Chapter 6
“There are many things I’ve never told you,” I whisper, taking one of his hands between mine. One of my fingers tracing the line of his tattoo. This is the only consolation I find these days, knowing he’s here, fighting. The smell of alcohol and disinfectant in this place is starting to make me dizzy.
The doctor told us they’re reducing his medication, so we are just waiting for Lionel to decide to wake up. “Although I tried many times, our time together has always been so short. I’d rather not spoil our little time together with arguments. I know you and I’m certainly aware of how you’re going to react.”
As I sit beside his hospital bed, I try to fill the silence with silly stories and jokes. But today, something inside me is nagging to be said. The truth that I’ve been keeping locked away, too afraid to speak out loud. My mother has warned me, and deep down I know it’s true. Yet, I can’t shake the feeling of my own dreams tugging at my mind. It’s a constant battle between what others say and what my heart desires. And though I often find myself laughed at for my ambitions, they always resurface, begging to be fulfilled.
“I haven’t bought the study guide, but I want to, Lionel,” I continue with my story. “I want to go to college and learn new things to grow my business. You’ve told me many times the information is available for free on the internet. But I long for more. I want to live the complete experience. I know you have your vineyard dream, but that’s your dream, not mine. And I feel like I can’t live on borrowed goals my whole life. In the end, I would end up miserable. What’s wrong with not settling? What’s wrong with wanting everything? I’m not going to live halfway.”
In response, I hear the sound of his breathing, and the heart monitor beeps. I want to listen to his voice again, saying that he loves me while his strong arms are around me, holding me tight.
Lionel’s a young man, his life can’t end here. I refuse to believe it.
Don ’ t think about it, Stella, he ’ s recovering.
I know it’s selfish to think about myself now, but I even miss our fights. The warmth of his smile, our late-night phone calls when I was in bed already.
I take a deep breath before continuing to speak—I need to. I hope he’s listening to me, that he will think about it and decide to support me.
“As you know, I enjoy beekeeping, taking care of them, but I also want something else. I’ve read a lot about the growth of the organic industry, and I want to expand my business. Maybe one day I can leave the stand. I’ll continue helping my mother, of course. But not having to depend on the weather, tourism, or the season. I want more than just staying home and waiting for you to come back. You know I want a family, but I want to be more than a housewife.”
I caress his hand, carefully touching his fingers, the place where his wedding band should be, but now it’s missing.
“Someday, we will have children, and I will love them with all my heart, Lionel,” I say as a tear rolls down my cheek. He has been insistent about getting me pregnant, but I know there is more. And I want to experience it myself. “But why not give us a chance to be just you and me? Look what happened, I know very little about you. When they said you were here in Los Angeles everything became foggy. You can’t imagine what went through my mind when I saw on the news that you’re a tycoon.”
At this point, I can no longer stop the waterworks.
“Why did you lie, love? I would have fallen in love with you anyway. You made it easy for me, remember? There are so many questions I want to ask you, but as you can see, my mind continues to wander.”
I wipe my cheeks with the back of my hands in a vain attempt to compose myself, but it’s pointless.
“Please, wake up. We’ll sort this mess out together but to do that you have to heal, babe, please.”
I hear someone clear her throat, I look up to see the slender figure of Alexandra, who looks at me with eyes full of tears.
“Sorry,” is the first thing that comes out of my lips.
She opens her mouth but seems to change her mind about what she was going to say.
“Johanna is outside waiting to see Lionel,” she tells me, and I reply with a nod. “Ethan is here too. He wants to speak with you for a moment.”
I get up and go to the door where I find Lionel’s mother, dressed in navy pants, a white and blue gingham shirt, and a long light blue cardigan. She looks like she just walked off the pages of a fashion magazine. The woman exudes sophistication, although I bet this is one of her most informal outfits.
Alexandra leads me by the arm toward a corner, where Ethan is waiting.
“Ethan has arranged for you to take a shower and get some rest,” she tells me while they both stare at me.
I almost feel like I’m being judged by my appearance.
“I don’t want to go anywhere. What if he wakes up and I’m not next to him?” I counter.
My willpower keeps me in place, I’ll be in this hospital until my husband leaves.
And when that happens, we will do it together.
I’m sure of it.
“Easy, hellion,” Ethan replies with a half-smile. “The hospital administration allowed us to use an on-call room. We brought you some lunch, and you can take a nap if you want to.”
I stretch out my hand to thank them. I really need a shower, but sleeping doesn’t sound like something I feel up to doing.
A shower takes no more than ten minutes, I could even do it in five. I can eat in three.
In the blink of an eye, I would be back here, even before Mrs. Kral ends her visit. She always stays more or less forty minutes each time.
“What did you want to talk to me about?”
In the haze of confusion in my mind, Alexandra’s words flash again and again.
