Seventeen
P ossibility was in the air. She told herself that all she wanted was one kiss. That was all she needed for tonight. But that was a lie that her mind didn’t even bother acknowledging.
He’d left his shirt off. That light dusting of hair on his muscled chest was too tempting for her to keep her hands to herself. That she’d resisted even with her Pimm’s buzz was saying a lot for her self-control.
The other bit keeping her contained was that her first whirlwind romance with Alistair had been witnessed by everyone. They’d made the society pages, everyone at school had known, and that had added to the pressure for her to be the girl worthy of being with him.
This time, she wanted Alistair for herself. Wanted to see if, behind closed doors, he was the man for her. She’d already admitted to caring for him. But anything else... That was dangerous. Her heart and soul had already gone all in on him, and no matter how hot he made her feel when she was in his arms, it wouldn’t be worth that cost again.
“So...” he began.
“You’ve never been this...tame before. Why are you now?” she asked him.
“I’m trying. Hell...” He shoved his hands through his hair. “I want to be what you want, and I’m struggling because it’s not me.”
“You think I don’t want you?” she asked, carefully coming closer to him so she felt the heat coming off his body.
“You want me in your bed. What about your life?” he asked.
She had no answer for that and didn’t want to go there tonight. This had been pretty much the perfect summer day. She wanted him to kiss her. To continue the heat that had been simmering between them all afternoon. Since the moment he’d kissed her and told her she was cute.
“Am I still cute?” she asked.
He muttered “fuck” under his breath, cupped her butt and pulled her into his body. “You’re always cute, sexy, frustrating, smart, infuriating and enchanting, moon fairy.”
His mouth came down on hers, and she twined her arms around his neck, holding him as his tongue brushed over hers. He slid his hand under her shirt and up her back. His palm was big and hot against her skin, his fingers spreading out as he lifted her off her feet.
She wrapped her legs around his waist, falling into his embrace fully. This wasn’t the moon weaving her magic around them. This was something else, something different, something that seemed to come from them.
Was there magic here? Or was she seeing what she wanted to see?
Shut up.
Her subconscious urged her on as she sucked Ali’s tongue deeper into her mouth. She felt the edge of her breakfast table under her thighs as he set her down. He undid her bra and shoved her shirt up over her head.
Her bra hung loosely on her arms, and she shrugged out of it. He growled, his hands coming up to cup both of her breasts.
“That blouse has been driving me mad all day. When you leaned forward, I could see these beauties. I tried not to look, but it was too late. The image was in my mind. All I could think of was this moment,” he said, leaning over her, his words low and husky against the skin of her neck.
“I had no idea—”
“That you were driving me out of my ever-loving mind?” he asked.
“Yeah. I would have done it more often,” she teased.
He flicked his tongue over her nipple. “Until I did this?”
She sank her nails into his shoulder. “Yeesss.”
He laughed against her skin, sending sweet shivers down her stomach to her center, where heat gathered. Her denim shorts felt too restraining, and she reached between their bodies, going for the button, but his hands were there first. “Not yet. I want to make it last.”
She didn’t bother answering, just undid the button and zipper of his shorts, shoving her hand into the opening and stroking his erection through his boxer briefs. His hips moved as he rubbed against her touch.
She loved the feel of him—so hard—and couldn’t resist pushing her hand inside his underwear and rubbing her finger along the top of his dick. The skin was so soft as she circled her finger around the tip again and again. Until he shoved his pants and underwear down his legs.
Standing back, with his legs spread, he watched her as she touched him. Their eyes met as she wrapped her hand around his shaft, tightening her hold on him. He groaned again, and then she felt his fingers at the waistband of her shorts, undoing them.
“I thought you wanted to wait.”
“Fuck that,” he said, lifting her up with one arm around her waist and trying to shove her shorts off.
Finally, they got them off together. He leaned over her, plunging his tongue deep into her mouth as she rubbed the tip of his cock against her clit. He felt so good.
A dizzying sensation burned through her, and she arched her back, touching herself with him. His mouth moved down her body, his hips pulling away, and she wanted him back, but his tongue was on her clit. He flicked it over the nub until her thighs spasmed around his head, and she threw her head back, stars exploding behind her closed eyelids.
His hands were on her waist, holding her to him as he continued sucking and tasting her until she came again, another burst of fire spilling out of her center. She needed more. These orgasms were nice, but she wanted him inside of her.
She twisted, reaching for his cock. He felt harder than he had before, and she was on fire to get him inside of her. She tried drawing him closer, but he resisted her.
Then she leaned down and licked the side of his shaft, taking the tip of him into her mouth, and he groaned. She felt his hands on the back of her neck as she took him deeper into her mouth.
