Chapter 31
RCMP WILD Headquarters, TOC, Outskirts of Kamloops, British Columbia
All through the briefing, Breakneck thought he was going to crawl out of his skin. They were hitting what the DEA agents thought was the cartel’s stash house. Without Blair, and he hated it. He’d found out only because Lindstrom had let them know she was out of town.
Ayla kept giving him looks that he couldn’t decipher, and he felt like shit all over again for hurting her and sick as hell that he’d hurt Blair. To be honest, he had never known how rejection felt…until now.
Not one woman he’d wanted had said no, just fallen into his lap and given him all she had to give. Blair had left without telling him, and he figured that sent a pretty strong message. You’re not worth letting you know where I went.
Fuck, he was so crushed he could barely breathe. The numbness he’d relied on was gone, and he had no idea how to close the floodgates she’d opened. He had fucked up so bad this time. He wasn’t sure how he was ever going to handle her loss.
“Break?” Iceman said, his voice clipped. He jerked to attention and stared at his boss, who frowned. “Overwatch, here. That work?”
He looked at the map, then nodded. “Yes. That works.”
Boomer shifted and gave him a pointed look, but Breakneck avoided his eyes. He met Ayla’s gaze and her mouth tightened, then softened. He looked away.
After the meeting, he walked to the SUV, feeling disconnected. Boomer grabbed his vest and pulled him to the side. “After this op, we’re going to have a talk, junior.”
He closed his eyes, nodded his head. “Boomer…I—”
“Move,” Iceman said.
They did. It sounded like his boot leg was getting antsy for some ass-kicking.
Out in the field, he clamped down on everything, almost got to that cold zero place. His brothers’ lives were on the line, and he would never jeopardize them for anything. The place turned out to be a dry hole, and no one was more disappointed than Carver and Jones.
When they got back to HQ, Breakneck cleaned his rifle, stripped out of his gear and hit the rack, pretending he was asleep when Boomer and the guys came in.
He couldn’t dredge up any words for what an idiot he was.
In the morning, after chow, he put on a pair of jeans, a T-shirt, and boots, and headed for the barn.
Before he could get out of the TOC, Ayla slipped into his path.
“I’m going to say this with the utmost respect. Pull your head out of your ass.”
He laughed at her tone.
“Stop making it weird between us. I’m good. We’re good. We have to work together, and let’s just pretend that never happened. All right?”
“You’re going to make some man a happy guy when you find one worthy of you, Ayla.”
“Don’t I know it. Now can we shake and be friends again?”
He reached out his hand, loving her confidence and sass. She took it and smiled.
“Am I now free to go?” he teased.
“Yes, but you’re being hunted by the team, so you better lie low.”
Before he got halfway there, Boomer grabbed the back of his neck and marched him toward the corral fence. Kodiak slipped around to the other side as if he was going to try to make a run for it. “Oh, no, you don’t. You just recovered from that muscle spasm. No hay hauling for you.”
“You guys never let me have any fun,” he groused. Then he saw the rest of the team waiting. “What the hell?”
“It’s an intervention. I remember you freely giving advice for the lovelorn during our trials and tribulations with our significant others. You’re going to spill your guts.”
Breakneck stopped dead, digging in his heels. “Boom, Boom. I can’t…. No.”
“Falling apart is the first step,” Boomer said. “You know that. You saw me.”
Kodiak chuckled. “Oh, God, and it’s not fun at all,” he whispered.
Breakneck ducked under Boomer’s arm and made a break for it, vaulting the corral fence and heading for the hills.
He looked back. Fuck they were all as fit as he was.
How was he going to outrun a bunch of determined SEALs?
Through panic and fear. That was how. He increased his speed, but it didn’t matter.
Skull tackled him, took him down hard. Breakneck came up fighting. Then he was overwhelmed by muscle and steel. He went down flailing. He could only hope they suffocated him to death. But no such luck.
“What the hell is going on with you?” Boomer demanded.
Without meaning to, he blurted it out, the anger surging like gas building up in a closed room. “Derrick is my real father!” he shouted. Then he screamed again, like he had in the forest, as if he was being gutted. It echoed off the rocks and trees.
Everything stilled. Talon was in his corral, and he wheeled around, galloped toward the fence and jumped it in one swift, flying leap. The big Palomino moved across the open space toward him, and the guys scattered as the horse screamed his rage.
