56. Chapter 55
T roy
Troy leaned back in the chair, his fingers tapping against his knee as he stared at the psychiatrist across from him.
The office was warm, yet clinical, lined with bookshelves and decorated in muted tones.
He had resisted therapy for months, but now, sitting here, he felt the weight of his choices settle onto his chest. They had been meeting for a few sessions now, but today, for some reason, the silence between them felt heavier.
Session
Dr. Morgan adjusted his glasses, glancing at Troy. "We've been talking for a few sessions now, Troy. Where do you think we need to go from here?"
Troy exhaled, rubbing his temple. "I need to fix things. With Jenna. With my kids."
Dr. Morgan nodded, waiting.
Troy hesitated. "I... neglected her. I put work first. I let my mother, my secretary, even Lila... I let them get between us. And I never really saw it happening until it was too late. And there were things I needed to face which I ignored. Like the miscarriage. And Jenna paid the price."
Dr. Morgan remained silent, his gaze steady.
Troy's jaw tightened. "And I let my kids follow my lead. I let them treat Jenna like she was just... there. Never told them to stop, when I should have. I guess I wasn't paying enough attention. Maybe I even encouraged it by being silent."
Dr. Morgan tilted his head slightly. "What do you think that silence communicated to them?"
Troy swallowed hard. "That she didn't matter."
Dr. Morgan leaned back slightly. "And what does fixing things look like to you?"
Troy was thoughtful but couldn't answer
"I need you to think about that and get back to me, next visit" said Dr. Morgan closing his notepad.
Session
Troy ran a hand through his hair. "I keep thinking about all the ways I failed her. The way I dismissed her worries, didn't defend her. How I let Lila-" He stopped, exhaling sharply. "Lila knew what she was doing. And I let it happen."
Dr. Morgan nodded but didn't comment.
Troy's voice was raw. "Jenna says she's happy. That she likes being alone."
Dr. Morgan observed him. "And that scares you?"
Troy let out a bitter laugh. "Terrifies me."
"Why?"
"Because if she doesn't need me, then what was all of this for?" Troy clenched his fists. "I keep wondering if she was happier without me. If I was the thing weighing her down."
Dr. Morgan took a moment. "What do you think she found in the space away from you?"
Troy frowned but didn't respond .
After a pause, Dr. Morgan finally spoke. "Before our next session, I want you to write down every moment you can recall where Jenna expressed a need, and how you responded to it. Don't judge yourself-just observe."
Troy exhaled sharply, but he nodded.
Session (Videocall from Chester)
The screen flickered, and Dr. Morgan's face appeared. Troy leaned back in his chair, the muted background of his new house in Chester visible behind him.
Dr. Morgan adjusted his glasses. "How has the move been?"
Troy exhaled. "Quiet. And too loud at the same time. I keep thinking about everything I left behind, everything I ruined."
Dr. Morgan didn't respond immediately, letting the silence stretch.
"I feel... hollow," Troy admitted. "I have cut off my mother. I don't even care anymore. I thought I'd feel something, but there's just this coldness and relief. I avoid her calls. I don't want to hear her voice."
Dr. Morgan tilted his head. "And why do you think that is?"
Troy let out a bitter chuckle. "Because all she ever did was make me feel like I wasn't enough. Or that I had to be someone I didn't want to be."
Dr. Morgan remained steady. "And now?"
Troy's voice was quiet. "Now I don't know who I am without her expectations shaping me."
Dr. Morgan nodded. "Spend this week thinking about who you are outside of those expectations. What are the things you value that have nothing to do with what was imposed on you?"
Session (Videocall from Chester )
Troy stared at the screen; his jaw tight. "Jenna's been spending time with someone else. Adam."
Dr. Morgan remained silent, waiting.
Troy clenched his jaw. " I feel like I deserve it. This is my punishment. But I hate it. And I don't know if I have a right to feel either way."
Dr. Morgan leaned forward slightly. "And what do you want to do about it?"
