Chapter 3 Liam
The dining hall was louder than usual for a Sunday afternoon.
I sat across from Noah, pushing scrambled eggs around my plate.
The noise pressed in from all sides—voices, laughter, the clatter of trays and silverware.
The whole place smelled like grease and burnt coffee and whatever industrial cleaner they used on the floors.
Normally I could tune it out. Today everything was turned up too loud.
I had sex with Alex twice in the last four days.
Twice. That was more than Emily and I managed in two weeks, and the truth was I'd never come so hard in my life. The image of Alex when we finished together—eyes locked on mine, his mouth saying my name like it was the only word he knew—
Fucking sexy.
"You gonna eat that?" Noah asked.
I looked up. "What?"
"Your eggs."
I set my fork down. "Not that hungry."
Noah studied me over the rim of his coffee cup. Eyes too sharp. Too knowing. "You've been weird all morning."
"I'm fine."
"You're not fine. You barely said ten words on the walk over here." He leaned back in his chair. "What's going on?"
"Nothing."
"Bullshit." He set his coffee down. "It's about Emily."
My stomach tightened. "Alright, yeah, she texted me yesterday."
"And?"
"And she wants to talk."
"About your 'break?'"
"Yeah. I guess." I ran my hand through my hair.
Noah was quiet for a moment. "You text her back yet?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because I don't know what to say."
He watched me. Waiting for more. I grabbed my orange juice just to have something to do with my hands. Took a drink. Set it back down. The condensation left a wet ring on the table.
"It's complicated," I said finally.
"Yeah, I know." Noah leaned forward, lowered his voice. "Look, man. I'm your best friend. I'm not gonna say shit to anyone about what you told me. You know that, right?"
"I know."
"So talk to me. Let me help."
I looked at him. The genuine concern in his expression. Noah had been there through all of it—the video, the break-in, the closet. He'd heard me kissing Alex and hadn't flinched.
But telling him I liked sucking Alex's dick last night? Or that this whole thing started that summer at the lake? No way.
"I don't know what to do," I said.
"About Emily or about—" He glanced around, then lowered his voice even more. "About Alex?"
Just hearing his name made my chest tight. I scanned the room. The nearest table had a group of girls laughing about something, too absorbed to notice us.
"Both," I said.
Noah nodded. "Okay. So let's break it down. Do you want to get back together with Emily?"
The question sat heavy between us.
"I don't know," I said.
And it was true. A week ago the answer would have been easy. Yes. Of course. Emily was good to me. She was there for me. She made sense.
But now—
"You hesitated," Noah said.
"Yeah."
"That's not nothing." He tilted his head.
I pressed my palms flat against the table. The solid wood under my hands. Something real. "I care about her. I do. She doesn't deserve any of this shit."
"But?"
"But—" I stopped. Swallowed. Looked around again before continuing, voice barely above a whisper. "But it's not the same."
Noah nodded.
"What I feel with her versus what I feel with—" I couldn't finish the sentence. Not here. Not out loud.
Noah understood anyway. "With him."
"Yeah."
"What do you feel with him?"
I didn't have words for it. The way my chest went tight whenever I thought about Alex. The way I couldn't breathe right when he was close. The way everything else disappeared when we were together—like the volume on the rest of my life got turned all the way down.
"More," I said finally. "Everything just feels more."
Noah nodded slowly.
"Emily is… what we have is good. I'm attracted to her and I care about her. But with Alex it's like—" I stopped, frustrated. "I don't know how to explain it."
Noah let out a breath. "Okay. Okay. So you're into both of them."
"I guess."
"Do you think you're bi?"
The word landed heavy. Bisexual.
I was quiet for a long moment.
I'd thought about it. Obviously I was attracted to guys—or at least to Alex. But I'd never labeled it. Never put a word on it. And thinking that I, Liam Moore, was bisexual—that meant something.
That was a thing I'd be telling people. A box I'd be checked into. I was fine doing everything I did with Alex. That was good. Amazing, actually. But that was between me and him. No one else needed a word for it.
"I don't like that word. It just is what it is."
Noah smirked. "Alright."
"Alright... what?"
"It's just that—nevermind."
Heat climbed up my neck. "What's that supposed to mean? It's who I am. Not what you think I am."
Noah backed down. "No, you're right."
I nodded. "Sorry."
"It's okay. I just think you need to be honest with Emily. She deserves that."
"How am I supposed to be honest when I don't even understand what I'm feeling?"
