Chapter 18 A Moral Dilemma #2
“That is hardly sufficient! And it is too late for regrets, is it not? Even if you left him now, that would not change these past weeks. No one will ever forget your downfall, and because of it, your sister will never find another suitor. Because of it, your mother and I are ostracized from all society. We are finally, utterly, irrevocably ruined.”
Lizzie sat abruptly, racked with guilt and pain. What had she been thinking when she had accepted Tyrell’s proposition? How could she have been selfish and so thoughtless?
But since coming to Wicklowe, she had been so happy.
“I don’t care for myself,” Papa said angrily. “I have never enjoyed those damned balls and fêtes. But Mama has no friends! She is not invited to a single tea! How will she survive?”
“Oh, God,” Lizzie whispered, the tears streaming now. “Papa, I didn’t think at all! I never dreamed Mama would become a pariah! I never meant to hurt anyone—I only wanted Tyrell to claim Ned as his own son!”
Papa knelt before her, taking her hands.
“And what about you, Lizzie? I know you love him. No one knows more than I that you would have never behaved this way if you didn’t!
He is engaged to someone else. In the fall, he will marry another woman.
What will you do then? Will you be the other woman? Will you be happy then?”
Lizzie stared, her heart lurching. In the past week, she had refused to think of the future and his bride. Instead, she had immersed herself in her love, in their passion and in every moment she spent with Tyrell.
“I see you cannot answer me! And what will you do when he tosses you aside, which he will surely do sooner or later?”
Lizzie had to turn away.
“Men do not keep old women as mistresses. Damn it, Lizzie, what will you do when he is through with you?” Papa demanded.
“I don’t know,” she gasped, for suddenly she could see a day when Tyrell had no more use for her. It hurt beyond belief. “I don’t know!” But she did know—she would die from a broken heart.
Papa stood. Using a linen handkerchief, he wiped his eyes.
Lizzie could only watch, sick with the realization of what she had done to her family, of how she had destroyed their good name and happiness. And now the future loomed, frightening and gray.
She had been a fool to think she could ignore it, to think she could pretend that it did not exist.
Papa turned to face her. “I love you,” he said roughly, “but I have no choice now. I must take care of Mama. I must also save Georgina, if it is at all possible.”
Lizzie began to shake. “Papa, no.”
“Georgie is coming home,” Papa announced, ashen. “And I am disowning you, Lizzie.”
Lizzie closed her eyes. Disbelief and shock were quickly replaced by a terrible anguish. “No,” she whispered. “Papa!”
“I have no choice, not if I am to save the reputation of the rest of our family,” Papa choked. And he covered his face with his hands and wept.
He was right, she somehow thought, her own tears falling freely now. If she was publicly disowned by her own family, then society would forgive them and eventually welcome them back into its ugly fold. Lizzie opened her eyes but could not see, as her vision was blurred by so many tears.
“I am sorry,” Papa said thickly. “But you can no longer be my daughter.”
“I understand,” she sobbed.
Tears stained his cheeks. He turned away, then froze, as Georgie was standing there on the terrace, behind him.
She was crying, too, but she held her head high. “I am staying with Lizzie,” she said.
Supper was a dreadful affair.
Papa had left immediately. Whether Georgie was now also disowned for refusing to return to Raven Hall with him, it was impossible to say.
Tyrell returned just before seven, and Georgie and Lizzie were already sitting at the long dining table in absolute silence when he joined them for supper.
Lizzie was afraid to look at him. She did not want him to know what had happened, and not just because of her pride.
She was grief-stricken, and now she was ashamed of their relationship and of the terrible choices she had made.
He greeted them both, sitting down between them at the head of the table.
Lizzie managed a smile and then quickly avoided his eyes as servants began serving them supper.
Georgie remained ashen, and she knew that she looked as anguished.
She felt Tyrell staring at her and then glancing at her sister in confusion and growing concern.
A rack of lamb was served with small roasted potatoes and green beans.
Lizzie had no appetite. She reached for her wineglass, saw how badly her hand was shaking and instantly retreated.
She quickly stole a glance at Tyrell. He was staring at her with narrowed eyes in simple suspicion.
She flashed him a hugely insincere smile and picked up her knife and fork.
“What is going on here?” he asked in the leaden silence.
Lizzie laid her utensils down. “I have a migraine, my lord,” she whispered in a pathetic lie.
