Chapter Twenty-Four #2
Selina wondered if that was true. Did Cameron really miss his sister?
They had been so close for years, and yet Cameron had not stayed above an hour after the funeral, only showing his face briefly at the wake he himself had arranged at a local hotel.
He had attended the inquest and given evidence of his sister’s mental health around the time of her death, which he’d deceptively described as ‘robust’.
Even though his testimony directly contradicted the doctor’s belief that Helen had been depressed and struggling with her nerves, the coroner ruled Miss Bourne’s death ‘accidental’ and gave permission for the funeral to take place.
To Selina’s astonishment, there had been no suggestion in the official verdict that Helen might have deliberately taken an overdose.
‘I expect it was done to spare the family’s feelings, and also allow any insurance policies to be paid out without question,’ William had said grimly when she queried this oversight. ‘And given there was no note …’
‘Yes, I see what you mean.’
She had studied Cameron throughout the inquest, however, and could not help wondering if he felt guilty, knowing his sister’s death might have been averted if he had not abandoned her so cruelly.
It seemed unlikely. Leaving the inquest, he had been pale but composed. A grieving brother, but not a man who might be blaming himself.
At the funeral, though, Cameron had wept as his sister was laid to rest. His new wife, Fiona, a heavy-set woman of about forty with rouged cheeks and scarlet lipstick, had produced a handkerchief from her bag and passed it to him without comment.
Later, at the wake, a sleek fox fur draped about her shoulders, she had shaken hands with Selina in a casual manner that suggested Cameron had told her little about his nearest neighbours on the moors.
Avoiding Selina’s searching gaze, he’d slipped away with his wife as soon as possible, excusing them both on account of Fiona’s ‘condition’, a remark which had left the poor woman pink with embarrassment.
So she was pregnant already, Selina had thought, glancing covertly at his wife.
It was hard not to wonder if that had been the reason for their precipitous wedding last year.
Since it was none of her business, though, she soon put it out of her mind.
She herself had been so busy since Helen’s funeral that she’d not given much more thought to the Bournes, except to note one day in the local gazette that Bourne Cottage was up for sale.
The happiness and well-being of her sister’s children, her blossoming friendship with William MacGregor, and her care of cousin Nancy as her pregnancy progressed had occupied her every waking moment, leaving little time for idle speculation.
Now, here she was, bringing Helen Bourne flowers. A woman who had slept with her sister’s husband and done her best to make Selina unhappy too.
‘I’m sorry,’ she addressed the headstone self-consciously.
‘Sorry about everything. Not noticing that Cameron had left, not going over more often during the heavy snows to see if you needed help, and not remembering to call again once the weather began to ease. If I had … Well, perhaps you wouldn’t be in the ground, and I wouldn’t be here speaking to your headstone.
’ She glanced about the ancient churchyard, but thankfully there was no one else in sight.
‘I don’t know if you can hear me, or even care that I’m here.
You were never very pleasant, let’s be honest. But some of that may have been Cameron’s fault, and you led quite a miserable existence out there at Bourne Cottage.
So I hope you’ve found peace, Helen, and that you’re happy at last. Goodbye. ’
Over lunch, Selina told William about her impromptu visit to the grave, and he gave her a solemn look. ‘Laying ghosts?’
‘Making myself feel less guilty for not visiting her more after Cameron left,’ she muttered, choosing a granary bread roll from the waitress’s proffered basket.
When the woman had gone, she said quietly, ‘The truth is, I’m not as kind as Bella was.
Try as I might, I was never quite able to forgive Helen for seducing Sebastian behind my sister’s back. ’
She had finally told William in detail what she’d discovered about the Bournes in her sister’s journals.
He had been as shocked as her by the revelations, and angry too when he learned how Cameron had kissed her out at Dead Man’s Bluff, and agreed that he’d most likely been hoping for a position of influence with Peter once he came of age and inherited his father’s wealth.
‘You are a clever, level-headed young woman, Selina, and being a realist rather than “kind” is nothing to be ashamed of.’ William raised a glass and drank her health, smiling. ‘And now we come to my share of today’s conversation.’
She raised her brows. ‘Go on.’
William set down the glass, staring down into his wine with sudden hesitancy.
