Chapter 30 Officer Daddy Cara
“You don’t even like the sun,” Rosie reminds me. “You always say the sun is only here to—”
“Burn us and age us, yes, and I stand by that. But, number one, Abel’s so excited to see his first fireworks, he’s been preparing by livestreaming the nightly fireworks at Disney World for the last four days, and he’s really nailing all his oohs and aahs.
Number two—and jot this one down, ’cause it’s real important—ensuring that I get pinned to the wall and/or tied spread-eagle on the mattress and fucked so hard I forget my own name depends entirely on Emmett seeing me in the bathing suit I bought two days ago. ”
“You act as if Emmett wouldn’t fuck you while you were wearing a paper bag,” Lennon murmurs from the driver’s seat as we head home from our overnight spa getaway.
“So true, Lennon. Yes, he thinks I’m gorgeous always, and he would always, always, always fuck me.
Thank you for pointing that out.” I reach forward to squeeze her shoulder, smiling at her in the rearview mirror.
“But I don’t just want to be fucked, I want to be destroyed.
Annihilated. I want to forget how to walk, how to speak, and honestly?
I want to call him Daddy and see how he reacts. ”
“I do that by acting really bratty and pretending I don’t need Garrett, just my toys and my own fingers.
” Jennie traces the shape of her lips, a far-off look in her eyes.
“I really do enjoy the moment just before he flips his switch, though, when he stands there with his jaw dangling, unable to speak full sentences. It’s like watching him short-circuit in real time. ”
“Carter loves when I call him Daddy,” Olivia murmurs.
“Ew.” Jennie spins in her seat, trying to swat at Olivia. “Can you not?”
“Sorry,” Olivia says, but her grin says there ain’t an ounce of remorse behind those pretty brown eyes.
Rosie looks away, cheeks flushed pink. I cock a brow, poking her. “Spill it, sister. Adam’s got a daddy kink, doesn’t he?”
“No,” she lies, her entire face and the tips of her ears now a furious shade of red as she shakes her head.
“Okay, well, maybe. Yes. Yes, he has a daddy kink. But it’s not like a weird…
it’s just, he loves being a dad so much, and he’s so proud of himself, and there is absolutely nothing in this world more attractive to me than watching him be such an amazing dad, and so one night, I maybe-kinda-sorta said ‘You’re such a good daddy’ when he came into the bedroom after getting the kids down, and I maybe-kinda-sorta said it in a low voice, and I maybe-kinda-sorta had just stepped out of the shower and dropped my towel right after I said it, and he definitely short-circuited for a solid ten seconds before pushing me against the wall and…
well…” She clears her throat, scratching her nose.
“That might have been the night Iris was conceived.”
The car explodes with cheers as Rosie buries her flaming face, and I wind an arm around her, hugging her to my side. “That’s our fucking girl!”
“I was so demure before you guys,” she rumbles when I release her.
Olivia snorts a laugh. “Please.”
“You were bored out of your mind and desperate for the spice we brought to your life,” Jennie says.
“I was so demure,” I mimic. “Says the girl who fucked her way through seven condoms the first night she slept with Adam.”
Lennon gasps, slamming her hand against the steering wheel. “Seven? Rosie! How could you even… I mean, I heard about the Christmas dicksicles incident two years ago. I’ve seen the pictures of the imprints. I know Adam’s packing some serious heat. How could you even stand the next day?”
It shouldn’t be possible, but Rosie’s face burns an even deeper shade of red. “That’s neither here nor… Let’s not… It’s… He’s…” She sighs, hanging her head. “Massive. I couldn’t walk properly for days.”
I nod solemnly, patting her hand. “Dickmatized. No need to be embarrassed. We’ve all been there. That’s all I want tonight.”
“You might be in luck,” Jennie says, eyes out the window as we round Cypress Mountain, heading for North Vancouver. “Looks like the clouds are clearing out this way.”
I stick my head between the front seats, gasping as I point out the windshield. “Look! Sunshine!” Settling back in my seat with a satisfied smile and a sigh of relief, I murmur, “I’m ready for you, Pussy Pounder Five Thousand.”
“I just have this sick feeling in my stomach,” Olivia says a half hour later as Lennon turns into the neighborhood, heading toward Adam and Rosie’s street.
“Like, it’s not that I don’t trust them to keep the kids alive.
They’re so capable, I know that. Plus, we video-called with them this morning.
I just… don’t trust them to keep themselves alive, you know?
They’re always getting up to something. Every time they’re left to their own devices, I’m like, what’s it gonna be this time, ya know?
