15. Hayes
15
HAYES
We were in the gym in the building we lived in. My muscles were burning. Sweat dripped down my face. Devon and King looked similar. Thankfully it was Friday, and we got the weekend off from training. Not that we’d be lying on the couch shoveling junk food in. Hell, no.
There were specific areas we each had to work on but also things we had to do that were the same. And this was only the start, our first week with Jared. The man worked with us and others during the off-season.
“Keep going,” he urged us.
The last few weeks we were in recovery mode. Now our bodies were being put back through the wringer. We each did tests with Jared before we started so he could put together plans for us to determine where our weaknesses were. They’d get adjusted as we went to keep the focus on where we still needed it.
The three of us were in our prime. When we returned for preseason, we had to be in better shape than we were last year. Stronger. Faster. More agile.
Rep after rep, we worked our bodies hard but didn’t push them to the point where we’d injure ourselves. Minutes ticked by until he finally called it and we were done for the day. Thank fuck.
We were catching our breaths before King and I went up to our condo and Devon showered before going home. There was no need to carry our shower stuff down here when it was a short elevator ride home.
“Tomorrow’s the gala,” Devon said. “Are you both going?”
King groaned, his muscles no doubt tired, then sat up on the bench he was on. “Kasper asked us to. Of course, we’re going.”
“We don’t say no to that man,” I added.
We never did. Anything Kasper wanted; we did. He was a great team owner, someone many of us looked up to. He was never selfish or mean. Always considerate and would drop everything if one of us needed help.
The city of Espen was hosting a charity gala tomorrow night to raise money for its homeless shelters. The theme was Under the Sea, which was fitting for our coastal community. We couldn’t show up in shorts and T-shirts though.
“Got a good suit picked out, D?” King asked.
Devon smiled. “It’s baby blue. Not my first choice, but Lincoln said it looks great on me.”
“Of course you bought it.”
“Of course. He’s wearing a black suit, but I got him a really pretty boutonnière that goes with the theme.”
“Hayes has a deep navy suit he’s wearing.” King rolled his eyes. If he had it his way, he’d go shopping for me and I’d end up in something ridiculously bright that wasn’t me. “I’m going with a teal green. A little more tropical. Jamie’s suit is slightly darker to complement mine. We’ll look good together.” He grinned.
Devon stood and started stretching out his muscles. “I still can’t believe you’re dating Tim’s brother.”
“He’s not Tim’s brother to me. He’s just Jamie, my… boyfriend.” King smacked his lips shut, clearly uncertain if that was the right term or not. I didn’t think King ever uttered that word before when it pertained to him.
“How’d that taste?” Devon laughed.
“Shut up, D. It’s new. Leave me alone.”
“Like that’s going to happen after all the shit you gave me when Linc and I started dating.”
“Hey,” he said, pointing at Devon. “I was supportive. There when you needed me.”
“Yes, you were, and you were also begging me to meet him and wouldn’t leave me alone until you did.”
King waved him off. “Details.”
“I’m heading upstairs,” I said and stood, grabbing my things before leaving. “See you tomorrow, Dev.”
“And then again on Monday,” he replied.
“That too.”
I didn’t wait for King before I left the gym and hit the button for the elevator. My mood was shit again. I didn’t enjoy feeling like this. No matter what I did, I couldn’t shake it. Going out last weekend didn’t help.
King clapped me on the shoulder when he came over to stand beside me. “Why did you rush out of there?”
“I didn’t. I just want to shower and relax.”
“I wish I could figure you out. I thought after last weekend you’d be in a great mood. You got laid, had fun. We didn’t see you until midday Sunday.”
“Yeah, well…” I didn’t bother finishing the sentence. The less King knew the better, although I hated keeping things from him. At least I wasn’t lying. He assumed I got laid and had a great time. The reality was that I didn’t find anyone to hold my interest at the club and ended up getting a hotel room for the night because I couldn’t stand to hear Jamie and King going at it for hours.
We didn’t say anything else on the way upstairs. We both went our separate ways to clean up once we were inside. I didn’t appear again until my stomach started growling. I needed lunch.
In the kitchen, I pulled out everything to make a sandwich. King joined me a few minutes later and started putting his own together.
“I’m excited about tomorrow night,” he said, happiness clear in his voice. “I always love when we go to events.”
I snorted out a laugh. “That’s because cameras will be there. You can soak up the attention.”
“That’s definitely a perk. But I also get to have Jamie on my arm.”
“I’m surprised he agreed to go. It’ll be the first time you’re out together that isn’t a bar or a club.”
King paused, a slice of bread in one hand and a knife with mayonnaise on it in the other. “I don’t want to scare him off. I feel like it’s going to be a test of our relationship, which we still haven’t fully defined.”
“If he’s meant to be in your life, this won’t make him run for the hills.”
“Thanks for those comforting words,” he said dryly.
