Chapter 10 The Pussy Pounder 5000 Needs New Batteries Emmett
MY DICK IS GOING TO FALL OFF, and you know what’s not helping? Sitting in a chair made for a fucking child, in a house also made for a child. My boys are squished together like a set of conjoined twins; I don’t know where one starts and the other begins.
“More tea, Uncle Emmett?”
“Please.” I hold my miniature teacup out to Lily, grimacing as I shift in my seat. Her smile falters as she fills me up with chocolate milk. I hold my pinky straight out like she taught me, lifting it to my lips.
“No!” Connor grips my wrist, shaking his head frantically, eyes wide. “You hafta blow, Unca Em. It hot.”
“Oh, right. I forgot.”
“Like dis.” He blows at my cold chocolate milk, then pats my knee with a grin. “Now.”
“Thanks, buddy.” I take a sip. “Mmmm. So good. Thanks, Lil.”
A loud blow sounds from my left, and I look at Jaxon across the table in the playhouse, staring down at Ireland, his shirt fisted in her teensy hand as she hangs onto him for balance, yanking him forward while she blows into his teacup, except her thoughtful gesture comes with a hint of saliva.
“Ohhh, yummy…” Jaxon grimaces, then smiles down at Ireland, patting her head. “Thanks, princess.”
She shoves the teacup toward his mouth. “Dink!”
“Ha,” Garrett snorts. “She just called you a dink.”
“She was clearly saying drink,” Jaxon argues, forced to choke down his spit-milk tea.
“Cookies!” Carter turns toward us from the wooden stove, wearing a chef’s hat that scrapes the ceiling, a way-too-small apron with flowers patched onto it, pink-checkered oven mitts that hold a tray, and a grin nearly as proud as the one he wore the day Ireland was born.
He places the tray of cookies down in front of us. “My specialty.”
I look at the cookies, then back at him. “It’s just Oreos.”
“Just Oreos?” He scoffs, tearing off his oven mitts and tossing them down on the table. “I literally toil away in the kitchen for you to say it’s just Oreos?”
I aim my wide eyes down at my teacup as Carter starts plating his concoctions. It is just an Oreo, topped with a smear of cookie butter and one of those mini brownies you get in a batch in a paper bag at the grocery store.
He narrows his eyes at me, holding my cookie concoction hostage.
I roll my eyes. “Thank you for toiling away in the kitchen, making us this beautiful dessert for our tea party.”
“And?”
“I appreciate you.”
He sticks his nose up. “Thank you.” He slips my cookie onto a scalloped daisy plate, handing it to me, and I devour it in one bite, washing it down with more chocolate milk, wincing when my sore cock rubs against my thigh.
Lily frowns at me. “Why do you keep making that face? Is the chocolate milk bad?”
I sigh, scrubbing my tired eyes. “No, me and Cara have just been fuck—” Slamming my jaw shut, my gaze slides to Adam.
He shakes his head, a fierce look in his eyes.
For all the time we spend with kids, I’m still struggling to get a handle on my language.
“Me and Auntie Cara have been trying really hard to have a baby, and I’m a little tired. ”
That’s putting it lightly. We’ve always had an extremely physical relationship.
But the last month and a half, aside from the five days from hell, the sex has been nonstop.
Anything to increase our chances, Cara says, and I agree, but Jesus, my dick is so sensitive from all the rounds that I came in my goddamn pants when she was grinding on me on the couch last night.
Cara laughed it off like it wasn’t a big deal, but I saw her on her little cycle-tracking app later, marking down an x instead of a checkmark next to the box that asked if we had sex.
Lily cocks her head. “Is your body tired, or your brain?”
I pause at the question no one’s ever asked me before. “Both, honestly.”
“It sounds like you need a mental health day.” She slides her cookie onto my plate.
“Here, you can have mine. It might help. Mommy says we have to take care of our brains too, same as we take care of our body.” She places her little hand on top of mine.
“You need to do the stuff that makes you happy.”
“Auntie Cara makes me happy,” I tell her softly. “And you. Our whole family makes me happy.”
Lily smiles, a flush creeping into her cheeks. She tucks her hair behind her ears, eyes flitting to Adam before she clears her throat. “How come some people can’t have babies?”
The guys all look up at me, and Adam opens his mouth, like he’s not sure if he should redirect Lily’s question.
But Lily is smart, observant, and extremely empathetic, even at six years old.
Her questions stem from curiosity and a desire to fix things, even if they settle a bit like a weight on my chest.
“I don’t know,” I tell her honestly. “Sometimes there’s no real reason; our bodies just work a little differently.”
“And Auntie Cara’s works a little differently? Will the medicine help?”
