightly painted Chinese Pavilion on the other side of Blue Heron Lake in Golden Gate Park.
With the sun blazing down on us, the ducks quacking now and then, and the gentle hum of wildlife surrounding us with their unique songs, I almost forget how heartbroken I am.
For the past two weeks, my life has shifted from hectic to peaceful, and I’ve completely immersed myself in everything about Alfie. I didn’t think it was possible, but each day that passes, I fall more and more in love with that little guy.
My heart might have shattered the day Max left my house, but Alfie is helping to piece it back together.
Gradually, bit by bit, I know I’ll be okay.
It’s just going to take longer than I expected to get over Max, and that tells me everything I need to know: my feelings run deeper than I ever admitted, deeper than I even realized.
“Why didn’t you call me sooner?” Cat asks before taking a sip of her iced coffee from her clear to-go cup, sliding her sunglasses back on to shield her eyes from the sun.
“I didn’t want to talk to anyone.” I even gave Emma time off with full pay to give me some space. I can’t afford to be frivolous, but I need time and space to heal, get my life in order, and consider what my next move is.
“And what about the adoption agency, any progress with them and update of time scales?”
“They won’t budge on their decision and told me I have to wait for the home visit, which they could spring on me at any time.” Sounds more like a test than following protocol. As if they’re trying to catch me in the middle of doing something illegal.
Fuck Griffin Holmes. And fuck Marin for putting us all in this position in the first place.
I drove past her place the other day, and despite all my willpower, I couldn’t bring myself to knock or even get out of the car.
Seeing where she lived, I wasn’t ready to face whatever was behind that door or the things she’s hiding inside.
There’s already too much uncertainty and worry in my life, I just can’t handle any more.
Regardless of Max’s offer to pay her rent, she may have already left town. Marin’s a floater, a nomad, a ghost slipping through lives without leaving a trace; except that is, for a baby.
Which reminds me… the check I sent Max to cover Marin’s rent still hasn’t been cashed.
Goodie do-gooder. He doesn’t need to take care of Marin for me. Throwing his money around, thinking he can solve world peace or something.
Kind of him though.
Remaining quiet, I’m deep in thought, something I do a lot of now, when Cat asks, “What’s the plan, Paige? You need a plan.”
I hate to admit it, but I do. I have responsibilities, and still I haven’t even attempted to look for a job. That’s not what I want.
Edward, the best secretary I’ve ever had, called me last week to check on me, genuinely concerned about my well-being. He never dug too deep, asking only how I was and when I’d get a new job, and to keep him in mind since he loved working for me.
If he knew I’d been screwing the opposing counsel in the middle of a live case, he wouldn’t be asking that.
It did, however, tell me that he had no idea why I was fired.
If he knew, he may not have asked to be my legal secretary again.
Still, hearing that so many clients have been calling around, refusing to work with anyone else other than me, was a nice confidence boost.
“I think I want to set up my own firm.” It’s time. “But I need an office.” It will make me look bigger than I am. Rent is ridiculous in the city but if I am serious about it, I need to either ask my mom and dad for help, or make a call to the bank to ask for a loan.
“I have an office you can use,” Cat offers cheerfully as the birds chirp and twitter around us.
“We use it as a storage room, but it can easily be cleaned out. It’s wasted space, to be honest, and would make a great gift from me to you for a business startup.
” She extends her hand as if passing me a present.
I scoff, shaking my head. “I can’t let you do that.”
“You’re not, I am offering, and you need it, so that’s final.
Give me a week to clear the space and get a desk and phone line set up for you.
And you”—she waggles her finger at me—“sort out your business name, register the business, then set up your social platforms. I can have someone in my IT department create a website for you. Easy.”
When she puts it like that, it does sound easy. “I feel like a charity case,” I admit.
“It’s not charity, it’s what friends do for each other.” She shuffles along, moving closer to me on the bench, and threads her fingers through mine. “Remember when I caught Bryce screwing my secretary, and I lived with you for months until I found a new place?”
“You’re my friend, I would have let you live with me permanently.”
“That’s exactly the point I am trying to make. We are friends for life and I love you, Paige. The office is yours.”
I will never be able to return the favor. “Thank you,” I say, her kindness forming a lump in my throat.
Unable to keep it together, I weep aloud, unraveling in the park as life continues around us.
I’m usually so well put together, but lately all I’ve done is cry.
It’s ridiculous, really. Cat wraps her hand around my shoulder and rocks me side to side, tucking me into her tightly, laying her head on top of mine when I rest it on her shoulder.
She lets me cry until I have no more tears left, wrapping me in her cocoon of comfort.
“The tears aren’t just about the office, are they, Paige?” She shoots from the hip. Cat knows me better than anyone.
“I miss him, Cat. It hurts so bad.” I fist the fabric of my summer dress over my heart. “In here.”
“Have you heard from him?”
“He’s called me every day.” I live for those moments.
“And?”
“I haven’t picked up.” I’m too chicken shit, and I’m still angry with him.
Almost every day, he sends bunches of roses in different colors, each accompanied by a handwritten note with apologies and expressions of how much he misses me and Alfie.
