47. Chapter 46
T roy
Troy sat in the dimly lit living room, the weight of the impending conversation settling like a stone in his chest. The house was quiet-too quiet for a home that once buzzed with life - Jenna's laughter, the kids' bickering, the hum of life moving beneath the surface.
Now, it was just a space filled with ghosts of what used to be.
He had taken to living in the apartment.
It was difficult to come home when he knew Jenna wouldn't be there waiting for him.
The clock on the wall ticked steadily, a reminder that time moved forward whether he was ready or not. Max and Lilly were on their way. He had told them he needed to talk. That alone must have been enough to put them on edge-he had never been the type for deep discussions.
When the door finally swung open, Max walked in first, his backpack slung over one shoulder, jaw set tight. Lilly followed, eyes red-rimmed and wary.
They already knew. Jenna had told them.
Troy exhaled, rubbing the back of his neck. "Sit down."
Max threw himself onto the couch, arms crossed over his chest, while Lilly curled into the armchair, knees pulled up like she was bracing for impact.
"Your mom and I..." Troy started, then faltered. He had rehearsed this in his head, but words always failed when they mattered.
He let out a slow breath. "This is mostly my fault. "
Neither of them spoke. Max's fingers tightened around his knee. Lilly wiped her nose with the sleeve of her hoodie.
"I didn't nurture our relationship the way I should have," he continued.
"And the fact that your mom never felt comfortable telling me what she needed.
.. just made things worse. Don't get me wrong.
That's my fault as well. I kept things from her, things she deserved to know from day one.
I wasn't there in the way she deserved."
Lilly let out a quiet sniffle. Max's gaze was fixed on a point somewhere past Troy's shoulder, but he was listening.
Troy hesitated before adding, "I've been thinking a lot about why I am the way I am. My childhood... the way I process things. I was never diagnosed, but looking back, I have often wondered if I am on the spectrum. It’s only recently that I have had the courage to explore this.
I don't always pick up on emotions the way I should.
I don't always react the way people expect me to.
" He ran a hand through his hair, feeling uncharacteristically exposed.
"But that doesn't excuse anything. It doesn't change the fact that I hurt her. That I hurt all of you."
Max let out a sharp breath, his posture rigid.
"We hurt her too," he admitted, voice low.
"I've been an ass, Dad. I broke up with Dana a year ago, and I don't even know why, but I was angry all the time.
I took it out on Mom." His throat bobbed.
"I shut her out when she was just trying to be there. "
Lilly's voice was smaller. "I... I think I was wilfully oblivious. I saw what was happening, and I told myself it wasn't that bad. That Mom was fine." Her lip trembled. "But she wasn't, was she?"
Troy shook his head. "No. She wasn't. "
A silence pregnant with guilt settled between them, thick with things left unsaid over the years.
After a while, Lilly whispered, "Don't think I mean this absolves us for our bad behaviour because we are adults and you both have taught us right from wrong, but I think subconsciously we took our cue from you."
Troy frowned. "What do you mean?"
"You never defended her," Max said, his voice edged with frustration.
"Whenever Grandma said those things-about Mom marrying you for money, about how she wasn't good enough-you never stopped her.
You never agreed outright, but you didn't shut it down either.
And we assumed you felt the same way. Grandma always made it sound like you and Lila were in star-crossed lovers and mom got in the way. "
Troy's stomach twisted. He had never truly considered how his silence had shaped their perception of Jenna. "That's on me," he admitted. "I should have spoken up. I should have been better. Lila and I were never together. There is something else."
Troy seemed to gather himself.
“A few years ago, your mom fell pregnant. It wasn’t planned.
And I…I don’t do well with surprises. She had a miscarriage by the time I had adapted to the idea.
And she just fell into this state where she couldn’t get out of bed in the morning.
And I wasn’t there for her. She had to pick herself up. ”
Another pause. Then Max muttered, "Mom always supported us. She was always there." He let out a small, bitter laugh. "It took her leaving for me to realize just how much. "
Lilly nodded, swiping at her tears. "She encouraged my art more than anyone. It's a shame she never used hers for more than just... painting for herself."
Troy sighed, guilt gnawing at him. "That's my fault too.
She mentioned going back to school when you were a baby, Max.
But she never felt comfortable leaving you with Margaret-she knew how your grandmother would be about it.
She didn't want to lose you both to her, I guess.
She did not want you both raised by nannies.
And I don't think she ever regretted that.
You three were so tight, always in the kitchen baking or in her studio.
" His gaze swept the mantle with the little porcelain cats and onto the garden.
There was a small smile in his words "I loved it when she was pregnant.
I felt closest to her then. And when she got pregnant with Lilly, I was over the moon.
But I knew I was keeping her from something too. "
Lilly shook her head. "It wasn't just you, Dad. We played our part too."
Max's voice was firm. "But you were the main offender."
Troy let out a dry chuckle. "Yeah. I was.
" He rubbed his face, steeling himself for what came next.
"I need to make things right. I love her very much and I owe her for supporting through everything.
And the first step is getting professional help-figuring out what I need to work on and how to be better. I'm not giving up on this."
They both stared at him.
Finally, Max nodded. "Okay."
Lilly wiped at her eyes and sniffed. "Okay."
Troy took a breath, then shifted in his seat. "Before you go... there's one more thing."
Max raised an eyebrow .
"Lila was never anything more than an employee," Troy said, his tone flat. "And you should know what's been going on. It's been... a mess."
He kept it brief. The details were humiliating, but they needed to know the truth.
By the time he finished, both Max and Lilly looked stunned. Then, after a long silence, Lilly let out a breath. "That actually makes sense."
Max rubbed his temples. "Jesus, Dad."
"Yeah," Troy said, his voice wry.
Another silence stretched between them, but it felt different now-less like a chasm, more like a bridge waiting to be built.
Lilly sniffled again. "I want to try harder. For Mom. For us."
Max nodded. "Yeah. Me too."
Troy exhaled, something inside him loosening just a little. "Good." He glanced at the clock. "I am going out to your grandmas for a bit. Do you want to come along?"
Both nodded right away.
And for the first time in a long while, Troy felt like maybe-just maybe-there was a chance to put things right little by little.