Chapter 1 #2
Spending more time with friends and family was useless.
Ivy was her only close friend, and she couldn’t tell her.
Telling her family felt pointless when they hadn’t known she’d been dating anyone to begin with.
How could she ever explain to her mother that she’d fallen in love with someone who’d built the foundation of their relationship on secrecy?
That it was the same secrecy that had crushed them?
She imagined her mother’s disappointment and groaned.
It simply wasn’t acceptable. That wasn’t the life her mother had sacrificed so much to give her.
Annoyed, Grace flung the phone across the couch and dragged herself into the shower.
It was only when she went to bed after stemming the tide of never-ending emails two hours later that she opened her phone again.
She’d intended only to double-check that she’d set her alarm but ended up on a social media doom-scroll spiral.
The targeted ad that hit her feed made Grace sit up. Icarus, nonplussed, meowed his displeasure at being shifted from the pillow next to her head.
“Breakup Buddies?” she muttered into the room illuminated by the blue light of her phone screen.
She stopped scrolling and watched a video for an app that promised a new kind of matchmaking service. The tagline alone was intriguing: When your friends tap out, we tap in.
Grace’s friends weren’t sick of her talking about her breakup, but that’s only because she had no one to tell. Desperate enough to download a free app that was probably full of spyware, Grace took the plunge.
Setting up a profile was easy when all she had to do was pick a username and a photo that described her but was not of her.
She picked GoGatorsESQ, an ode to her former law school, and a photo of the ocean at sunrise taken from her first morning in her condo.
Done. Sure that she was going to delete the stupid thing in the morning, Grace skipped the optional bio and searched for queer women any distance from her location.
Grace scrolled through the surprising number of options.
She stopped at another profile that had used an image of the ocean.
Unlike hers, this one had one of those cute lifeguard towers like in Baywatch.
This person, who had chosen Scissorsaurus as their handle, had created a bio: Alix with an I, not an E.
Big fan of potatoes in all forms. Heartbreak connoisseur.
Her mouth twitched into a smile. Who didn’t like potatoes? And someone who knew their way around a heartbreak sounded like the perfect match. Desperate to find a solution to her irritating problem, Grace clicked on the chat icon. She didn’t let herself think about it before she started typing.
GoGatorsESQ
Heartbreak connoisseur? Does that mean you’re an expert at curing or causing?
She wasn’t expecting a response before she deleted the app. Much to her surprise, she was still awake when her phone chimed a little while later. A new message from Scissorsaurus.
Scissorsaurus
I’m more of a Charon, but I like to think I guide souls out of hell.
Grace raised her recently sculpted brows and shifted her gaze slowly to Icarus, who’d wedged himself into his sister’s bed under the window, much to her disdain. Of all the things Alix could have said, a Greek mythology reference? Was that a good omen?
GoGatorsESQ
That didn’t exactly answer my cause or cure question.
Scissorsaurus
I haven’t broken a heart since Teddy Richards in the second grade when I told him I’d already promised my hand to Briana Jackson. All cure.
Chuckling unexpectedly, Grace sat up. Leaning against the upholstered headboard, she was more awake than she’d been in months.
GoGatorsESQ
Are you here because things didn’t go as planned with Briana?
Scissorsaurus
You know how it is for young love. Odds stacked against us. Though, having maintained a relationship for thirty years would have been pretty badass. I bet that would beat some world records.
How old were kids in second grade? Would that make Alix thirty-seven? Thirty-eight? Grace found herself wishing the app had regular profile pictures. Not that seeing a face meant she wasn’t talking to a chatbot at midnight like someone about to have their entire identity stolen.
Scissorsaurus
Why? Did Briana get you too?
Grace typed and deleted her response three times.
She couldn’t bring herself to say Julie’s name.
Even to an anonymous stranger. Thumbs hovering over her screen, Grace told herself that she was talking to an algorithm or however the hell AI bots worked.
She could say it. She’d say this and delete the app.
