Chapter 8
CHAPTER EIGHT
HE WATCHED HER SIP her wine. The monologue he had overheard remained firmly etched on his mind, but she showed no sign of her recent bout of tears.
She glanced up. Her eyes were so soft and hopeful; now, he knew what that expression meant.
He glanced restlessly away, disturbed. But he had an agenda now, a firm agenda, one he intended to enforce at all costs.
He was going to move heaven and earth to make Amanda’s reunion with Dulcea a success, but that meant cooperation on her part.
“Are you enjoying the soupe du poisson?” he asked casually.
She laid down her spoon, smiling at him. “Very much.”
“We have made good sailing. I have calculated that we are a third of the way to Britain.”
Her expression tensed and her eyes flickered.
“You must be excited, Amanda, terribly excited.”
She stared down at her soup. “Yes.”
He studied her down-turned face, trying to decide how to get her to confess her fears, for then he could suggest a shortened course in the social graces.
There was no other choice now, not if she was to be successfully reunited with Dulcea Belford.
But suddenly she looked up. “Will you just drop me on the London docks?”
It was so easy to see her fear now. “Of course not. I intend to escort you to Belford House.”
“And there you will leave me, right?”
He spoke with great care. “I wish to aid you in making a good impression, Amanda. We need to find you a suitable gown. I intend to summon a seamstress to Harmon House the moment we make port. When you have the appropriate attire, I will escort you to Belford House.”
Her gaze was riveted on his. “Harmon House? Where your father lives with his wife, the countess?”
“I stay at Harmon House when I am in town. I have no idea who will be in residence when we arrive. The entire family could be there, or no one at all.”
Two pink spots appeared on her cheeks, making her seem feverish.
“I can see that you are somewhat anxious. My family will welcome you very enthusiastically. And I will stay with you, if you wish, while you meet your mother.”
She folded her arms. “But then you will leave. I mean, she will give me a room. I am going to spend the rest of my life at Belford House!”
He sighed, feeling terrible for her. “You are young and she is your mother. Of course she will wish to take you in, as she should. But when you come of age, you will be able to do as you wish—if you have the funds.” And he couldn’t help thinking about what Carre had wanted his daughter to do.
He couldn’t completely blame the man; Amanda was beautiful and passionate, the kind of woman a rich gent would wish to keep.
But why hadn’t Carre had higher aspirations for his daughter?
Had Amanda really spent the first four years of her life with her mother?
He thought it unlikely. And damn it, why hadn’t Carre sent her to some fine ladies’ school to gain instruction in etiquette?
“Well, I will be of age shortly,” she said.
“Legally, but I am sure your mother will wish to see you properly cared for. She won’t cast you out at eighteen, Amanda. Many unwed ladies live at home into their twenties. Some spinsters never leave their parents’ homes.”
She just shook her head, clearly dismayed.
“I can help you,” he dared, leaning forward. He almost reached for her hand and thought better of it.
“What do you mean?” she asked warily.
“There must be more to your introduction than a pretty gown,” he said, trying to sound casual.
She understood; she stiffened. “I know. I am not a lady and no dress will make anyone think otherwise.” She added, “I have never worn a dress.”
He was dismayed, for this would be far more difficult than he had thought. “I am charmed by your originality,” he said sharply, meaning it. “But others might not be.”
“Are you trying to be amusing?” She was incredulous.
“Do you know how many fine ladies in Kingston sneer at me on the public roads? In church, they refuse to share my pew. One fancy sort actually crossed to the other side of the street so my person would not offend her. And they talk about me—loudly—so I know exactly what they are thinking. I am trash. No one in my mother’s house is going to think anything else—or in your home, either. ”
He just stared, aching for her. “You are not trash. You are a hundred times stronger, braver and more beautiful than all of your detractors. And you are wrong about my family—if you are with me, they will be kind and accepting, and they will become fond of you when they get to know you better. But you are right about one thing. No one at Belford House is going to be enchanted by your candor or your skill with a sword. We need to plan your introduction to your mother with care, Amanda. I have given this a great deal of thought. I wish we had more time, but we have a month. You must learn the basic social graces—how to walk, how to speak, how to dine. And of course, you must know how to dance.”
She was near tears. “I know how to walk and talk—but the way I walk and talk isn’t good enough, is it?