‘Selina, I know I’m not worthy of the honour, and that I’m far older than you, though only by a dozen or so years,’ he said, stumbling over the words, his gaze lifting shyly to hers at last, ‘and you should feel free to throw your drink in my face even for daring to suggest it, but I wonder … That is, I would be the happiest man in the world if you would consent to be my wife, Selina Tiptress … I mean, Tiptree.’ He blushed rosily.
‘Tiptree,’ he repeated with careful emphasis, shaking his head.
‘Forgive me, I swear I practised that. Perhaps I ought to have gone over it again before making a fool of myself.’
Selina sat dazed, an odd buzzing in her ears. ‘I … I beg your pardon?’ She stared at him blankly. ‘You want to m-marry me?’
‘Is it so surprising?’
‘Yes,’ she said bluntly.
‘But all these months …’ He shook his head, looking bemused. ‘Visiting you at the hall, teaching you to drive, spending most of Christmas Day with you and the children … Not to mention all the kisses I’ve given you …’
‘You’ve only kissed me two or three times,’ she protested.
‘That’s two or three times more often than I kiss most women with whom I’m on first-name terms. And all the lunches and driving lessons? What did you think I was doing it for?’ His gaze clashed with hers, half-humorous, half-confused.
‘The estate …’ Her voice tailed off, and she blushed.
‘No,’ he said ironically.
‘No, I suppose not.’ She took a deep gulp of wine. ‘Golly.’
‘I take it that’s a no, then.’
She opened her mouth to say no, and then stopped herself.
His eyes narrowed. ‘I have a chance?’
‘I … I’m not sure.’
‘Good God, I have a chance.’ William leant back in his chair, drew a fat cigar from an inner pocket, caught her astonished eye, and hurriedly returned it to his pocket. ‘Quite right. You’re still thinking. The cigar will have to wait.’
‘You expected me to say yes?’
‘I was prepared for either yes or no. Yes, the cigar. No, continuing with our pleasant conversation,’ he said, grimacing, ‘before going home to lick my wounds as soon as decently possible.’
‘But me saying maybe threw you.’
‘As you say.’ But he was looking more cheerful. ‘So it’s a maybe.’
‘Perhaps.’
‘Oh, you …’ He laughed, but looked shaken. ‘May I ask what the chief stumbling block is? Then I could at least try to stack the odds in my favour.’
‘It’s not a stumbling block, as such.’ Selina met his gaze, feeling unexpectedly vulnerable.
Right up until he’d asked her, she’d been sure she would not want to marry him.
But the word no had refused to come, and she’d been surprised.
She’d remembered how much she’d enjoyed their fleeting kisses, and felt a desire to have him kiss her again.
Which could only mean one thing … She had feelings for this man.
Feelings that refused to be suppressed. And there was no reason to suppress them, was there?
She knew him to be a man of integrity, unlike her previous crushes, Johnny and Cameron – both weak-willed men, out to use her for whatever they could get.
Yet there was still a nagging worry as she considered the possibility of a future with him. ‘It’s the children.’
William studied her intently. ‘What about them?’
‘If we married, you would still have your work here in town,’ she pointed out, ‘and as your wife, I would be expected to move in with you.’
‘True.’
‘Yet I’m still guardian to my sister’s children until they all come of age, and I take that responsibility seriously.’
‘So bring them to Bodmin.’ He smiled. ‘They’re smashing kids. I’d be happy to bring them up as my own, if that’s what worries you.’
Smiling at his generosity, she reached across briefly to touch his hand. ‘But Thornton Hall is their home, William. They lost their father in the war, and their mother last summer. I can’t drag them away from the hall, it’s all they have left of their parents.’
His smile faded. ‘Yes, I see what you mean. The fact is, you need to keep the children with you, yet it wouldn’t be fair to bring them to live with me in Bodmin. Not after everything they’ve been through. Peter, in particular. The boy’s just starting to come around …’ He sighed.
‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered. ‘Plus, there’s Nancy now. Her baby’s due next month. She can’t be left to face the music alone.’
‘Of course not.’ He shook his head, fiddling with his glass. ‘But there’s no need to apologise. I would probably say no in your position.’
Selina bit her lip. ‘You’re forgetting something.’
