13. Jansen
13
JANSEN
Wasn’t that the million-dollar question? I mean, I knew why I did it but to answer him while sitting in a booth in a café where it felt like everyone was watching me, there might as well have been a big spotlight on me, the heat from it making me sweat. Only there wasn’t and I was just a mess because he was talking to me again, and I didn’t want to fuck this up more than I already had. Or maybe hadn’t since he asked me to stay.
“Why did I kiss you? Because I wanted to. Because being that close to you, feeling what I thought was a connection between us was too much to bear without knowing if there could be more.” Was that too honest? It was obvious the lack of me saying anything before I kissed him was the wrong move, so being honest was probably a better option.
Stephen stared at me, blinking, like he wasn’t sure what to say. I decided to fill the gap with mindless rambling.
“What’s good here?” I asked, glancing down at the menu. I’d never been here before, but it must be good if Stephen came here every week. “The omelets look appetizing but so does a big stack of pancakes with fruit on top and a heaping dose of syrup.”
“Jansen.”
“Oooh, Belgian waffles. I haven’t had those in a while. They’re even better with confectioners' sugar on them. Bacon on the side. That’s always a solid choice.”
“Jansen, stop.” He wasn’t loud and his tone wasn’t commanding per se, but it was enough to get my eyes to meet his.
I swallowed thickly, wondering what he was about to say. Would it be about the kiss, my confession, or would he talk about breakfast?
“I wish you would have spoken to me first about it. I was surprised.”
“You didn’t hate it?”
“I told you I was surprised.”
“So, what now?”
He leaned forward to rest his arms on the table. “Am I an experiment?”
“You couldn’t be that.”
“But you’re straight.”
“I’m not sure what I am. I’ve never been attracted to a man before, and then you were there like no one else I’d ever met. I didn’t expect to feel something toward you. It’s been brewing inside me since we started hanging out. I shouldn’t have sprung the kiss on you like I did. As you can tell, I have no experience with men.”
He gave me a small smile. “You’ve been with women.”
“They’re not like you though. I mean, outside of the whole anatomy thing. Fuck, I’m screwing this up again, aren’t I?”
“I wouldn’t say that.”
The waitress returned with a big smile while I ordered my food. Was she a Jetties fan or just overly happy all the time? Then I caught her wink at Stephen and wondered what they’d talked about before I got here. Whatever. It wasn’t my business. I was just happy Stephen was talking to me and not trying to make me leave.
Coming here today was a leap, but I couldn’t let things stay the way they were. I gave it time, like I thought I should, even though I was about to come out of my skin from not talking to him.
“What next?” he asked.
“Beats the hell out of me. I’m in over my head. I’d like to see you, Stephen. Romantically.” I scrubbed a hand over my face. “Fuck, that sounded awful.”
“It was sweet.”
“I’m glad you thought so.” I chuckled nervously.
“I told you I’m not good at relationships. I’m not sure how this is going to work. You and I are very different.”
“Opposites attract, right?”
“Yes, but is that enough? We have nothing in common.”
I decided to take another leap and leaned across the table to lay my hand down, palm up, hoping he’d take the invitation I was offering. He glanced at my hand then up at me. I was giving him my best charming smile. Not that I was only here to charm him. I wanted more than that. Nothing about what I was doing was easy or familiar. I didn’t approach women like this. I didn’t feel like my head was underwater and I was trying to tread to breathe.
Stephen threw me a lifeline and placed his hand hesitantly in mine. I wrapped my fingers around his. Of course, that was when the waitress came over with our food and a smile in place. Stephen and I had to let go of each other to eat.
“I’m not good at this either,” I said while I put a dash of salt on my omelet. I got a side of pancakes and a few strips of bacon. Now I knew Stephen wasn’t mad at me, my stomach growled, and my appetite was in full force. “I don’t exactly have a great track record.”
“That wasn’t your fault.” He didn’t have to say her name for me to know he was talking about his daughter.
“Still.” I shrugged. “We can figure it out together.”
“As in?”
“I want to exclusively date you.”
He coughed around a mouthful of food. I almost got up to Heimlich him, but he waved me off. After he took a drink of his coffee and was able to breathe properly, he asked, “You want to date me?”
