22. Lincoln
22
LINCOLN
The steady sound of Devon’s heartbeat should have lulled me into sleep, but as I lay there wide awake, listening to the soft snores from him, my head worked in overdrive. I couldn’t stop thinking about that picture. It had nothing to do with being ashamed of being with Devon and had everything to do with what they would dig up when they finally figured out my name.
Many details of the worst day of my life had been plastered all over the papers in the days after the attack. I hadn’t read a single one of them. Madison had been there, keeping me from any of the news or reports about what had happened. Even to this day, some of the details were fuzzy for me.
One thing I knew they’d find would be the two medals that sat in a box at the bottom of my closet. They were pieces of metal the government thought would recognize all the suffering I’d endured before they offered me a medical discharge. The damage to my leg was too much to continue with my duties unless I stayed Stateside. It wasn’t what I’d signed up for and took the discharge.
The fear of how Devon would react to them worried me more than anything. I didn’t think I could tell the story of what they were for, nor did I want any recognition for them. People always reacted with amazement and wonder at what I’d done to earn them. All I’d done was my job. Nothing more. Nothing less.
I shifted until I could see Devon’s gorgeous face, peaceful in sleep. Our time was limited until his season was over and I wouldn’t let my issues waste a moment of it. I’d let Devon sleep. I could easily see how tired he was when he arrived. I reached for my phone on the nightstand and stopped myself. If I wanted to spend the day with him and enjoy it, I had to ignore whatever the media would come up with. That could be tomorrow’s problem.
At least I hoped it would be that easy.
By the time Devon woke up, I’d tossed my phone across the room to keep from looking at it. His arms held me tight, keeping me from going to get it. My skin itched as I watched Devon’s eyes flutter open. It seemed to take him a minute to realize where he was, then he looked down and his lips pulled up in a smile.
“Better?” he asked, brushing his fingers down my face.
“Wanna get out of here? Go see a movie?” Nervous energy coursed through me.
Devon narrowed his eyes. “That doesn’t sound like you feel better. Did you sleep at all?”
“No.” I sat up, laying my hand on his chest. “But you needed it. I just don’t want to waste the rest of our day lying in bed.”
For a moment, Devon looked like he wanted to suggest staying in bed for other things. Something in my face or gaze must have screamed loud and clear because Devon sat up and wrapped his arms around my waist.
“A movie sounds great. What should we see?”
I shrugged. “Let’s decide when we get there.”
Devon didn’t say another word, but I could feel his eyes on me while I put on my shoes. His gaze followed me as I walked across the room to pick up my phone. I pushed aside the way his mouth turned down slightly and went to the living room to get my keys. No need for a coat when we’d be inside.
Devon placed his hand on my arm, stopping me from opening the door. I turned to face him and could see the concern written all over his face. “Are you sure you want to go?”
“Please, Devon. I need to get out of here.”
He searched my gaze and nodded. “Okay.”
He reached out his hand and I linked our fingers together, leading me down the hall to the elevators. When we climbed into my truck, he took my hand once again. Devon never even questioned letting me drive, almost sensing that I needed to be busy. The feeling of his warm skin against mine settled me and I started the truck. The farther we drove away from my apartment and the longer my phone sat in the center console untouched, the more I relaxed.
I jumped on the highway, knowing the better theater with the reclining seats was right outside the city limits. And if we were going to sit through a movie. We were going to be comfortable.
I loved that Devon was a simple man, like myself. I didn’t feel the need to plan extravagant dates for the two of us. We just needed the time together.
My eyes were focused ahead until Devon started to rub circles around my palm. I glanced over for a split second.
“Shit, Lincoln, look out!”
My eyes snapped to the road to see the car in front of me spinning out of control. I slammed my foot on the brakes, swerving the truck, sending us both careening to the side. The car spun past us. Another car slid in the opposite direction across the road.
I threw the truck in park and turned to Devon, running my hands all over his face and body. “Are you okay?”
“I’m good.” Devon glanced behind him. “Are they okay?”
“I don’t know, but I’m going to find out.” My mind cleared of anything and everything. “Call 911.”
Devon pulled out his phone as I jumped from the truck and reached into the back for the emergency kit I kept under the seat. Did an urgent care nurse usually need everything I had? No, but my medic training couldn’t be shaken off that easily.
I ran to the car behind us when everything around me slowed down. I could hear myself screaming no, but the guy in the passenger seat didn’t hear me as he pulled a long, thin metal bar from the driver’s chest. Instantly, his eyes bugged out as he tried to suck in a breath.
