Chapter Five #3
He watched as Braden filled the electric kettle and set it on its base, his movements practiced and efficient.
Peter loved watching Braden in the kitchen.
There was something soothing about the way he moved, like he knew exactly what he was doing, and there was no rush to do it.
He even took the time to check his phone, no doubt to make sure that no one had slipped into the house while they were out.
“I had a really good time tonight,” Peter said, leaning against the counter.
Braden smiled at him. “I could tell. It was good to see you so relaxed.”
“I was thinking—” Peter started, then stopped. His heart was racing, and he could feel heat creeping up his neck. “Tonight made me realize something.”
Braden turned to face him fully. There was no pressure in the way he looked at Peter. “Yeah?”
Peter took a deep breath. He could do this. “Watching everyone tonight, seeing how happy they all are together, it made me think about us. About what we could be.”
Something flickered in Braden’s eyes, but he didn’t interrupt.
“I know we’ve been dancing around this since I told you that you’re my mate,” Peter continued. “We’ve been living together, renovating the house, making decisions like we’re building something permanent, but we haven’t really talked about what that means. What we want it to mean.”
The kettle began to whistle, but Braden ignored it. He was completely focused on Peter, and the way he looked at him made Peter’s breath catch.
“I want a future with you,” Peter said, the words tumbling out. “I know that probably doesn’t come as a surprise, given that we’re mates, but I needed to say it. I need you to know that this isn’t just about the bond or about Lou or about needing someone to protect me. I want you. I want us.”
Braden’s expression softened, and Peter saw him swallow hard. “Peter—”
“Wait, let me finish,” Peter interrupted, holding up a hand. The kettle clicked off, and the kitchen turned silent. “I want that future with you, but I also need you to know that I’m not sure what I’m ready for right now. I’m not sure what I can give you.”
He forced himself to meet Braden’s eyes, even though it felt like exposing a wound.
“Lou took so much from me. He made me afraid of things I never thought I’d be afraid of.
He made me doubt myself and my judgment.
And even though I know you’re nothing like him, I’m still scared.
I’m scared of moving too fast, of promising something I can’t deliver, and of disappointing you. ” He was scared of being hurt again.
“And there’s still Lou,” Peter continued. “As long as that’s hanging over our heads, I don’t know how to fully move forward and give you everything you deserve. I’m constantly looking over my shoulder, waiting for him to show up, and I hate that.”
Peter’s hands were trembling. He grasped the edge of the counter and held on. “I’m sorry. I know that’s not fair to you. You probably want more than I can give right now, and I understand if this isn’t what you want.”
“Peter.” Braden’s voice was gentle but firm. He took a step closer, then another, until he was standing right in front of Peter. “Can I talk now?”
Peter nodded, not trusting his voice.
“First of all, thank you for telling me all of that. I know it wasn’t easy.” Braden reached out slowly, giving Peter plenty of time to pull away, and took his hands. His touch was warm and grounding, exactly what Peter needed. “Second, you don’t need to apologize.”
“But—”
“Let me finish,” Braden said with a small smile. “I’m willing to wait as long as you need. However long that is. Days, weeks, months, years, it doesn’t matter. I’m not going anywhere.”
Peter felt his eyes sting with tears. “You say that now, but what if it really takes years?”
“I say that now, and I’ll say it tomorrow and the day after that and every day after.
Peter, do you know what I see when I look at you?
I see someone incredibly strong. Someone who survived something awful and is still standing.
Someone who’s brave enough to want a future even when he’s scared. That’s not nothing. That’s everything.”
A tear slipped down Peter’s cheek before he could stop it. Braden reached up with one hand and gently wiped it away with his thumb.
“We don’t have to figure everything out tonight,” Braden continued softly. “We don’t have to have all the answers. We can take this one day at a time. Whatever you’re ready for, whenever you’re ready for it, that’s enough for me.”
“Even with Lou still out there?” Peter asked.
“Even with Lou still out there. He doesn’t get to dictate our future. We do.” Braden’s thumb was still on Peter’s cheek, and he brushed Peter’s cheekbone with it. “And whatever that future looks like, I want to be part of it. If you’ll have me.”
