11. Kai
Kai
J enson shrugs at my question. No idea.
Behind us, I hear the low murmur of River’s voice. He’s buying time.
We did not think this through.
Because how the hell do you broach a conversation like this one?
Did you bring a copy of the agreement?
Jenson raises his eyebrows. What the fuck do you think?
But his eyes slip away from me, searching for Briar. I understand his worries, even if I think they’re unfounded. But he doesn’t seem torn now as his eyes return to me. We’ll need to talk it through, the three of us. We’ll come back.
Now that we’ve actually found someone. This idea always felt like more of a suggestion than anything else. Until now.
I resist the urge to turn and look for her. We’re already overwhelming her. I can see it in her face.
We could always shred our wardrobe like River. I can hear him digging around in the bag now, pulling out all of the accidental tears he created this morning with the tip of his knife and a heap of his suits. Jenson and I watched on with confusion and more than a little entertainment.
It doesn’t feel so funny now. I get it.
Do you really think this will work? My heart is in my throat as I sign the words. She doesn’t even know us. We’re strangers to her. Do you really think she’s going to agree to just let us put her to sleep so we can fuck her? Do whatever we want with her?
It sounds like madness, even as the words form.
The trust it would take for someone to agree to our arrangement – and not just one of us, but all of us. To come to our home and make themselves vulnerable on such a basic level. Drug themselves, for our use.
Any sane person would run screaming.
Jenson’s eyes lift. I keep signing as I follow his gaze. She’s perfect. But she’d have to be insane to sign up for us—
“Kai.” Jenson’s voice is sharp. A warning.
My fingers stutter, the movement stalling.
Because Briar is watching us.
But her eyes aren’t on our faces.
They’re on my fingers, her face a lot paler than it was a moment ago and her eyebrows drawn into a deep frown.
My heart flips inside my chest, so loud I can hear it. Can she—?
Slowly, I sign. Can you understand me?
She sucks in a breath, and my heartbeat becomes louder, drowning out every other sound. I take a step forward.
You can sign.
It’s not a question, as her eyes slowly move up. Behind her, River stands, looking between us. And the tension in the room rises until it prickles against my skin as her eyes widen.
“You want to…,” Briar pauses. Takes a breath. “Put me to sleep? While you—,”
Her tanned skin flushes a deep shade of scarlet.
Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck .
Slowly, her fingers move. She’s hesitant, but the sigs are perfectly legible, even as the bottom drops out of my stomach.
You want to have sex with me while I’m unconscious?
“It’s been a while.” Her voice is steady enough, but her fingers shake as she drops them. “But I’m pretty sure I got the gist.”
River and I are frozen in place, the panic in his expression undoubtedly matching my own.
“Asleep.” The low, steady voice has all of us looking at Jenson. There’s a slight flush to his own face, but he meets Briar’s gaze steadily. “And not without your permission.”
And not right now , I hastily add. We’re not going to hurt you, or do anything to make you uncomfortable.
“Semantics,” Briar murmurs. She’s still pale, and I glance behind her to the chair. “They’re the same thing.”
Maybe, but asleep sounds a hell of a lot better than unconscious. Especially when she’s still staring at us, shell-shocked and trembling. None of us move. I’m not sure River is even breathing.
“Do you want us to leave?” Jenson asks quietly. “We will. Immediately, if you ask us to.”
This is it.
In a moment, the power dynamics in this room swing in favor of a still-silent Briar, and she doesn’t even realize. Maybe we didn’t discuss the exact way we’d ask – not when we didn’t know who it would be – but we understand the parameters of this arrangement inside and out. Went over it, over and over again, to make sure this could be something our unknown partner might be comfortable with. To make sure they could put their trust in us and know exactly what that meant.
She holds the power. She has to, in order for this to work. Everything is now on her terms. Everything begins and ends with her.
The room is still silent.
“Briar,” River says finally. She jolts, as if lost in her own thoughts. Her arms wrap around her waist as she slowly turns. He holds out a hand, his face pleading. “Sit down. Please.”
She looks as if she might pass out. Eyeing River’s hand warily until he pulls it back, she retreats back to the chair we found her sleeping in when we first arrived.
Her eyes drop down, and I wonder if she’s realizing the same thing. “Was that – why? Because you found me like that?”
And fuck, she sounds scared .
“No.” River looks agonized. As if he can feel her slipping through our fingers. “God, no. We – it’s a long story, Briar. But we’ve been looking for someone for a long time. Someone who might… be interested in an arrangement. A temporary one, with clear limits. Everything would be planned out to make sure you were safe. This isn’t a whim.”
“Someone.” She whispers it as if tasting the word. “And you think I’m that person.”
