Chapter 13
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
CLIFF CONTROLLED HIMSELF, when what he wished to do was pace.
The entire family was assembled in the salon, prior to going into supper, except for Amanda and his sister.
He could not imagine what was keeping them, but knowing Eleanor—and Amanda—he began to worry over such a bold pairing.
He had been haunted by their earlier conversation all day, and he still felt ill, deep in his chest.
I think I hate you now. I wish we had never met.
He did not know what he would do if Amanda really despised him. He couldn’t stand the notion that she wished they had never met. She had become so important to him. But she hadn’t meant her words, had she? She had been speaking in hurt and anger, and he didn’t blame her.
The children were with them, having already taken their meals in the nursery and preparing for a quiet evening upstairs.
Michael, who was Sean’s stepson from a previous marriage, and Ned, Lizzie and Tyrell’s eldest child, were at the terrace doors with Alexi, having a very serious and excited discussion.
As Alexi was holding a slingshot, Cliff knew they needed supervision, but Anahid was nowhere to be seen.
Ariella sat on the floor, reading aloud to Eleanor’s son Rogan, a year-old boy with bright blond hair and the O’Neill gray eyes.
Lizzie’s redheaded daughter, Margery, now four, was with them.
Both children were rapt, as the tale was one of dragons.
Lizzie was seated with them on the floor, as casually as a housemaid, smiling happily at the group, her cheeks flushed from a day spent playing nanny to her three children.
As she was with child again, she had never been prettier.
The countess was chasing after Tyrell and Lizzie’s other son, Charles, fondly known as Chaz.
At two, he was intent on pulling every possible item and artifact off each end table and desktop.
Vaguely, Cliff saw Rex seize Chaz before he could destroy a priceless plate.
The boys outside vanished, and it was almost dark.
Cliff started after them when he heard his sister’s breathless chatter in the hall.
From the corner of his eye, as he seized the terrace doorknob, he saw a vision in pink.
He turned, shocked, one word in his mind: Amanda. And he tripped over his own feet, but somehow caught himself before falling.
She stood with Eleanor on the threshold in a pink silk gown, her hair pinned up, and she was so beautiful he was stunned senseless.
All he could do was stare, smitten by her beauty and her innocence, wanting her insanely.
He somehow sat down in a chair.
She was blushing, smiling shyly.
My God, he finally thought, his heart thundering in his chest. She was so beautiful, it hurt—but hadn’t he known from the start that she would be a great beauty?
La Sauvage was gone, but he couldn’t seem to care, not when faced with the woman she was becoming.
He could not take his eyes off her.
“Cliff!” Eleanor shouted. She had her fists on her hips. She gave him a stern look.
He leaped to his feet and rushed forward, tripping again on the damned rug as he did so. Then he skidded to a halt before her, terribly breathless. Their eyes locked. Oddly, he couldn’t think of a thing to say, when he wanted to tell her she was the most beautiful woman in all of Britain.
“Do I look foolish?” she whispered.
His heart turned over, impossibly, dangerously. “You look,” he managed, taking her hand, “beautiful…beyond words.”
Her color increased. “You don’t have to be kind.”
He brought her hand to his lips, but did not kiss it. He remained too shaken. “Amanda—” he swallowed, then gave in “—there is no one as lovely as you.”
Pleasure filled her eyes and she smiled up at him with more confidence.
He raised her hand to his mouth and kissed it, lingering over her flesh.
He was so terribly aware of her. Worse, he had such a yearning inside, and it wasn’t just physical.
In fact, he could not identify or recognize it—or was afraid to do so.
But he couldn’t quite release her hand. He wanted to hold on to it forever.
“Did you cut your hair?” he asked softly.
She shook her head. “No.”
He was relieved. “I’m glad,” he whispered. As he looked at every single perfect feature on her face, he realized nothing had changed—but then he looked at the pink silk caressing her bosom, her waist, and he inhaled, because somehow, everything had changed.
“Lizzie pinned my hair up. She keeps her hair long, too.”
Cliff had a stunning image of Amanda standing starkly naked, her long pale tresses spilling down her back, over her shoulders, over her full, high breasts.
Last night, she had been naked, her hair down, but she had been in the throes of grief and despair, slicing her gown to ribbons with a knife.
