Chapter 21
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
AMANDA SAT IN THE hired hansom outside of Belford House, her smaller bags at her feet.
It was hard to think, much less alight from the coach.
She had decided to have one last word with her mother before leaving London.
She hadn’t said goodbye to Cliff and raw grief consumed her.
Of course she couldn’t face him this way—it would be too difficult after the night they had just shared. She was aware of being a coward now.
She closed her eyes tightly against the burn of tears, crying for them both.
He had left her that morning in an exceptionally cheerful mood, telling her he’d see her before supper, having no idea that by evening, she’d be far out to sea.
He’d gone out almost directly, his step a swagger.
Amanda had watched him leave from her bedroom window, her heart beating in frantic protest, loving him anew, wanting to call him back.
She’d had to remind herself again and again that eventually, sooner, rather than later, their paths would cross on the island.
But what difference did that make? She was not going to become his lover, even if he still wished it, as that would solve nothing, just as she wouldn’t marry him out of his sense of obligation toward her.
She sighed, wiped her eyes, and slipped to the street.
The driver spat chewing tobacco onto the ground.
Amanda went up the walk and rang the bell, seeking some composure.
A moment later she was standing in the foyer, trying to prepare herself for a final moment with her mother.
It was so odd to think the word mother, and to have no real feelings of affection for Dulcea.
But one fact remained: Dulcea was her mother by birth and she had two children who were Amanda’s half siblings.
She was compelled to see her one last time before leaving London forever.
Dulcea hurried into the hall, her eyes wide, smiling. “Amanda! You have changed your mind. I am so pleased you have come.” She stopped, evincing surprise. “I do not see your bags. Haven’t you come to stay here with me?”
“I have come to say goodbye. I told you, I am going home.” And Amanda finally realized that a part of her was hoping for some small sign of affection from this woman, in spite of their previous encounter.
Dulcea paled. “How can you do this? You will give up your new life here, in town, to live on an island infested with pirates, to live among them?”
“I believe I told you, I will open up a shop. I intend to remain a gentlewoman. Eventually I will have a shipping concern.”
“You are mad, and you are an ungrateful girl!” Dulcea trembled, her eyes blazing. “I have offered you a home, a real home, and you merely walk away to find adventure? You are exactly like your father.”
Amanda stiffened. “You have offered me nothing, Lady Belford. All I ever wanted was some genuine affection from you. All I have seen in your eyes is calculation and greed. I came here hoping that the other night at the ball was not the truth. But it was, wasn’t it?”
Dulcea was still, myriad emotions crossing her face.
Then she spoke more calmly. “I am angry because you are hurting your prospects. If you see calculation, it is because I want what is best for you! You are—” She stopped, lowering her voice.
“You are my daughter, no matter the past. I want a bright future for you.”
Amanda did not believe her. “Why do you care so little for me? Is it a defect of character on your part? Or am I at fault?”
Dulcea drew up. “Of course I care for you. I told you so at the ball.”
Amanda shook her head. “You do not care for me, you care for whatever wealth I can bring to your home. I am a lady now, but somehow, still, I am not good enough to receive your affections. Is it because I am a bastard? So I will pay for your sins? Or is it because you see a pirate’s whelp standing here now?
I have done all that I could to change myself, but it isn’t enough, is it? ”
“It is not enough,” Dulcea agreed eagerly, “but I could help you become a great and genuine lady. I still plan to see you wed to de Warenne. Amanda, you will become a reigning socialite.”
Amanda felt only disgust. “And you will rule the ton with me, while we both live fabulously off Cliff’s wealth.”
“Why not?” Dulcea said happily.
And finally, she felt the loss of the dream of her mother which her father had instilled in her.
Coupled with her grief over losing Cliff, it felt unbearable.
Her hands shaking, Amanda took off the pearl earrings Cliff had given her, handing them to Dulcea.
She would never part with his first gift, the necklace.
“Here. Sell them. Maybe it will help. As soon as I make my first profits, I will send you something, as much as I can, and hopefully it will be enough to tide you and your children over.” She could barely believe what she was offering, but she meant it.
