11. Cin
Cin
I’m more aware of my surroundings than most. It’s not a slight to others, it’s just hard not to develop that sense when your mother is an undercover agent. So it doesn’t surprise me when I feel the tell-tale sign of eyes on my body.
Except these eyes make me feel like he’s flaying my body open, layer by layer, through muscle and sinew, to find all of my secrets. His eyes bore into my consciousness, so far that I dream of them. Their golden and blue-green hues, all ocean water mixed with sunshine. Talon watched me and Griffin from the main building, and kept his gaze on my room the whole time Griffin worked to get my door open. We also decided to replace my door with a steel one that has an auto lock system I can control from my phone.
I know I’ll have to explain the situation to Mama, especially since Griffin is pissed and I know he’s going to tell her soon. He wipes his hands on a rag and throws it into his duffle when he’s finished, “what the hell do they teach here?”
I laugh, “honestly, nothing I don’t already know.”
He wraps his hand around my upper arm and whispers, “you need me, you call me Cin.”
I nod, knowing he’s serious, “I have it handled,” I promise him.
Satisfied with my response he picks up his bag and warns me to tell my mother before he does, shutting the door and leaving me alone in my room. The door looks the same, white painted, but it’s steel reinforced.
I don’t know what they think is going to happen here, but they want me to be safe so I didn’t argue.
My phone pings with a notification and I open it.
I know we need to work on the Lit project, but I want to learn about the time we’ve been apart. So I agree and throw my bag over my shoulder and head out. The locks click into place when it snicks shut and I nod and purse my lips.
That's nice.
I spot his floppy head of hair after turning through one of the stacks and take the time to find all of the changes since the last time I saw him.
His hair is longer, but still unkempt, sleepy like. His jaw is sharp, cheek bones pronounced and lips that I remember kissing. He got so much taller, I remember a time that I was taller than him, now he has maybe an inch on me.
We’re even height in my boots.
He spots me and smiles, it gives me butterflies, a feeling I thought I was incapable of when he left. Sure I have urges, like any teenager does, but nothing that makes me want to go all the way with someone. Or stick it out after messing around.
I never go far enough to actually lose my virginity, and my gut tells me it’s because of him.
He waves me over and I’m putty, walking to where he sits with books strewn about the table. He makes space for me and I thank him, setting my bag in the empty seat at the table.
“So, the door situation?” He makes a face that tells me he would like me to elaborate.
“Talon welded my door shut this morning,” I sigh, shrugging my shoulders and pretending like it’s not a big deal. Thank God there wasn’t a fire. I don’t need anymore scars.
“Excuse me?” He squawks, “and you didn’t immediately tell me?”
Whoa, okay, “why would I? I handled it.”
He sits back in his seat, mouth open and closing like a fish as if he’s still trying to get his thoughts together.
“Cin,” he finally starts, “call me next time, okay?”
I’ve never been one to hide behind anything, and I’m not going to start now, no matter how hot it is to see Cody go all protection mode .
“Sure,” I say, pulling out my own notebook and laptop.
His hand covers mine and I can’t help the electric shock that pulls me in from his touch, “I mean it, Cinny-Mae.”
I nod, unwilling to test my voice. He keeps his hand there, slowly separating my fingers so his fit between mine. It’s as intimate as I’ve been in a while, and it sends shivers down my spine.
How is it that he was gone for so long, and it feels like no time has passed? I glance at him every so often as we work in companionable silence, until my questions feel like they’ll burst from my mouth at an unreasonable pace.
“So, I’m guessing you aren’t dating anyone,” I blurt and immediately cringe at my choice of words.
He laughs and leans forward into my space, “no Cinny-Mae, I’m not.”
“So why did y’all come back? I mean, China must have been amazing.”
He shrugs, “something came up for the ‘rents, so we came back.”
“Work?” I guess.
“You can call it that,” he smirks, “what about you, huh? You must have the masses begging at your feet.”
I can’t stop the blush that rises over my throat, and shake my head.
“No?” He says, mocking shock, “well, these people have no taste.”
I smile and look into his green eyes, remembering all the fun we used to have, and the kissing. The kissing was amazing. I lick my bottom lip and look away. His stare is intense and it’s hard to believe it’s for me.
My body and I haven’t always loved each other, but I’m not ashamed of it. Being plus size my whole life has made me strong, and less worried about my worth being measured by what I look like.
He scoots his chair closer to mine and places a finger under my chin, where my scar is. He knows it's the one part of my body I’m ashamed of. I don’t know how I got it, and my mother has always refused to talk about it.
“Hey,” he whispers softly, tilting my head so I’m forced to look at him, “you’re perfect, Cin, you know that, right?”
I close my eyes and breathe in his words, taking the moment to just exist, when his lips ghost over mine. My eyes pop open and he pulls back to look at me, gauging my reaction. I dive back in, falling into his plush lips and the way his hand wraps around the back of my neck to adjust me so he can swipe his tongue between my lips.
“Cin,” he breathes between kisses.
He’s gotten even better at this than I remember, and I melt, letting him lead and enjoying the flutters in my stomach that threaten to send me into a panting mess.
He pulls back and rests his forehead against mine. I can’t bring myself to open my eyes, relishing in this pull we share even after all this time.
“Look at me, Cin,” he whispers, and I do. I open my eyes to look at his lips, and he smiles. Tightening his grip on the back of my neck our eyes clash, “you’ve always been mine.”
My heart flails in my chest at his words, but something in my brain wants to ruin the moment and remind me that he’s been gone for a long time, and his vague answers about his parents aren’t green flags.
But the intensity in the way he’s looking at me, and the way my stomach is flipping in my body overrules logic.