Nine
S he was a bit buzzed, but she wanted to assign the past to the done column in her life’s to-do list before making any new mistakes. So she turned to Ali. “We good?”
“What?” he asked.
He looked so cute and confused. His hair was tousled from the repeated times he’d shoved his own hand through it. He had some stubble on his jaw, and those thick eyebrows of his were quizzical. She didn’t want to feel bad about getting involved with him again, because he was making her feel so good.
For once, she didn’t want to look at the two of them and just see a fucked-up mess.
She wanted to relax into this and let him weave that magic that he wasn’t aware he possessed. That power over her that made her feel as if her life was the romantic fairy tale she’d always wanted it to be. The one where she wasn’t the middle daughter of a very normal family, the odd one that no one else really understood.
Liberty once bluntly stated it was her family’s loss that they didn’t get her. She’d tell Poppy to take what she wanted from Alistair, and tomorrow morning, she could kick him out, and they could go back to being enemies.
But they weren’t enemies. They hadn’t been for the past six months or so since he’d shown up online. He’d been slowly reminding her of all the things that made her fall for him the first time.
She was holding on to her own hurt because it made her feel safe. A little anger blanket that she could wrap herself in and use to justify acting like an asshole to him.
Not anymore. Time to find a new emotion to wrap herself in.
Her body was voting heavily for lust.
The moon shone down on them as they turned onto the quiet lane leading to Ali’s house. Stopping, she turned to face him. “Do you feel like we’ve hashed out everything from our marriage so we can finally put it to bed?”
“If we never talked about it again, I’d be good,” he said, his smile tight. “I can’t live thinking I’m a monster. It makes it harder for me to actually practice the better behaviors I’m trying to adopt.”
She wrapped her arms around him, he pulled her closer. He smelled of cologne and faintly of sweat and beer. Closing her eyes, she breathed it in. This was it. She was done punishing him for not being the man she’d wanted him to be. He wasn’t a horrible person; he just hadn’t been a good husband.
That was okay. She wasn’t getting married again.
She stepped back. “I’m Poppy.”
“Alistair, but my mates call me Ali.”
“And you brew beer?” she asked. How far would he take this? The old Alistair would never have done something so...unrealistic.
“I just got started, and sometimes I still fuck it up. That’s why I joined the Tea Society. Glad we met in that online forum.”
“Me too,” she said. Honestly, that was when she’d started feeling mixed emotions toward him.
“What do you do?”
She linked her hand to his as they kept walking toward his house. “My friends and I have a shop in Maine. WiCKed Sisters. You might have heard of us via pop star Amber Rapp. She’s a pretty big deal.”
“You really part of a half coven of witches who wield magic?” he asked.
“Don’t be scared, I’m a good witch,” she said. “Mostly, it’s just charged crystals, moon rituals. I do have some practices I use when making my tea blends.”
“Like what?” he asked.
“I have some blends I use in the shop that I mix with the intention of the season. Each season has a different purpose, so I want the tea to aid whoever drinks it in getting the most out of it.”
“And your magic courage blend?”
“That one is for me. When I’m a mess mentally and I need a courage boost. It’s new. A guy has come into my life. And it’s complicated.”
Ali leaned against his front door when they arrived at his house.
“How?”
She leaned in closer, her body resting against his. “I’m not sure about him. He’s the sexiest man I’ve been around, and his kisses leave me hot and bothered and wanting more. Truth is, I don’t know why I’m hesitating. I’m a divorced lady, so yeah, I get that relationships end.”
He put his hands on her hips lightly, making sure their bodies were flush together. His chest was hard under her palm. “Yeah? I’m divorced too. Married life taught me how much I suck at it. This guy...” His eyes darkened. “Poppy, I want you. I’ll take whatever you’ll offer me.”
She put her fingers on his lips. Loving the feel of his full mouth under her touch. His exhalations were hot against her hand, fanning the flames of the fire that had ignited in her the moment she took his hand to dance. Her heartbeat was thundering in her ears.
She was tired. Tired of fighting her attraction to him and denying herself this time with him. There was no reason to keep up the pretense. “Don’t let me use you.”
His eyes went wide. “I...”
“Last time, we were uneven. This time...if we do this, then it has to be different. No pretending to be anything you aren’t,” she said. “I’m going to be unapologetically me.”
She had to. Denying herself the joy of being back in England with this new Ali wasn’t something she was willing to do. This time, she had her eyes wide open. Knowing who she was helped. Having a life she would happily return to also added to it.