"You tell her the truth. That you're confused. That you need time to figure shit out. That you're not ready to get back together yet."
He was right. I knew he was right.
But the thought of that conversation—looking Emily in the eye and admitting I was confused about my feelings, that I'd been with someone else, that I didn't know if I wanted to be with her anymore—made my stomach turn.
"She's gonna ask why," I said.
"So?"
"So what am I supposed to say? That I've been hooking up with a guy? That I can't stop thinking about him?"
"You don't have to give her details. Just—be honest about where your head is at."
I ran my hand through my hair. "This is so fucked up."
"Yeah. It is." Noah's voice softened. "But you'll figure it out. Just—take it one step at a time. Talk to Emily. Be honest. And then figure out what you actually want."
We sat in silence for a moment. The dining hall noise continued around us—other people's normal Sunday mornings. Simple problems. Uncomplicated lives.
"What did her text say?" Noah asked finally.
I pulled out my phone. The message I'd read at least fifty times since last night.
Emily
Hey, I've been thinking a lot about everything. Can we talk?
Two sentences. That's all it took to make everything more complicated.
I showed Noah the screen.
He read it and winced. "You gonna respond?"
I stared at the message.
"I should," I said.
"Yeah. You should."
"What do I even say?"
"The truth. That you want to talk. That you need to figure some stuff out."
I typed slowly.
Liam
Hey. Yeah, we should talk. When works for you?
Delivered. Then read almost immediately. Three dots appeared. My heart hammered.
Emily
Tomorrow after your practice? I can meet you on the riverwalk bridge.
Tomorrow. After the first joint practice.
"Fuck," I said.
"What?"
Before I could respond, a tray clattered down next to us.
Tyler dropped into the seat beside Noah, grinning. "What's up, fuckers?"
I shoved my phone in my pocket. Fast. Too fast.
Tyler didn't notice. He was already tearing into his food—burger in one hand, fries disappearing in fistfuls with the other.
"How do you eat a burger for breakfast?" Noah asked, his eyebrows raised in concern.
"Only way to start the day," he said through a mouthful of food.
"You ready for tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow?" Noah asked, his voice carefully neutral.
"Not you. Him." Tyler gestured to me. "Joint practices. Starts tomorrow morning." Tyler took a huge bite of his burger, talking through it. "Five-thirty. Kingswell boathouse. Gonna be weird as hell training with those rich assholes."
My stomach dropped.
Training with Alex tomorrow morning. See him for the first time since Saturday night. Since his dorm room. Since I had his dick in my mouth.
And then immediately after, I'd have to sit down with Emily and pretend I had my shit together.
"Should be interesting," I managed.
"Interesting? It's gonna be chaos." Tyler was oblivious to the tension.
"Coach said they're pairing us up for drills.
Mixing the teams. Trying to see what combinations work.
I can't do shit with my hand like this..
." He held it up—finger still wrapped from the fight I'd started. "But I'll still be there."
"Pairing us up?"
"Yeah. Like, Riverside and Kingswell rowers together. Testing chemistry or whatever." Tyler shrugged. "Personally, I think it's bullshit. But whatever. At least you get to use their fancy equipment. I might hop on an erg."
Noah was watching me. I didn't have to look to know.
"You good, Liam?" Tyler asked, finally noticing. "You look kinda sick."
"I'm fine. Just tired."
"Yeah, well, get some sleep tonight. Tomorrow's gonna kick our ass." Tyler stood up, grabbed his tray. "I'm gonna hit the library. See you tomorrow."
He walked away. Still oblivious. Still dropping bombs like grenades wherever he went.
"That dude eats so fast," Noah said.
It made me laugh. "He's nuts."
Noah leaned forward. Kept his voice low. "You think you'll be paired with him."
"I don't know."
I did know. Of course, they'd pair us together. We were the same year, he was bow I was stroke, and we both had been top of our class since last year. They'd see the chemistry. The way we moved together on the water. They'd see what we already experience at the lake that morning.
I was half excited and terrified all at once.
"This is bad," I said.
"It's not bad. It's just—" Noah paused. "Complicated."
"That's an understatement."
Noah reached across the table, squeezed my shoulder once. "It'll work out. Somehow."
I wanted to believe him.
But sitting there in the too-loud dining hall all I could think about was tomorrow. Five-thirty AM. Alex and I in a boat. Our bodies doing the thing they always did—falling into sync, telling the truth we couldn't say out loud.
And then Emily on the bridge after. Waiting for answers I didn't have.
I wasn't ready for any of it.
Not even close.