Dulcea Belford did not care for her, but she was her mother and she was in distress, and her two children were her half brother and half sister.
“How can you do this? I am offering you everything, Amanda!”
She was offering nothing at all. “Goodbye…Mother.” Amanda walked out.
HE HAD BEEN SMILING from the moment he had left Amanda in her bed.
As it was later in the afternoon, his face was actually beginning to ache.
But now, truly, he understood what love was.
It was a great swelling of joy and happiness.
He could hardly believe he had once thought himself immune to the emotion and had actually referred to it as an affliction.
He entered Harmon House, his gaze veering toward the stairs.
The engagement ring he had just purchased was burning a hole in his breast pocket.
He had rehearsed a dozen different proposals, and all had seemed deficient and inane.
He somehow wanted to convey the depth of his feelings, if he hadn’t done so yesterday and last night.
He still wanted her terribly. Last night he had made love to her a hundred different ways, and he simply could not wait to do so again.
He dearly hoped she understood what he was expressing when he kissed her and touched her and held her.
He felt certain the three words every woman longed to hear might be difficult to enunciate.
But after last night, she had to know how deeply in love he was.
About to rush up the stairs, he hesitated. His father had just stepped into the front hall, his expression controlled and difficult to read.
He tensed, feeling fourteen, not twenty-eight, and turned, removing his hand from the banister.
“Before you set me down, you should know my intentions are honorable.” He reached into his pocket and removed the sapphire-blue velvet box and opened it.
The eight carat diamond sparked, catching the light.
The earl smiled. “Cliff, I had no doubt that you were intending marriage. You made yourself clear the day I arrived here. I believe your exact words were that the day you ruined her, you would marry her.”
“I was hardly planning the event when we spoke of it.”
The earl raised a brow, as if he did not believe him, then said, “The ring is exquisite and it suits her. Congratulations.” He clasped his shoulder. “I am thrilled for you both.
Cliff finally relaxed. “You will not berate me for my impatient behavior?”
“No, I will not,” the earl laughed. “We are virile men, and when smitten, there is no stopping us.” Briefly, a faraway look came into his eyes, and Cliff knew he was thinking of his wife.
Then he came back to the present. “May I say one more thing?”
Cliff had been glancing up the stairs, his impatience now full-blown. He turned back to the earl. “Of course.”
“I am very proud of you. If I have been harder on you, and less tolerant of your behavior, it was not because I loved you any less than Tyrell or Rex. Nor was it due to your reckless nature and the many sleepless nights you caused me and my wife. Cliff, no one was more acutely aware of the fact that you are my youngest son than I.”
Cliff no longer thought of Amanda. He stared, uncertain as to where his father was going with his monologue. Growing up, he had been treated differently than his brothers. However, he had been impossibly wild, which had given the earl cause to be harsher with him. “I don’t quite understand.”
“I have been harder on you because, as my youngest son, you have needed more character, more strength and more ambition to survive well in this world. Considering the man that stands before me today, I think my stratagem in raising you was correct.”
Cliff flushed with pleasure, as the earl’s praise was rare. “I know there were many times when you wanted to whip me, but you never did. I am a father now, and Alexi is also a handful. I understand why you had to be tougher with me than my brothers.”
“You have made a kingdom from the sand and the sea, an achievement only your stepbrother Devlin can claim, and clearly, your sense of duty and honor is as strong as your brothers. Not only is it apparent in your care of your children, you rescued a damsel in distress and became her champion. I am very pleased with the man you have become.”
Cliff smiled. “Thank you, Edward.”
Edward smiled back. “Your damsel awaits.”
Cliff grinned, his heart racing. “Indeed, she does. There is something I must do, and hopefully, not make a fool of myself in the process.”
“She will never see you as a fool, son. Her eyes shine when she looks at you.”
Cliff turned toward the stairs when a servant approached. “Captain, sir?” He was carrying an envelope.
Cliff was impatient. “In a moment—”
“Sir, Miss Carre explicitly stated I was to deliver this to you at four in the afternoon. It is four, sir.”