The full moon was just days away. The summer night was hot, the sky clear. The moon watched her, challenging her to take what she wanted and to stop hedging her bets.
The magic of the evening wrapped around him. He was done talking and pulled Poppy more fully into his body, turning his head to move her fingers from his mouth, then kissed her long and deep.
His hands roamed up and down her back. He grunted as the thin fabric of her dress almost allowed him to touch her skin—but not quite. Her full breasts were pressed against his chest, her nipples tight buds that he flicked playfully with his finger. A shudder rocked her as he slowly lowered the strap of her dress.
Stepping back, she shoved her hand in his pocket, her fingers brushing his erection as she rooted around for his key. “Let’s go inside.”
“Why?”
“We’re on your front step.”
“There is no one around for miles,” he pointed out.
It surprised him that the shyness she’d had the first time they had sex was still there. Poppy had a natural passion and sensuality that she had grown into throughout their relationship. She’d had some kinky fantasies that they’d explored. “You’re right. I just...”
She didn’t have to explain; there were moments like this when he felt he knew her better than he knew himself. Shifting so his back was to the quiet country road, he put one arm on the wall of the house above her head as he tried again to draw down her dress.
Poppy brushed his hands away and slipped both sides of the top down. The fabric fell, pooling at her waist. He couldn’t tear his eyes from her body. There was an ethereal delicateness to Poppy making his breath catch in his chest. Her breasts were small and round, and he covered them with both of his hands.
Her back arched as he squeezed her, her hands on his shoulders pulling him toward her until her mouth was under his. Then she pushed his shirt up, her fingers moving over his chest and back, scratching him lightly with her nails. Her touch moved lower until she stroked him through his pants.
Pulling her skirt up, he rubbed his erection against her center, and she sighed, sucking on the side of his neck as he flicked one of her nipples with his finger.
“Don’t stop,” she said, her words breathy.
Her head fell back as she moved against him. She was at once the way he remembered and somehow something more. It had been so long since he’d tasted her and felt her soft, tender body under his hands. A part of him was afraid this was another dream that would leave him hard and aching.
Moaning in his arms, her hips moving against his cock, she was clearly close to coming. Dropping to his knees, he pulled her panties down and draped one thigh over his shoulder. He breathed in the essence of her sex.
“God I’ve been starved for this...for you.” He was hungry for the taste of her. He flicked her bud with his tongue, feeling her hand on his head, holding him to her as her hips moved frantically toward his mouth. He licked her, sucked at her, tasting her as if it sated something deep inside of him that had been empty for too long.
He thrust one finger into her pussy and she screamed his name. “More,” she gasped.
He added a second finger, remembering how she liked it. Thrusting his fingers into her as she arched into him, begging for more. Her hands in his hair were driving him mad. He was so hard and desperate to get inside of her, but pleasing Poppy came first.
Her fingers dug into his scalp as she let out a long, low moan, then pushed her core against his face. She all but collapsed around him as he stood and lifted her into his arms.
“You on the pill?”
“No,” she said. “I don’t... I usually have condoms at home but didn’t bring them.” Her breath sawed in and out. “Do you?”
He did, but this felt like a sign. God knew he wasn’t one to heed them, but this second chance with Poppy was worth the caution. No matter how hot he was to be inside her still-pulsing body. “Yes, but...are sure about not being platonic?”
Her legs were shaky as she pulled the top of her dress back up. His words lingered in the air around them. He had a point. She was buzzed, and there was that sort of euphoric feeling from unleashing all the crap about their marriage.
But the truth was right in front of her: there was the distinct chance she’d feel different tomorrow.
She didn’t do regrets.
“I’m not,” she admitted. “I guess you’re on the fence too?”
“Fuck no. Mentally, I’m between your legs, but I can’t... I don’t want to let this—” he gestured to his hard-on and her body “—affect us. I want to do it differently this time.”
She almost smiled. Poor Ali trying to do the right thing. But the chemistry between them had been electric from the moment they’d met.
“You are,” she assured him.
“I’m on my best behavior,” he said, opening the door and holding out his hand to her.
“I’m not sure I got your best,” she said.
“You can have it,” he reassured her. “But I’m not sure one night is all I want, and I have the feeling that’s what you’re thinking.”
