Chapter 24 The Vigilante
Chapter twenty-four
The Vigilante
Today was turning out to be a day of more legwork than a typical workday for me, with more driving and running back and forth than I was used to. Worth it, in the end, it would be worth it. To see the look on her face, to see her realize that I saw more of her than just what lay on the surface.
Daily therapy sessions were part of what made a trusting relationship between a therapist and their patient so strong, especially during such a short amount of time when someone was staying for inpatient care.
On mornings when I had mandatory meetings, my sessions were usually pushed back, all piling up in the afternoon, or vice versa, depending on when Dr. Stephens sent out the schedule.
Today I happened to be lucky enough to get an hour off between my obligations in the morning and when my first session started this afternoon, with Rae as my first patient.
After the quick errands I ran during my extended lunch, I felt like I was high.
Never having tried any type of drug before, I had nothing to realistically compare it to, but I could imagine this was how someone felt when experiencing nirvana.
I felt damn near giddy with anticipation, like a boy going out on his first date, completely unchaperoned.
I was accustomed to being irrationally happy the day that I decided to take someone’s life.
It was a strange feeling, the addictive taste that murder left me with.
This was something different, something strange and potent, something that almost felt.
I racked my thoughts for the best word to describe it, better, in a way.
Maybe it was a combination of getting to see her and what I was going to do later that had my body practically humming with excitement.
Maybe I was going down the rabbit hole just like the men I murdered, bat shit insane.
Giving my office one last glance, making sure everything was perfect and exactly the way I wanted it, I left the door, which automatically locked behind me. Everything was perfect. The very least that she deserved was perfection, and I’d try my hardest to give it to her.
An epiphany had struck me the night before, after I’d been so wrapped up in the feeling of her body.
I knew I wanted to take pleasure from her that way, over and over again, until she was putty in my hands.
But I also needed to make sure she knew I wanted her on a different level than what lay on the surface.
I’d been so wrapped up in the whirlwind chaos we’d be thrown into that I hadn’t slowed down to really think things through.
Slow wasn’t in my nature, and I wasn’t about to change that and slow anything down.
What was in my nature, however, was the inexplicable desire to make sure Rae felt like she was seen.
Truly seen, not just for her addictive body, but for every layer underneath.
Everything thought, every dream, every desire, every wicked thing, I wanted to know them all.
The elevator, however, was extremely slow.
Patience, I told myself. Rushing wouldn’t get me anywhere, and it’s not like we were somewhere she could stand me up and not be where she was supposed to be.
Ethical bureaucracy had officially left the building when I took her on as a patient. Every standard I had once held myself to professionally—minus the occasional murder, of course—had crumbled under her presence.
After scanning my way onto her wing of the building, I bypassed the empty patient rooms on my way to the lounge.
Only one patient still occupied his suite, the evidence in the form of Thomas standing guard outside his room.
He gave me a polite nod to which I nodded back, suppressing the smile I felt like giving him, knowing that his extra duty would be over soon.
Once Brandon was gone, a weight would be lifted from all our shoulders and would hopefully give his family peace.
The lounge was fairly quiet for the middle of the day, the usual banter dulled slightly behind the hum of the radio on in the nurses’ station. As soon as I stepped through the entryway to the communal space, I could feel my eyes drawn to where she was.
Sitting on the couch, next to Thelma, Rae sat with her feet crossed under her body, a book propped open on her lap, completely immersed in what she was reading, to notice what time it was.
The rest of the room faded into the background as I watched her read, her focus intense on the pages before her.
I found myself curious, not just because I was her therapist, but because I genuinely wanted to know what she was reading.
She referenced a lot of her favorite novels in her writing, comparing reality to the fictional men who would burn the world down for those they loved.
The way she wrote about the relationship dynamics, it was obvious that she craved someone who saw her as someone who was irreplaceable, someone worth holding onto despite the odds stacked against them.
Clearing my throat slightly, I got her attention away from the book, her eyes forced away from the pages before her as she closed it against her legs.
“Are you ready?” I could help but want to smirk at the blush that crept across her face, our last encounter probably playing through her thoughts as she rose from her seat.
“Sure, just let me put this in my room,” backing up out of the doorway, I let her lead the way back down the hall, pausing just long enough for her to set her book down on her dresser.
She closed the door completely before leading the way out of the ward, waiting for me at every door so I could badge us through.
Just like every other time we’d make the journey to my office, we walked in companionable silence with a healthy distance between us. I followed behind her, letting her lead as I stayed one pace behind. She wore her hair down today, the gold strands long, swaying against her back as she moved.
As she reached the door to my office, she paused, waiting for me to scan my badge to let her into the room. What she saw when I opened the door for her had her freezing in her steps, my chest almost bumping into her at the sudden halt.
“What’s this?” She asked, voice as quiet as a church mouse.
Inside, lying in wait, and judging by how hesitant she was acting, apparently going to jump out and bite her, was what I had pulled together at the last minute for her.
In the center of the room, where my sessions usually took place, I had the best imitation of a date I could come up with, given the limitations I had to work around with the clinic's rules. Even though anyone on the campus could be subject to search for security purposes, I wasn’t ever looked at with suspicion.
I probably could have snuck in more contraband than I did, but it wasn’t worth the risk.
This would be strictly by the book, at least when it came to what I brought inside; the rest of it, I might as well have set the book on fire for as much as I was following it with her.
On the small table between the couch and chairs sat a white linen tablecloth, small enough that the ends didn’t reach the floor.
Different-sized candles, battery-powered ones with faux flames, sat around the food I had set in the center.
I’d turned off the overhead light when I left, leaving only the lamp on my desk on, along with the candles.
“What is this?” Rae repeated. I squeezed my body behind hers, since she seemed incapable of moving, to fit inside the room and close the door behind us. The last thing I needed was for someone to walk by and witness whatever this was.
“This is the best I can do under the circumstances,” I gently prodded her back, a small attempt to get her to walk forward.
“Is that -?” She didn’t finish her question, her eyes almost as wide as a deer in the headlights. I’d be surprised by her reaction if I didn’t know just how poorly she was treated before. Rae, at this moment, was truly on edge, faced with a kind gesture and not sure how to receive it.
“Mexican chips and white sauce? Yes, from the place downtown.”
“That’s my favorite comfort food. Well, that and wine.” Her feet made it a few more steps, her body so tense, but I could see the light behind her eyes, wanting this to be genuine.
“Unfortunately, I couldn’t bring a bottle of wine, but I did get you this,” I picked up the stuffed animal from the chair I usually sat in during my sessions, patiently waiting for her weary hands to reach out and take it.
The lighting didn’t quite set the ambiance I had been hoping for, again, limited resources, but it was doing the trick. A lower tone for a more somber mood, her eyes glistening along her lower lids as she cradled the stuffed toy to her chest.
“I know how much you miss your dog,” I was surprised at how soft my own voice came out as I found myself wanting to be gentle with her, wanting to give her a reason to relax around me.
“Thank you,” she said, tucking her head down against its soft body, the German Shepherd held tightly in her grip as I led her around the table.
With such an informal situation, I sat on the floor, directly in front of the chair I usually occupied, Rae taking a seat with her back against the couch, still holding the stuffed animal. It was nice, small, and intimate, just the two of us with a Mexican appetizer to share.
Rae reached out and picked up a chip, dipping it in the melted cheese before placing it in her mouth.
The look on her face when she devoured it, how happy she was, made something come alive inside me—something I hadn’t felt in a long time.
Like a childhood friend coming back from the dead, a lost puzzle piece finally found and put in its place. Something just felt right.
“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were stalking me,” she flashed me a look over her glasses.