No one would ever know. One purge, a little poison out of her system.
GoGatorsESQ
Nope. Mine was a Julie. But we met at work, not the playground.
Scissorsaurus
Workplace gone wrong. I see that one a lot. Unfortunately very common.
GoGatorsESQ
You sound more like an ER physician than a psychopomp.
Scissorsaurus
Do you just randomly know what kind of mythical creature ferries souls across the River Styx? Like just off the top of your head in the dead of night?
Flushing hot, Grace cringed. She’d gotten carried away and forgotten to hide her nerdy interests. Before she could lie and say she’d googled the reference, Alix messaged again.
Scissorsaurus
Don’t worry about paying me a coin. I’ll carry you across for free.
Body buzzing, Grace dropped onto her side. The idea of being carried anywhere, of not having to swim against every possible current, sounded miraculous.
GoGatorsESQ
Maybe I can offer safe passage in kind.
Scissorsaurus
Maybe. But first, tell me how this Julie clown fumbled you.
The high of unleashing the truth that had been festering in Grace’s chest was overwhelming. Being completely herself with a stranger, whom she’d started to doubt was a computer program, felt so good she almost didn’t want to ruin it by talking about her ex.
GoGatorsESQ
Maybe I should assess your credentials first. What exactly makes you a breakup expert?
Scissorsaurus
Gator… wait, can I call you Gator? It feels right. Gator, are you looking a gift guru in the mouth?
It wasn’t a real nickname, but it still gave her a little jolt. She’d never had one before. She’d always been Grace. To everyone. And while Gator made her sound like a large man with questionable hygiene habits who ran an airboat business, it gave her a stupid thrill anyway.
GoGatorsESQ
I have to make sure my coin to cross the river is well spent. We only get one.
Scissorsaurus
I thought we were bartering. You can bring snacks. What goes well with the afterlife? I’m thinking olives.
Laughing, Grace almost said that she’d already consumed her contribution at happy hour. But Alix messaged again.
Scissorsaurus
How about some testimonials? Would that help us ease into a circle of trust?
GoGatorsESQ
You’ve got Yelp reviews?
Scissorsaurus
lol yeah. 10/10 would drown my sorrows with her again.
GoGatorsESQ
You’re very good at avoiding direct questions.
Scissorsaurus
Damn, Gator. Are you a CIA agent?
GoGatorsESQ
You know I couldn’t tell you if I was.
Scissorsaurus
I guess I should answer before you put me in handcuffs huh? My expertise comes the only way it can. Firsthand experience. A lot of it.
There was something about the shift in tone. Even over text. Even without knowing Alix, that made Grace drop her smile. There was truth in that sentiment. A truth that made Grace’s constantly sore stomach heave.
GoGatorsESQ
And what have you learned from so many unfortunate experiences?
Scissorsaurus
That even if it comes with a crash, the high is always a little bit worth it.
Rolling onto her back, Grace was wide awake. She knew it was late. Knew she’d pay for this when her alarm went off at five in the morning. But she couldn’t stop herself.
GoGatorsESQ
Do you really believe that?
It was the first time Alix’s response hadn’t been instantaneous. Had Grace been too pushy? Had her question come off rude rather than eager for the hope this stranger offered?
Scissorsaurus
Yeah… I really do.
Grace closed her eyes and let a new sensation join the sadness and dread and nausea she’d been drowning in for months. Surprise. At nearly forty, she was sure all the romantics were married or broken. When her phone dinged again, she snatched it off the bed.
Scissorsaurus
What about you, Gator? Has one stupid Julie really ruined your belief in love?
The question was too intense. It was a hand closing too tightly around her throat. A knife point pressed to her kidney. It was the worst kind of question. One Grace didn’t know how to answer.
GoGatorsESQ
Right now? I believe in it about as much as I believe that a quarter will keep me from spending eternity as an aimless ghost.
Sitting up again because she couldn’t remember how to be still, Grace waited for Alix’s response. She didn’t have to wait long.