“I’m not as refined as you and not nearly as smart. I get my body knocked around on the ice for a living, but I’d like to think I’m a good guy who has a lot to offer.”
“Jansen, you’re selling yourself short. You are a great guy. I’m trying to wrap my head around you wanting to date me. I don’t want you to get bored with me.”
“I’m nothing like your ex.”
“No, but the fact remains.”
“Can we at least try?” I was close to begging him. Even my stomach had to put its attitude on hold while I waited for him to give me the green light. I wanted this with him. I’d thought about it more than was probably healthy.
“People will see us together.”
“They will, especially in Espen. I don’t exactly blend in well.”
Stephen’s gaze traced over my shoulders down to my chest and then to my arms. I had to stop myself from preening under his attention. It made me happy. I busted my ass to look like this.
“How about we spend the day together?” I offered. “Let me take you on a date, starting with this meal. My treat.”
He opened his mouth, most likely to refuse, but I held up my hand.
“I want to make it up to you, show you I can be a gentleman.”
“I didn’t say you had to do that.” A blush quickly crept over his cheeks like he hadn’t meant to say that out loud. I decided not to draw attention to it or what he said.
“We can go anywhere you want.”
“I don’t want you to always do things I like.”
I nodded. “Fair enough. Let’s agree on something we can do together today. We’ll take this one date at a time.”
We talked for a bit about our interests. I liked sports, no shock there, but that wasn’t all I was into. Stephen had this way to pull me into his interests and make me want to learn more. There was this thirst for knowledge within me, but only if he was the one showing me. If I sat down to try and watch a show about history, it would bore the shit out of me. Stephen being next to me when we were together the last time, how he’d fill in gaps and answer my questions patiently, it brought things to another level.
His eyes lit up when he mentioned the museum and how he hadn’t been there in a while. That was where we should go on our date and knew he was going to put up a fight about it, since it was something that interested him and not necessarily me.
“The museum is where we should go,” I told him once I swallowed my next mouthful of food.
He sat his coffee mug on the table. “No, that’s not something we’ll both enjoy.”
I didn’t hesitate this time to reach across the table and take his hand into mine. “The things you think are boring to others, aren’t to me, because they interest you. And you make them exciting. You have a gift, Stephen. It’s no wonder you’re in the job you are.” I gave his hand a squeeze and went back to my pancakes. Stephen was delicious in his own right, but I couldn’t exactly nibble on him here in front of other people, so the pancakes won as I stuffed more into my mouth.
Stephen still seemed hesitant. I had to make him see how this was what I wanted to do for not only our date, but for him. It was obvious how much he missed going to the museum. I didn’t think it would be boring, not with him as my guide.
“Here’s a scenario for you,” I began. “It’s August, obviously. That means my time is a lot more freed up than it will be come later in September, and from that point on. I travel a lot. I play a lot. Hockey is what I know and I’m damn good at it. If we’re going to date, which I really want, then it’s going to be a lot of nights of us talking on the phone when I’m on the road. Or being too tired when I’m home to do much other than cuddle on the couch. Let us do what you want now before I start living and breathing hockey again.”
“I love watching you play.”
I grinned like a damn fool. “And I always loved it when you came to my games.” I leaned forward and dropped my voice to a whisper. “But I’m going to love it even more when we’re a couple and you come to watch me. To see you there and know you’re mine… Fuck, I’m going to play better with you there. So, let’s do something fun that you want to do because there are going to be a lot of times I won’t be able to do that for you.”
This time he was the one reaching for my hand. “You make a good point.”
“I can be very convincing.”
“Are you certain you want to go to the museum?”
“I’d sit and watch paint dry with you, Stephen.”
“That shouldn’t sound romantic.”
I shrugged one shoulder and smiled. “I have a gift. And this is just the start. What do you say? Let me pay for breakfast and take you to the museum. You can wow me with your knowledge, fill my brain with things I never knew, and hopefully I can show you I want this between us. Not as an experiment. Not as a game. But because I want you. And I’ll be sure to keep my lips to myself unless you invite me into your space.”
He sucked in a quiet breath while his eyes dropped to my mouth. I smirked and leaned back but kept my hand in his while I sipped my coffee.
I was going on a date with Stephen. I didn’t fuck everything up beyond repair. McKenna with the win!