Chapter 4
CHAPTER 4
C ole
I usually love Sunday dinner with the family. A chance to catch up after a busy week. I do a rota with the other vets in the area and we cover one Sunday each, every four weeks. Today I’m wishing it was my week on rota as Tom has invited guests. I have nothing against Keith and Ben. They’re good guys. I’ve known them long enough that they know not to ask me for small talk. I would almost call them friends, if I had any friends, and I’ve had dinner with them plenty of times before. But they’re bringing Ben’s brother with them, or is it half-brother? Johan. I’ve nothing against him either, though I only met him in the pub last week, but Megan’s comment about him being an admirer has me slightly on edge. I’m sure she was joking, that’s the sort of thing she would do, but still it annoys me. I shouldn’t hold it against him, but I do. I can’t help it. I wish Tom had given me more warning that he had invited guests.
“Why would I tell you?” He’s blatant about it when I confront him. ”You’d only have found an excuse to not be here.” I sigh like that’s a terrible thing to think of me, knowing it’s the truth.
“What am I going to say to them?” I can’t talk to new people. I’m okay on safe topics, like telling a client about ongoing care for their pet, but general stuff, I can’t do it.
“Nothing. That’s your usual stance isn’t it?” Tom says. “I’m sure the rest of us will fill in for you like we usually do.”
Tom heads into the dining room in the farmhouse, where he begins setting the table.
“Are you going to help or stand there dithering?” he asks. I head to the dresser and start collecting the cutlery from the drawers and laying them out next to the plates he’s setting down. My mind wanders back to Megan’s comment as she walks into the room.
“I see you told him then?” Her question is directed at Tom but I know she’s talking about me.
“Is it that obvious?” I ask.
“Yes Cole, it is.” She looks a bit worried though. “Will you be on your best behaviour?”
“What do you mean?” I can’t believe she’s asking such a question.
“Well, you do get a bit weird sometimes round people you don’t know,” she explains.
“I do not!” I’m keen to refute her statement. I’m just not comfortable with them.
“Don’t worry,” she gives my chest a pat as she walks past. “Maybe Johan likes the surly type.”
What the fuck? She wasn’t joking then, unless she was and still is. I don’t know if I can cope with this anymore. I turn to leave.
“Can you not wind him up please, Meg?” Tom is actually standing in the doorway. I hadn’t noticed him move. “I still have him marked as a flight risk.”
“Okay,” she replies good-naturedly. “I’ll behave.” She’s still smiling, as if it’s the last thing she’s going to do. I hear a car pull into the yard, and I find myself gritting my teeth as I realise it’s too late to escape now.
“Cole, can you finish getting the glasses out, please? I’ll go and greet our guests.”
“Ok, fine.” I resign myself to a dreadful dinner.
“Relax, Cole. It’ll be good, I promise you.” Tom’s face is softer and I calm down enough to agree. He nods, pleased that he doesn’t think I’m going to disappear, and goes to the door to let the guests in.
The dinner isn’t actually too bad. My dad sits at one end of the table, my mother at the other. I sit next to her with Tom, Megan, and my eldest niece, Alice. Opposite me is Ben, then next to him, Johan, Keith, and then Sarah, Tom and Megan’s youngest daughter. Keith is in his usual good spirits, laughing and making jokes. He is good with my nieces and I envy his easy manner. Tom and I help my mother serve the food. The first course is a soup she’s made. She loves cooking and is never happier than when she has a full table. She thinks food is the answer to everything. After the soup, Mum brings out the roast. There’s a flurry of activity as dishes of food are passed around, but soon everyone settles down to eating. I steal a look at Johan and thankfully he isn’t looking my way. As far as I’m aware, he hasn’t looked my way at all, which is just fine by me. Over dessert, Keith starts on a tale of one of his events, a time when he and Johan were in the same competition. The way he tells it, he makes it sound like Johan was the hero of the story, and it was only bad luck that he won.
Johan claps him on his back. “Nonsense, you won fair and square.”
Keith shakes his head, laughing. “If you hadn't tripped up, you would have been champion.”
“It doesn’t matter. Those days were good fun.” As Keith agrees, I see a fleeting dark cloud cross Johan’s face as he looks down at his plate, but then it’s gone and he breaks out in a smile again.
