7. Jansen
7
JANSEN
My alarm went off, startling me out of a weird dream. I was having dinner with Stephen, much like I was last night, but this one was at my place, and I had lit candles. I didn’t think I’d ever lit a candle in my life. There was soft music playing in the background, again not my thing. I was totally wining and dining him. In the dream, I wanted it, wanted him . We enjoyed our meal and smiled as we talked. We were about to kiss when an awful, loud alarm blared through my phone.
“What the fuck?” I muttered to myself.
I’d had a lot of dreams over the years. Most involved sex, especially when I wasn’t getting any. It was a way for my brain to torture me. But I didn’t try to romance someone.
My dick throbbed. Shit, I was hard too? Was it the thought of Stephen that got me this way or was it simply morning wood? Either way, I was ignoring it. My dick had to deflate on its own.
The day wore on and I couldn’t get Stephen out of my head. It was a good thing I didn’t have to train today, or I probably would have ended up hurting myself since my concentration was shit. I cleaned my condo, another thing I didn’t want to pay anyone to do. I liked the monotony of it. Something I could do and let my mind wander. Which is what happened, and it stayed on Stephen the entire time.
What was it about him I enjoyed so much? His company, yes. He was easy to talk to. I was sure others saw him as a man who didn’t like to have fun like his dickhead ex, but I saw that side of him in a different, positive way. No, we weren’t out in the club, nor did we need to be. Stephen gave me his smiles, laughed when we talked. He joked too. We watched the Emperors and cheered together when they won. It was so easy being with him. I wanted more.
Jagger’s words rattled around in my head still, asking me if I had the hots for teacher. Did I? I hadn’t been attracted to a guy before.
I flipped through the channels before I landed on a movie where an actor was stripping his shirt off. It was soaking wet due to him being caught in the rain. His muscles flexed. His scruffy jaw had water dripping off it. I glanced down at my dick. Nothing.
It could just be Stephen. Although, when I thought about the women I was with in the past, I had no problem getting it up for them whether I was in a relationship or not. I groaned and dropped my head back on the couch. I needed to talk to someone, but who?
A week had passed since I checked in with Knox. I guessed he was going to have to listen to me try to work this out. It was almost noon; he’d be up by now.
The phone rang twice before he answered. “Kenna, I’m beginning to think you have a crush on me. I’m going to have to let you down easy. You’re not my type.”
I snorted. “I’m everyone’s type, jackass. You’ve seen my body. It’s irresistible.”
“Not what I would call you.”
“What are you up to today?”
“Well, Kara didn’t go out, so I got to spend the night in and did absolutely nothing. I liked it.”
“Your hand sore?”
“Fuck you,” he said without any anger. “What about you?”
“My hand is not sore, but I also didn’t jack off this morning.”
“Brought someone home with you last night then?”
“Nah, I asked Stephen to dinner.”
There was a pause before he spoke. “You saw him again?”
“I did. I like hanging out with him. He’s just a normal guy. Not someone who has fans following him around or lives and breathes sports.”
“I get that. Are you going to see him again?”
I let out a sigh. “I don’t know what I’m doing, Knox. I like spending time with him. Then I had this weird dream last night where I was trying to romance him and was about to kiss him when my alarm went off. I’m not sure what to make of it.”
“Could just be a dream.”
“Yeah, or it could be more.”
“Is there more?”
Fuck, I didn’t know how to answer that. Well, I did, but did I want to tell Knox what I was feeling? He wouldn’t breathe a word of it to anyone. And I did need someone to talk to. I must have waited too long to answer him because he said my name.
“It’s different,” I told him. “I’m not sure I understand it. I’ve never been attracted to a guy before, but Stephen isn’t just anyone. And what if I develop feelings for him? It would end in disaster. He’s Serilda’s dad, for fuck’s sake.”
“I’m not saying it’s ideal, but you can’t help who you like. What you need to find out is if he feels the same about you.”
“I don’t even know if I have any feelings myself.”
“You have something. If you didn’t, this would be a nonissue. You brought it up to me, which means you’ve been thinking about it, about him, in a way you haven’t before.”
“What if it’s just the dream making me think this?”
“If it was the dream, you would have brushed it off and not thought twice about it.” He was right. I’d had enough dreams before to know they didn’t mean anything. But this one with Stephen stirred something in me. Longing for more time with him. Desire to see if there was anything there.
Shit.
There it was. In my thoughts. That desire.
“How do I do this?” I asked, desperation bleeding through my tone.
He chuckled. “You think I have a clue? My hand might not be sore, but I’m sure getting use out of it.”
“You need a sleeve or something to fuck into.”
