September 26th 2021
Last night, Michelle and I finally went out to dinner for the first time in what feels like a lifetime. I had told her about the legal trouble Craig had caused me; truthfully, though, I hadn’t given her much information about it. I was embarrassed.
She has always held a strong dislike for him. I don’t know why I was protecting him from her judgment, it just didn’t feel right hashing it all out when I couldn’t give her the answers she wanted.
We’ve been undergoing a heat wave this week, unusual for this time of year in the Appalachian Mountains.
She could see right through every excuse I had for wearing a long-sleeved shirt out to dinner.
It was true that I ran cold, I almost always had a sweatshirt in tow with me wherever I went, I just usually didn’t have it on when it was almost ninety degrees outside.
Michelle isn’t dumb, she knows my tells, she knows what I’m hiding from her.
I know she wouldn’t be angry with me, I also didn’t want to face what she would say if I confirmed what she suspected.
I didn’t like lying to my sister, I hated it, I didn’t know what else to tell her.
She wouldn’t understand my reason for staying with him if she knew the whole truth.
The comments she made at dinner, wanting us to hang out more, missing seeing me as often as we were both used to, hurt.
I felt so controlled, that I couldn’t even see my sister when I wanted to.
Even if I wasn’t spending time with him, I felt trapped.
She’d see through the act I put on and it made me feel guilty.
She wants me to break up with him. She hadn’t said it outright, it laid between the lines of our conversations. Michelle has always wanted what was best for me. I just wish she could see that staying was the safer option.