Chapter 30
CHAPTER
THIRTY
Erica
I feel him inside me. Heck, I feel him everywhere. But the intensity changed. I know it. I know what he wants, but I wanted him to admit it, and now that he has, I feel relieved, because I want that too.
“So do it,” I tell him. “I want that with you. I want to give you the family you always wanted.”
I feel him at my neck, his mouth pressing kisses below my ear. “I should not have said that.”
“Did you not hear me? I said I want that too.”
He pulls out, spinning me around. With my back against the cold glass, I cling to him. “You… you want more kids?”
“With you? Yes.”
He swipes a hand over his face. The confusion in his eyes is evident, but I love him all the more for it. For being raw with me, for the honesty.
“This is crazy,” he mutters. “I can’t put that on you.”
“Put it on me, heck, put it in me.” I cup his face. “I want to give you something that’s yours, Brew. Something we made together. I want your baby.”
He frowns, I don’t know what the face is for.
“What’s wrong?” I breathe.
He hesitates. “What if I’m not a good dad?”
“Not possible.”
“I’m not a good person.”
“You can change some of your, uh, less than desirable habits, but you’re not a bad person. Look at me.” His eyes shift and I stare into his icy depths. “You’d make a wonderful father, and if that’s what you want, I want to give that to you.”
“We’re fuckin’ crazy. I haven’t even taken you out on a date, and I’m tellin’ you I wanna put a baby inside you.”
“I think we’re both old enough to know what we want, don’t you?”
He swallows, then I push off the glass, moving toward him as he steps back. And he keeps stepping back as if he’s afraid of little old me. Now it’s my turn to press him against the tiles. “You’re not just givin’ me what I want to please me, right?” he asks.
“Would it matter if I was?”
“Yes.”
He strokes his knuckles across my cheekbone, and I ask, “Why?”
“Because I never want that. I want you to have all the things you want, and that may not include a child—”
I press a finger to his lips. “I’ve always wanted more children, I just kinda thought I was done with Olive because it didn’t happen.
” I take a breath, trying not to bring him into this conversation.
“And then I realized that it wasn’t meant to happen again, not with him.
So you see, everything works out. If we have a baby, then it’s meant to be. ”
The look on his face has me in a chokehold. In his eyes, I do see my future children. Children I didn’t know existed until this very moment.
“You don’t think it’s kinda sudden?”
I laugh, mainly because I can’t help it, but also because he’s serious. “Yes, it is a little sudden, but it doesn’t mean we have to try right at this moment. Babies don’t usually happen after one or even two times.
“I thought practice made perfect?”
I brush my hand through his hair. “What am I gonna do with you?”
“Let me fuck you, hopefully.”
I move in to kiss him, but he takes the lead, meeting me halfway. Suddenly, we’re all hands again, and he lifts me. Circling my legs around his waist, I wrap my arms around his neck, and he turns, pressing me up against the tiles.
“I guess that’s a yes.” I smile against this mouth as he pushes inside me, and I’m reeling all over again.
He doesn’t plow into me like he was before, it’s more controlled now as he watches my reaction, moving in and out as I cling to him.
“We found one another,” I whisper. “It may have taken a couple of years to act on it, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is right now.”
“Spoken like a true ol’ lady,” he mutters, pistoning me with his hips.
“Your ol’ lady.”
“I like that. I like how it sounds.”
“So do I.” I squeeze while he’s inside me, and he groans. I love making him come undone. I love making him unglued.
“That feels so good,” his voice is low, guttural, and it makes my body feel alight.
“So good,” I agree as I bounce on his dick.
I’m not denying the sex is amazing, and Brew knows exactly what he’s doing, but it isn’t just our physical connection.
We were strongly aligned long before he ever touched me.
I wonder why he waited so long to make a move, and I make a mental note to ask him about it soon, just not now.
Now I want to just revel in him and this feeling.
Our closeness. How he makes me feel, and how I make him feel.
The man is so thick and so big inside of me that I revel in every single inch of him, and I can’t get enough. “Love how you fill me,” I tell him.
“Clampin’ down on me like a vice.” He thrusts at the end, just to get his point across. “Takin’ all of me.”
His dirty words thrill me, going straight to my core as he delivers. I hang on for dear life as he sends me into a spiral, then with one final grunt and thrust, he empties himself inside me. Both our hearts racing together, we still.
I don’t know how long we stay like that; Brew’s head buried in my neck, and my hands gripping him like I never want to let go. I don’t. I always want it to be like this.
“I’ve never felt this way before,” he says, his voice low. “So forgive me if I can’t say what I mean to say. Just know my loyalties lie with you.”
And this is why I love this man.
“I feel exactly the same way.”
He pinches my chin gently. “Better get you to bed or you’ll be late for work in the mornin’, and you don’t want your boss on your back.”
“Or maybe I do.” I smile, contentment washing over me.
He presses a kiss to my forehead. “First time I’ve slept with a woman in a long time.”
I don’t take his honesty for granted. “I promise I’ll stick to my own side.”
“I’d be disappointed if you did.” He pulls out of me then draws me back under the spray. He washes me carefully, like a man who’s trying not to break me.
This is what I mean about Brew. He’s so many emotions all rolled into one, but I love every last one of them.
“Good, because I’m a cuddler,” I say. “And I like to take up all of the bed.”
He meets my gaze and smiles. I don’t know what I did to deserve him, but he’s my safe place. Mine. “Wouldn’t want it any other way, Mama.”
I wake in the night in a panic. For a split second, I forget where I am, then I feel Brew’s arms around me.
I didn’t know until tonight that he’s a spooner.
I freaking love learning things about him.
Like sleeping naked; him, not me. I have to at least have panties on and a tank top, much to his disgust. He also sleeps very quietly, now and again, he’ll murmur, but it’s incoherent.
Brew has told me before about his erratic sleep, but he’s sleeping like a baby, and I settle back down against the pillow and let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.
A lot happened tonight. There were confessions.
A lot of confessions. Weirdly, I feel okay with them, with Brew admitting he wanted children.
That was a huge step for him, and while it was unexpected, it feels right for us.
The gripping feeling hits me that I barely know anything about this man, aside from the bad stuff, and I want to get to know him.
The heart of him. I want to be his ol’ lady, and let everybody know we’re together.
I’ve waited a long time for this kind of happiness, and I won’t let Steven’s letter destroy or derail me.
Brew wasn’t happy, and that’s understandable.
I’m not either, and having to uproot our lives for our own safety.
I don’t feel as if Steven would send someone to do anything, but if he does get out of jail, I wouldn’t be so sure on that account.
His knowing where I live is something I don’t like, and I sure as heck won’t be taking any chances with Olive. She’s all I have. And Brew.
The family I’ve always wanted, with more children, flashes through my mind.
I’m content as I am, but if, if, I could give Brew a child, that would be the icing on the cake.
I’m thirty-five years old, so I’m not ancient, but I know it is harder to get pregnant when you get older.
Plus, I had a hard time conceiving Olive, and produced no other children with my ex.
Whether that was him, or me, I can’t say, but imagining my belly big and round with Brew’s baby shifts something inside me.
An emotion and need that I didn’t realize I had until tonight.
I want more children. I do want a family, and I want it with him.
He tightens his arm around me, and I sink back against his chest. I love the protection he offers.
While I’m all for standing on my own two feet, I also wanted to fall in love.
I still want the husband and a home together.
It’s something that has been missing in my life since I left the compound, and I didn’t really know that I had this void inside of me until I delved deep.
“I love you,” I whisper, my eyes closing as I inhale his intoxicating scent. “I will love you forever.”