Chapter Sixteen
Emma
I open my eyes and see Clifton”s handsome face next to mine on the pillow. His chest rises and falls softly, one arm draped across my waist, the other up behind his head as he stretches out on his back. His warm breath stirs the tiny hairs on my neck and I grapple with the unexpected emotions welling within me.
Clearly, last night was not just an incredible, impossibly perfect dream. I almost wish it all had been a dream; that would be so much easier to deal with today. That”s not to say I”m unhappy with what happened last night - I”m not - but I”m not really sure how to move forward either.
How do I face him after the amazing night we shared?
I should be happy, right? Even when he was driving me crazy and I hated him, I have to admit that maybe my ex was right - I think I had a crush on him even then.
So why am I experiencing a serious sense of dread this morning?
Maybe because I’d just had a one night stand with a coworker.
Maybe because that coworker is both my partner and the boss”s son.
Maybe because navigating this charged environment around us has already been a challenge, and now things are going to be downright impossible to manage.
I study the sexy curves of his face, lost in thought. He’s smart, handsome, and successful. And he’s really calmed down and found his place in the firm. We’re no longer at each other’s throats, we found solid ground with one another - something I never would have suspected we could do - and now we’ve messed everything up by falling into bed together at the literal first opportunity.
But I’d felt safe with him last night. I’d felt desirable, wanted, and hungry for touch. I wanted to share the time and experience with him. However, in the harsh light of day, I can’t help but worry that we”ve made a mistake. A mistake we can’t take back or fix. How are we going to work together now?
Maybe I’m overthinking things. Perhaps I’ll feel better after I eat; low blood sugar or something has me all in knots. I don’t know.
I enjoyed myself last night, and I’m pretty sure he enjoyed himself, too.
So why do I feel so anxious?
I can’t help but think this is going to affect our professional relationship. His dark lashes shift as his eyes move behind his lids. A muscle twitch makes me smile as his expression relaxes. Is his sleep restful? Does he like sleeping next to me?
Those are two questions I probably shouldn’t ask him or myself.
What if people around the office find out? I bite down on my lower lip, staying totally still as my pulse jumps with stress. What if people at the office already know? Everyone knows he brought me home, maybe that is all they need to know we’re together. Who knows if the rumors have already started?
I should know better than to get tangled up like this. I like Clifton. He went from a troubled dude who seemed to like solving problems with his fists to the kind of guy I’d love to date. Not that we’re dating. But I could see myself with him, dating him, enjoying his company outside of work.
I’m acting silly, like some lovesick schoolgirl.
Moving very slowly, I glance at the clock on my nightstand. It’s eight fifteen on a Saturday. I have nowhere to be, no plans at all, and there’s a man in my bed.
I blow out a breath and bring my hand up to press against my forehead. What the heck do I do now? I’ve never, not once, had a one night stand. Are we supposed to cuddle? Spend time together? Awkwardly part ways with our heads down and proverbial tails between our legs? How do adults handle these moments in their lives?
And what does he want? Is he hoping for cuddles? Or is he going to make up and want to escape as soon as possible? Life would be so much easier if I could read people’s minds. Not that I think I’d enjoy that superpower one bit. I could ask.
I glance at him again, watching the gentle rise and fall of his chest and the way he looks so relaxed and peaceful. I could wake him up and ask, but I can’t think of anything more creepy than waking him up to ask if he wants to cuddle or split.
And suddenly, I know what will solve all these problems and clear my head - coffee.
I gently slide out of his embrace and off the edge of the bed, tiptoeing away to not wake him up. With silent steps, I make my way to the bathroom to brush my teeth and splash some water on my face. The woman in the mirror looks like she’s been attacked by a wild animal - I’m glad I woke up before he did.
With a hairbrush, I comb my hair into some semblance of neatness, then run a facecloth under cold water and press the wet, chilled material to my eyes to help bring down some of the puffiness. I take my bathrobe and wrap it around my body and smile at myself in the mirror. There, I can pass for human.
Satisfied with the results of my low-effort quest to look less like a wild woman and more like a human being, I leave the bathroom while stretching my arms above my head. In the kitchen, I start the coffee maker and take a couple of mugs out of the cabinet. I mean, who doesn”t want coffee, right? I’m not going to boot him out of my place - if he wants to stay for coffee, he’s welcome to do so.
“Morning,” he says from the entry of the kitchen and I turn to face him, unable to hold back a smile.
“Morning. I’m making coffee.” As if he couldn”t tell by the sight, sound, and smell of coffee in the air. Sometimes I say the dumbest things.
He’s in nothing but his boxers, so I imagine he’s not bolting for the door anytime soon. And that’s fine with me. I find it curious, however, that he looks more gorgeous in the light of day.
“Thank you, but I should probably get going soon,” he says.
My heart contracts even as I remind myself that this was just a fling, not something planned. “Of course. How can I help?”
When I finally watch the door close behind him, I lock the deadbolt and sigh, leaning back against the counter like the granite can catch me from falling. What the heck was I thinking? He’d been all business when he left and now I feel stupid for the assumptions I’d made.
I walk over and put the second coffee cup back in the cabinet and decide I need to talk to a friend.
With quick steps, I make my way to my room to pick up my phone and dial Katie’s number. She won’t judge me for sleeping with him, and I need a friend right now.
“Hey, Emma, what’s up?” Katie’s cheerful voice smooths some rough edge within me.
I leave my room and make a beeline for my coffee. “I just need to talk.” She must have heard something in my voice.
“Oh, no. What happened?” Despite the worry in her voice, she still sounds so upbeat there’s no stress to her comment.
I take a sip of my coffee, staring at a vase of multicolored tulips. “Clifton and I...” How the heck do I say this? I’ve never done anything like this before. Not the one night stand part, not the coworker part, nothing.
