Chapter 35
CHAPTER
THIRTY-FIVE
Erica
“What do you mean he got shot?” I try to grapple with the words, but they’re not registering. I clutch my phone like my life depends on it.
“He’s going to be okay,” Amber says. “He’s on his way home.”
“On his way home?” I try those words out, but they also don’t hold much weight. I sit down on the edge of the couch. It’s late, and Olive is in bed.
I knew Brew had club business to take care of, but I didn’t know it was this dangerous.
“I don’t know all the details, but he found one of the men who was involved in Valencia’s murder,” Amber says softly. “And during the raid, he caught a bullet, but I’m told it only skimmed his shoulder.”
He caught a bullet?
I think I might be in the twilight zone. I haven’t even heard from Brew, and he’s been shot? Fear grips me, but I somehow hang on for my next words.
“He didn’t tell me anything,” I whisper. “He didn’t even say where he was going.”
Is this how things are going to be between us? ‘Club business’ and not telling me when he’s putting himself in danger? I know he’s been investigating. I know he does bad things to bad people. But I thought we had an understanding.
He got shot.
He could be dead, and then what?
“Brew wanted to protect you, just like any of the brothers would do,” she says.
I know she’s trying to be a friend, but I don’t need the pep talk.
“Really? Is that how you see it? Because he could’ve been killed, Amber. Putting himself in this kind of danger is crazy, and not even telling me about how dangerous this was? That just makes me realize that I’m not as important to him as I thought I was.”
“That isn’t true, and you know it. The police were involved, too. The Rebels cut a deal in exchange for this ringleader guy. I don’t know all the details,” she says. “So even though he got hurt, they brought down an entire shipment of girls in a trafficking ring, Erica. This is serious shit.”
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I swallow hard.
“I understand that, and that’s good news for the girls.
” I shouldn’t be this selfish. But I’m worried about him.
“He also can’t keep doing this without any warning.
I knew he had stuff going on, but a raid?
With guns. I get he has this vendetta, and I’ve been supportive of it, but that was until he got hurt. This is not cool.”
“Not saying it’s cool, but this is part of what it is to be a Nomad Brother, hell, a Rebel.”
She’s right. I know she’s right. I need to see the bigger picture here, but that’s becoming increasingly hard.
“So he’s just driving himself home?” I shake my head, unable to fathom it.
“He’s Brew,” she says as if it’s obvious. “Though I’m sure someone would’ve offered to give him a ride.”
Is Brew Dawson the only man on the planet who gets shot and still rides home without even batting an eyelid?
I feel the anger, fear and trepidation — not just simmering — but it’s at boiling point.
Brew’s hurt.
“I-I have to go,” I whisper. “If he’s heading home, I need to be ready.” I don’t even know what that means, but Amber doesn’t question it.
”Of course,” she says. “But go easy on him. From what Bronco told me, he just wanted to come home.”
I don’t even have any more words as tears form and I freely let them fall. “Thank you for calling. I’ll text you tomorrow.”
“Okay. Just… remember he’s doing this to make the world a safer place, not just for you and me, but Olive too.”
“I know.” I swallow. “I get it more than you know.”
“Talk to you soon.”
We hang up and I drop my phone on the couch next to me.
My hands are shaking. Transfixed, I stare at the wall for a good five minutes before I get ahold of myself.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt the need for a stiff drink in my life, but I know where Brew keeps the liquor.
I head toward the bar, pour myself a shot of what looks and smells like whiskey, and throw it down.
The sting is sweet but it burns at the same time. It’s a burn I need.
This is real. This is happening.
I don’t know how long I stand there for, the empty glass in my hand, but when I hear the straight pipes from below on the street, I rush to the window. Pulling back the curtain, I look down onto the street. Brew looks up, and I stare at him as he rides his motorcycle into the garage below.
He’s home.
Home to me.
I try and remember Amber’s words about going easy on him. The idea of losing him sent me into a tailspin I can’t seem to weave my way out of.
A few moments later, I hear his boots on the stairs, and I swiftly move toward the door and unlock it, pulling it open at the same time as he reaches for the latch.
I don’t know what I expect, but it isn’t Brew looking slightly disheveled and off-kilter. His shirt is ripped open, with blood all over it. A patch and gauze are visible on his skin as I frown at the placement.
“Oh my god,” is all I can manage to say.
”It’s not as bad as it looks,” he grunts, moving toward me as I step back.
“Not as bad as it looks?”
”That’s right.” He reaches out, brushing away a lone tear trickling down my cheek. “I said I’d come back.”
“Not like this. You never said you were coming back like this.” My words are harsher than I mean them to, and I can see in the way he frowns that he’s not understanding. “I’m mad at you,” I clarify.
His eyebrows shoot up in surprise as he asks, “Why?”
“W-why?” I stammer. “Brew, you’ve been shot, come and sit down.”
It’s then I notice he has blood on his hands, too. “That’s not mine,” he says, looking at where I’m gaping.
“I don’t want to ask.”
“You don’t have to; I’ll tell you. I tortured a man to get information out of him, then I slit his throat.”
My mouth opens, but no sound comes out. I know I do that a lot around him, but this hits differently. “Holy…” I can’t even finish. I make a cross sign as I step back.
“You afraid of me now?”
“No.” I’m firm with my words. “I’m not afraid of you. I was worried. I-I had no clue that you could be hurt, Brew. I mean, I know now it seems obvious and all, but I didn’t think it through. I guess I always figured you were like some Superman.”