Suddenly Georgie jumped to her feet. “My lord, Lizzie needs to lie down! Please excuse us!” She smiled brightly at him while rushing around the table to help Lizzie up.
Tyrell stared and Lizzie restrained Georgie for a moment.
Somehow she met his eyes. “I am merely ill,” she whispered.
“Would you mind terribly if I lie down and my sister attended me?”
Staring far too closely at her, he shook his head. “Of course not. Should I send for a physician?”
Lizzie shrugged, no longer capable of speech. Georgie led her from the room. They did not speak until they had reached the master suite. “Shall I send for wine?” Georgie asked.
Lizzie sank onto the sofa before the fireplace. “Georgie, what have I done?”
Georgie sat beside her. “I don’t know. But you have been so happy, Lizzie.”
“Mama has no friends! No one calls—there are no invitations! She will surely die!”
“It is a myth,” Georgie said firmly. “No one dies of a broken heart.”
Lizzie looked at her. “What should I do?” she asked in anguish. “I have destroyed my family’s name. I have destroyed my family! Is that not selfish? Is that not reprehensible? Is that not despicable?”
Georgie spoke in a whisper. “Lizzie, you cannot be thinking of leaving him!”
Lizzie started to cry. How could she leave Tyrell when she loved him so?
How could she stay and put more nails in the coffin of her family’s ruin?
And what about his marriage to Lady Blanche?
Before she had left Adare, she had heard rumors of an autumn wedding.
And there was Ned, who deserved his father in his life.
Nothing was right—except for the genuine love she felt for a man she should not be with.
Then Lizzie decided that was wrong, too. She should not yearn for a man who belonged to someone else.
Tyrell walked into the room. “Miss Fitzgerald, I should like to speak with Elizabeth alone,” he said to Georgie. It was not a request.
But Georgie stood, facing him, her shoulders squared. “My lord, my sister is not well. Can this not wait until the morrow?”
“No, it cannot,” he said flatly.
Georgie did not move.
Lizzie looked up, wiping her eyes with her fingertips. “Georgie, it’s all right.”
Georgie hesitated. “Liz, if you need me, send for me.”
“I promise,” Lizzie said with the barest of smiles.
Georgie managed to give Tyrell a warning look, which he ignored, and she left the room.
Tyrell faced her, staring down at her. “You appear as if someone has died.”
Lizzie shook her head.
“Your father was here today,” Tyrell said. “What did he say to so greatly upset you?”
Lizzie was shocked that he knew about Papa’s visit.
“Elizabeth, I only had to ask if something had happened. You had but one visitor—Smythe instantly informed me of the fact. What did he say to so upset you?”
Lizzie looked at her lap. “I love Papa so,” she whispered.
He waited.
“He knows. He knows I am your mistress. They are in disgrace. Ostracized. Heartbroken. I am shameless, Tyrell,” she cried. “And so terribly selfish!”
He knelt before her, taking her hands in his. “No! I forced you into this. If anyone is to blame, it is I!”
“I have ruined them,” she whispered, trying not to cry. She wanted to lean into him and have him pull her into his arms; she wanted to pull away and run from him now, while she still could—if she still could.
He cupped her cheek. “I will make amends. I will have them invited to every function at Adare. I will extend the protection that I have given to you to them. Darling, don’t cry!”
“You could do that?” And there was, finally, the smallest glimmering of hope.
He kissed her gently. “Elizabeth, of course I can. I would move heaven and earth to stop your pain. I will see to it that they are accepted in the highest society, but you cannot leave me,” he said, and his eyes flashed in dangerous warning.
She was numb. He had somehow sensed that she was on the verge of leaving him. It would be wonderful if he could help Mama and Papa return to good society, but it would not fix everything.
The future remained. She could not longer pretend that it did not, and that it did not include her, not in any way.
“Elizabeth,” he said as if he knew her exact thoughts. “Please, look at me now.”
She clutched his hands and did as he had asked. “I have been so happy,” she murmured.
“I know,” he said, smiling just a little. “I want you to be happy. Let me make you happy!” he said, his eyes darkening. “Let me take you to bed.”
Making love was the last thing on her mind, and it would solve nothing. “Will you really introduce Mama and Papa into high society? Is it even possible?” she asked, trembling and knowing she must not cave in to such a small crumb.