Chapter 31 Worthy Emmett #2
He beams at me, and I swear it hits me like sunshine, straight to my chest with enough force to knock me on my ass. He presses a loud kiss to his palm, then blows it at me. “Put it in your pocket for later.”
I catch his air kiss, stuffing it in my pocket before I blow one back that he catches enthusiastically. “Put it in your pocket for later.”
I spend the next half hour wandering the camp, ignoring the messages from the boys who want to know how I managed to escape Dozer and Jaws.
Apparently, Dozer will give me a hundred bucks for my return.
Turns out the big man’s terrified of my wife.
I don’t blame him. By the time I make it back around, I’m ready to turn myself in.
I pull out my phone, typing out a text that tells the boys they can find me near the petting area, but before I can send it, I spot Catharine sitting on a bench by herself, tucked away from the noise but with her gaze fixed on a spot ahead of her.
I follow her stare behind the gates of the petting area, to where Abel is on his knees in the dirt, scratching the chin of a woolly sheep, his other hand tucked into Cara’s.
I can’t quite decipher the look on Catharine’s face, same as I couldn’t when she showed up here, hesitating just outside the gates like she wasn’t sure turning up to this was the right idea, even though Abel had asked her to.
Now, the corner of her mouth is curved in an easy smile as she watches Abel and Care, and though there’s an ungodly amount of love stacked in her gaze, there’s a sadness too.
She looks a little lost, like she’s searching for an answer but hasn’t quite figured out the question yet.
But beyond that, she looks… different. She sits taller, shoulders back, head held high with the kind of confidence that comes from connecting with yourself. She looks relieved, recharged.
Happy, I realize. She looks happy.
We haven’t spent much time with her, only the two hours every three weeks when we meet up with her, but as Cara’s slowly cracked her open the way she does, we’ve learned a lot about her.
Our childhoods looked a lot alike, and though this situation isn’t ideal, cutting contact with her parents after they kicked her out was clearly the right choice for her.
Sometimes I wish I’d made the same choice when I left home.
Tucking my phone away, I amble over. “Can I join you?”
She shifts over, looking at the space she’s made before giving me a smile. “This is such an incredible event,” she murmurs as I take a seat beside her. “I can’t believe Cara did all this.”
“She’s a superstar. She consistently outdoes herself.”
She hums, mouth hooking in a smile as Abel clutches his stomach in a fit of laughter while Cara attempts to escape the tongue of a cow who seems to have deemed her as delicious as I know her to be.
“I can’t tell if he’s more enthralled by the animals or by Cara.
” Before I can respond, Catharine shakes her head.
“It’s Cara. He’s definitely more enthralled by Cara. ”
I huff a laugh. “She has that effect on people.”
“I can’t believe he’s almost four. Are you guys planning anything for his birthday?”
“Cara and I wanted to talk with you about that, actually. We weren’t sure if you had something specific in mind, or if you’d like to plan with us.” There’s also the fact that we don’t know if he’ll still be with us in July.
“Surely Cara’s got something up her sleeve.”
“Oh, she’s got something up her sleeve,” I say with a chuckle. “Or seventeen somethings up her sleeve, and a Pinterest board for every one of those seventeen somethings.”
Catharine twists toward me with a smile. “Stop it. Really? Like what?”
“Fuck, lemme see.” I blow out a sigh, listing a handful of the themes Cara’s been obsessing over while trying simultaneously not to get too attached, in case Abel’s not with us come his birthday.
“There’s Reach Four the Stars, Four-ever Wild, Four-nado, Need Four Speed, Roar I’m Four, which is the most ideal, since it’s dino themed, and, well… ”
“He’s obsessed with dinos,” she finishes with a smile that fades too fast. I watch her throat work with her swallow, and she grips the edge of the bench, looking down at her lap.
“He’s never had a real birthday party. When he turned one, I took him for his first ice cream cone.
We sat on the Dairy Queen patio and I sang ‘Happy Birthday’ while he smashed his ice cream cone into his face, and then the table.
That’s kind of been our tradition ever since. He’ll love having a party.”
“There’s nothing like a dipped cone from DQ. I bet he’d love to continue that tradition with you. We’d be happy to meet you at Dairy Queen so you can keep it going.”