“I hope so. She would be a really, really great mom.”
Lily grins. “Really great. And you’d be a really great daddy too, you know.”
The weight on my chest eases. “You think so?”
“Uh-huh.” She giggles as Ireland throws herself into my lap, holding onto my neck as she stuffs my cookie in her mouth. “You’re the best uncle.”
“Hey!” Jaxon sweeps his arms out. “I’m right here!”
Garrett opens his outraged mouth, and Carter is already on his feet, tearing off his apron. Lily rolls her eyes, quieting them before they can get a word out. “Oh, shush. You guys are a bunch of big babies. You’re all my favorites, but Uncle Emmett’s brain needs to hear it most today.”
I squeeze her hand. “Thanks, Lil.” I grin at the rest of them as they mutter out their apologies. “I’m Lily’s faaavorite, I’m Lily’s faaavorite,” I sing.
A cookie ricochets off my forehead, and when it falls to the floor, Carter gasps, throwing himself across the crammed playhouse.
“Not the Oreos!” He lands with a thud, scowling as he holds up the broken cookie. “Who threw it?”
Garrett points at Jaxon, and Jaxon points at Garrett.
“I’ll tell you one thing,” I say, chest puffed as I stand, back bent to keep my head from hammering off the ceiling. “It wasn’t me. ’Cause I’m Lily’s favorite.”
Carter hooks a foot around my ankle, tugging, and I fall to the ground, where a game of slapsies promptly ensues.
“Hey!”
We pause at the holler, looking up at Rosie, standing in the doorway, fists on her hips.
“What in the world is going on in here?”
I point at Carter and he points at me. “He started it!”
“Out!” She jabs her finger toward the grass. “Everyone out! This is a sacred space!”
Stepping outside and smiling, I plop a kiss on Lily’s, Connor’s, and Ireland’s heads. I finish with Rosie, a quick peck on the cheek. “I’m sorry for fighting in your playhouse.”
She squints at me, all the softness that makes her who she is seeping through when she waves me off. “Get out of here. Cara dropped me off five minutes ago. She’ll be home by now.”
I salute the guys with two fingers to my forehead before heading for the gate.
Adam’s voice stops me before I can get there. “Hey, Em? Hold up a sec.”
I turn back to them. “Yeah?”
“We’re here for you,” Carter says.
“And Cara,” Jaxon adds.
Garrett nods. “Always.”
I smile. “I know.”
Truthfully, I do. This isn’t a group of guys who deals with things all alone, or keeps things bottled up. We talk shit through. All of it. We show up for each other day in and day out. That’s what makes us family.
And when I’m sitting in a restaurant two hours later, surrounded by my mom and brothers, I can’t help but think that, sometimes, the family you choose shows up for you more than the family you’re born into.
“I just don’t get it,” my mom says, shaking her head as she twirls spaghetti around her fork. “When I was your age, I’d already had all four of you. Naturally,” she adds, waving her fork around. “I didn’t need all that science.”
I clear my throat, hand tightening on Cara’s thigh beneath the table as I sip my beer. “Science is good. It’s really cool, all the different innovations they have nowadays for people trying to get pregnant. Helps a lot of people become parents.”
“I don’t think it’s all that unnatural, what we’re doing,” Cara adds. “We want to be parents; we’ve tried the usual route, and now we’re trying another.”
“Well,” my mom starts with a chuckle, “it’s science, honey. So it’s not natural.”
“She’s talking about the instinct, Mom. The desire to want to have kids, to do what you need to do to get there. It’s natural.”
“Okay, okay.” She holds up her hands in surrender before tasting her wine. “I can tell it’s a sore spot for you. You’re lucky your dad’s not here. He’d have your head spinning about all this science and babies talk.”
“You’re right; I am lucky. At least I have a chance of enjoying my meal without him shoving insults down my throat.” I don’t realize I’m gritting my teeth until Cara’s hand slides over mine. I release a breath, rolling my shoulders, and focus on my meal.
No one’s ever gotten away with talking back to our mom except me, and I didn’t have the courage to start until I met Cara.
My mother is one of those people who presents herself as well-mannered and friendly, but then delivers everything with backhanded compliments and passive-aggressive comments.
My dad, though? Passive-aggressive isn’t in his vocabulary.
Just plain old aggressive. Part of the reason I pushed myself so hard at hockey in high school was so I could create a life for myself outside of them, get away before I could follow in their footsteps.
Craig, the oldest after me, slings his arm around Sasha, his latest girlfriend. “Are you sure you’re doing it right? Maybe you just need to have more sex.” He winks at Sasha. “Works for some people.”