“This crumble is amazing, Mrs. Walker,” he compliments Mum. He’s not wrong. Her apple and blackberry crumble is legendary; the apples are from our own orchard and the blackberries are local.
“Call me Annie, please.” My mum is beaming at him. After we finish the meal, my nieces are excused and my father takes Keith off somewhere. I help clear the table. I usually help wash up, but Megan is there before me and when I frown at her, she gives me a sly smile.
“You take the coffees in, Cole.” So far everything has gone well so I’m in a good mood.
“Whatever you’re planning won’t work, Meg.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she replies and returns her attention to the washing up.
I put down the coffee and tea pots and ask Ben what he wants, serving him a coffee as I ask Johan, “Tea or coffee?”
“Coffee please,” he smiles. I pass him a cup and sit down to pour my own. Tom and Ben are talking and, too late, I realise I’m left alone with Johan. I can’t think of a thing to say. I wonder if I can get out of there. I start to stand when he turns to me.
“I saw you the other day. You were working with a horse.”
I frown. I don’t remember seeing him. When would he have seen that?
“It looked amazing.”
I stare at him for a minute, trying to work out if he’s joking. I can’t tell things like that, but most people think my training methods are anything from eccentric to plain wrong, so I’m waiting for him to say so.
“The way that horse was with you every step of the way, with no ropes. It was incredible.” He leans a little closer and asks, “Would you be able to teach me?”
The question throws me. I’m so wrapped up in expecting some ridicule that it catches me completely off guard, and is how I manage to stutter out, “Yes, of course,” before I’ve even thought it through.
“Thank you, I would like that.” He straightens up and takes a mouthful of coffee. I don’t have time to reflect on what I’d agreed to as my father and Keith return, at the same time as Megan and my mum come from the kitchen with fresh coffee.
I take the arrival of the others as my chance to leave, hoping no one notices. I stayed for dinner; that was all that was required of me. I need some time to myself as I’ve now rashly promised to do something I would never have done if I had thought about it for a second. I head across the yard and run up the stairs to my apartment. Opening the door, I call Vin and he comes running, always delighted to see me. I feel better at his greeting. It’s uncomplicated; all he wants from me is food, play, and snuggles. Those things are easily managed. He doesn’t make things difficult with words and meanings I can’t understand. I head back down the stairs and across the fields, throwing a ball for Vin, needing to be by myself for a while.
I walk for about an hour. I’m not sure I feel calmer, but am pretty certain that the visitors will have gone by the time I return. The best I can hope for is that Johan was just being polite and he’ll forget about it. If he works for Tom and Dad, they’ll keep him busy. He might be around more but I am busy with the veterinary practice too so there’s no need for him to see me and remember. I certainly won’t be reminding him.
As I head back to the yard, I can see that Ben’s car is still there. I’m just about to head off, back to my apartment to avoid them, when they come out of the farmhouse. Vin, who loves people, rushes over to greet Ben and Keith. Keith loves him as their colouring is much the same red. Then he goes to greet Johan; Vin is always eager to meet new people. Johan crouches down to his level and fondles his ears, which has Vin wriggling ecstatically; it is one of his favourite places. Johan looks up at me. “He’s lovely. What’s his name?”
“Vin.”
“Short for?”
“Nothing, just Vin.” I wasn’t going to tell him I named him after Vin Diesel. I love the Riddick films but Vin’s jackal dog didn’t have a name so I named mine Vin instead.
Johan stands and smiles. I suddenly feel exposed, like he knows something about me, even though I haven’t told him anything. I hate that, I hate how people can think they know you, or guess something from just a few words. This is why I don’t interact with people. I hate feeling like I’m missing out on the punchline of a joke. When I was younger I used to ask, but that got me into trouble, mostly at school, with the teacher and other kids. So I kept quiet. Better to avoid people than be bullied. I feel panic rising and don’t want anyone to see. I haven’t felt like that for a long time, because I’ve been carefully avoiding new people. But now Johan is here and I can’t deal with it. I call Vin to me and leave as fast as I can, back across the fields, until my breathing calms down and I don’t feel sick anymore. Life is going to be hard with Johan on the farm. I’ll just have to try harder to avoid him now.