When I returned from the hairdresser’s the other day, I arrived home to a delivery: the shiniest, coolest Lightning McQueen ride-on motorized toy car, complete with flashing lights and buttons on the steering wheel that make it sound like the car is alive and talking.
Alfie’s eyes lit up the moment he saw it, and for a second, my heart ached because he knew exactly what would make Alfie smile.
“Oh, Paige.” She sighs, pressing a kiss to the top of my head, probably leaving a big red lipstick mark on my much shorter, fair hair.
I had several inches cut off last week. It still feels strange booking weekday appointments at convenient times, but that’s something I’ll be doing more often once I have my own business.
From now on, I’m making my own rules. And I’m sticking to the professional ones I took an oath on.
And I will never, ever, break them again.
I’ve learned from my mistakes.
“Maybe you should talk to him,” she suggests.
“I think we’re past that, Cat.” I shrug dismissively.
“He clearly wants to explain himself, and maybe listening to him will help. Also, you should consider switching your output mode off and flicking it to receive mode, Paige. You have a habit of railroading every argument, sometimes.”
“I do not,” I counter, jerking out of our embrace.
Cat lifts her iced coffee to her lips and smiles against the rim of her cup. “You’re about to do it now.”
My shoulders drop in defeat. “God, I hate how right you are sometimes.”
“All I’m saying is, hear him out.”
I shake my head. “How do you forgive someone who stopped Alfie’s adoption from going through?”
“The clue is in what he said to you on the day everything blew up, Paige,” Cat replies casually.
I push my sunglasses up to rest on top of my head and dry my tear-stained face with my hands. I’m so glad I didn’t wear any makeup today.
Cat explains what she means. “Max thought he was helping. He thought he was doing the right thing.”
“But he destroyed everything,” I counter.
“Are you even listening to what I’m saying? Why would he send you perfume, look after Alfie for days while you were sick, or fix your leaky kitchen sink?”
God, yeah, he did do that when I was lying in bed.
“And why the hell would he do your laundry, hire a housekeeper, and build Alfie’s playset? Or invite you to his brother’s wedding?”
“I don’t know.”
“It’s so obvious, Paige.”
“Is it?”
“He loves you.”
“He doesn’t love me.” I shake my head violently, brushing off her crazy theory.
“Then why would he approach the highest-ranking judge in San Francisco to ask for help?”
“Because it was Alfie’s father?” It seems that everyone I spoke to at the adoption agency and the top adoption lawyer in the state couldn’t help me overturn the decision made weeks ago. Griffin is not only a powerful man but also dangerous—a heartless bastard.
“God, you really can be dim sometimes, Paige.” She pauses, turning to face me fully.
“It doesn’t matter who the highest-ranking judge in the city is, it could’ve been Brad fucking Pitt for all it’s worth.
Max went to the only person he believed could help you, and that just happened to be Griffin Holmes, Alfie’s father.
But Max couldn’t have predicted that he would be so callous.
What Griffin did was put you and Max in your place, to show you who was boss, and that was out of both of your hands.
Max tried to do the right thing, for you and for Alfie, but he could never have known Griffin would pull what he did. What Max did wasn’t malicious.”
It takes a minute for my brain to catch up. “You’re right,” I whisper.
“I know!” She throws her hands in the air as if she’s cheering for my revelation. Alfie jerks in his sleep but doesn’t wake up.
“Sorry, Alfie.” Cat smiles, tapping the handle of his stroller.
“It’s too late now.”
“It’s never too late.” She swipes her hand through the air, dismissing me.
“Anyway, I’ll let you think about what I’ve just said and while you do that, I need you to drive your ass to my office block now, to look at your new office.
Make sure it meets Paige Bradshaw Esq.’s standards, then we need to make a plan to get your website designed, have a phone line installed, design business cards, and move you in. ”
“I have Alfie.”
“Darling, I have staff.” She pushes her designer sunglasses up her nose. “They’ll entertain him while his mommy gets to work.”
“I’m not his mommy yet.” Not officially. That feels so far out of reach now.
“Yes, but starting your own firm means you’re one step closer—job stability, a beautiful, loving home, financial security, and no criminal record.
Although the things you did with Max in The Velvet Rooms sound criminal,” she teases to lighten the mood.
“And for God’s sake, will you please stop beating yourself up?
You met a hot guy in an exclusive sex club who just so happened to be the guy working on the same case as you, and he figured out it was you.
So, you broke some work rules, had a little fun, and hell, girl, you had some great sex, by the sounds of it.
” She playfully punches the top of my arm.
“And you got fired, but screw them, you don’t need Moore & Associates.
” She flips the bird in the direction of my old office, causing me to chuckle.
“Now you can charge double, if not triple, what you were making working for them. I don’t call what Max did destroying your life, Paige, I call that divine timing. He did you a favor.”
For the first time in two weeks, a mix of strength and confidence filters through me, and I rise to my feet, psyching myself up, ready to face a new challenge. “I’m setting up my own law firm,” I state, wrapping my fingers around the handle of Alfie’s stroller.
“Yes, you are.”
“And Alfie’s adoption will go through.” I have no control over their final decision but I’m willing to do whatever it takes.
“Hell, yes it will.” Cat pushes herself to a standing position. “You’ve got this.”
I might not yet.
But I will.