King and I finished making our sandwiches and sat at the kitchen island to eat. I still had that feeling in my chest when it came to Jamie and King. A pinch. I hated it. Didn’t completely understand it.
King was eventually going to move on. He wasn’t going to be single forever. But there was something about Jamie too. I liked him. He was a nice guy who obviously made King happy, and who was great in bed if King’s cries had anything to say about it. Goddammit. I had to stop thinking about that.
“I liked D’s suggestion of boutonnières,” King stated.
“No.”
“What?”
“Jamie’s suit already matches yours. I don’t think you need more.”
“But it’ll be romantic. I can see if they’ll put a starfish or something on it.”
“Because that won’t be tacky at all.”
“A little seahorse?”
I sighed. King was going to do whatever he wanted, regardless of what I said. For all I knew, Jamie loved that stuff like King did. King relished in the attention the media gave him. He was never anything but one-hundred-percent himself. I admired him for that. Not everyone was that way. Knox put on a hell of a front with a camera in his face. He masked the hurt and longing like a damn champ. Was able to get them off the topic of his fighting and drinking when that was happening.
“Maybe I’ll go with a pretty rose dyed in a light blue or something.”
“That would be nice.”
He slapped me on the back. I was grateful I was done eating, or I might have choked. “You need to lighten up, Hayes.”
I carefully moved away from his touch, wanting the heat of it off me. “I don’t need to do anything.”
His tone suddenly changed to one of concern. “I really wish you’d talk to me.”
“There’s nothing to say.”
“There is, but you’re keeping it from me. Ever since I got together with Jamie it’s like you’ve been drifting away from me, and I don’t like it.”
I stood and put my plate in the sink. “It’s what happens when we get older, King. We fall in love, move on. We see friends only every now and then.” That pinch turned into a cavern in one second flat. I had to grip the edge of the counter to keep from folding over. I didn’t want to lose King. At the same point, I couldn’t stand in the way of his happiness.
He put his plate on top of mine and leaned his back against the counter beside me. “Not us. Not you and me, Hayes. Fuck, can’t you see how much you mean to me?” I hated hearing the emotion in his voice because I knew if I spoke, mine would sound the same.
Was our relationship unhealthy? Hell if I knew. It always worked for us though. No matter what, any time of day, we’d be there for one another. But with King finding someone special, I couldn’t put that on him anymore. I didn’t want to become a wedge between them.
I lifted my gaze to meet his. His eyes were sad, an extra sheen to them. “You can’t promise me our relationship won’t change when you fall in love,” I whispered. “We can’t stay roommates. We can’t always hang out.”
“Fuck,” he muttered and dropped his chin to his chest. “I don’t know how to navigate this.”
“I don’t either, but you can’t fight the inevitable. Change is going to happen.”
With that, I pushed off the counter and left the kitchen. I couldn’t stand there any longer talking to King. My heart couldn’t take it.
I went into my room, closed the door, and collapsed down on the bed. I didn’t want anything to change. I didn’t want to lose my best friend to someone else. At least it seemed like Jamie really cared about him too.
The pain in my chest had a special space for jealousy. It was the center of this. Jealousy over the relationship King had with Jamie. Jealousy that Jamie got so much of King’s attention. Jealousy over them finding something together that felt like I’d never have the same.
I didn’t know how to deal with this. At least when I was playing hockey, I knew what I had to do. Knew where I was strongest and how I should handle the puck. I went out there and did my job. Even now, I had a plan from the trainer as to what I needed to work on.
But there was no one showing me how to navigate King moving on. How to do the same for myself.
I couldn’t talk about this with Devon or Knox. Not Jansen or anyone else on the team. I didn’t have family to lean on. And didn’t that just compound the ache I felt, made it that much more intense.
Turning onto my stomach, I put my arms under the pillow and buried my face in it. I wished it was the regular season. It would give me something to do. Places to go. Games to play. To keep my mind off the maelstrom going on inside it.
Then something occurred to me. Something I never thought of before.
What if this just wasn’t about me losing my best friend? What if I had developed feelings for King? Ones that went beyond friendship? I’d never had an interest in a guy before, but this was different. King wasn’t some random person or just a casual friend. He was… King.
I groaned and turned to face the window, the sun still high in the sky.
Out there was a city of people who had their shit together way more than I did. Or at least that was how I’d like to think of them. Because how did people suddenly come to the realization they had feelings for their best friend?
The more I thought about it, the more it held true. This wasn’t just friendship. The thought of losing King gutted me.
Tomorrow, I had to put on a smile, dress up, and talk with people at the gala. I was no doubt sitting at a table with King and Jamie, but when we weren’t eating or listening to speeches, my ass was going to walk around and speak to anyone who wanted to see me.
King had never been someone I wanted to avoid. Yet that was what I was going to do because I didn’t understand how I never realized I had these feelings before. And I sure as fuck didn’t know what to do about them.