23. Jamie
23
JAMIE
I lifted the glass to my lips only to get just a drop of liquid on my tongue.
How did that happen?
I glanced down at the empty glass and sighed. With nothing better to do with my time anymore, I found myself sitting on the roof deck every day and in my living room with the TV off every night. Not far from me was always a bottle of vodka. The last two mornings, I’d woken up facedown on the couch.
There was no more reason to not get shit-faced during the day. It wasn’t like I had to get up for work or spend the nights with someone special. Before King, I spent my days in a predictable pattern. Go to work, come home and relax, then do it all again the next day until the weekend hit. Those were spent on the dance floor with a drink in my hand and a sexy man to rub up against in the hopes we’d go back to his place and fuck.
Then I met King.
Suddenly, the pattern changed. Yes, I still went to work every day, but then there was something to look forward to at night. Maybe it was seeing each other in person, or maybe a few texts that reminded me of when I’d see him again. Something so simple, yet so profound. King had changed the way I viewed my world.
Until it all came crashing down at my feet.
Would I do anything different if I had the chance? No. As much as it hurt like hell, I knew Hayes was the man to make King happy. Even if I wanted it to be me. It was just another reminder of why I normally went home after a night in someone’s bed. And never did I see them again, except by chance. That was a rule I would abide by from now on. No way would I willingly put myself through this again.
I heard the roof deck door open and groaned. There was a nice buzz floating through my system, but it wasn’t nearly enough to put up with my brother right now. Not this week.
Tim lifted his hand to shield his eyes as he walked farther out into the sun. “Jamie?”
I stood and walked over to the bar. “What?” His gaze darted in my direction. Ignoring him, I filled the glass with ice and more vodka, bringing the bottle with me when I walked back into the pool.
“Why does it look like you threw a party here last night? I know you don’t let anyone into your place that you don’t trust.”
I took a sip of the drink, hoping the alcohol would bring me enough peace to get through this conversation. “My housekeeper hasn’t been here since Monday morning.”
His brows drew together, and he took a seat in one of the chairs by the pool. “Do you suddenly enjoy living in trash and filth? There are enough empty bottles on the bar inside to fill a liquor store.”
“Don’t really give a shit at this point. I don’t like people cleaning when I’m here.”
“I know. I thought she came while you were at work.”
I threw back the rest of the glass. “I quit my job.”
Tim’s eyes went round. “You—” He stopped and covered the bottom half of his face with his hand for a moment before dropping it. “You quit your job?”
I lifted the empty glass in his direction. “I did. Couldn’t take Halford’s shit for one more minute.”
Tim smirked. “So, this is a celebration.”
I grabbed the bottle and poured the vodka into the glass. Fuck the ice. No need to water it down at this point. “Not in the slightest.”
“I don’t understand. You finally ditched that dumbass you worked for and can now start something of your own. Make it what you want.”
“Goddammit!” I smacked my hand against the surface of the pool. “Is that all you fucking think about? Your little brother living up to the name Deary like you and Dad did? Get out and leave me alone.”
“Jamie—” He lifted his hands up to face me and completely ignored me. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it. All I want is for you to be happy. And right now, even though you finally shed that shitty job, you look more miserable than you ever have.”
I scoffed, “Of course you see it as a shitty job. I didn’t own a company. I wasn’t a CEO. The only two things that were good enough for you and Dad. Nobody ever gave a shit about what I wanted.”
“I always gave a shit. I know for sure it wasn’t working for that asshole at Equistris. Don’t even try to lie to me about that. You don’t have to own a company. You can do whatever you want.”
I tipped the glass back like a shot. “Apparently not,” I muttered more to myself.
The alcohol must have dulled my ability to control my volume. Tim got up and moved around to the side of the pool I sat in and crouched down next to me. “Jamie, what happened? Why can’t you do whatever you want?” When I kept my mouth shut, Tim pushed more. “Talk to me. I want to help.”
The fight drained right out of me. “You can’t help with this. Hell, I can’t even fix this.”
“Fix what?”
“King.”
“King? What about King?” I went to reach for the bottle, but Tim swiped it out of my hand. “Not until you explain.”
I growled at him. “Jesus fuck, you’re pushy.”
“Well, you’re sitting here drinking yourself into oblivion when you should be celebrating, and I want to know why. You’re my brother, Jamie. I don’t want to see you hurt.”
That did it. Tears blurred my vision. Any self-control I had earlier in the week in front of Hayes and King abandoned me. “King’s with Hayes.”
“King cheated on you with Hayes? What the fuck?” He stood and yanked his phone out of his pocket. “That asshole will never play in Espen again.”
Adrenaline eliminated any buzz I had as I dove out of the pool and snatched Tim’s phone. “Don’t.”
He tried to grab for the phone. “I will not let him hurt you and get to stay here and rub it in your face.”
“I told him to be with Hayes.”
That froze Tim right in his tracks. “You what?”
Emotional exhaustion settled over me and I dropped down into the lounge chair behind me. “I told him to do it.” As I explained what happened earlier in the week, Tim sat down in the seat next to me, not saying a single word.
He was quiet for a long time. I held out his phone. He took it and shoved it into his pocket. “You let him go instead of fighting for him.”