Her mouth was doing things to him that there was no coming back from. The way she swirled her tongue around the tip of his cock had him close to coming. Not in the plan, he thought, and he imagined the cords on his neck standing out as he tried to keep it together. He thrust his hips, then pulled back and out of her mouth.
Her skin was flushed. Looking down at her naked on the table in front of him made his heart clench. Her smile was seductive and knowing. His moon fairy was channeling her inner feminine power, knowing she owned him. He wanted to be inside her. Wanted to fuck her long and hard until they were so much a part of one another that there was no room for anything fake or pretend.
Her fingers were still rubbing the tip of his cock. He was on edge; another moment and he was going to spill himself into her hand. Not what he wanted. He reached down for his shorts and dug around for a condom, then cursed. “I don’t have a condom.”
She started laughing. “Your face...”
“Yours isn’t disappointed.”
“I have a box in the bathroom.” Hopping off the table, she beckoned him to follow her down the hall. The sway of her full hips and the glide of her long legs as she moved with languid grace had him hurrying after her.
She opened a drawer in the bathroom cabinet and tossed the box to him. He took one out and stroked his hand over his naked cock as she watched him.
She licked her lips and reached for him.
They needed an entire day in bed. That was the only way he was going to get the time he needed with her over him, under him, around him. He was desperate to make up for the long years he hadn’t had the right to touch her and take her.
“Stop teasing me,” he begged.
“No,” she said, reaching for his cock.
He pulled his hips back, got the condom on and then caught her around the waist, turning her in his arms. He urged her forward until her hips were pressed back against him. Then he rubbed his dick against her ass, sliding into the crease before bending his knees so he could enter her pussy in one long, slow stroke.
He caressed one of her breasts with one hand, reaching around with the other to flick his finger against her clit again. He felt her pussy walls tighten on him, and she turned her head, looking over her shoulder at him.
“Now who’s teasing?”
He couldn’t help the proud look that he knew was on his face. He’d somehow gotten the upper hand.
Then she tightened around him again, grinding back against him. Taking his hand in hers, she moved his fingers over her clit in a different pattern. The noises she made tore through his control, and this was no longer a game.
It was heat and need and craving.
A craving for something that he could only find when she was in his arms. Her body moving against his. He leaned over her, bracing one hand on the counter next to her. His chest rubbed against her back as he explored her neck with his mouth, sucking strongly.
He was trying to consume as much of Poppy—of this moon fairy and her magic—into his being as he could. But his body demanded more. He moved his hips more frantically as she clamped hard and screamed his name, her pussy throbbing around his cock.
He drove himself deeper into her, riding her orgasm until it drew out his. He thrust into her until he was empty and then rested his head between her shoulder blades. The smell of sweat and sex, Poppy and him, mingled in the air. He closed his eyes.
Don’t let this be fake.
That was all he was thinking. These feelings that she stirred in him were intense and scary. If he sat in them for more than a second, he wanted to rage. Not at her, but at the universe for making him feel something so deep and then giving him no assurance that it would work out.
If this was what falling in love felt like... Well, he wasn’t ready for it. Wasn’t entirely sure he ever would be. These emotions were too fragile.
He lifted his head, and their eyes met in the mirror. Her eyes were sleepy and sated. She smiled at him and his heartbeat sped up.
How could he run from this? From her? He’d done it once, but that time he hadn’t allowed her this far into his psyche. This time... Was there a way to push her back out? He was afraid it was too late for that.
“Want a bath or a shower? It’s so hot tonight,” she said, her voice soft and sweet. So Poppy was talking about ordinary things while he was falling into a maelstrom, searching for something to hold on to. He drew his finger down the line of her spine as he pulled out of her. She was so vulnerable to him. She’d told him that with her booze-fueled entreaty to be real.
Maybe that was partially why he felt this fear. It wasn’t just himself he had to protect. It was Poppy’s heart. If he couldn’t stay, if this wasn’t going to last, if the man he thought he was becoming wasn’t real...then he had to stop this now.
“Ali?”
“Yeah. Shower would be great.” Get your shit together. He wasn’t going to have a fucking meltdown after having sex with Poppy.
“Good. Together?” she asked. There were clouds in her eyes now as if she sensed the fucking shit going on inside him.
“Yes. I want that,” he said. God he wanted that more than she could know. He wanted this to just feel normal and safe. But he wasn’t sure that he was going to be able to allow these feelings to stay.
She debated asking him to spend the night.
Pickle jumped up on the couch and curled into his lap. Even the most hard-hearted person wouldn’t be able to resist Alistair cuddling the sweet mini dachshund. She felt tears stinging her eyes and got up to go to the kitchen, making an excuse that she needed water.
