Chapter 2 Sadia Kaelani Richardson
Same Day, Another Time . . .
I’m tired, tear-jerking fatigue, but I don’t have time to succumb to it.
I also have to keep going without giving time to the emotions that often want to swallow me.
I am the daughter of Lewis Richardson, who has always been a pillar of strength.
His example is why I push forward when I want to throw in the towel.
My mother committed suicide while suffering from postpartum depression when I was two months old, which left Dad alone to raise me.
My work ethic comes from Dad. All my life, I have seen him hustle to make ends meet and take care of me.
Dad has worked two jobs ever since I could understand what it meant to go to work.
Dad’s dedication to doing what he has to do is why I try to work while I maintain my course load.
The only thing Dad hasn’t successfully passed down to me is his ability to surrender to the full magnitude of love.
My mother’s death changed and hardened him in a way that he refuses to give anyone the opportunity to have his last name other than me.
If only I could carve out time to slow down and focus on something other than school and work, that is.
Why I waited so long to pursue my master’s degree is anyone’s guess.
But here I am, thirty, and in the thick of my attempt at making the mother I never met proud.
All without complaint, grumbles, or groans.
It’s not easy, but it’s the example I’ve seen and what I know to do.
If fake it until you make were a person, I would be that woman.
I have to keep going with the understanding that this too shall pass soon.
But Lord knows I hope soon is around the corner because I feel like the flame in my candle is about to run out.
It took everything in me to get to work this morning after not going to bed until one.
But I’m in my final semester of school, where I refuse to drop or fumble this ball.
I procrastinated on writing a six-page paper until I had no choice but to give up precious sleep to finish it.
Thankfully, my professor gives us an hour of grace beyond the usual midnight deadline.
Otherwise, I would have been up a creek without a paddle, and I can’t afford to lose a single point in this homestretch.
“I thought for sure you would have perked up after your man came in here smelling like pussy swells and pregnancy dreams,” my coworker and best friend, Alicia, says once the customer we just serviced leaves.
Alicia Young and I have been thick as thieves ever since she moved here three years ago.
We met when she came to visit her cousin, D’Essence, and the next thing I knew, she was relocating to the city.
Alicia is the friend I needed, and I occasionally want to return to her home state because of her knack for annoying me.
But I love her regardless of how much she rags on me.
“So, did you two make plans to meet out back for some private kisses?” Alicia teases.
“You’re so irritating.” I wave her off.
The reminder of Chance causes a cheesy grin and the urge to close my eyes to try to conjure up his image.
Chance, whose last name is still a mystery, has been coming into the coffee shop daily.
While that’s not anything worthy of acknowledgment, his presence is.
Chance’s deep chocolate skin, shiny bald head, thick yet bushy eyebrows, chiseled facial structure, and muscular build haunt me in a way that doesn’t frighten me.
In fact, Chance is the one bright spot in my daily routine, where I have to interact with the morning rush of people hurrying to get to whatever job they’re on their way to.
Most of our customers aren’t friendly and are grumpier than Dad’s neighbor Jim, who used to grimace every time I passed his house on my way home from school as a kid.
But the moment Chance enters the coffee shop, my body chills, and my heart rate increases.
“Mhm. I see that sent you right to la-la land, girl.” Alicia giggles as my focus returns to her and the conversation.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Says you, but your eyes tell me that you already have names picked out for your children with that man.”
Charity. Chance Jr. Cerenity. Maybe Essence to add a little razzle-dazzle to the crew.
“Girl, bye.” I wave her off despite the names rattling off in my head from Alicia’s statement.
But why only one boy?
Because I don’t need multiple mini Chances running around the world, breaking the hearts of the girls they encounter. Chance will get one son, and then we’ll have girls.
Like you have a say in that matter. But go off since you’re already in this delusion.
The dialogue between me and my conscience has the urge to giggle rising within my belly.
Attraction to a man who only smiles and is pleasant with me while I prepare his morning cup of joe is wild.
But if given the opportunity, I would let Chance take me on a date or be his dessert afterward.
I can’t deny that I’m attracted to that man.
So, I’m going to fake it until I make it, even with my attraction for a man who’s only a customer.
“If you want, I’ll ask him if he’s single when he comes in tomorrow. Then see if I can run a little interference for you. If he’s with someone, she can’t be handling her business with how hard he stares and grins at you like he knows what lies beneath your clothes,” Alicia says.
I wish.
“I ain’t no home-wrecker. If he’s with someone, I don’t want him. My father always told me I was the prize. I’m good. I ain’t about to ruin a happy home. Too many women settle for—”
“Whoa, girl. You ain’t got to go on a tangent. I’ll mind the business that pays me.” Alicia’s hands are palm-side up as her eyes stretch while she stares at me like I’m a skittish cat on the verge of pouncing.
“Sorry. I uh—I’m tired. Don’t mind me. I might need to make myself a caramel caffeinated beverage to get through this day.
I’m going to take a break. Yell if you get a rush and need help.
” I quickly leave the counter and head toward the back as my feet direct me to the small and quaint employee lounge.
Once I’m in the room, I pull out the first chair I come to and plop down before my head lands on the table in front of me.