“Clifton, your coworker, the boss’s son, and the last person you should be calling me first thing in the morning on a Saturday about Clifton?” she says as if she already knows what I’m going to tell her.
I wince. “Yeah, that Clifton.”
“Are you okay?” Her entire tone shifts and I blink back unexpected stinging tears.
“Yes.” I’m okay.
“What did he do? Do I need to bring over a shovel? Did he screw things up for you? Make your ex mad? What happened?” She sounds almost distracted for a moment.
“No, nothing like that. Something... worse.” I gather up my courage, trying to find the words to tell her the truth.
“Worse? What could be worse than that?” The confusion in her voice tells me all her attention is back on me.
I take a deep breath. It’s now or never. “I slept with him.”
There’s a long pause on the other end of the line. I can almost hear Katie’s brain processing my words and I take another sip of my coffee.
“You what?” she finally asks, disbelief filling the two words.
That’s the response I expected, to be honest. Even I don’t know what I was thinking. Or if I even was thinking.
“I slept with him. Last night. He brought me home, I thought there was a light on in my place. He walked me up, checked the house, then we kissed...” Everything just happened.
“I don’t know what half of that means, but are you okay?”
“I’m okay. I feel like I messed up. I mean, this morning he seemed like he was in a hurry to get out, and I’m worried I screwed things up between us, at work, I mean, people are going to know-”
“Nobody is going to know.” She sounds so sure. “Everyone is caught up in their own things. You’re fine as long as you haven’t done anything unprofessional at work.” She’s making sense, and I let out a deep breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding.
I can only hope she’s right.
“Other than that, are you happy?” She sounds cautiously optimistic.
Am I?
“I think so.” If there are no repercussions to our night together, I have no regrets.
“I’m happy for you. So what happened?” She lets out a silvery laugh and I can’t hold back a smile.
“I was afraid because Sterling came and made a huge stink at my work. Clifton punched him in the face, Sterling got thrown out, and Clifton brought me home. I thought I saw a light on that I never leave on, so he came up with me to make sure I was safe. Then things got out of hand.” My cheeks burn as I remember the night before. I slide onto the stool at my breakfast nook and take a deep drink of my coffee.
“Well, you certainly have a type.” Amusement shines through in her voice.
She’s right, I do have a type. Guys that make me feel safe, valued, important.
“So he stayed the night, then left in a hurry?” Katie sounds like she’s puzzling over his behavior. “Do you know if he had somewhere to be? Maybe a meeting or something?”
I lift both shoulders even though I know she can’t see me. “Not that I know of, but I didn”t ask either.” Should I have asked, at least to put myself at ease?
“Well, maybe he has all the same concerns you do and didn”t want to invade your space any longer than he already had. He’s just a person, too, you know.”
Katie has a way of saying exactly what I need to hear. “And just remember, you”re not the first person to do something like this. You won”t be the last. It doesn”t define you and you’re stronger than any fallout that might come. You’re amazing, Em.”
I don”t feel amazing, but I”m not about to tell her she”s wrong. “Thanks, Katie. You”re the best friend ever; I don”t know what I”d do without you.”
“Anytime, Emma. Anytime. So what are you going to do now?”
I”m not sure if she means in regards to Clifton or just my day in general. So I answer for both. “I”m going to finish my coffee and then probably send him a text or call him. I don”t want the first time we interact after this to be at work, you know?”
“Smart.” Katie sounds like she agrees with my approach, which is reassuring.
“And I hope he doesn”t make a scene, or act too friendly in front of people. Or bring it up where anyone can hear him.” Just the thought of those options has my heart beating too hard.
“Or kiss you?” Katie actually sounds hopeful.
“Katie!”
“Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to say that out loud.” She sounds thrilled at this new development and I smile, feeling a great weight lifting off my chest. “Hey, speaking of work, I have some good news to share with you.” I”m grateful that she shifts the focus of our conversation and I eagerly dig in.
“I like good news. What is it?”
“I got promoted, Emma! I’m the head of my department.”
I’m proud of my friend and gush over her accomplishment. “That’s amazing, Katie! Congratulations. I mean, you totally deserve this, but it’s about time they see your worth!” I’m happy for my friend and she continues, excitement coloring her voice and speeding up her words.
“Thanks, Emma. I”m so excited. This is a new chapter for me, a new opportunity, a new challenge, and I can”t wait to get started.”
“You”re amazing at what you do, and you”ve worked so hard for this. I”m so proud of you!” I finish my coffee and glance at the pot, wondering if I should have more. I’d made an entire pot, and it’s a Saturday morning, so why not? “This promotion comes with a pay bump, right? Otherwise, I have some choice words for your boss.” I’m teasing, of course - I’d never jeopardize her job, but she deserves a raise.
“Yes! I also get a new office that’s bigger and nicer and closer to home. And I get to hire my own team.” I can hear the possibilities seeping into her words and know she’s already made grand plans. Plans she can pull off because she’s amazing. “And if things go completely south between you and Clifton, maybe I can hire you to work with me.” Despite the words very clearly being a joke, there”s something serious in her tone.
“Well, thanks for the backup plan. Here’s hoping I don’t need one.” With that, I stand up and take my mug to the coffee maker.
“I don’t think you will.” She’s still lit up and happy. “I think I need to go clean something.” With a snort of pure energy, she brings laughter to my lips. She’s always used cleaning as a way to get out nervous energy - it’s amazing that she knows herself well enough to both know she needs to expend energy and has found a healthy outlet like cleaning to do so.
“Okay, Katie. Thanks for everything. I love you.”
“Love you, too.”
With a smile, I end the call.
Katie always makes me feel better and always has my back.
I can only hope that she”s right and that everything is going to work out.