He wasn’t wrong. There were so many thoughts spinning through her head. She’d come, so the edge was off, but that need for him was still there. How was she going to leave England without being under him?
Did she have to?”
“You’re right. I didn’t mean for things to go that far.”
“I did.”
The night had cleared a lot of the gray clouds that she’d allowed to color her world. Sex with Ali always left her feeling mellow. That hadn’t changed. Neither had the intensity, the way it built into an intense storm and then crested and left her feeling everything at once.
“Shower? Bath? Drinks in the garden?”
Ali seemed lighter as well. There was always a hint of darkness in the upper-class boy he’d been. Tonight, though, that boy seemed to be gone.
“Drinks in the garden. That’s new.” Ali hated bugs and being outside most of the time.
“Trying to change things up,” he said, wriggling his eyebrows at her. “You said you wanted to see the moon.”
“I do. Let me grab my journal and moon stuff,” she said. “Meet you back down here.”
Stepping away from him, he caught her by the waist and pulled her close, her back pressed to his front. He rested his forehead against her shoulder. “Thank you.”
The words were low, but she heard them. Putting her hands over his and squeezed. This was new, so they were both figuring it out. But she hadn’t realized how it had been affecting him that she had withheld part of herself from him.
His arms dropped, and she continued up the stairs. Right now, she was just going with her emotions. Spending time with Ali felt right. Though there was a tiny warning in her mind that she still had to meet with his family and deal with their demands.
The Ali she saw here was more like the Ali she’d met at uni. The man who had swept her away. Still, her heart felt wary. Like going with these feelings was a one-way ticket back to the misery that he’d left her in before.
Not fair at all. She’d said the past was behind them. Easier said than done.
She washed up, putting on a pair of shorts and a tank top. He said he’d wait in the garden, so she couldn’t take too long, but she really needed to talk to Liberty and Sera.
Doing some quick time zone calculations, she figured it was only 5:00 p.m. in Maine. She hit the group video chat button as she sank down onto the floor next to her bed.
“Hey, girl!” Liberty answered the phone. Poppy noticed she was in the backroom of her shop. “I told Sera you wouldn’t be able to go one day without checking in.”
“Oh, yeah. The shop. How’s it going?”
“Good, but that’s not why you called. Hold on. Merle, watch my shop for me?” Liberty asked as she moved through the tea shop into Sera’s bookshop.
Sera must have had a customer, because Poppy heard her tell them to have a nice day before she was next to Liberty. “You okay?”
“Yeah...”
“That yeah is giving me...no?”
“Ali and I almost hooked up. It was great, and I totally wanted it. Right now, I’m trying not to project that he’s the same guy he used to be.”
Sera nibbled her lip and then nodded. “I get it. That fear is hard to let go of. What are you scared of? Naming it helps.”
“That’s true. Once I realized why I was obsessed with meeting my biological father, things shifted for me,” Liberty said.
“I’m scared that I’ll fall for him again and believe the changes in him, and he won’t have changed.”
The words were sort of rambling but came straight from her soul. Her friends weren’t going to be able to magically take away the fear.
“If he hurts you, I will curse him. No joke.”
“Thanks, Lib.”
“You’re not alone this time. Also, you’ve changed a lot, why wouldn’t he have?” Sera asked. “It doesn’t mean he’s perfect now, just different. I’d focus on the differences.”
“Good idea. Love you two.”
“Love you,” they both said.
She disconnected the call and gathered her things. In the past, after sex, he’d usually roll over and go to sleep. This time, it was like he wanted to draw out that emotional connection.
Or at least that was what she felt. What she always wanted. Just to keep that closeness for a bit longer.
When she stepped out into the garden, he’d pushed two loungers together. His head was tipped back looking up at the sky.
“Thought you’d changed your mind,” he said.
“Almost did. Didn’t realize when I said the past was done that I’d be the one still trying to pull myself out of it,” she said.
“You don’t have to do this.”
“Ali, I want this week in England with you. I want to look back on the UK and you and not feel bad.”
Sitting down next to him, she started to cross her legs, but he lifted his arm and pulled her into his side. He stroked her arm with his fingers. “Tell me about the moon, witchy woman.”
Witchy woman.
She liked the way he said that. She had been afraid to show him that side of herself when they were married. One fear gone; one change noted.
Talking softly, she told him about the phase they were in and all the things that the moon could bring to them during this time.
He asked her questions, listening in a way that he hadn’t before. With that, she felt her resolve crumble.