12. Chapter 11
T he road was quiet, the sound of the tires against the pavement the only noise in the stillness.
Troy had wanted her to have a Mercedes C class but Jenna liked her old Honda Jazz.
Jenna gripped the steering wheel tightly, her breath coming in shallow bursts as the events of the evening played on a loop in her mind.
She'd had one drink, maybe two, but she didn't feel drunk. Just... untethered.
The dashboard lights illuminated her face, casting shadows that made her look as tired as she felt. She glanced at the speedometer, watching the needle hover just below the limit.
What would it feel like, she wondered, to push the pedal all the way down? To let the car go faster and faster until everything blurred into nothingness?
The thought filtered through her mind like a wisp of smoke, but it left a bitter taste in her mouth. This wasn’t her. What was happening?
She slowed the car, pulling over to the side of the road. Her hands shook as she turned off the engine, the silence pressing in on her like an anvil.
At first, her mind was a blank. Then, a thought seemed to sprout in her mind, like a little sapling. This is not Troy's fault. Or Max's. Or Lilly's. It’s mine. I can't go on like this. I need to change.
She sat there for a long time, staring out at the empty road, until the buzzing of her phone pulled her back to reality.
Where are you ?
Troy's message flashed on the screen, and she stared at it blankly, her chest tightening again. Suddenly, all that hard-won peace was lost, replaced by anxiety.
She started the car again, driving around without a destination.
It was closer to early morning when Jenna backed into the drive and put her car in park.
She wearily paused at the top step leading to the front door, noticing every light in the house was on.
She felt a prickle of foreboding in her chest; she knew they were all inside, waiting.
So, this is what it takes for them to pay attention, she thought irreverently.
Her shoulders slumped as she reached for the door-only to have it swing open before she could touch the handle.
Troy stood there, his gaze cold and distant, arms folded across his chest. Behind him, Max and Lilly sat in the living room, their expressions mirroring Troy’s stern disapproval.
The hush was palpable, broken only by the faint hum of the overhead lights.
Jenna took a slow breath, forcing herself to step over the threshold, feeling her pulse pound in her ears.
She could almost taste the tension in the air.
"Do you know how embarrassing that was?" Troy started; his voice low but sharp. "You just walked off, Jenna. No explanation, no nothing."
Jenna stood frozen in the doorway; her bag still slung over her shoulder. "I needed some air," she said quietly.
"Air?" Max interjected with a snort. "Mum, everyone was asking where you were. Rebecca was looking all over for you."
"You made us look bad," Lilly added, crossing her arms. "People were talking. "
Jenna's chest tightened, the weight of their words pressing down on her. "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "But I needed a moment."
"A moment to do what?" Troy shot back. "Jenna, we're supposed to be a team. And instead, you..." He gestured vaguely; frustration evident in his tone. "You just left."
Jenna opened her mouth to respond but found no words. The lump in her throat grew as she took in their accusing faces, their complete lack of understanding. Without another word, she turned and climbed the stairs, the voices of her family echoing faintly behind her.
The Next Session
Dr. Patel's pen paused mid-note, her gaze sharpening as Jenna recounted the events of the party.
"You said the thought was fleeting," Dr. Patel said carefully, her voice calm. "But it sounds like it left an impression."
Jenna nodded, her hands twisting in her lap. "I didn't... I didn't really want to do it. It just crossed my mind, like... like an option I didn't know I had."
Dr. Patel leaned forward slightly; her tone gentle but firm. "Have you had thoughts like that before?"
Jenna hesitated, her throat tightening. "Not like that. Not... specific. But I've felt it. That heavy feeling. Like I'm sinking, and no one even notices."
Dr. Patel nodded, her expression thoughtful. "Jenna, I'm glad you're talking to me about this. These feelings-no matter how fleeting-are important to address. You don't have to carry them alone. "
Jenna nodded, her chest aching with a mix of relief and shame. She wasn't sure what came next, but she felt like she wasn't completely invisible. That the only way to be heard is to speak loudly enough.