Chapter 32
Chapter Thirty-Two
SLOANE
I slip my sweatshirt over my head and adjust it on my shoulders and waist while I stare at Hudson sitting on the bed, watching every move that I make.
I heard everything.
Every bit of his conversation with Jude.
The moment he left the bed, I knew something was up, so I followed him and listened in.
I could hear the pain in Hudson’s voice—I felt it all the way to my toes. And the anger coming from Jude, I’ve only seen that a few times, but those few times, it was scary. But last night, it wasn’t scary.
It was…frustrating.
Infuriating.
Made me extremely upset with the one single man I’ve grown to count on my entire life.
How dare he?
How dare he think he can manipulate and control my life like that, without even talking to me?
Well, I’ll tell you one thing, it’s not going to happen.
I fluff out my hair and then walk up to Hudson and straddle his lap. He’s been pretty quiet all morning, not saying much other than asking me if he could get me anything or help me with packing my bags properly, not like the manic way I did it last night .
But the silence ends here.
He cups my ass as I wrap my arms around his shoulders. I can see it in his eyes that he’s counting down the minutes until he says goodbye. He’s thinking that there isn’t much time left, so he’s going to soak it all in.
Not happening.
“Tell me what’s going on in your head.”
He wets his lips and whispers, “Just how lucky I’ve been to have you.”
I run my fingers through his hair. “You say that as if it’s past tense.”
“Nah, just lucky.”
“Mm-hmm,” I answer and then get to the point. “Want to tell me about your phone call last night?”
His eyes meet mine; they seem so defeated. “You heard that?”
“Yes, I did.”
He nods and then leans back on his hands, giving us a few inches of distance, but I don’t let him get too far. “Your brother said some things that rang true in my head.”
“Did he?” I ask. “So you’re telling me after everything you said to me last night, after the way you begged and pleaded for me to stay, you’re just going to allow my brother to step in and disassemble us like that?”
“It’s complicated, Sloane.”
“Doesn’t seem complicated to me. Look me in the eyes right now and tell me you don’t have feelings for me.”
He looks me in the eyes, but he says, “You know that’s not fucking true.”
“Okay, so then why are you letting him control what happens between us?”
“I…I don’t know.” The defeated expression on his face nearly breaks me. “I want to do the right thing. I don’t want to manipulate you. I want you to make the choice.”
“Great. My choice is you.”
“Sloane— ”
“No, you listen to me. I’m your wife,” I say with conviction. “It might have started off as an agreement, Hudson, but from the beginning, you have said that I’m yours and you’re mine. We are married, and you’ve taken that very seriously, which means as your wife, my value in your life ranks higher than Jude’s.”
He drags his hand over his face. “Sloane, the things he said, they’re so goddamn true.”
“Like what?” I ask.
“That I have more of a relationship with my office desk than I do with my family. That I’m not trustworthy. That I go back on my word and that I’m more interested in business than I am in my morals. You deserve better. He knows it, and I know it.”
“Well, I don’t know it,” I say. “And shouldn’t my opinion matter the most? Shouldn’t how I feel matter the most? Not to mention, none of that is true. You left your dad’s business because you cared about your sister and your morals. You absolutely do not go back on your word. You chose to marry me, and you’ve taken that very seriously. Not to mention, you are trustworthy?—”
“I left you in fucking London alone with no communication from me, Sloane. That’s not necessarily reliable. That was me focusing on the job and hanging you out to dry.”
I swallow the pain of the reminder because, yes, that was not his best showing, but I also know there was a reason he did that.
“Tell me this,” I say. “Why did you leave London?”
“You know why.”
“No, tell me. You never actually told me what happened.”
He sighs and says, “I went to talk to my dad.”
“About the lawsuit?”
“Yes.”
“Anything else?”
He looks off to the side. “We hashed out our grievances. ”
“Uh-huh, and how did that go?”
He shrugs. “I mean, it seemed like it ended okay. Like there was possible room for him to make a difference, to change the way he approaches a relationship with us.”
“And you came back here wanting to patch things up with me, correct?”
“Yes,” he says.
“Why?”
“Why? Because I…because I didn’t want to lose you.”
“Why?” I ask again.
“Why did I not want to lose you?”
“Yeah, Hudson, why?”
“Because you…you make me feel…safe. Seen. Heard. You bring joy to my rather mundane life. You challenge me in ways I never thought I would be challenged. You make me come alive, and you’re truly one of very few who have done that, the only other ones being Hardy and Haisley. And when you’re near, I feel happiness, like I know everything is going to be okay because you’re by my side.”
God, I wasn’t expecting to hear him say that.
But wanting to prove my point, I cup his cheek and say, “And you’re going to throw that all away because of my brother?”
“It’s not just your brother,” he says. “It’s a livelihood, many people’s livelihoods. I can’t choose happiness over that.”
“And what about my happiness?” I ask. “What about yours?”
He shakes his head. “You will find someone better, Sloane. Someone younger. Someone you can relate to more. As for me, I’ve had a taste of joy because of you, and I’m going to savor it, but I can survive without it.”
“Survive? Is that what you want? To survive through life, Hudson? That’s really sad. Not to mention, I don’t want anyone else. I want you.” My hands fall to his chest. “I want you. I want us. I want this marriage.”
“Don’t…don’t say that,” he says, dropping his head .
I lift up his chin with my fingers and force him to look me in the eyes. “I mean that, Hudson. I mean that with everything in me. I want us. Twenty-four hours ago, I didn’t want anything to do with you. But you showed me why we work well together. We push and pull, but we end up meeting in the middle. I thought I hated you because I felt so fucking hurt by your actions. But because you talked to me, shared what was actually happening inside your heart, I forgave you. I want this. I…I’m falling for you, and I’ll be damned if I let my brother dictate whether or not I can be with you.”