“Shit!” the passenger yelled. “I thought I was helping. I didn’t mean to.” He grabbed the driver’s shoulder and shook him. “Breathe, man. Breathe.”
I reached the door and yanked it open. Memories trying to grab hold of me and pull me down. I shoved them away and took the guy from his seat and lowered him to the ground. His neck and back needed to be protected to not paralyze him. That would all be for nothing if he died from a collapsed lung.
“I’m sorry,” the passenger repeated over and over.
The scent of smoke filled my nose and even as I tried to focus, I heard the footsteps behind me. The sights and sounds felt like a lead weight on my chest. Visions of the desert appeared in front of me.
“They’re on their way.” Devon’s voice shook me from my thoughts. “Oh, fuck.”
I dug into the bag next to me, looking for gauze to stop the bleeding and plastic. The blood foamed around the hole as the guy tried to suck in more air. There was screaming and crying. Someone apologizing, but I tuned it out. I had to focus if this man was going to make it. “I need a piece of plastic. A driver’s license, a credit card. Anything like that.”
I tugged on a pair of gloves and held the gauze over the wound. Applying just enough pressure to stop the bleeding and close the hole. A credit card appeared in my line of vision. I didn’t bother to look at who handed it to me. Instead, I covered the wound and grabbed tape to hold the plastic down.
“Devon, can you find the syringe with a blue cap?”
“Yeah.”
I heard him rummaging around in the bag as I finished taping down the credit card, making sure there was no space for air to get in. Devon held the syringe out to me. I counted down the side of his ribs, looking for the right space. Once I found it, I popped the cap off and shoved the syringe into the man’s side.
With the air no longer in his chest cavity, the man was able to pull in a breath. Sirens filled the air. I glanced over my shoulder at the passenger, who seemed to be shaken, but not bleeding. That was when I noticed the blood on my patient’s head and reached for more gauze. By the time the ambulance arrived, I had covered that cut too and was holding pressure on it to slow the bleeding.
They ran up with the stretcher. “Patient has a tension pneumothorax. The wound is covered, and I released the air from his chest cavity. The passenger pulled a thin metal rod from his chest before I could get to them. I’m not sure if there are any pieces left in his chest.”
The one paramedic moved to take over where I had pressure on his head. “Are you a medic?”
“A nurse, but I used to be.”
As the paramedics began to take the vitals of the patient, a police officer came over and spoke with Devon and me briefly. We gave him our information to contact us if they had any more questions.
Then a loud pop sounded. I dropped to the ground, covering my ears. Images flashed through my mind. Matt’s face as he tried to suck in each breath. The smell of burning flesh surrounded me. The edges of my vision started to close in.
No. You can’t pass out. Not here. Not now.
I did my best to anchor myself to the present. To the moment.
“Lincoln? It’s okay. It was just one of the tires popping from the flames.” Warm hands covered mine. He was blurry, but I could see Devon squatting in front of me. Concern clear as day in his eyes. “What can I do?”
My throat burned and my stomach rolled. If I didn’t get out of here soon, I was going to vomit everywhere. Devon didn’t need to deal with that. I had to get home. Lock myself in my room before the memories took complete hold.
Sweat dripped down my temple as I forced myself to my feet. Devon reached for me, but I didn’t stop. Just kept moving. I took the gloves off. Tossed them into a bag. I went through the motions of cleaning up my bag, wiping the blood from my face where I touched it with the gloves. Every bit of work I’d ever done with Dr. Dawkins was coming into play.
I counted each and every breath I took, blocking out everything around me. I held tight to each number as the air left my lips. My hands shook while I zipped up the bag, something I knew I couldn’t hide from Devon, who had stayed at my side since I’d heard the tire pop.
“Lincoln, tell me what to do.”
He didn’t deserve this. If only I could have pulled myself free of the memories trying to drown me. They came at me hard and fast until breathing became more difficult. Trying to pull the small bits of air into my lungs with my chest so tight was almost impossible.
I had to get out of here. Had to get back on the road. Back to my place. Earlier, I’d been so desperate to leave, and now I knew I just had to get back before the panic attack took over. I opened the door and shoved the bag into the back seat, then I reached for the driver’s door when a warm hand covered mine.
“You can’t drive. Let me have your keys.”
I shook my head. “I’ll be fine.” The lie left my lips easy enough, even as I knew Devon saw it for what it was.
“No. Let me do this.”
I didn’t get a chance to argue that I didn’t need someone to take care of me. That I didn’t want someone to have to take care of me. Devon led me to the passenger side of the truck and helped me into the seat. My whole body shaking.
He didn’t deserve this version of me.