33 McKenna #2
I look up, and there’s Mandy or Mindy from nutrition class again. It’s starting to feel like she’s following me.
“McKenna, hi. I’m sorry to interrupt, but I just wanted to apologize for this morning.”
“Oh, no, you’re fine. No worries,” I say, turning back to Leo. I don’t know what her deal is, but I’m not that interested in finding out, especially not with Leo here. He doesn’t need to know about my drama. He’s got enough of his own right now.
But dear old Mandy/Mindy keeps talking. “I just, I did a research project on campus housing earlier in the semester, and I
know you don’t live in our dorm. I just thought you’d want to get out of the lounge before the RA started asking questions.
You know, in case you wanted to come back if you don’t have anywhere else to go.”
Okay, fine, that is nice of her, but I don’t want Leo picking up on what this is about.
“You actually did me a big favor. I would have been late to microbiology, and that class is so freaking hard. So we’re all
good.” Maybe she thinks there’s a good reason I can’t sleep in my own dorm right now, like a bad boyfriend or roommate drama.
I decide not to ask and just be grateful she was kind.
But after she leaves, Leo asks me, “Why were you sleeping in a student lounge?”
“Oh, that just happens in college sometimes,” I start, but my voice betrays me by cracking like I’m about to sob. I push past
the lump, hoping Leo missed the chink in my armor. “People study so much, sometimes you just end up falling asleep wherever
you’re doing work. Student lounges, other dorms, your car.” I wince as I say it. Why did I mention the car?
He’s examining me more intently than usual as he asks, “Why did she think you might not have anywhere else to go?”
“Let’s make a game plan for how you’re going to answer these folks from the racing league,” I say, ignoring his question.
“But why would you study in a different dorm? Is something wrong with your dorm?”
As soon as we find something I don’t want to discuss, now the kid is suddenly astute?
“Don’t worry about that,” I say, keeping my tone as light as I can. “I’m all good. I want to talk about the racing league.
I think you could end up in real trouble if you get involved with these people. What you’ve described sounds like it’s probably
illegal. And either way, it’s definitely immoral. You won’t feel good about yourself if you know you helped them cheat. That’s
not something you want to live with the rest of your life.”
To my relief, he refocuses on the racing.
“What if they get mad at me and stop responding to me on the chat?” he asks.
“I know how much you must want to keep your friends.” I can now relate to how exceedingly precious friendships feel when you
don’t have so many of them. “But these aren’t the kind of friends you want. A real friend should never ask you to do something
that would make you feel disappointed in yourself. Or at least they should accept it when you tell them you’re not comfortable
with what they’ve asked. If they can’t do that, then they were never really your friend in the first place.” I can see the
wheels turning in his head as he processes what I’m saying. “And besides, who needs so many online friends when you’re starting
to make more connections IRL anyway?”
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out one of his small planes, a blue one with a green checked pattern. I’ve made him uncomfortable,
maybe because he doesn’t know what I mean.
“In real life,” I clarify.
“I know what IRL means.”
Then I realize what’s made him flustered, and I can’t help but smile.
“I was talking about Tatiana,” I say, and his cheeks turn pink. His crush on her must be more intense than I realized. I feel
a flicker of concern, hoping this girl won’t hurt him, but then I kick myself. Shame on me for doubting him yet again.
“She asked me if I want to get Starbucks with her after our classes on Friday,” he says, looking off toward the empty booth
beside us as he speaks.
“Leo!” I squeal in delight. “That’s fantastic! You see? Asking her those questions about the way the printers in her class
function totally worked. People love it when you take an interest in them and their passions like that. Good for you!”
The movements of his fingers against the wheels of his plane get faster, agitated.
“What is it?” I ask.
“I didn’t say yes.”
“You told her no?” My voice rises with panic. “Why would you do that?”
“I didn’t tell her no. I just didn’t answer.”
“What? Why not? Why would you not answer the girl you’ve been wanting to ask out for weeks? Can you please put the airplane
down?”
He looks down at the plane and then back toward the next table.
“I wasn’t sure what to say.” He doesn’t put the airplane away, but he does stop spinning the wheels.
“Okay, we’re going to fix this right now. Let’s see your phone.”
Once he’s got his phone in his hands, the Matchbox plane does end up back in his pocket.
“Okay, write these words. ‘Hi, Tatiana. I’m sorry for the delayed response. I would love to go to Starbucks Friday. Count me in.’”
“But then I’ll have to go for coffee with her.”
“Yes, exactly. That’s the point, Leo. You have to actually go on the date to go on a date.”
“But what if she doesn’t like me?” he asks. “It’s fun thinking about going out with her, but once we actually go out, if it’s
bad, then I won’t get to look forward to the idea of it anymore.”
“Okay, I get where you’re coming from, but this is life. Everyone has to deal with this kind of uncertainty sometimes. There
are plenty of people we meet who don’t like us and won’t change their minds no matter what we do. You need to know that’s
a fact of human existence, and it’s completely okay. When you don’t hit it off with a person, you have to just keep trying
with the next person, and the one after that, and the one after that. Eventually you’ll find people who are the right match
for you. You will. But the surest way to prevent yourself from finding those people is to give up before you’ve even given
yourselves a chance to get along.”
He’s quiet for a long moment, and then his eyes go back to his phone. He starts typing, and then I hear the little whoosh as he presses Send.
“I did it,” he says.