“Jesus, Kenna, we are not talking about sex toys.”
“Why the hell not? We both have dicks. We both like getting off.”
“And this conversation took a turn I’m not putting my blinker on to follow.”
“Fine, but what the hell do I do with this information? I can’t exactly call him and be like, ‘I think I might possibly have some sort of feelings for you.’ That would go over really well.” I rolled my eyes, even though Knox couldn’t see me.
“Plus, you’d sound like you’re fifteen, so there’s that.”
I laughed. “Shut up.”
“The only advice I have is take it one day at a time. Are you going to see him again?”
“No clue. We didn’t set anything up.”
“Let him come to you now, since you asked him out last time.”
“I can do that.” And drive myself crazy the whole time waiting. Patient, I was not. “Okay, tell me about your week.”
Knox went on to fill me in on his training, his family, his lack of sex and a love life. I listened and told him I thought his time out there was a good thing. It allowed him to get his priorities straight and maybe by the time he got back to Espen he’d be calmer, more focused, and could look for that happily ever after he wanted.
He was one of the best people I knew. Hell, all the guys on the team were. I was damn lucky to call them friends. I’d like to think I’d play for Espen for the rest of my career, but I wasn’t na?ve enough to let that thought take root. Hockey players got traded. They got injured. Shit happened. For now, I was proud to be on the Jetties.
“Have you heard from the others?” I asked him.
“Devon checks in on me. He’s going to make a great dad one day.”
“He definitely has that whole dad vibe. I’m heading out to the rink in a few days to play a game with D, King, and Hayes. I think they’re asking Nordin too.”
“I’m jealous. I miss you guys.”
“Awww, Knoxy, do you want me to fly out and cuddle with you for a bit?”
“Like I’d let you in my bed.”
“So, you don’t deny you like cuddling?”
“Who doesn’t?”
I laughed. Knox was fun to talk to.
We hung up not long after that. I felt a little better about this thing with Stephen, if it was in fact a thing, which I didn’t know if it was.
One day at a time. That was how I was going to take this. I’d see if he contacted me to hang out again.
The TV was still playing the movie I had turned on before. The guy was still shirtless, and my dick was still not interested. But then Stephen popped up in my head again.
I’d love to know what it was about him I found so appealing, outside of the obvious. The conversation, his personality, he was a good guy. But I had that kind of stuff with other friends and didn’t start thinking about them as anything more. I was surrounded by men the world found attractive.
Yet…
Stephen…
His professional look. The way he talked. I could tell he was educated.
And there was my dick taking interest. Of course.
Fuck it, I needed to take care of it, or it would bother me all day.
Reaching down, I tugged my shorts off. I was commando underneath. My dick rested heavy against my stomach, the tip already leaking. Wedged between the couch cushion and the arm was a small tube of lube I stuck there for instances just like this. I squirted a bit in my hand and moved it around to warm it up.
The moment my hand wrapped around my dick, a moan tore from my lips. It wasn’t like it was the first time I touched myself in weeks. Hell, I got off yesterday after I got home from training while I was in the shower. But this was different. My dick was more sensitive than normal.
I started a slow stroke, wanting this to last. I didn’t even bother trying to focus on someone other than Stephen. He was at the forefront of my mind. That cute smile of his. Those green eyes. Okay, so apparently Stephen really did do it for me.
My hand sped up, twisting on the way up, rubbing over the head. I increased the pressure, drawing another moan from my lips. A fantasy went through my mind of that smile of Stephen’s looking up at me as I drove into him.
Holy shit, I’d never thought about having sex with a man before. Why was this so hot?
Stephen’s smile turned into a gasp as I hit him just right when I pushed into him hard. His eyes squeezed close; his neck arched. I kept fucking him when I was really fucking my fist.
My body tensed, a breath away from coming. It wasn’t until fantasy Stephen called out my name as he came that I let go and crashed headfirst into one of the most intense orgasms I’d ever had.
Rope after rope of cum flew from me, landing on my shirt, which I forgot to ruck up. One even hit my fucking chin.
I wrung every bit of sensation before stilling my hand. My breath came fast; my heart raced.
Stephen.
There was no doubt in my mind, he did it for me. What I was going to do with that information, I wasn’t sure.
It could be just a crush because I’d hung out with him twice now. Something I was feeling since he was the first person I had an interest in outside of sex or hockey. Then again, I was just thinking about him as I jacked myself off.
I went to scrub a hand over my face but caught myself before I did so and accidentally covered myself with cum. Time to clean up and find something else to occupy the rest of my day, or I was going to be the one with a sore hand and dick.