Chapter Six
Emma
He kissed me! Not once, but twice.
I try to put all thoughts of Clifton out of my mind as I dial my boyfriend”s number for the tenth time, hoping he”ll pick up. Once again, the call goes to voicemail.
“Hey, it”s me again. Please call me back. I”m sorry about what happened. I swear I”m not in love with Clifton. Can we talk this out like adults?” As I end the call, I feel a lump in my throat.
I don”t want things to end this way between us.
Heck, I don”t want things to end with him.
He’s a good guy, someone I would be comfortable and possibly happy with. He’s nothing like my ex-fiancé, in all the best ways.
I can”t believe he”d walked out of our date like I’d made him mad. With a glance at the clock, I confirm that it”s only eight thirty. Still too early to go to bed, not that I”m tired.
I check my phone again, hoping for a text, a missed call, anything. Sterling isn”t the type of guy to ghost someone - at least, I think he isn’t. Maybe I have been wrong about him all along. I”d spent the entire walk home trying to figure out if he was right and I was just looking at things wrong. Sure, I”d be upset if he spent our date talking about another woman, but not if he was complaining and upset about how that woman treated him. And I sure as heck wouldn”t accuse him of being in love with her.
My heart sinks as I wonder if he is really done with me. I don’t want this one single argument to be the end of everything we”ve enjoyed together. But instead of the expected surge of panic and sadness I thought I’d feel, I just feel... relieved. Maybe the pressure of being in a relationship is just too much for me right now. Between work, my past, and my interpersonal relationships, maybe I”m just not ready to find love.
Needing to talk to someone and find some comfort, I give my best friend Katie a call. She always answers the phone, and this time is no exception.
“Hi, hi, hi!” she says in her sunny voice. “What’s up, Emma?”
Talking to her is like being gas lit like there”s nothing going wrong in the world. But right now, her cheery attitude might be a welcome diversion from, well, life.
“So I think my boyfriend dumped me.” We”ve always had a cut to the chase kind of friendship, and now doesn”t seem the time to change that.
“Oh, no. I like Sterling. What happened?” Her concerned tone of voice helps put me at ease.
“We were on a date and I kind of unloaded about how much I hate Clifton and how difficult he makes my life. Apparently, he got the impression that I am in love with Clifton. So he walked out.” But the flash of pain I expect doesn”t come as I say the words out loud to my best friend.
“Wow, that’s a lot all at once. He thinks you’re in love with Clifton because you hate the guy?” She laughs, clearly seeing the humor in the moment. “He’s been reading too many romance novels, I guess.”
The thought of Sterling reading romance novels almost makes me laugh.
This is why I love talking to Katie; intentionally or not, she always makes me feel better.
“And I keep trying to call him, and he won”t answer my calls or call me back or text me. I don”t know what to do.” As I say the words, the answer becomes clearer.
“What do you want to do?” Katie asks.
Faced with those words, I”m at a loss. What do I want to do? “I don”t like the idea of being with a guy who, if he feels a certain way, will just walk out.” While I understand his need to exit the situation, it feels like the most disrespectful way possible to handle a difficult moment.
“That’s valid,” she says, sounding a bit distracted.
“Do I need to let you go?” I ask.
“Huh? Oh, no, I’m good,” she says with a slight laugh. “I can split my attention between you and the laundry.”
I smile, remembering the days we”d get together and help one another with laundry. “It”s been way too long since we had a laundry date.” I’m joking around, but she quickly agrees with me.
“It made chores more fun.” Even though she doesn”t say it, a sense that my being busy all the time is the problem.
“You”re an amazing friend.”
In a very matter of fact tone, she responds with, “I know.”
I wonder what to say next, but she starts talking again. “As far as Sterling, he will either come around and realize he made a mistake and apologize, or he won”t. Either way, you have your answer. I”m betting that he”s going to be apologizing to you sooner rather than later.” She lets out a laugh.
Part of me wants to believe her, but another part of me whispers to let him go. Obviously, he”s not right for me, and it”s better that I learn this sooner rather than later.
“You”re right, as always,” I say, hearing her washing machine start humming. “How are things with you?”
“Great, I just got a promotion at work, Larry asked me out, but I said no because who needs that headache? And mom and I are going on vacation next month. We booked a cruise.” In spite of her upbeat voice, pain lances through me as I think about my relationship with my mother. Wish I could book a cruise for myself and my mom, but that”s just not possible.
“What are you going to do about Clifton?” she asks expertly, steering the conversation back to me.
I lift both shoulders even though I know she can”t see me. “I don”t really know what to do except get through it.” There really is no other option.
“Is it possible that maybe you have feelings for him? Could Sterling have seen something you”re not considering?”