Peter let out a shaky breath. This man—his mate—was willing to wait for him and take whatever Peter could give and not ask for more. How had Peter gotten so lucky? “I’ll have you,” he whispered. “I want to have you.”
Peter wanted Braden. He wanted their future, whatever it looked like.
And he wanted to take the next step, even though his hands were still shaking slightly and his heart was still racing, and he wasn’t sure what came next.
Peter did the only thing that made sense. He closed the distance between them, rising slightly on his toes, and pressed his lips to Braden’s.
For a moment, Braden went completely still. Then, he made a soft sound in the back of his throat and kissed Peter back, gentle and sweet and perfect. His free hand came up to cup Peter’s face, and it felt like Peter was something precious to him.
For the first time in longer than he could remember, Peter felt precious. He felt wanted. He felt safe.
The kiss was everything and nothing like he’d imagined.
It was soft and careful, both of them learning the shape of each other, but there was heat beneath it, too.
There was promise and want and the beginning of something that could grow into everything Peter had been afraid to hope for because he’d thought he’d never get it.
When they finally pulled back, Peter kept his eyes closed for a moment, savoring the feeling. Braden’s forehead rested against his, their breaths mingling in the small space between them.
And for the first time since Lou had turned his world upside down, Peter felt like he was finally, truly free.
* * * *
“PETER,” brADEN brEATHED out. Braden had no idea what was happening—well, he knew, but he needed to be sure.
Peter opened his eyes. “Was that okay?” he asked. He sounded a bit hesitant, like he expected Braden to say no.
“More than okay,” Braden reassured him. He stroked Peter’s cheek. “That was perfect. You’re perfect.”
Peter smiled. He leaned in again, pressing another soft kiss to Braden’s mouth, then another. Braden could almost hear him speak as he did. I want this. I want you. I’m choosing this. I’m choosing us. He agreed with all of that.
He couldn’t believe Peter had kissed him.
He hadn’t expected it in a million years, and he was happy, but he also knew to move carefully.
Peter trusted him, but that didn’t mean that part of him wasn’t still terrified.
It also didn’t mean that he wouldn’t run, but if he did, Braden would follow.
Braden was never letting this man go. He wasn’t sure he could even if he tried.
“I’m really not,” Peter said, his cheek slightly flushed.
He looked so beautiful that Braden wanted to kiss him again. He really hoped that Peter kissing him first meant that he could. “How are you not? Do you not close the toothpaste after you brush your teeth?”
Peter rolled his eyes. “Who doesn’t? You know what I’m saying, though. I don’t want you to want me for something I’m not. Lou always said that he wished I was different. I don’t want you to feel that way.”
“Lou’s an idiot. Even more than that, he hurt you. I don’t think we should take into consideration what he thinks.”
“I agree. It’s harder to do than I thought, though.
For a long time, I had to consider what he wanted before I did anything.
I couldn’t even decide what I wanted to eat for dinner without asking him because he might decide to come around, and if he didn’t like what was on the plate, he’d let me know, and it was never pleasant. It’s just hard to let that go.”
Braden kissed Peter’s forehead. He was relieved when Peter didn’t push him away.
That was all Braden wanted for now. He had no intention of rushing Peter about anything, be it their relationship or something else.
He wasn’t an idiot like Lou. He wasn’t going to do anything to risk losing this man, and he certainly wasn’t going to hurt him.
He wasn’t against hurting Lou if he could, though.
It felt like the least the man deserved.
He certainly didn’t deserve to have anything to do with Peter ever again.
“I know,” Braden said. “You can take as long as you need. I’m not going anywhere, I promise.
Also, I don’t care what you want to cook for dinner.
As long as it’s edible, I’ll eat it.” He suspected that if it came from Peter, even if it wasn’t edible, he’d eat it, but he wasn’t sure Peter was ready to hear that just yet.
Peter bit his lower lip hard. Braden reached out to tug it out from between his teeth, smiling when he heard Peter suck in a breath. His smile didn’t stay there for long, though, because Peter’s eyes filled with tears.
Braden didn’t tell Peter not to cry. Instead, he opened his arms, giving Peter a choice. If he needed Braden to hug him, Braden would happily do so. If he needed a little more space, Braden would give him that, too.