The past few years had been a lot. Like, more than she’d ever expected. She wished being an adult had been that rosy tale she’d painted for herself as a kid. Where she’d get to eat cookie dough from the bowl, stay up late and just hang out with her friends.
Her reality had been harder, more intense. The divorce, moving here. The months when she wasn’t sure she’d ever make enough money to move out of her parents’ rental house. Pickle getting sick and having to have her teeth removed. Liberty’s nan being put into a nursing home. Sera losing Ford. They had all been through a lot.
They’d helped each other through everything. Even her divorce. But how were her friends going to help her through this?
Ali was on her couch after having just fucked her and left her boneless and then taken a shower with her. She glanced at him sitting on the couch, flipping the channels. He stopped on Pride and Prejudice . “You like this one, right?”
“It’s my favorite.”
She hated to admit that for years, she’d refused to watch it because everyone loved it, and Poppy had never wanted to be like everyone else. Even when she morphed into what she thought Ali wanted as a wife, she’d taken care to not be like any other new wife. She liked being original. But Pride and Prejudice was so good. Like, way better than it should be.
Indulging in a comfort film would help vanquish her vulnerability. But she couldn’t watch Pride and Prejudice with him. If she did, he’d know that she always wigged out when they got to the scene where Darcy met Elizabeth at the pub and went to save her sister... That scene always made her heart ache. The emotions on Matthew Macfadyen’s face would make her squeeze Ali’s hand and want him to feel like they had that love...which they didn’t right now. They might later, but at this moment, it would be too real.
As much as she was determined to be real and keep this relationship grounded in truth, she wasn’t ready for him to know that the sex had been so good tonight, it had been more than sex. It had been falling-in-love-with-him sex. Which she knew was her mind running away in the heat of it all. Like, soul sex wasn’t a thing.
But tonight had felt extra.
Like this time, they were really communicating and seeing each other. He wasn’t perfect, he wasn’t Prince Charming sweeping her off her feet this time. She wasn’t fake Cinderella losing her shoe so he’d find her. She was Poppy. She was his moon fairy, but she was totally in his world. There was no fae realm waiting for her.
Her life was here.
With him? She wasn’t sure.
“Pop? You okay?” he called.
“Yeah, debating popcorn. But Pickle can’t have any. Maybe I’ll get her a treat,” she said. Like her mind was on the mundane and not this whirlwind of everything that was out of her control.
She took a deep breath.
Make tea.
Her mum’s voice was in her head. Which leaves would you choose?
It was nighttime, so something herbal. Maybe a nice blend of chamomile and strawberries. In her head, she was already blending the leaves. Then putting them in a mug.
“Poppy?”
She jumped. Ali stood behind her. “You scared me.”
“I can tell. You were miles away. It’s me, right? Want me to leave?” he asked.
Oh, it was him all right. “No. I like hanging out with you. It’s sort of giving me all the vibes I wanted when we were married, which I totally wasn’t going to bring up, because we put the past to bed.”
“Except it’s still there,” he said. “For both of us.”
“You doing okay?” she asked.
He took a deep breath and then started opening cabinets.
“What are you looking for?”
“Whiskey.”
“Above the microwave,” she said. “Is it going to be that kind of talk?”
He stopped. “Tea would be better. Alcohol is my crutch. It gives me something to do with my hands, and it takes the edge off my emotions...”
It wasn’t just her. Tonight’s sex made her want to do everything she could to protect both of them. But she wasn’t even sure she could keep herself safe. “I don’t mind if you drink.”
He shook his head, taking another deep breath. “I’m scared.”
“Scared? Of what?”
“This.” He gestured to the both of them. “Us. What if...”
“It ends again.” That was what was keeping her in the kitchen instead of on the couch being present and enjoying this moment with Ali. “I get it. I love seeing you and Pickle cuddling. I wanted to curl up next to you and just be with our...” She trailed off.
Their little family.
That was what she’d called them when her grandmother couldn’t take care of Pickle anymore and gifted her to them. A little family. But they hadn’t been.
“I’d like that. No pressure. Take your time. Just know that I’d like to be part of it.”
She chewed her lip, then realized what she was doing and stopped. “Let’s just go with it.”
“Except how can two chronic planners and a massive type A ever just follow the flow?”
“True. Maybe we’ll both have to just be there for each other. Remind the other to stay present.”
“I can do that.” He took her hand, tugging her into his arms, and she wrapped her arms around him, squeezing.
She held him tighter. But she couldn’t hold on to him this tightly forever. It wasn’t good for either of them. He had to want to stay.
They made popcorn, drank iced tea and watched her movie. When it was midnight, he left.
She toyed with asking him to stay, but in the end, she hadn’t. Everything had been rushed the first time, she was doing it different with Ali.