‘What’s that?’
‘I didn’t say no,’ she reminded him, and then took a deep breath, forcing herself to be brave. ‘In fact, saying “maybe” was a bit of a fudge, given my … my feelings.’
William locked gazes with her, his own colour returning swiftly when she smiled. ‘Oh, Selina … You mean …? You have feelings for me?’ When she nodded, her smile turning shy, he loosened his collar with one finger. ‘Good Lord.’
‘If I’m honest, it really ought to be a yes.
’ Her heart beat faster on admitting this out loud, but no half-expected sense of fear or apprehension accompanied the words, so perhaps this was the real thing.
After so many false starts, was this true love at last?
Well, why not? The dark years of the war were behind them, and it felt like time for something new, something better.
‘All right, it’s a yes … Yes, I would love to be your wife.
’ Seeing his eyes widen, a new emotion dawning in his face, she touched his hand again.
‘But let’s keep our engagement informal for now.
Just between the two of us, if that’s okay with you?
Until we’ve worked out what to do for the best.’
He grinned, holding her hand. ‘Here’s to the best, then,’ he agreed softly, and raised his glass to her.
That spring, things went on very much as they had for the past year, except that William visited the hall more often, and Selina spent more time with Faith now that Nancy was heavily pregnant.
Her cousin’s baby was born at home in April, weighing a healthy six pounds, five ounces, a darling little girl whom Nancy called Isabella, in memory of the children’s mother.
Faith, Jemima and Peter gathered about her crib the day after Isabella had been born, staring down in hushed awe at the new arrival.
‘She looks like a doll,’ Jemima whispered.
‘Can I see?’ Faith piped up, not quite tall enough to see over the padded side of the crib, so that Selina had to lift her.
‘What are those awful red bumps on her head?’ Peter demanded, his hands thrust carelessly in his pockets as though to indicate a lack of interest in babies, though it was clear he was as fascinated as his sisters.
‘Forceps,’ Mrs Hawley told him shortly, busy plumping Nancy’s pillows so she could sit up.
‘Four what?’ he repeated, mystified.
‘Right, enough admiration of the baby. Time to give Nancy and Isabella some peace and quiet,’ Selina announced, guiding the children out of the room.
Faith hung back, begging to be allowed to kiss her newborn cousin, but she shook her head.
‘No, sweetheart, because you might have germs. When she’s a bit older you can kiss her. ’
‘Germs?’ Faith wrinkled her nose.
Authoritatively, Peter began to hold forth on the topic of germs, while Faith stared at him, open-mouthed, and Jemima dashed off, muttering something about crocheting a pink hat for Isabella.
Mrs Hawley bustled away with a laundry basket full of washing, seeming cheerful to have a new baby in the house despite all the extra work involved.
Selina paused in the doorway. ‘Congratulations,’ she told Nancy softly, who was looking tired but happier than she had been in months. ‘She’s lovely.’
‘Thank you.’ Nancy beamed. ‘Will you pass her to me, please? She’ll need feeding soon.’
‘Me?’ Selina swallowed, taken aback. She’d never handled a baby before, let alone a newborn.
But, with Nancy’s encouragement, she bent over the crib, gathered up the tightly swaddled infant, and lifted her gently.
One hand came up instinctively to support the baby’s head, and she made a soft cooing noise, murmuring, ‘Hello, Isabella. Aren’t you a beautiful baby?
Yes, you are,’ while passing her carefully to her mother.
Nancy grinned, cradling the baby in her arms. ‘See? You’re a natural.’
With an embarrassed laugh, Selina handed her cousin a cup of tea and hurried away, closing the bedroom door to give her some privacy just as Isabella began to cry lustily.
You’re a natural.
She’d never really thought much about babies before.
Being a wife and mother had never been an ambition of hers.
That was doubtless why she’d enjoyed being a Land Girl for years, happier with the rough and tumble of work on a farm than dolling herself up for a party.
But she’d always been interested in men.
And, since saying yes to William’s unexpected proposal, she’d become more curious about the possibility, wondering what her own baby would look like, and if she could ever be as loving and protective a mother as her sister Bella had been.
Now, still breathing in the sweet, alluring scent of a newborn baby, Selina thought she finally knew the answer …