10. Lennon
LENNON
It’s okay to be scared.
Fear is natural, and hesitation is healthy.
But strength in the face of both is one of the great wonders of the world.
—Lennon’s Secret Thoughts
I ’ve never considered myself a particularly strong woman. I wouldn’t say I was weak either. I just know my place in the world, which is basically to smile and look pretty. I’m a trophy to be had. Even in ballet, we’re used as tools to get benefactors to donate to the company. It’s archaic, but it is what it is. And I’ve played that part well for twenty-five years.
I’ve smiled.
I’ve curtseyed.
I’ve learned languages and customs.
Observed traditions.
Been told what to wear, what to eat, and how to style my hair.
I’ve been contracted to marry a man I loathe.
And I’ve followed every order down to each minute detail.
I know my place.
I’m the granddaughter of the king.
I was the daughter of the future queen before she died and have been the sister of the future king since the loss of my mother four years ago. There’s a weight far heavier than any tiara that comes with those titles. One it takes a lifetime to learn to balance. One I’m fairly certain is crushing me as I stare at my phone while we navigate the busy streets of Philadelphia.
Rhys
Where are you and why do you only have Maria with you?
Lennon...
My brother isn’t used to being ignored.
The entire world has kissed his royal ass since the day he was born.
The heir to the throne of Mornea and currently fifth in line to the throne of Elwyn.
His life was set for him the minute his heart beat in utero.
He’d never even taken his first breath, and his choices were nonexistent.
I rest my hand over my still-flat stomach and wonder if I can do that to my child.
God willing, Rhys will marry and have plenty of heirs himself. My child won’t ever be put in that position. And even if for some reason, he doesn’t, Atticus is still before me. But still. Every breath we’ve taken has been watched... curated for the benefit of the crown. It may be hard to believe, but I never thought about bringing a child into this life before now. Especially once I was informed I’d be marrying Monty.
My mother once told me having children would bring me joy, even if marrying Monty didn’t. She thought I’d find new meaning in life with my children. And I can clearly remember thinking I’d never have children with a man I didn’t love.
But as my driver pulls up in front of a gloriously old building—not old by Mornea standards but old by American standards—I realize I’ve refused to have children with one man who doesn’t love me, only to turn around and do so with another.
I’d love to know what I must have done in a previous life for this kind of sick karma.
“We’re here, ma’am.”
I meet the driver’s eyes through the rearview and nod. “Thank you. I just need a minute.”
I don’t tell him or Maria that the next few minutes could determine the rest of my life.
I’m sure Maria knows. But we haven’t discussed it. Not yet.
Some days, I’m positive she doesn’t even like me.
Today, I’m certain she’s disappointed at the very least.
But that’s okay because so am I.
We’re all fed a fairytale growing up, royal or not.
We’re told we’ll live beautiful lives where we’ll be loved and cherished and have beautiful weddings, loving marriages, and happy babies. We’re told we’ll be happy.
But the truth is far less shiny and much less enjoyable.
Rhys
Lennon – I’m worried about you.
Lennon
Don’t be. I’m taking care of something. Maria is with me. I’m safe. But maybe don’t mention that to Grandfather. If anyone asks, I’m sick and not coming home this weekend.
Rhys
Are you sick?
Lennon
Don’t ask me questions you don’t want answers to. I’m sick. That’s all you need to know to answer anyone who asks. This way, you’re not lying.
Rhys
Should I be concerned?
Lennon
No. I love you. I’ll be home soon enough.
Rhys
You know it would take me one phone call to find you.
Lennon
But you won’t because I’m asking you not to.
Rhys
Do you need help?
Oh, big brother, I need so much more than you can give me.
Lennon
No. I’m fine.
Rhys
Fine. I’ll cover for you this weekend. But come see me when you get home.
Lennon
Is that a command?
Rhys
No. It’s a request.
Lennon
Good answer.
Rhys
Be safe.
Lennon
Always.
I take a cleansing breath and tuck my phone in my purse before looking at my driver. “I’m not sure how long I’ll be. I’ll call when I’m ready for the car.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Maria holds the door for me, and I stop. “I need to do this alone. Could you please stay out here?”
“No.”
One word. Two letters. All the conviction in the world.
I need to learn how to do that.
People pass us on the street, rushing by, having no clue whatsoever who I am or why I’m here. I want to scream that no one knows me. There’s no threat here. But I think back to the night that got me into this mess and bite my tongue. I’d love to regret that night, and maybe I do. . . but maybe I can’t. “Fine. But stay by the door please.”
“I’ll do my best,” she agrees. Or at least humors me as much as she’s capable of as I walk past her and inside the restaurant, which appears to be under construction.
It’s stunning.
Even with tarps covering half the surfaces, it’s a beautiful work in progress, and I can easily imagine how much Maddox has loved taking this lovely piece of century-old architecture and giving it a whole new life.
“You can’t be here,” a rough voice calls out, and I turn and catch a man in a hard hat heading my way. “Are you lost, ma’am?”
Maria moves fast until I raise my hand, stopping her.