I just need a couple of minutes to breathe and clear my mind of all things Chance and his intoxicating presence.
There’s no way I should still be thinking about him, and it’s been at least an hour since he left.
But I blame that on Alicia and her efforts to always bring him up.
Then again, I’m at fault since Alicia caught me practically drooling over Chance one day last week.
Although that’s Chance’s fault for coming in here dripping in sex with his three-piece suit and shiny baldhead.
I don’t know where he was headed, but that day I wanted to follow him like a lost puppy.
I think that’s the day my first fantasy began, and Chance’s daily sighting has had me in a chokehold I have yet to shake.
I don’t know how long I let myself breathe before duty sent me back to the front counter.
But thankfully, it wasn’t long before I was able to take my lunch break.
After grabbing my lunch and my phone, I went to the lounge, ready to eat my turkey, chicken breast, and provolone sandwich.
My stomach grumbling reminded me that I hadn’t had breakfast, so I quickly took a bite and then unlocked my phone to scroll through my social media pages.
But on my screen sat several missed calls from my admissions advisor, which instantly had me hitting the button to return her call.
I take another bite of my sandwich as the phone rings in my ear before it connects after the fourth ring.
“Rebbie Dillard speaking.”
A warm smile forms at the pleasant greeting from my advisor, who is the reason I have made it this far without giving up. Rebbie and I have established a close but professional relationship that’s been critical to my educational endeavors.
“Hey, Rebbie. It’s Sadia. I have some missed calls from you. Is everything okay?”
“Hello, beauty. Yes. I would like you to come see me. It looks like there’s a glitch that affected your account. I could provide the information over the phone, but I would rather you come in so we can talk face-to-face.”
Rebbie’s serious tone causes a chill to slide down my back, and my heart races as I bite the corner of my lip. My hands become moist with perspiration, and I close my eyes to gather my thoughts enough to respond.
“I’ll be there as soon as I can.” I disconnect the call without another word from Rebbie.
My arms and hair follicles prickle, and my legs are shaky as I put my half-eaten sandwich down and stand.
I try to recall how many baristas are here as the decision to leave work before my shift ends grows urgent.
Unsure of how to delay the inevitable, I gather the remnants of my lunch and my phone before I exit and head toward my boss’s office.
Once there, I knock on the closed door and hold my breath as I wait for clearance to enter.
“Come in,” I hear before I turn the knob and walk in.
My boss, D’Essence Price, sits behind her desk with her rapt eyes on me as I move to take a seat in one of the two available chairs.
“Ooh. I’m not sure I like the look on your face. What’s wrong, Sadia?”
“I have to leave. I got a call from my admissions advisor who said she needs to see me right away.” The tremor in my voice matches the slight shake in my hands as I smooth them over my dress.
“Oh, okay. I’ll go out on the floor and cover the rest of your shift. Go handle your business,” D’Essence says.
Air leaves my lungs as I sigh before I nod and move to walk out of her office.
My mind is going a mile a minute as I struggle to settle on any of the random thoughts.
I feel like I’m in a fog as I move through the process of going to my locker to retrieve my purse and exit my job.
My head is low, which prevents me from discussing my early departure with any of my coworkers.
The time between my exit at Sips of D’Essence and my arrival on the campus of Kaigood University is lost due to my wayward thoughts on the journey.
But my feet feel like weights when I make the journey to Rebbie’s office.
My knocks on her closed door are hard and reminiscent of law enforcement due to my anxiousness to speak with her.
“Come in.” Rebbie’s light voice increases my blood pressure as I turn the knob and walk in, and my chest pounds like the drumline for the university at one of the football games. “Hey, beauty. Take a seat.”
I nod and move to a seat, and plop down as my shoulders sag with sudden weights. My tongue is stuck to the roof of my mouth, which prevents me from being able to utter a word. But thankfully, I don’t have to when Rebbie speaks again.
“I appreciate you coming in so fast. I didn’t think you would be here until later or close to the end of my workday,” Rebbie says.
I nod because it’s all I can do to acknowledge her words, and again, Rebbie frees me from having to talk.
“Although this could have been discussed over the phone, you and I have established a good relationship, so I wanted to provide a more personal touch when delivering this type of information. I’m not sure how we missed this, and I apologize because it was my fault for telling you that you were good to go.
Instead of being paid in full like I previously stated, you have an academic hold due to a balance on your account.
You’ll need to go to the billing office to get the exact amount. ”
“Oh my God! What does this mean? I’m supposed to graduate soon.”
“Unfortunately, you won’t be able to graduate until the balance is taken care of.”
My heart stops. Tears well in my eyes before they spill and fall rapidly down my cheeks as my world spins on its axis.
The worst thing about Rebbie’s sudden information is that I just used my savings account to have a transmission put into my car.
The unexpected expense wiped out not only my nest egg but also my hopes of finally earning my degree.
As I stare at Rebbie’s sorrowful eyes, my fingers tingle, spots cloud my vision, and my breath becomes short and thready.
Twilight mixes with daylight, and all I can do is shake my head as I fall into silence.
This can’t be my life right now. What the hell am I going to do?