June 28th 2021
What the hell is wrong with me? What made me think I had any right to question him on how he treats me? Was I really that delusional that he would take any responsibility for how he’s been acting lately? I’m crazy, I have to be going crazy.
I swear I’m not making it up, I swear he’s been blaming me for his bad mood for weeks, but when I confront him about it, when I finally have the guts to say something, he denies it. Says not everything is about me, sometimes he needs space.
Everything is a lie. Down to the ignored texts. Everything is made up according to him. He doesn’t get my texts, I never send them, or I put my phone on airplane mode to “send” them, but they never go through. I’m trying to make him look like an asshole to get attention.
Maybe he’s right, maybe I am crying for attention, trying to claim that I’m abused just so I can play the victim. He blames the phone for ‘glitching’ when it shows he’s somewhere he says he’s not. Sharing our locations with each other was his idea, only it’s constantly telling me he’s lying to me.
My head hurts, and I don’t know what to believe.
I can’t remember the simplest things as the days go by.
So how can I be the bad guy even more? He’s right, no one else would ever put up with my shit.
Even if the only way I can get him to be nice to me is by sucking his dick, at least it buys me a day or two of peace before I have to go back to walking on eggshells again.