Chapter 6 #2
I missed their daily messages and updates on their lives. I missed their gentle teasing and their not-so-gentle innuendo.
I open my eyes again, my gaze drifting back to the test on the counter.
And now this.
My guts twist as the full weight of it settles in.
A baby.
The word feels unreal, like it belongs to someone else’s life. My parents’ expectations surface immediately. The future they’ve always imagined for me has a very specific shape, and this doesn’t fit into it.
I let out a slow breath, pressing my fingers lightly against my abdomen without thinking. I pull my pants down at the front and turn to the side, taking in the slight bump that I didn’t notice until today.
The problem isn’t only that I’m pregnant.
The problem is that I don’t know which of them—
My chest tightens again. Of course I don’t know. How could I?
I turn away from the mirror, pacing the small space of the bathroom as my thoughts start to move faster.
Options. There have to be options. But every path my mind starts down turns back on itself before I get very far, because no matter how I try to frame it, this isn’t a situation I can quietly handle and tuck away.
This ties me to Mason and Brookes. This makes our one-night fling into a permanent connection. Or I have to do something I imagined I’d never be able to do. The thought sends another twist through my stomach. I press my palm flat against the counter and force myself to breathe.
Think.
I could keep it to myself for a while. Take a few days. A week, maybe. Let the shock pass before I say anything. No one else knows yet, and no one is standing here demanding answers from me.
But the idea doesn’t calm me, because the truth is, I don’t want to be alone with this. I don’t want to carry it around in silence, pretending I have control when every part of me knows I don’t.
My gaze drifts to my phone on the counter. For one instinctive second, I think of sending a message to Brookes and Mason. They’d come in a heartbeat if I asked them to. It should be the obvious choice, but instead of easing the pressure in my chest, the thought makes it tighten.
Mason won’t make this smaller. He’ll make it real in a way I’m far from ready for. He’ll have questions. He’ll push for answers. I’ll get defensive, he’ll get stubborn, and suddenly this fragile, terrifying thing I’m still trying to understand will become something I have to manage.
Brookes would be different. He’d give me space and time, but that almost feels worse because if I hear his calm, careful voice right now, I might come apart completely.
My fingers hover over the phone.
Then I know.
There’s only one person I can call who’ll understand without putting pressure on me to know what I want.
Joelle.
The thought settles over me with relief. She’s been here before. Well, not in this impossible tangle of two men and zero clarity, but close enough that she won’t panic or judge me. She won’t try to solve it or offer me a million solutions before I’ve even caught my breath.
She’ll just be there.
Before I can talk myself out of it, I grab the phone and scroll to her name. My thumb hesitates for half a second before I press call.
It rings twice.
“Hey,” she answers, warm and easy, like the world is still normal. I guess it is for her.
“Joelle.”
There’s a pause, like she can tell my voice isn’t the same.
“What’s wrong?”
I close my eyes and lean back against the counter, gripping the phone tighter.
“I…” The word catches, sounding useless and small. I don’t know how to say it. I don’t even know where to begin.
“Janey,” she says, firmer now. “Talk to me. Whatever it is, you can tell me.”
I pull in a shaky breath. “I think I made a mistake. A very big mistake.”
A beat of silence. Then, very calmly, “Okay. What kind of mistake?”
I huff out a sound that might have been a laugh if it wasn’t so tainted by panic. “The kind that doesn’t go away.”
“Are you safe?” she asks immediately.
“Yes. Yes, I’m safe. It’s not—” I shake my head, even though she can’t see me. “It’s not like that.”
“Then what is it?”
My eyes move to the test on the counter and the two pink lines. “I’ve been nauseous today and feeling tired for a few weeks.”
The phone rustles as she asks Caleb to take care of Little C, and she finds somewhere more private.
“Did you take a test?”
Neither of us speaks for a moment. She doesn’t need to ask, but she does anyway, with a gentle voice that makes my throat burn.
“Yes.”
“And?”
I swallow. “It’s positive.”
Joelle exhales slowly. “Okay.”
“You won’t freak out?” I ask.
“Do you need me to?”
“No.”
“Then I won’t.”
I let out a tight breath as my shoulders relax a fraction. “Okay,” I whisper, though the word doesn’t sound nearly as measured coming from me.
“Listen to me,” she says, her voice softening. “We’re going to take this one step at a time. You’re not alone in it.”
My throat tightens again. “I know.”
“Do you?”
I hesitate. “Not really.”
“Well, you should,” she says. “You’ve got me. And Wade and Caleb. We’ll figure it out.”
I nod, even though she can’t see it. “Okay.”
“Do you know…?” she asks.
I close my eyes again.
“No.”
“Have you been with anyone since…”
She doesn’t say their names. She doesn’t have to.
“No.”
“Have you told them?”
“No. I haven’t even figured out how to think about this yet.”
“That’s fine,” she says. “You don’t have to do everything at once.”
I lean my head back against the wall and stare up at the ceiling. “It was supposed to be one night,” I whisper.
“I know.”
“It wasn’t supposed to change anything.”
Her voice gentles. “Life doesn’t care much about supposed to.”
A weak breath of laughter slips out of me. “No. It really doesn’t.”
After a moment, Joelle asks, “What do you want to do?”
The question is kind, but it still feels too big to handle. It’s taken a long time for me to figure out what’s happening to my body. The spotty periods I had during my pill break weren’t unusual. Now, I’m nine weeks into this. “I don’t know yet.”
“That’s all right. You don’t have to know today.”
“No,” I say quietly. “But do I have to tell them?”
Joelle doesn’t answer right away. When she does, her tone is careful. “As your friend, I should tell you that you don’t have to. This… What happens next is your choice. But Mason and Brookes are family, and they’re good men, so…”
“Don’t worry. I understand.” My chest tightens again, but beneath the fear, another shape begins to form. I straighten and draw in a deeper breath. “One step at a time,” I say.
“Exactly.”
I nod again, gripping the phone as I catch sight of myself in the mirror.
I look the same, but everything has changed.
And this time, there is no pretending it hasn’t.