” He was silent. “I don’t want to sup with gentry, de Warenne.
I don’t want to go to England. I don’t want to meet my mother, not like this, but I promised Papa!
” She stood abruptly, her chair flipping over. She paled, turning to right it.
He leaped to his feet and went around the table, taking the fallen chair from her hands. “It’s all right,” he said, placing it upright.
She shook her head. “It’s not all right. I can’t even get up from the table properly and you know it.”
He took her hand. “Actually, I have heard you mime and you are very talented.”
She froze, keenly interested now. “You mean, when I am mocking some fool?”
He almost smiled. “Yes, that is exactly what I mean. You can imitate the upper-crust tone exactly—I have heard you do so more than once. This won’t be as hard as you think.”
She stared and then pulled away. “I can practice all kinds of fancy airs, but I will never fool anyone. I don’t want to be a lady. I just want to sail ships.”
He felt his heart melt. He thought about what to say and how to say it. “Unfortunately, Carre is dead. You have no means, which is equally unfortunate. Your mother will be supporting you. You will have to somehow adapt.”
“I have you,” she whispered, her gaze wet with tears and glued to his.
His heart raced. “What?”
She folded her arms tightly to her body. “I could stay here…with you. I think that would please Papa.”
He stared in disbelief, but every moment they had passed on his frigate tumbled with shocking clarity through his mind.
“I am a very good sailor!” she cried. “I’ll wager there is no lad on this ship who can climb up to the main royal yard as fast as I can.”
He turned white. “Like hell you’re climbing up there!” It was the highest yard on the ship.
“I can load balls as fast as the best gunners, too. And I am a good shot with the pistol and you saw that I am a very good swordsman. Please,” she added desperately. “Let me sail with you!”
“You wish to sail with me,” he echoed, his heart pounding in a timeless manner he recognized. She wished to stay on his ship, sailing the high seas with him. Shaken, he turned away, his loins huge and full.
“I will make my way, I swear it! And I don’t eat very much. I can sleep below with the idlers,” she begged.
He faced her, shaking his head. “No.”
“I will fail miserably in England,” she whispered. “You must know it, too.”
They simply stared at each other, her face filled with fear and anguish, so much so that he had the oddest urge to agree to her request. But it was insane, impossible. “You won’t fail. I am going to help you learn some necessary graces, and so will Ariella and Anahid.”
She sat down on the bed, staring at him. “What if Mama doesn’t want me?”
That was his greatest fear, as well. He softened, walking to her, but he reminded himself not to touch her, not now.
He must not comfort her. “I don’t blame you for being anxious.
However, I am asking you to trust me. I am going to secure your future, Amanda, before I leave England. That is a promise.”
Amanda stared, clearly uncertain. She whispered, “I do trust you. But what if Mama looks at me the way that sow at Windsong did? The way they all do?”
He stiffened. Lady Belford would be very sorry, he thought grimly, if she looked down her fine nose at her daughter.
“I cannot predict the future, but we can do everything in our power to put the odds in our favor. You must work very hard for the next four weeks and I will steer you through your reunion with your mother. I think that, together, we can make your reunion a success. I certainly intend to do my part, but you must do yours.”
She bit her lip. “I will try. But I do not have your confidence. I wish I did.”
He smiled. “Then I will have enough confidence for us both.” He became serious. “Amanda, she is your family. I am a trader most of the time and a privateer the rest. I am also a bachelor. You simply cannot sail with me. It just isn’t done.”
She looked away. “Why not? You do as you please, don’t you? Everyone knows you obey no one and nothing.”
Unfortunately, she was right. He hesitated. “My life would be very different if I were not an eccentric,” he said grimly, meaning it. “It has kept me separate from everyone else. I have no regrets, but in the long haul, it is better to fit in.”
“But I am different, too,” she whispered, her gaze seeking his.
They were both outsiders, he thought. “Your fate is Belford House, mine is the high seas. We are entirely different.” He sat down on the bed besides her, shaken by how much they had in common. “So? Have we agreed on a plan of action?”
She hesitated and nodded. “I will try to improve my manners, but I am not hopeful, as you are.”
“I know you will succeed,” he vowed. “Amanda, I won’t abandon you,” he heard himself add.
She seemed surprised, but then, so was he.