“Only if you wanted to be.” Jenson steps up. He may have his own insecurities, but I know he’ll allow none of them to show right now. Not when she looks so fragile. “There is no pressure, either way.”
She studies her fingers, her face unreadable. “But you… want me to be that person.”
He doesn’t hesitate. “Yes.”
I’m holding my breath. She’s wary, and rightfully so.
But she hasn’t said no .
I wait for her to glance up. Her eyes move straight to me, drop to my hands. Do you have any questions?
She takes a deep breath. I have many, many questions.
Obviously. But her lip twitches slightly at the corner. The three of us watch, staying back and giving her space as she straightens. “How would it work?”
Fuck.
Hope . It bursts to life inside my chest, as if my ribcage is stretching out and giving my lungs room.
River clears his throat when Jenson glances at him. It’s a good choice, given they’ve already met. Barely, but he has a head start on either of us.
“There is a draft agreement,” he says softly. “It sets out everything we could think of, but it’s only a draft. It’s supposed to be a starting point, and anything you wanted to change, add or remove is up for discussion. The agreement would set out the boundaries for all of us – what you’re comfortable with, how we would approach it, the time given – everything.”
“Briar.” Jenson doesn’t moderate his voice, doesn’t soften the harshness in his tone. She jerks her gaze to him. “The one thing you should know is that everything about this – every single thing – is in your control. Everything .”
“How…,” Her brow wrinkles in confusion. “I don’t understand.”
Jenson crouches, so they’re at an equal eye level. “You don’t want something? It’s gone. Not going to happen. You want to add something? Done. You’re uncomfortable at any time? It stops. Whilst we each have our own boundaries – lines we will not or cannot cross - every single action during this agreement would be yours to dictate.”
When she looks at me, I nod. You would be at the center of this in every way.
When she flushes, I belatedly realize what I’ve said and cringe. I didn’t mean it like that. Only that whilst you would be asleep, this whole process is based on your consent. What you tell us we can do, and what we can’t do.
I hold her eyes as I continue. Where we can touch you. Use our mouths on you. Undress you. Before, after and during. Every small aspect would be something you have given us permission to do.
Fuck. I have to stop. The way she watches me – her lips parting, her breathing a little heavier - is making me want to throw all of the rules out of the window. Shaking out my hands, I take a breath.
Finally, she swallows and looks away. “I need to think about this.”
“A good idea.” Jenson nods. “And if you would prefer not to hear from us again, we’ll respect your wishes. If you do decide you might be interested, we can meet and go over the agreement in detail.”
Her lips twitch upward. “The ball is in my court, right?”
River winks at her, his face a mixture of nerves and relief. “Exactly right.”
She nods, twisting her fingers. “Can I… how would I contact you?”
River gives her all of our numbers. “Just in case. One of us will always answer.”
She turns her phone over in her hands, her eyes cast down. “This is all very… businesslike.”
The three of us exchange glances. Jenson holds up his hand when River opens his mouth, stopping him. “Because these boundaries are important. This is a formal agreement, Briar. We don’t take it lightly, and neither should you. If you decide to go ahead, then things will be different. But there will be an end date. This is not a permanent offer. But everything is set out to protect you, and us.”
River scowls at him, but Jenson doesn’t move. “I need you to understand that.”
This is his line. His only boundary, since he’s already pushed his other one aside for us.
Not someone we’ll grow to care about.
Briar nods. “But you do… want me?”
Jenson looks as if someone’s punched him in his kidney at the small, self-conscious words. He almost takes a step toward her before pulling back, clenching his fists. “Wanting you is not an issue. If you sign the agreement, we’ll show you exactly how much.”
“But only while I’m sleeping.” She sounds thoughtful as she peeks up at him.
He nods. “We’ll wait for you to decide. Take your time. And for the love of God, lock your damn door.”
With that, he strides to the door and yanks it open, disappearing into the street. River smiles down at Briar, unusually gentle. “Thank you for the jacket.”
He slips his hands into his pockets before he leaves, his whistle reaching us just as the door closes.
I wait until she looks at me. We really didn’t mean to hit you with this today. R met you, and he liked you. We just wanted to meet you too.
Briar’s fingers move. Did you… like me too?
A quick movement. Yes. Very much.
She smiles, then. Just for me. I’ll think about it. Kai.
She fingerspells each letter of my name, pausing when my fingers land on hers. Use this instead.
Her hand is warm underneath mine as I draw back, sketching the sig.
She copies my movement, a question in her eyes. Human?
J gave it to me. A story for another day.
The door is open when she clears her throat. “Thank you for sharing that with me. Your name.”
A small moment. Inconsequential. But I still feel more visible in this moment than I have for years. Just as much of a person as Jenson or River, and they’d pin me down and beat me if they ever knew I even had those thoughts.
You’re welcome.