“No, sir. I’m here to see Maddox Beneventi. Could you please point me to him?” My words are sweet and sugary, laced in honey in hopes of not being thrown out before I get what I want. Now here’s hoping they work.
“The boss?” The man looks at me, untrusting, and I think I’m about to get tossed out before he smiles. “I think he’s downstairs in the vault room.” He motions behind him to a wide set of marble stairs, and I swallow down my fears and push forward before he can change his mind. And maybe before I can too.
It’s now or never.
Well, that sounded ominous.
And now I’m having a conversation with myself.
My goodness... Okay, I’ve got this.
“Thank you.” I smile and move past him, careful not to trip on the soft tarp protecting the floor. I grasp the brass railing and carefully take the stairs down to what appears to have been the original vault but at the moment is open with tables covered in building plans and paper coffee cups. Maddox is discussing something with a handsome older gentleman, and maybe had I not met both of his brothers already, I wouldn’t notice the family resemblance. But there’s little doubt this man is Maddox’s father.
The resemblance to the Beneventi boys is too strong.
Dark salt-and-pepper hair. Chiseled cheek bones. A beautifully strong jaw.
And those shoulders. The ones I loved being wrapped around.
Maddox is the spitting image of his father.
And suddenly I wonder who our baby will look like.
Will he be the next generation of Beneventi boy?
Or maybe a little girl with my mother’s eyes?
“Lennon?” Maddox’s voice pulls me from my momentary loss of focus.
I step carefully into the vault, my eyes darting between him and his father, but I don’t miss it. That moment of longing in his brilliant blues before his gaze hardens. Sharpens. Before anger fills his eyes. “What are you doing here?”
Those words bring me back to the last night.
To the snowy street.
To my throbbing head.
The brush of his fingers.
The safety in his touch.
Everything that came after.
Including the next morning.
His brothers. My cousin.
This raging storm I seem to be standing in the eye of.
And he’s no longer the only one angry.
“Hi, Maddox...”
* * *
Maddox
A nd there she is.
The one thing I can’t have.
My biggest fucking regret.
Looking like a wet fucking royal dream in another prim and proper little blue-and-white dress with a sexy slit up her thigh. Her heels are just as high today as they were last spring, and if it’s possible, she’s even prettier.
Shame she’s?—
“Are you going to introduce me, son?” My father interrupts my walk down memory lane, but it’s for show. I have no doubt he knows exactly who this woman is. He makes it his business to know everything. If it happens in his city or affects his family, he knows. And right now, this woman is doing both.
What I want to say is see yourself out, old man , so I can deal with this without an audience. But I respect him more than that. “Right. Sam Beneventi, meet Lennon... Windsor.”
I look over at her and wonder if this is the most informal introduction of her life.
Dad offers his hand. “Princess.”
There we go.
He knows exactly who she is.
Lennon sucks in a quiet breath, and I’d give anything to know what she’s thinking.
She’s the hardest person I’ve ever tried to read.
Most people broadcast their motives and their next moves long before they ever make them. But not Lennon. She keeps everything close to the vest. She keeps it locked down like no one I’ve ever met.
I’d be impressed if it didn’t drive me fucking crazy.
“Nice to meet you, Mr. Beneventi.” She blushes as he takes her hand in both of his.
“What brings you to our beautiful city, princess?”
I clear my throat, and the old man grins. “Any chance you’ll give us a few minutes?”
He drops Lennon’s hand with a smirk and a dip of his head. “I’ve got to be going anyway. Your mother is expecting me soon. Maybe I’ll get to see you again before you leave. I know my wife would love to meet you as well.”
Christ. Could he lay it on any thicker?
I’m surprised the fucker didn’t just bow to her.
She smiles, but it’s forced and doesn’t meet her eyes, and as he walks away, those green eyes narrow on me.
“I wasn’t expecting to see you here,” I tell her honestly as I move around the table and stop in front of her. The urge to touch her is strong and warring with the urge to ask her what the fuck she’s doing here. Because every time this woman steps into my life, she leaves a fucking path of destruction in her wake.
“Well, let’s see.” Her cheeks flame red, and my cock immediately hardens in response. Damn, she’s sexy when she’s pissed. “I flew halfway around the world because I thought it might be fun to fuck up your life the way you’re constantly fucking up mine.”
“That’s rich, coming from you, princess . Pretty sure I’ve ever only done what you wanted me to.” I move closer until mere inches separate us. “Which is ironic, considering I’ve never done a goddamned thing I was told to do a day in my whole fucking life. I do what I want. When I want. But with you—fuck, Lennon. Everything I’ve done since the day I met you was what you wanted from me. So you feel like telling me just how I’m fucking up your life? Because I’m pretty sure it’s the other way around.”
This woman is infuriating.
And beautiful.
Her pale skin flushes, and the delicate freckles dusting her collarbones rise and fall with each deep breath as she fights to maintain control.
Even if she’s so much hotter when she loses that tightly held control.