“Sloane—”
“Tell me you don’t want me. Go ahead, say it and I will stop this conversation right now.”
He shakes his head. “No.”
“Tell me you want a divorce.”
“No,” he says again.
“Look me in the eyes and tell me you’re done with me.”
His beautiful eyes meet mine as he says, “Never.”
I grip his cheeks, and he wraps his arms around me as our foreheads connect. “Tell me you want me.”
“I want you,” he says softly.
“Tell me you want this, us.”
“I fucking want us,” he says, his voice tortured.
“Tell me you have feelings for me.”
“I fucking…I fucking love you, Sloane.” And I feel the world stop spinning in this moment, with those three little words. “It’s why, fuck, it’s why I’m willing to give you up, to salvage your relationship with your brother.”
“Don’t,” I say, my heart filling with joy, with nerves, with a flooding sense of energy that I’ve never felt before. “This is between us, not him.” I wet my lips. “Tell me you want this marriage.”
“I want it, baby.” His hand slides into my hair. “I fucking want it.”
“I want it too,” I say and press my lips to his. He reciprocates the kiss, his hand cupping the back of my head, holding me in close .
The intensity of the kiss sets off a dull throb between my legs.
The way his tongue works over mine creates a wave of adrenaline that rushes over me.
And when he leans back onto the mattress, I lift my sweatshirt up and over my head. Then I reach behind me and undo my bra before I pull his shirt over his head. I kiss along his chest, over his pecs, and up his neck.
When I reach his ear, I whisper, “I love you too.” And then kiss his jaw. “Don’t let me go, Hudson. Don’t give me up.”
His grip on me grows stronger as he says, “I don’t want to.”
“Then don’t.” I lift up and look him in the eyes. “Then don’t.”
Hudson is asleep, looking incredibly peaceful in his first-class pod. Which I’m grateful for, because I need him to relax. After we made love, he changed our flight to a later one and then held on to me in bed. Tightly. He kissed my head every so often, murmured that he loved me, and glided his fingers up and down my back and arm. It was as if he was trying to soak in every last moment, despite me telling him not to let me go.
When we were in the airport, he looked sick to his stomach.
When we took off, I could practically see the anguish in his eyes.
And it occurred to me in that moment: he truly has no idea how to handle this.
With my phone hooked up to the Wi-Fi, I start a new text message and send it.
Sloane: Hey Hardy, it’s Sloane. Not sure if you have my number. I know I’ve put you and Hudson in a hard spot and I’m sorry. I want to make it better and in order to do that, can I ask you something?
I wait for a response .
Everyone around us is either sleeping or watching the in-flight entertainment. I have my eyes on The Fall Guy with Ryan Gosling and Emily Blunt, but there is no way I’m going to be able to focus until I figure out what I’m going to do with Jude.
My phone buzzes, and a text comes through from Hardy.
Hardy: It’s not your fault, Sloane, but I appreciate you wanting to make it better. How can I help?
I look over at Hudson again to make sure he’s asleep, then text Hardy back.
Sloane: Growing up, has Hudson always shouldered the responsibility of everyone else’s problems, trying to find solutions for them?
Hardy: Absolutely.
Sloane: Has he been the kind of big brother Jude is, where he will make sure his siblings are happy before him?
Hardy: Hate to admit it, because it makes me look like a selfish ass, but yes.
Sloane: Has anyone ever really stood up for him? Or has he just taken what’s handed to him in order to make others happy?
Hardy: Well, fuck, Sloane. Didn’t think you were going to be asking these kinds of questions.
Sloane: LOL, I’m sorry. I just want to make sure I understand him, since he’s kind of in a weird state right now.
Hardy: I don’t think anyone has stood up for him, not even me. What’s going on? Is he okay?
Sloane: Yesterday was brutal. When he got back, I didn’t allow him to apologize because I was so angry, then at the wedding, he attempted to apologize and I didn’t let him. When we got back, I tried to leave the hotel with my things, and he stopped me, pleaded with me to stay. We talked and well…he told me he loved me.
Hardy: What? He did? Jesus, I had no clue.
Sloane: Neither did I. This was after he had a conversation with Jude, which I overheard. He didn’t know at the time that I was listening. Jude told him to basically give me up and that he was going to figure out what to do with the business. Hudson is in bad shape. He’s clinging to me and I think he’s still of the belief that he needs to let me go.
Hardy: Fuck, I wish he told me.
Sloane: Seems like he just shoulders everything and that’s why I wanted to talk to you, because when we get back, I’m going to talk to Jude. If Hudson is always trying to put everyone first but himself, it’s about time someone put him first.
Hardy: You’re right, Sloane. You’re absolutely right and I’m sorry I haven’t done that. I’m grateful that you are.
Sloane: This isn’t a slight against you, Hardy. Trust me when I say, as a younger sibling, I know what it means to be protected. It’s rare to see a moment when the protector has to be protected. This is that moment and I want to be the one to be there for him.
Hardy: Thank you.
Sloane: You don’t need to thank me. This is what I want.
Hardy: Can I ask you a question?
Sloane: Of course.
Hardy: Did you tell him you loved him back?
Sloane: Without a pause.
Hardy: Good. I didn’t think I would ever see the day when Hudson fell in love, but here you are. From the sounds of it, it doesn’t seem like you would, but please don’t hurt him. He’s been through enough. I don’t think he could survive losing someone like you.
Sloane: I have zero intentions of hurting my husband.