9. CHARLIE
9
CHARLIE
T he sound of shattering glass jolts me awake. I sit up, propping myself up with my hands, my fingers tightly clutching the sheets.
I look over to find Hayden thrashing around beside me, with agonized moans muffled from his mouth. The lamp lies on the floor, shattered into hundreds of pieces.
Hayden?
His pale skin drenched in sweat, and my heart pounds in my chest.
I climb out of bed and kneel a safe distance beside him. If hes having a night terror, it would be dangerous to wake him. He continues to moan, but it sounds so raw, more like a stifled scream. My stomach contracts with an overwhelming sense of hopelessness.
Hayden, please, I whimper.
A few seconds later, his eyes pop open, filled with fear. He jerks his upper body off the bed, gasping for air. His chest rises and falls dramatically, and I nervously place my hand on my lap, gnawing at my bottom lip.
His eyes meet mine, anguish still written all over his face, perhaps realizing I should be sleeping beside him. When he sees me, his gaze becomes clouded with resignation.
Hayden
Im fine, he says as he throws the sheets off his legs and stands up from the bed.
Im not accepting that as an answer anymore.
Hayden turns his back to me, running a hand over his hair and face.
Something happened to you all those years ago, Hayden. Something terrible. Maybe you dont want to talk about it, fine. But let me be here for you.
The room falls into silence, and I brace myself for his resistance. I thought his behavior stemmed from arrogance and ignorance, but after last night, its clear as day that this is pain. This moment simply confirms that.
He needs to know that he doesnt have to go through this alone.
He turns around, his face thunderous, with tightly drawn eyebrows, pursed lips, and narrowed eyes. I stand in place.
His shoulders slumped, to my surprise. Haydens face relaxes into an exhausted state, and he glances at me wearily before sinking back onto the bed.
Youre not going to look at me the same way, Charlie, he warns. My stomach churns with knots, but what I say now carries ten times the weight. This is probably the only chance Ill get.
Try me.
I lower my body onto the bed, holding his gaze.
Hayden hesitates before speaking. You know that my mom died when I was young and how my father is on the surface. Quietly, unfriendly. Well, hes even worse behind closed doors.
Unease settles on his face as he averts his eyes. I bite down on my bottom lip, resisting the urge to place my hand on his. He was abusive to both of us, but my mother protected me from most of it. He felt betrayed when my mother found out she was pregnant with me. He wanted her to have an abortion, but she refused. He never wanted a child, never accepted me, hated me my whole life, and, of course, resented her for it. After she passed away, there was no real barrier between him and me . . . So I became his new, favorite punching bag.
A tightness constricts my throat like an invisible hand squeezing it.
It was as bad as it could be, and I got used to it after a while. I said that when I got older, I would leave, and it would be over. I just had to push through. And then I got you, and you made everything ten times more bearable.
My heart flutters in my chest, but a frown dampens my face. Why didnt I see the scars before?
You did, sometimes. Id say it had something to do with wrestling, even though I never did wrestling in high school. Im not even sure if they had a team.
My frown deepens. Why didnt you tell me?
I didnt want you to see me differently . . . as if I were weak.
I wouldnt have thought that, I defend, and a small smile graces his lips.
I should have known . . . Maybe I would have told you eventually. Hayden releases a pent-up breath. Shortly after my 19th birthday, when I was certain I had everything I needed to leave, he informed me that he needed me to travel on his behalf for a business transaction. I couldnt have known that I was walking into the worst place of my lifeand that I would remain there for five years.
My chest feels tight as my lips part, and I nervously run my tongue over them.
My father sent me to a place known as Devils Island. It was his way of getting back at me for ruining his life. I was kidnapped and held captive in order to be taught how to become a man. And I suppose to become useful to him as an enforcer with the various unsavory characters in his corrupt business dealings. A shadow passes over his face before it disappears. For them, that meant having to go days without food or water, enduring beatings with tools you use around the house, wires, and whips used for horses. It wasnt just me; two other men were there. It was pretty brutal.
We tried to escape once, but we were caught, and they didnt survive for long afterand I just had to remind myself to keep going. I willed myself to survive.
Hayden, my heart shatters into a million pieces as I bring my hands to my lips. Hayden keeps his gaze averted, his jaw twitching.
It took me five years, but I became strong enough to escape. I finally left that hell hole; your brother was the first person I called. He was the one who got me here.
And your father? I whisper. Did he . . . did he ever apologize?
He still maintains to this day that he was the one who allowed me to escape. Hayden chuckles bitterly. Apologies, sympathy, and empathy are not in his vocabulary.
Hayden raises his head to me, tilting his head at my glistening eyes. He raises a hand and drags it across my cheek. Dont feel sorry for me, Charlie.