” She laughs, a nervous, forced sound as she shifts in her seat, rubbing her forehead.
Rosie reaches across me to pat Olivia’s knees. “I think—and I say this gently—that maybe you’re overthinking. We have to remind ourselves that the boys are mature, fully grown—”
“What. The. Fuuuck.”
“Oh, Jesus fuck.”
“Are those… Halloween costumes?”
“Well, they’re certainly not regulation length.”
“Who thought any of them were going to be able to get their asses all the way inside those shorts?”
“Not a shot in hell, not for any of them.”
“Rosie.” Olivia crosses her arms over her chest, fingers tapping, brows raised. “I’m waiting.”
Rosie blinks. Once, then twice. Three times, then four, seemingly unable to tear her gaze away from the… the… whatever the fuck is going on in her driveway. Finally, she drops her head. “I’m sorry, Ollie. My faith was a touch misplaced.”
Jennie offers her an empathetic smile from the front seat. “Your husband is the most grown up; your misplaced faith makes sense.”
Lennon parks at the end of the long driveway, and we step out of the car, observing the scene before us.
Hunter, Brodie, and Iris are on their tummies on a blanket spread out on the front lawn, a collection of pillows encircling them, even though all any of them can do is roll front to back, and that’s a five-minute endeavor, at least.
Abel, Connor, Ireland, and Lily are each behind the wheel of ride-on BMWs, each one a different color, shiny and new.
And the boys… fuck, the boys.
Carter comes roaring up the side of the driveway in a ride-on police SUV, sirens blaring, lights flashing, sunglasses on, left leg propped up on the door, right knee jammed behind the steering wheel.
The car skids to a stop next to Ireland, who leads the kids, which is absolutely no surprise even though she’s the youngest of the bunch.
Carter climbs out of the car, or attempts to, yanking his knee free, tripping over on his way out. He hops on one foot as he regains his balance, glancing back at the car as he says, “Good thing nobody saw that.”
“Jesus Christ,” Olivia mutters.
Turning back to the kids, Carter places his hands on his hips, slowly swaggering over to them. “Well, well, well,” he mutters. “Look what we have here. Do you know how fast you were going, little lady?”
Ireland snickers into her hand, the rest of the kids folding over their steering wheels in fits of giggles.
Carter tears off his sunglasses, gripping the side of her car as he bends over. “Something funny?”
She sticks her finger in his face. “Yo’ face funny!”
“All right, I’ve heard enough.” Carter fiddles with his utility belt—oh, did I forget to mention that he’s clearly taking his role as a police officer very seriously, and is fully decked out in a cop costume?
—and brings a walkie-talkie to his mouth.
“Come in, puck bunnies. Officer Daddy to puck bunnies, do you read me?”
“Did he just say Officer Daddy?” Lennon whispers.
“He just said Officer Daddy,” Rosie confirms.
“I’m gonna vomit,” Jennie whispers.
Olivia’s gaze falls down his body before slowly coming back up. “I’m so into it. I want to be ashamed to say that, but I’m not.”
“We read you,” Emmett’s voice sounds over the walkie-talkie. “But please don’t ever call yourself Officer Daddy again.”
“Negative, Officer Buzzkill.” Carter grabs his belt loop, hiking up his shorts, and I promise you this: If there’s one thing those shorts do not need, it’s to be hiked up.
“Pulled over a couple of no-good criminals going a mile an hour in a residential area. They’re giving me attitude.
I’m gonna need some backup over here, ASAP. ”
“Affirmative, Captain. We’ll be right there. Hold tight.”
Carter tucks his walkie-talkie away, flicking his brows up at the kids. “You hear that? This little joyride of yours is over. Your days of fun? Numbered.”
Sirens cut through the air, and the kids snap to attention, shrieking with laughter as, one by fucking one, Emmett, Adam, Garrett, and Jaxon roll out from the side of the house, each stuffed in their own police car.
They park their rides next to Carter, each struggling exactly the way he did as they climb out, lining up beside him, pulling off their sunglasses, placing their hands on their hips, like this whole thing is a choreographed routine they’ve been practicing for weeks.
“Well, well, well,” Emmett murmurs, swinging a set of handcuffs around his finger, and I am so certain we’ll be using those tonight. “Where are you four heading in such a rush?”
Adam tips his sunglasses down. “Now I know you’re not trying to skip town on us, are you?”
Garrett swipes a finger along the side mirror on Abel’s BMW. “These cars look familiar to you, officers? Like the ones that were, oh, I dunno… stolen from the dealership last night?”
Lily erupts into a fit of giggles, shaking her head. “No! We didn’t!”