Now, he saw her smiling softly at him, her cheeks pink with desire, waiting for him to come forward and take her to his bed.
He didn’t think he had ever wanted anything more. Cliff let her palm go. He cleared his throat. “I take it Madam Didier had a dress a client did not want?”
Amanda nodded. “She was kind enough to make some alterations…how could anyone reject this beautiful gown?”
“You are happy,” he breathed. “I will buy you a hundred more.”
She smiled into his eyes. “I don’t need a hundred dresses. Cliff, I have come to my senses,” she said softly.
His smile faded. What the hell did that mean?
“I was hoping,” she hesitated, biting her lip, “I could ask you something, after supper.”
You could be my husband. He was filled with tension, recalling her wish to be his wife. It had been a question, huge and poignant, one he would never forget. “You can ask me anything,” he said as softly. Their gazes held again.
Then someone coughed.
Cliff started, realizing they were not alone, and he felt his cheeks heat.
He glanced around the room at his family, disliking Eleanor’s sly grin, Rex’s open amusement, and his mother’s and Lizzie’s wide stares and knowing smiles.
Even Ariella was staring at him with open curiosity, as if he had done something terribly inappropriate and odd.
The countess came forward. “Amanda, dear, I agree. You are so lovely. Why don’t you and Cliff have a private word now while Rex goes after the two boys? I will take the ladies into the dining room and Anahid can settle the rest of the children upstairs.”
“Thank you,” Cliff said to his stepmother. He paused to kiss her cheek. Outside, he heard the boys screaming in wicked laughter.
Mary smiled at him. “I am happy for you,” she said.
He had no clue as to what she meant. When everyone was gone, he smiled at Amanda.
Even looking at her anew caused his heart to race.
He began to wonder at his reaction—and to worry about it.
Now that he was her official guardian, he had to get a grip on his composure.
Guardians did not desire their wards, it was as simple as that. “Should I close the doors?”
She shrugged. “It doesn’t matter.”
He left the doors open. “Amanda, I am sorry about this morning,” he began.
She laid her hand on his chest, making his heart leap wildly. “You mentioned a dowry—and an estate.” She dropped her hand.
Her simple touch had made him recall every moment in her bed last night. Stiff and uncomfortable, he paced for a moment to distract himself. “Yes. I realized you need a dowry, and I will provide it. An estate will be a part of the dowry. I put my agents on it this morning.”
Her eyes were huge. “So when I marry, there will be an estate? Will it belong to me? Or to my husband?”
He was oddly disturbed that she was now speaking of her marriage so dispassionately.
You could be my husband! “The lure to such a dowry is that it would pass from you to your husband upon marriage. However, I prefer the estate to remain in your name, and to be inherited by your eldest son. A suitor would still find the prospect attractive enough, as a husband controls his wife’s affairs and your son would be his son, as well. ”
“You are so generous,” she cried, her eyes huge, and he saw that she was excited now.
He was very disturbed. “So you have come to the conclusion that marriage is best?”
She glanced away, blushing. “Cliff…de Warenne. I spoke recklessly this morning. I mean…I wish I hadn’t said what I did…it was so silly!”
“Amanda,” he began. “You are not silly—”
“No, wait! I know you would never marry me. Of course I know it! I don’t know why I said what I did.
I mean, I did think we would be lovers after what happened last night, but you did say a hundred times you only wish to protect me.
” Her color was high. “I understand. I am not angry. I don’t… . hate you. I could never hate you.”
He went to the doors and closed them, relieved no one was lurking in the hall. “I am very glad for that. Amanda, you do understand, don’t you? I’m never going to marry anyone.”
She grimaced. “One day you will marry a great lady. She will probably be a princess—I am sure of it.”
He sighed, realizing there would be no convincing her. “Is this what you wanted to say? That you regret your impulsiveness earlier?”
“That, but more importantly, I wanted to understand what this estate means for me.”
He reached out unthinkingly, his fingers grazing her cheek, then he jammed his hands in his trouser pockets.
“The estate will be yours. In fact, this afternoon one of my agents found an interesting prospect. A manor house on quite a bit of land with three tenant farms.” He saw her eyes widen so he continued.
“The price is oddly low. The manor is south of town, about a half day’s carriage ride from here. ”
She bit her lip, her eyes filled with excitement.
“What is it, Amanda?”