Its just . . . all these scars. . . theyre forever a part of me. He exhales a sharp breath, swallowing hard. Im damaged goods, Ive done terrible things, you dont want to be with someone like meand thats what Ive been trying to tell you.
I frown in disagreement, but the reservation on his face is enough to tell me hes done talking.
May I . . . see the rest of your scars? I ask, my voice hardly above a whisper.
A moment of silence exchanges between us, before he nods.
He stands, turning to face the wall. My fingers wrap around the hem of his shirt, and he takes over, taking it off completely.
I suppress the gasp that jumps to escape, nearly choking. His scars had created an intricate network all up to his neck. My gaze moves from one to the other, anger surging inside of me at the thought of anyone hurting him.
I drop to my knees, and Hayden turns around. A few rogue scars litter his stomach.
Charlie, he warns, shaking his head. I press my lips onto every scar, kissing them while he watches. His lips part, face conflicted, but he allows me to make silent promises with each brush of my lips.
Your scars only show how strong youve been, Hayden, I reach for the hem of his pants. They dont take away any part of your beauty.
Charlie
Every inch of you is beautiful, I pause, staring into his eyes. Every single inch.
The moment I pull down his boxers, his cock is already achingly hard, staring at me. Hayden needs to understand that his scars dont take away a single inch of attractiveness from him. Seeing him towering above me like an adonis is enough to have me soaking wet.
I take the tip of his shaft in my mouth, moaning gently at the taste of the honey dripping from it. He sucks in a quick breath, his body jerking as he struggles to stay upright.
Fuck me, he hisses loudly, and I groan in immense pleasure.
My tongue flicks across the large vein that extends up his length. Hayden places both hands on his hips, digging his fingers into his flesh.
Charlie, he warns.
It sounds more like a green light in my head.
I open my mouth wide, taking his cock until it hits the back of my throat. The feeling of his thick, throbbing member in my wet mouth is sensational.
Fuck, he nearly yells. I place a hand against his stomach to steady myself, and his abs relax and contract repeatedly as my mouth works up and down over his length.
Im nearly ashamed to say how badly Ive thought about this moment, to have him in my mouth again, to have him succumb to me.
I continue to pump my mouth harder, my lips stretching around his girth.
Charlie, he moans from above me, his head tilted to the ceiling, fingers digging into my hair. I continue to sucksaliva dripping onto my breaststears pouring down the side of my eyes.
His balls begin to tighten, and just when I think hes about to let loose, he pulls himself away from me. Im about to protest, but Hayden grabs me from the floor, lacing a fistful of my hair and kissing me ferociously. And as if theres no tomorrow, he bends me over the bed, fucking me into oblivion.
My pussy wraps around his cock, hardly having the time to adjust. Its so muchthe wetness is coating his length, and it doesnt take long before I release. With a lasting few thrusts, Hayden finishes inside of me. Its almost barbaric, but fuck. We collapse alongside each other, desperately trying to catch our breaths.
Hayden and I lay quietly in bed, our bodies intertwined, staring up at the ceiling.
A day doesnt pass by that I dont regret leaving you behind . . . you were my strength sitting in that cold room. On the worst days, I thought of you holding me in bed, caressing me; on better days, Id imagine you sitting right next to me. I thought if I was going to die there, Id create my own heaven.
Oh my goodness, I mumble, tightening my grip around him. Youre going to make me cry.
He chuckles softly, his hands running up and down my back.
Thank you for letting me in, Hayden . . . I . . . thats all I wanted. I spent five years wondering if you were dead or, worseoff, starting another family somewhere. If Id known that . . . that those years were the worst years of your life, I wouldve been there for you much sooner.
Im sorry for treating you how I did, Charlie. I thought I was doing what was best for both of us. My father isnt a good person; this life he has me involved in . . . would break you apart. Hurting you, pushing you away seemed like the only option.
He sighs, rubbing circles on my hips.
Everything will be calmer very soon.
My eyebrows knit together, and Im about to ask him what he means by that when his phone erupts from somewhere amid all the glass. He picks it up, and my eyes flicker to the screen long enough to glance at Jareds name.
My curiosity deepens furtherand so does my guilt.
Jared would flip if he found out what Hayden and I had done this weekend. But maybe he doesnt have that control over me anymore. Hayden is an adult, and so am I, and if I want to rock his socks off, then thats exactly what Ill do.
Hayden excuses himself, slipping out of the room. I cant help but gnaw on my bottom lip. Why couldnt he answer a call from my brother here?
Maybe Im overthinking it; self-sabotaging, as they call it.
Hayden returns, his face no longer relaxed and poised. He glances at me.
We need to get going.