"I don't know," Troy admitted. "I've spent years not telling her what she means to me. And now, maybe, she doesn't want to hear it."
Dr. Morgan didn't react, letting the silence linger.
Troy sighed. "I guess... I need to show her. Not with gifts, not with empty gestures. But by showing up."
Dr. Morgan's gaze remained steady. "And what does showing up mean to you?"
Troy thought for a long moment. "Being the man she deserved from the start."
Dr. Morgan gave a small nod. "And those twenty weeks Jenna mentioned-what do you think they're for?"
Troy inhaled sharply. "I think... she's waiting to see if I can actually change. If I can be different."
Dr. Morgan studied him. "Then perhaps a good way to start is by defining what 'different' looks like."
Troy swallowed hard. For the first time in years, he knew he had work to do-not for Jenna's sake alone, but for himself.
Session (Videocall from Chester)
Troy leaned back in the chair, his fingers tapping restlessly against his knee. The silence from Dr. Morgan’s end was not uncomfortable .
Dr. Morgan looked up from his notes. “You’ve been quieter today. Want to tell me where your mind is?”
Troy exhaled, eyes fixed on a spot just past the window.
“The miscarriage,” he said finally. His voice was low, thick with something he couldn’t quite name. “I keep thinking about it. I think it was the point when things took a real turn for the worse.”
Dr. Morgan didn’t interrupt, simply nodded.
Troy swallowed. “It wasn’t just the loss.
It was… everything around it. I wasn’t there when it happened.
I was at work-some meeting, something that felt important at the time.
And Jenna-she went through it alone. Drove herself to the hospital.
I should have been there, I should have been doing that. ”
He looked down at his hands, curling them into fists. “And I didn’t even respond the right way afterwards. I was detached. I said something about not dwelling. About how it was early, how these things happen. God.”
Dr. Morgan’s voice was quiet. “You weren’t ready.”
Troy let out a bitter breath. “No. I wasn’t.
I don’t deal well with surprises. I never did.
That pregnancy-it wasn’t planned. And my first reaction wasn’t joy.
It was panic. I let her feel that. I didn’t celebrate with her.
And by the time I started to imagine another child-to want it-it was already over. And that hurt.”
He glanced up, eyes burning. “And she withdrew. Slowly. Quietly. And I didn’t know how to reach her. So, I went back to work. Hid behind it. It was easier than watching her fall apart and not knowing how to help. ”
Dr. Morgan leaned forward slightly. “Have you ever considered that Jenna may have been suffering from postnatal depression? Or more accurately in her case-post-miscarriage depression?”
Troy blinked. “That’s… that’s a thing?”
Dr. Morgan nodded. “Absolutely. We don’t talk about it as much as we should, but depression following miscarriage is very real. The hormonal shifts, the grief, the isolation-it doesn’t require a full-term delivery to leave lasting emotional wounds.”
Troy’s face tightened with remorse. “I didn’t know. I just thought she was… coping. Or not coping. I didn’t think of it as something which had a name.”
Dr. Morgan gave him a moment, then said, “How do you feel now, hearing that?”
“Worse,” Troy said honestly. “Because now I know what I was missing. What I should have paid attention to. I thought I was giving her space, but really, I was just… absent.”
Silence stretched again. Not empty. Full of the weight between memory and realization.
Troy’s voice softened. “I’m going to talk to her about it. About what it meant-to both of us. She’s not the only one who lost something. But she’s the one who went through it alone. And I let that happen.”
Dr. Morgan nodded slowly. “That’s a good place to start.”
Troy rubbed his jaw, thoughtful. “I don’t know if she’ll want to hear it. But I have to say it anyway. She deserves to hear it.”
He stood slowly, gathering his coat. Before he left, he paused by the door .
“I know a lot of what I’ve done isn’t forgivable,” he said, voice rough. “But I can’t change the way I behaved back then. What I can do is own it. And talk about it. Really talk. That’s where I’ll start.”
Dr. Morgan offered a quiet nod.