I freeze in place, wondering how the heck she can even say something so awful. Maybe she”s not hearing me or not understanding. I hate Clifton with every fiber of my being - there’s no way I love the guy.
“No.” The word is as final as a closed case.
“I was just asking in case sometimes people on the outside looking in can see things we don”t see inside.” The light note in her voice takes all the anger out of me.
“I guess.” But I”m not convinced. “If he talked about how much he hated somebody for an hour on our date, I wouldn”t assume he loved her.”
She makes a hissing noise as if she”s drawing a breath between her teeth. “You talked about him for an hour? What else did you guys talk about?” Somehow, she sounds amused, but there’s nothing funny to me about this situation.
“Well, that”s pretty much all we talked about,” I say, before amending my statement, “all I talked about.”
“Well, that makes his stance a little more understandable. I”m not saying he”s right, but I”m saying I get it. You guys were on a date to get to know one another, and all you did was talk about another man.”
There”s no way she”s on his side, right?
What is it with people and not seeing dates as a support system? I shift uncomfortably in my seat, wondering if I”m the one who”s in the wrong.
Before I can dig in too deeply, there”s a beep in my ear. I glance at my phone, seeing that my boss is calling.
“Katie, I”m sorry to end our talk like this, but my boss is calling.”
“You better answer. Love you. Bye,” she says, before hanging up.
With my heartbeat thumping rapidly behind my ribs, I answer Anton’s call.
“Hello, Emma.” he says. “I hope I”m not calling too late.”
My eyebrows come together in confusion. He”s called me much later on occasions about cases. “No, not at all. How can I help you?” I frantically search my mind for something I may have forgotten or didn”t do. Was there some caseload or work or forms that I left unfinished? I”m pretty good about making sure I dot every i and cross every t, but I’m only human.
“We need to talk.” And as he utters the most soul sucking phrase in human history, my anxiety increases. He sounds so cold and distant and unlike the fatherly, warm man I”m used to working with.
“Sure, I have time. What”s going on?” With my heartbeat and my throat threatening to cut off my air supply, I take a deep breath and exhale slowly.
“What the hell were you thinking?” he asks, his voice shifting from calming, old-world charm to anger.
I blink, stunned. “About what? I’m sorry, I’m not sure what you’re talking about.” What did I do to make him so upset?
“Don’t play dumb with me, Emma. You went to my son’s house. You confronted him. You yelled at him and insulted him.” Anton sounds furious to a degree I’ve never heard before, and I sit back in my seat, still unable to process how the man I’ve seen as a kindly father figure can be so angry with me over seemingly nothing.
“Excuse me?” I whisper, taken aback by the entire conversation. I guess Clifton didn’t tell him how he’d kissed me, twice. As I think about those kisses, I feel the tickle of his thumb brushing the corner of my lips and tingling warmth spreading across my face.
“What gives you the right to do any of that?” he asks.
“I was trying to get him to stop treating you so terribly.” My throat feels raw as the words scrape painfully out.
“That’s not your job.” He practically yells the words in my ear and I’m dumbfounded. All the times he’s talked about his son, cried on my shoulder at his son’s behavior, and begged the universe to help Clifton see reason, and he’s mad at me for standing up for him? I just don’t understand.
“I know that”s not my job, I was just trying to help you.”
But before I can get all of the words out, he cuts me off. “You weren”t trying to help me. You”re trying to make your job easier.”
I hesitate, trying to figure out how he made that mental leap. “How would telling off Clifton make my life easier in any way, shape, or form?” I ask, not seeing the connection.
Instead of responding and explaining his stance, he shuts down entirely. “Come by tomorrow and empty out your desk.”
He”s firing me?
“Why are you firing me?” He needs me. Clifton needs me.
“You can leave your notes and files with my secretary.”
I think about all of the work I”ve put in, all the hours I”ve dedicated, just to hand off my cases to him like this. And anger sears through me.
“You can”t possibly be firing me for this.” Why isn”t he thinking rationally about this situation? Instead of acting like the man I know, he”s acting like a wounded animal lashing out. Firing me is the worst thing he can do right now, for his and Clifton’s sake. Without me to mediate, they’ll be at each other’s throats, and Clifton will wind up in jail - I’m sure of that.
“I can fire you for any reason I see fit.” He sounds suddenly calm and colder than I’ve ever heard him be.
I need to get off the phone before I say something I regret.
“I”ll be in tomorrow to clean out my desk and leave things with Lanie.” With anger pounding an ugly baseline in my head, I end the call and stare down at my phone, trembling.
What am I going to do now?
I’ve lost my boyfriend and my job all in the same day.
And it’s all Clifton’s fault.