“I can’t compete with the relationship he has with Hayes. I told you what I found when I showed up at his place. It’s not a fight I can win.”
Tim sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I wish I knew how to fix this for you.”
I gave him a sad smile. “I’m not sixteen anymore. You can’t fight off the world for me.”
“I’d do it if it would help.”
I nodded. “I know.”
“Is there anything else I can do?”
“No. I shouldn’t have let myself fall so hard and fast for him. Then I wouldn’t be here.”
Tim wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me into a side hug. “You said it yourself. You can’t help who you love, and it always hits you out of nowhere.” Tim let go and sat back. “Want me to stay? I can call Vanessa and cancel dinner. We can play video games all night.”
Tim hated video games, so it meant a lot he’d be willing to do that. “Thanks for the offer, but I’ll be fine. Go have dinner with that wonderful wife of yours. I’m going to dry off and order some food.”
He eyed me warily. “Promise me you won’t do anything crazy and if you want me to come back, you’ll call.”
“I promise.” I could tell he was reluctant to leave, but all I wanted was to be alone to wallow in my pity. Standing, I grabbed the glass and the bottle of vodka. I put the bottle back in the bar outside and walked to the door. Tim followed me.
I wrapped a towel around my waist to soak up the last bit of water when Tim engulfed me in a tight hug. “I’m here if you need me.”
“I know.”
He let go and we went inside. Tim went to the elevator, and I headed for the stairs. When I heard the doors slide closed, I turned and sat on the top step. I didn’t want food and I didn’t want to stay here. King had never been to my place, but memories still haunted me in the quiet.
I kept myself away from the alcohol for the next few hours. Sobering up and drowning myself in junk food and video games. Hell, if it worked in the movies why couldn’t it work for me?
Hours passed, but nothing helped. I still felt ready to jump out of my own skin. I needed to go out. Go somewhere and have some fun. Maybe going home with a random stranger would help me forget.
I climbed the stairs, determined to do anything to shake my mood. To erase the pain firmly rooted in my chest.
When I walked into Twist and Turn later that night, I hadn’t expected the pain to grow. Even in my favorite tight white jeans and half unbuttoned gray short-sleeve, I felt this overwhelming sense of dread.
Why had I picked this place of all the clubs in town? A glutton for punishment, that was what I was. Not only did I have the memories of my night here with King, now I had everyone coming up to me. Before I was a face in the crowd. Not anymore. Tonight, I was the target of every money chaser here.
I walked toward the dance floor, looking for someone I could plaster myself to and feel their body move with mine. Help me forget. But as I looked at every single man, the thought of touching any of them made me nauseous. I couldn’t do it. Deep down, I didn’t want to do it. I tried to convince myself it would help, but I was wrong.
I spun on my heel and beelined it for the bar. If I couldn’t dance my pain away, I’d certainly drink it away. The bartender greeted me immediately after I sat down on the stool. The vodka on the rocks was set in front of me and I grabbed it and drank it down.
Glass after glass, the bartender continued to refill each drink I finished. Slowly, a numbing buzz came over me. It was good not to feel. And it would only last as long as I kept drinking. If I let myself sober up, the pain would return.
Somewhere along the way, I’d stop bothering with the ice. Shots went down faster and easier. I stared out into the sea of people dancing.
“Is that your phone?”
“Huh?” I did my best to focus on the man in front of me.
“I asked if that’s your phone.” The bartender pointed in the direction of a phone sitting on the bar. “It keeps ringing.”
“Sorry.” I shook my head and regretted it slightly. “I was paying attention to the dance floor.”
He smirked. “Sexy, aren’t they?”
My throat burned like I poured acid down it as I pushed the words out. “They are.” None of them were as sexy as King.
Just as I had the thought, my phone rang again. My vision too blurry to read the screen, I accepted the call and lifted it to my ear.
“‘Lo?”
“Jamie?” King’s voice came across the line. The sweetest sound I ever heard.
“That’s me.” The bartender refilled my glass and I tipped it back.
“Where are you?”
I shook my head. Nope, didn’t want to tell him.
His voice hardened. “Jamie. Where are you?”
Even with a broken heart, as much as I tried, I couldn’t deny this man anything. “Twist and Turn.”
The line went dead. I looked at the phone. Maybe my mind was playing tricks on me. It wasn’t enough to torture me with dreams, now it wanted to torment me with pretend phone calls and worry about where I was.
I knocked back a shot. Then another. The edges of my vision blurred. I wasn’t sure how many I had when a head of red hair across the room caught my attention. Damn, did my heart want to fuck with me tonight. Just as I was about to order another, the man who haunted my dreams the last few nights appeared before me. And next to him stood Hayes. They looked beautiful together.
“Fuck’s sake, Jamie,” King whispered and pulled out the stool next to mine. Hayes stood behind the two of us.
I looked back and forth between them and grabbed on to the edge of the bar to keep from falling off my stool. “I’m glad you worked it out.” My heart ached. I found I couldn’t look at him, at either of them, anymore. I waved down the bartender, who grabbed a bottle off the shelf and started toward us.
“Jamie…” Hayes said.
I shook my head. “I’ll be fine.”