Chapter 19 #2
They can proudly show me off without second-guessing, and yet I’m seconds from hurling. I don’t think I can do this …
I don’t even realize my hand starts tapping against Dean’s abs until he grabs my hand and slows the bike down.
But the last thing I want to do right now is stop and take my helmet off in front of all of these people.
They don’t know who I am right now, and I think I might have to keep it that way for a little longer.
“P-please. Get me out of here,” I beg him.
He doesn’t hesitate, taking back off down the path as he makes our escape. Taking a left back toward the main road, we only run into more onlookers and watching eyes. And it’s all becoming too much.
My chest burns, tightening more and more. They know I’m a fraud, living under a fake name. They know I’m just a maid who doesn’t deserve to be with the Kensington heirs.
Just calm down, Cirella. You’re fine.
But that does nothing to help. It has the same effect on me as it does when you tell someone to calm down when they’re mad.
Dean keeps his hand on mine, squeezing gently and trying to assure me.
I don’t even know how he can tell that I need it, but I’m thankful regardless. It’s the only thing holding me together.
I don’t know what’s happening to me right now. This is what I want in the end—to be with them shamelessly. But here I am freaking the hell out when we’re seen in public for the first time.
Guilt claws at my throat, making the pain in my chest deepen.
This isn’t fair to them, making them keep me a secret.
They deserve someone with less … baggage.
I’m not good enough to date a Kensington, let alone two.
“Worthless, stupid girl. It’s a good thing you’re talented. Your lack of beauty will get you nowhere.”
Adrianna’s words echo in my mind, like a record spinning in a torturous loop.
“No one will ever love you for you, only for your last name.”
“You remind me why I hate the elite, so annoying, boring, and plain. The only thing you have going for you is me. You’re lucky to have someone who knows how to hide your imperfections.”
“You’re not smart. Or witty. Or beautiful. You’ll be lucky to find a husband at all.”
“Becoming your stepmother was the greatest mistake of my life.”
I can feel her long fingers on the tops of my shoulders, snaking around my throat, slapping me. She’s everywhere. Choking me, dragging me down to the ground, where she loves to leave me.
Maybe she’s right.
I’m out of my element with Dean and Asher. Maybe I’ve been playing pretend in hopes this could be real and true. But I think I might have been fooling myself all along.
They’re having fun with their new toy. They won’t want to keep me forever.
Why would they? They’re going to get bored of me, sick of their weak, pathetic Cirella.
The world starts to spin around me. My vision is cloudy, and sensations are fading.
Hands find my back, securing me in place before I even realize I’m falling or that the ground has completely stopped moving altogether.
“Hey, hey. I’ve got you.” Asher’s voice fights Adrianna for the spotlight in my mind, but he fails.
Unfortunately, she’s had years to imprint hers in place. It won’t be so easily replaced.
I blink hard, and my focus starts to shift back to reality, finding Dean throwing his leg over the seat and turning to face me. He removes my helmet, studying me for clues for my breakdown.
He rests his hands on my thighs, concern pinching his eyebrows. “What’s wrong? How can I help?” he asks urgently, genuineness in his stare.
My head shakes side to side, and the tears in my eyes starts to cascade down my cheeks.
I don’t know what to do or say. Nothing is going to make my breakdown clearer or any better, both for me and for them.
Dean’s hands shift from my thighs up to my cheeks, cupping my face as his thumbs wipe away my tears. “Talk to us. Tell us how we can help.”
“Do you want to go home? We can go back to the house.”
I shake my head, not wanting to be reminded of the drastic differences in our lives. I practically live in their basement, cleaning their house and pretending that I don’t notice the vast separation of who we are and the lives we live.
“I-I …” Words fail me, every possibility sounding far too pathetic in my mind to slip past my lips. They remain silent, giving me a second to gather myself. “What are we doing?”
“We were taking you to class.”
I cut Asher off, “No, I mean, what are we doing together? What is this?”
Dean’s brows furrow, his voice calm and steady. “You know what it is. You feel it. Just like we do.”
“I don’t want to be a game or a temporary form of entertainment.” My voice cracks, along with my heart. “Look, I know that I’m not an easy person to like, let alone love—”
Dean’s hand slips from my cheek to my mouth, halting the word vomit from continuing. “Stop.” His face contorts with sadness. “Don’t do that. Please don’t diminish yourself, especially to us.”
Asher kisses the top of my head. “Cirella, you have no idea what you mean to us, how important you are. Don’t let Adrianna make you believe any differently. She’s a vile leech.”
Dean takes over, drowning me in reassurance that has my cheeks dampening for reasons other than fear and panic.
“You’re selfless. So goddamn beautiful. You’re the reason we’ve been staying afloat lately.
You’re everything to us, Cirella.” He pauses, taking a shuddering breath.
“It’s not a secret to us, and it shouldn’t be to you.
I’m falling for you, Princess. We both are.
None of this is temporary or for entertainment. ”
“You know us better than that. You’ve seen sides of us no one else has, and you don’t question standing strong for us.
We feel the same way. You’re not hard to like, to love, to obsess over.
It’s impossible not to be absolutely and completely obsessed with you.
You’re a force of nature drawing us in, and we want to be stuck to you forever. ”
He wipes the tears from beneath my eyes, but they keep flowing, as I’m taken aback by his heartfelt confession. Asher peppers kisses into my hair, his hand sliding into it along the base of my neck and wrapping around the front.
“It’s you and us against the world,” Asher promises into my ear.
“I’m sorry—” I cry.
“No!” Asher shouts at the same time Dean says, “Don’t.”
A giggle bursts out of me. “What?”
Dean’s lips twitch up. “Never say sorry to us ever again. I don’t care if you hit us with a car.
You’ll say, You’re welcome for giving you so much extra physical attention, boys.
” He kisses me quickly, like he couldn’t help it.
“But I don’t want to hear those words fall from your pretty lips again. ”
“Okay.” I grin, unable to stop it from damn near taking over my face.
“Good girl,” Asher praises, sending an enticing shiver down my spine, anchoring deep in my core.
A smirk kicks the side of Dean’s lips. “You like being a good girl, Princess?”
Biting down on my bottom lip, I nod. “Maybe.”
Asher’s hands slide down my body, his palms drifting along my hips, disappearing beneath my thighs, and pushing out from between my legs. He pulls them further apart, and I gasp, the sensation warming me.
“You’re riding with me this time,” Asher announces, the only warning I get before he hauls me up, lifting me into the air and completely off of Dean’s bike. “We’re going home. You’ll be staying with us until you believe us when we tell you you’re perfect.”
“But class—” I protest, knowing there’s no way in hell I’m going to attend today.
“Is dismissed.” Asher beams, lowering me down onto the back of his bike.
Dean tosses him my helmet before turning to me, his bluish green eyes hypnotic in the sunlight, almost too beautiful. “Do you want to take a second to relax? Catch your breath?”
I probably should, given the near panic attack that almost got me minutes ago. But I’m surprisingly feeling much better at the moment.
Honestly, the only thing I want to do right now is show them how grateful I am to be lifted up—metaphorically and physically—by them both.
“I’m ready,” I tell them, wondering if they can hear the undertone to my words, the message hidden between the letters.
I’m ready for a lot of things I didn’t think would be possible a month ago.
Ready to gain control of my parents’ house.
Ready to end Adrianna’s reign over my life.
Ready to take my voice back.
Ready to give every inch of myself to the two guys I’m helplessly falling for.
I’m ready to live.