Breakneck didn’t move. He waited for him, then held up his hands. When the gelding reached him, he stopped dead, then moved toward him, putting his body between him and his teammates.
Breakneck buried his face in the horse’s neck, and just breathed, holding back the hot tears, the sobs trapped in his throat he wanted desperately to let loose.
He swallowed hard, then simply dropped beside the horse.
He wasn’t alone for long. Kodiak coaxed Talon away, and now that Breakneck was quiet and contained, he started to crop grass, but with vigilance.
Beef was almost to them with a halter. He eyed them. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah,” Boomer said. “We just need a few moments.”
He nodded, glancing at Breakneck. Then smiled. “Geezus, kid, you can run.” He ruffled Breakneck’s hair as he passed, and Breakneck’s throat tightened. Fucking Mountie.
“Apparently, not fast enough,” he grumbled. Beef haltered the horse, and he fought, but Breakneck just said, “Talon, boy. It’s okay. Beef’s going to give you some grain.” Then he gave Beef a stern look. “Don’t make a liar out of me.”
Beef chuckled as he led the horse away.
Boomer crouched down. “Tell us.”
He explained about the photograph and his confrontation with his mother.
“She lied to my face,” he said, his breath hitching.
“I never wanted any part of him. He was never going to be able to fill in for my dad.” He clenched his jaw and growled, “My real dad. I swear if he touches my mom violently again. I’m going to kill him. ”
“I’ll help you,” GQ said.
“We’ll bury the body,” Hazard said.
Breakneck just covered his face.
Boomer squeezed his shoulder, and his throat spasmed. “Don’t do this to yourself, Kelly. You’re the man your father raised, no fucking doubt about it.”
“You belong to us, kid,” Skull muttered. “Doesn’t matter what name your DNA came with.”
He lifted his head, met their eyes, tried to reconcile how much he loved them.
“I’m sorry,” he choked out. “I should have told you when it happened, but I was so wrecked.” He looked at Boomer.
“If you hadn’t shown up in that bar when you did, I wouldn’t even be here.
You saved me when I didn’t know who I was. ”
“You know who you are,” Kodiak said. “You show us every goddamned day.”
That penetrated, but with everything that was going on inside him, he couldn’t process a thing. “I fucked up, Boomer. With Blair, and I don’t know how fix it. All I know how to do is fuck and release. I’m pathetic.”
“Join the fucking club,” Iceman said.
Breakneck straightened. “Boss, I—”
“You needed help. You got it against your will. Who do you think told them to hunt you down and find out what the hell is going on?”
The guys started back toward the buildings.
Iceman crouched down. “We’ll always have your back.
As for Blair. Don’t underestimate that woman.
I did that with Rose, and she kicked my ass in more ways than I’m comfortable admitting.
Even I had trouble finding my way with her.
But there’s a spark in us that won’t let us give up.
Talk to her and apologize. That always works wonders.
” He rose, started to walk, then turned back.
“Who you are is defined by no one but you. We can tell you until we’re blue in the face how much you matter to us, but goddammit, boy. You already know.”
Breakneck sat there for all of fifteen minutes, trying to make sense of their words, but he was fragmenting, in emotional overload from all the stuff he was trying to manage on a very small budget.
His brain shut down, but not his body. He went back to the barracks, changed, and this time no one stopped him from running for the hills.
He ran, losing his grip on the numbness that had kept everything else buried.
Blind and panicked, his breathing labored, punishing his lungs.
His feet hit the trail hard and quick, kicking up dirt behind him.
The trees were thick, the foliage just as obscuring.
He didn’t see the runner until it was too late.
They collided hard, slamming to the ground, rolling together, and he held onto that body to protect and cushion, to take the brunt of the punishing ground.
When they came to a stop, he was on his back, his arms still cradling the person. Then her voice rang out. “What the hell are you running from? A bear?” The shock of her voice went through him like a knife. Annoyed, a bit bemused, cutting.
“Blair,” he said, his voice crushed.
She raised her head, her face changed from annoyance to surprise. “My God,” she said. “Don’t you ever rest?” She pushed up and scrambled to her feet. “I swear you’re heading for a complete and utter breakdown.”
Her words cut him even deeper. He came to his knees, then his feet. Wanting to take off, wanting to stay, aching to be the man she wanted, needed, and respected.
“What is wrong with you?” she asked, her expression going pensive. He tried to form words, but nothing came out. He had so much to say, it was as if there was a log jam in his chest. “Is this about Ayla?”