One corner of his mouth lifts. “Superman?”
“You know what I mean. You’re larger than life. Untouchable.”
“I’m afraid I’m only human,” he says. “And I need to wash my hands before I touch you.”
Right, to wash the blood off.
I follow him to the bathroom as he strips out of his clothes, standing fully naked, he washes his hands in the sink and then reaches into the shower to turn it on.
“Should I be burning those clothes?” I whisper, only half-joking.
He turns to look at me over his shoulder. “Not a bad idea, but that makes you an accomplice.”
“I’m just glad you’re okay. Tell me what happened. I want to know.”
“I already told you.”
“You found the ringleader involved with Valencia’s murder?”
“One of them. I know now where Ridgley is. I’m gonna find him.”
“Brew.” I shake my head. “I don’t know how much more of this I can take.”
He reaches for me, and I let him. He plants a chaste kiss on my lips, then disappears into the shower. Of course, I can still see him, the glass is translucent. “I’m sorry to put you through this, and clearly I didn’t mean to get shot,” he says. “But sometimes shit happens.”
“That’s it?” I say. “Shit happens.”
Our eyes meet through the glass. “You really are mad at me.”
“I’m not mad, I’m terrified!” I exclaim. Tears shoot from my eyes as I hastily wipe them away. “I could’ve lost you. We could’ve lost you. My god, what is your mom gonna say?”
He soaps his hands up and begins to wash himself. “She’ll slap me upside the head, call me an idiot, then give me a hug. She knows who I am.”
“And I don’t?”
“That’s not what I meant.”
I lean against the basin, trying to keep my cool. I love this man. I don’t want to drive him away, but the fear that ran through me when Amber called, it brought back memories. Memories I never want to be repeated.
I hug myself. “I was just so shocked when Amber called. I-I panicked.”
“I know you did, and that’s why I love you,” he says. “I swear to god this looks and sounds bad, but it was only a graze.”
I frown. “The bullet skimmed you?”
“Well, no, it penetrated.”
I gape at him. “It penetrated?”
“Casey removed the bullet.”
I grip the edge of the sink. “They let you leave the hospital and drive home?”
“Not exactly.”
This man is actually insane. I’m in love with a crazy person.
“You just left?”
He shrugs like it’s no big deal. “Yeah, I discharged myself.”
“Dylan!”
His eyes lock on mine again. “Uh, oh, now I know I’m in trouble.”
“This isn’t funny.”
“Don’t see me laughin’. Babe, I’m gonna kill Ridgley, then this will all be over.”
I hug myself. “I know.” I don’t mean to sound disbelieving, but there will always be someone out there to go after when it comes to Valencia. In my gut, I know it, and in my heart.
“But?”
I glance up. “Huh?”
“You know what I mean? You think I wanna keep livin’ like this for the rest of my life?”
“You don’t have to live like this,” I remind him.
“I do until they’re all dead, I told you I promised Valencia’s parents.”
“So when does that sentence end?” I snap. “What if there are another ten men out there involved? This may never end, and I know I sound selfish, and I don’t mean to, but… it just feels like there will always be some part of Valencia that you have to protect. To keep her memory alive.”
“No.”
“It’s okay, I get it, I really do, she meant a lot to you.”
“She did. I loved her, but that’s in the past. She broke it off because she didn’t want what I wanted.
This thing? This vendetta — it’s for her family, Erica.
You weren’t there when her parents were inconsolable at the funeral…
a funeral that wasn’t complete because there were no remains… not until later…”
My hands fly to my mouth. “That’s… that’s awful.
” My gut churns. I don’t want to put him through the ringer.
He’s already been through hell. But will this thing with getting all the bad guys ever end?
What if we had a baby, what then? Would he be taking off all the time to fight the bad guys?
Again, guilt wraps around me like a blanket because I know he does what he does for the greater good.
I know it, and yet I feel like he’s slipping away.
“Erica, look at me.”
I didn’t realize I was staring at the shower floor, trembling. My eyes slowly move to his as he shuts off the water. Wrapping a towel around his waist as he steps out, I continue to stare at him.
“I know how this looks, but I promise you. Once Ridgely is ten feet under, I’m done, do you hear me?” He cups my face as I blink the tears that fall like a runaway train. “I love you. I want to be with you, start a family and a new life with you and Olive. I don’t want to live like this anymore.”
“I want to believe you,” I whisper. “And I know I’m being incredibly selfish, but if you still love her, that’s okay—”
“I’m not in love with her,” he says. “I wasn’t in love with her for a long time after she left.
I moved on. But the sense of loyalty I felt to her and her family runs so much deeper than we ever were romantically.
I had to fight for justice because she couldn’t.
It’s who I am. I’m sorry if I’ve made it seem like this is all about me and her, but I promise you it’s not. It’s really fuckin’ not.”
He stares at me, his eyes pleading, and I nod.
“I believe you.”
“This is so close to bein’ over. Then I can fully commit myself to you. I want you, Erica. This is the life I should’ve had a long time ago, and, fuck it, I’m reachin’ for it with both hands.”
I don’t flinch when he crashes his lips to mine. I need the contact. And I need to know that he’s mine, that he will always be mine, no matter what.
“I love you,” I whisper. “I just love you so damn much.”
“I love you, too. Don’t even think for one second I don’t.”
Comfort washes over me at his words. I needed to hear them, and I can’t hate myself for that. I needed to get all of that off my chest.
And just like that, Brew is back.