“Oh, that’s funny. How exactly have I fucked up your life? Obviously, being with me or without me didn’t stop you from fucking other people or having other relationships. I asked you to walk away so you could have a life. Not so you could fuck my cousin.” She doesn’t even realize she’s taken another step closer until our breath is mingling between us. “But you know. . . Can’t have one princess, let’s replace her with another. We’re all the same, right? Interchangeable? Pretty little redheads with tiaras and titles. And now...”
Her chest heaves as she shakes her head, putting words and thoughts in my mouth that I’ve never had. Never said. Never wanted.
“And now what? Did you think you’d come back and what, we’d pick up where we left off? You yelling at me about something I did when we weren’t together? You pushed me away, Lennon. And I didn’t know she was your cousin.”
There’re other things I could say to defuse the situation.
But I don’t.
I harness the anger because it’s easier than the other emotions I feel when I see this woman. So many fucked up emotions.
She steps back and reaches into her clutch, then smacks something against my chest.
Fury radiates off her, but neither of us move.
As if held in place by an electric shock that’s reached around us, holding us frozen in place. . . Locked in the pain, refusing to let go.
I don’t know whether to kiss her or kill her.
But living in a world without Lennox Windsor isn’t an option.
I cup her face in my hands while she still holds her own flat against my chest.
My thumb grazes her cheek, and fuck, I don’t want to kill her.
“Tell me no, Lennon. Tell me to stop,” I groan.
Her eyes soften, and she removes one of my hands and lays it over the paper against my chest, then slips away. “No, Maddox.”
I crumple the paper in my hands, never taking my eyes from her.
“You might not want to do that,” she warns.
“Why are you here, princess?” I ask as I open my palm and flatten the paper.
I stare at it, confused.
What the hell?
“I’m here to tell you I’m pregnant.” Her green eyes burn with anger. “I’m here to tell you, you ruined my life. My career. My marriage. I’ve only ever been good for one thing in this life, and I’m supposed to walk down the aisle in less than a year to fulfill that stupid fucking destiny. And one night with you ruined that.” Tears fill her eyes. “You’ve ruined me,” she whispers, which is so much worse than her screams. “And you’re going to be a father. Congratulations.”
Well, hell. I’ve heard people say they could be knocked over by a feather, but I’ve never experienced it... until now.
I stare at Lennon, not sure I heard her right.
I couldn’t have... could I?
I open my mouth to say something, but for the first time in my life, I’m speechless.
The weight of the paper in my hand suddenly becomes unbearable.
I smooth it out and realize the long strip is a series of sonogram pictures.
Holy shit.
I stare at the pictures, expecting them to change.
To not be a baby.
And when I feel like I can finally move again, I look up at Lennon, who’s crying.
“A baby?” I whisper as a tear tracks down her cheek.
She nods. “Yes, you jerk. Your big, fat, stupid super sperm managed to get past the condoms.”
“Are you sure?” I ask, knowing I shouldn’t. But. . . Fuck .
“Am I sure what?” she snaps back slowly, hatred fortifying each word. “Sure that it’s yours?”
“No. I didn’t?—”
“You dick. Yes, I’m sure it’s yours. I was a virgin before you, and I haven’t been with anyone since. Which ought to make this fun to tell my fiancé.”
That word is all it takes for me to see fucking red.
She’s still engaged.
To another man.
My vision swims as the hits keep coming, but I cling to what I just sussed out of that statement. “He doesn’t know?”
She throws her hands up in the air, exasperated. “Are you even listening to me? No. Monty doesn’t know. I haven’t told him. I thought you should know first.”
“Who knows?” I growl as my mind flies in a million directions.
“You, me, and Atticus.” She rolls her pretty eyes. “I mean, Maria probably knows, but she’s discreet by nature and kind enough not to ask. So I’m not 100 percent sure.”
I look past her for the first time and see Maria in the distance at the bottom of the stairs. At least she brought her this time.
“Don’t worry, Maddox. I don’t want anything from you. I just wanted you to know and thought I owed it to you to do it in person and not over the phone. But apparently, that was a mistake.” She pulls her phone from her purse, and her fingers fly across the screen before I can even register what she’s doing. “This doesn’t have to change anything.”
She turns to leave, and I see fucking stars.
“This changes everything, Lennon.” My words are slow and steady and strong. There’s no hesitation. “You can’t throw something like this at me and then be pissed when I don’t react the way you wanted. Give me a fucking minute.”
This beautifully infuriating woman looks over her shoulder and purses those pretty lips I’ve been obsessed with for fucking years. “That might be the only thing I’m not pissed about, Maddox. I didn’t handle it well when I found out either. Which, by the way, was only last week. I literally caught a flight hours after my doctor confirmed it, because unlike you, I respect you enough to be honest. You should try it. See how it feels. Either way, I’ll be at the hotel in Kroydon Hills for a few days if you want to talk.”
She takes a step before she stops again.
“I’m fine, by the way. So is the baby.”
Shit .
I watch her cross the tarp-covered floors and walk up the steps like the Princess Royal she was raised to be. Her shoulders back and her head held high. And then I see the way Maria looks at me before following Lennon. Like I’m a bug she’d like to squash.
Get in line.