“I’d really appreciate that. And he always tells me about reading books with you guys under the stars, so maybe Cara could find a way to combine Reach Four the Stars with dinosaurs too.
” Her gaze goes back to Abel, all kinds of soft as she watches him in silence.
When she speaks again, her words are heavy and hoarse.
“I loved him the moment I saw him. I knew I would; that was never the issue. But I still begged my parents to reconsider. To let me give him to a loving family. To let me be a kid.” She swipes a tear from her eye.
“They told me I should have thought about that before I had sex. That actions have consequences.”
“You were fifteen,” I remind her gently. “Your brain’s not fully developed at fifteen.”
She chokes out a laugh. “My brain’s not fully developed now at nineteen.”
“Society loves the consequences line because it’s easier to blame someone than to step back and look at how they’ve failed to properly educate kids.”
“Right? And then you go home, where your parents act like sex doesn’t even exist, and somehow you’re expected to figure it all out and know better.
” Catharine shakes her head. “I’m not saying the choices I made weren’t mine; I’m just saying, maybe it’s irresponsible of parents to insist on cookie and peepee instead of vagina and penis because sex is so damn taboo, heaven forbid we use the anatomically correct names for our body parts. ”
She sighs, scrubbing a hand down her face.
“You know, it wasn’t even their treatment of me that upset me.
It was that they called Abel a consequence.
Like he was nothing more than a lifelong punishment they could hang over my head.
He wasn’t their grandson. Not the sweet little boy who begged for the Ghostbusters theme song fifteen times a day so he could dance to it, who was obsessed with running circles around the kitchen table with oven mitts on both arms, who walked up to complete strangers at the grocery store and asked them for hugs.
He was a consequence, and sometimes… sometimes I think they wanted me to hate him as much as they hate me.
At the very least, they wanted me to hate my life as much as they hate theirs.
But I could never, ever hate Abel. And I think…
I think I’m slowly learning to love my life. ”
“You seem different,” I tell her. “I know we don’t know each other that well, but thinking back on the person we met two months ago… you’re different.”
She looks up at me, her gaze a mix of hope and hesitancy. “Good different?”
I nod. “Good different.”
Her shoulders deflate with a sigh of relief.
“I feel different. Like I’m finally in control of my life, maybe.
Making my own decisions, choosing my own path.
I feel kind of… unstoppable. I know that’s silly,” she adds quickly.
“Like, how can I call myself unstoppable when I’ve been couch surfing for six months?
It’s just, it feels like I’ve lived these nineteen years thinking I wasn’t capable of anything, even being a good daughter, or my parents’ version of a good daughter, at least. They expected me to fail when they kicked me out; I know they did.
I think I did too. But instead… instead, I’m doing it.
Things I never thought I’d do, and I’m doing it on my own.
I got my high school diploma, I got a job, and I just passed my freaking driving exam, even though I don’t know when I’ll be able to afford a car.
I walk every day, read in the morning, and write whenever the mood strikes, which is, like, all the time lately.
It’s like I finally gave myself the time of day, recentered, and now…
now I wake up every morning and I’m excited.
I’m happy. I’m… capable. I’m capable,” she whispers, like she’s only just truly realized it.
She clears her throat, looking down at her knees as she grips the bench, the revelation sinking in.
When her head lifts, her gaze goes right to Abel. “Can I tell you something, Emmett?”
“You can tell me anything.”
She gnaws on her lip, knee bouncing. Looks down, then back up. Takes a breath, and finally, spills her secret out into the space between us. “I got into the creative writing program at UBC.”
“What?” I leap to my feet, tugging Catharine to hers, wrapping her in a hug so tight I lift her straight off the ground as she erupts with giggles. “Cat, that’s amazing! Congratulations!” I set her back down, and she plops back to the bench, fanning her face and trying to catch her breath.
“Thanks. It was all Cara. She’s the one who told me about it. Practically forced me to apply. I never would have without her.”
“Nah.” I shake my head. “She can put the idea in your head, but you getting accepted? That’s all you. Don’t take that accomplishment from yourself.”
She grins at her lap, cheeks pink. “Yeah, I guess.”
“All right, what’s the plan?” I clap my hands together. “We should celebrate. Have you already celebrated? Let’s celebrate again. What’s your favorite food? Cara’s got a list of restaurants prepared for every craving. Pick a day, and we’ll—”