“We should talk after you have rested a bit, I have some questions…”
Ethan guides us through a maze of stairs and hallways to what looks like a suite. First, we enter an office. In it there are a large wooden desk and some chairs. Ethan points to a door, but only Alexandra walks with me. It’s a room with one single bed against the wall. Alexandra points to a door beyond, and then I realize my small suitcase is next to that same door, waiting for me.
The scalding water scorches my skin, but I welcome the pain. Anything to distract me from the whirlwind of emotions swirling inside me. The soap in my suitcase reminds me of home, a place I thought I could never leave, let alone face the situation at hand. The sweet scent of honey and lavender transports me to a time when life was simpler, and I wasn’t burdened with the weight of decisions.
But I can’t stay here forever. Reality beckons, and I am forced to confront it. With a heavy heart, I turn off the shower and face my fate.
As I step out of the room dressed in a simple cotton dress, I see them sitting together like a perfect portrait. Ethan’s words elicit a smile and blush from his wife, and for a fleeting moment, I envy their ease with one another. But then reality hits me once more, reminding me that things are not so simple for me. A lump forms in my throat as I stand in the doorway, feeling like an outsider in their world of blissful love. Yet, I can’t tear my eyes away as they make a beautiful couple, making it all look effortless and easy.
Ethan looks up, clears his throat, and shifts in his seat, giving his wife a sideways glance, who continues to giggle like a schoolgirl.
“Come sit with us,” Alexandra invites me, pointing to a paper bag in front of her. “The food is ready. I hope you like sushi. I think they included miso soup and salad.”
God bless their souls. I’m starving.
“Yes, thank you very much.”
“What did you want to talk to me about?” I ask Ethan as Alexandra is busy picking up the food containers and putting them back in the kraft paper bag. I think she’s doing it to keep herself busy.
“What I’m about to tell you is strictly confidential,” he warns me, and I nod several times. “Lionel hired me a few months ago because bizarre things kept happening at his job sites, lost supplies, personnel who didn’t show up for work, someone even stole two of his assistants’ laptops.”
God, my head is spinning, the assault was not an isolated event.
Someone wants to hurt Lionel, badly.
“Do you remember the exact date Lionel arrived in Kentucky? Do you remember if he was with someone?”
I remember the day we met like it was yesterday. That makes me smile.
“It was in April. I was at the stand where we sell our honey products. It was already the afternoon, we were about to close. It had been a good day, so we were going home early.”
I pause. Alexandra looks at me with hearts almost coming out of her eyes, while Ethan remains silent, waiting for me to continue.
“Lionel had gone to see the old winery by the river because he plans to buy it. That time he was with Ricky, a big blond tattooed man. One of his friends, or at least they told me that.” But with everything that has happened, I doubt it was his real name. “I never saw Ricky again, but since then, Lionel traveled every Friday, sometimes even Thursday, to spend time with me.”
Ethan looks at me pretty seriously. “Your Instagram account says a lot. All your posts in the last few months are pretty personal, like you wanted the world to see you together.”
That makes me smile.
“It wasn’t my idea, believe me. If it were up to me, I would’ve just continued posting photos of my bees, or my soaps. I’ve never been fond of showcasing my personal life in such a public way. It was all Lionel’s idea, and he can be quite stubborn, ya know…”
Ethan clears his throat again, settles with his elbows on his knees, and stares at me.
“Stella, those who know Lionel know he likes to work weekends at his cabin in the San Bernardino mountains,” he tells me quietly. “But we did find his flight records, also Lionel got a new driver’s license with the address of the house you rented in Carrollton. I have a copy of your marriage license…”
While he speaks, I gape at him. Boy, he has been busy for the last couple of hours. It seems as if he has uncovered all our life secrets.
Well, not all, but close.
“The thing is, we also have evidence those same weekends Lionel was with you, he was also in the mountains, his phone records are clear. We have been able to access them even though his phone disappeared, and we didn’t find a single call to Kentucky.”
I get up to search for my phone in my bag and hand it over to him without hesitation after unlocking it.
“There it is,” I say. “Our calls, the text messages, everything.”
Although our conversations are quite personal, I’m not afraid of someone reading them. I have nothing to hide, and Lionel is my husband.
Ethan takes a few notes and some pictures of my phone.
“There are so many red flags. How could he be in two places at the same time?”
That can’t be…
“I don’t understand anything,” I confess quietly. Alexandra takes my hand, giving it a squeeze.
“We gotta wait for Lionel, Stella. We should continue to trust he’ll recover quickly and, hopefully, he will offer us the answers we all need to hear.”
After answering the rest of Ethan’s questions, we return to the hallway in front of Lionel’s room. A few moments later, they say their goodbyes, and not long after, I see Mrs. Kral leave.
The woman doesn’t even glance in my direction when she leaves, like I don’t exist. That’s fine by me.
Upon entering the room, I find a nurse by the side of the bed, checking the machines connected to his body and writing everything down on the clipboard in her left hand.
“All good?”
“All good, Mrs. Kral, nothing to worry about.” I’m not going to stop worrying until we get out of here.
“Lionel,” I mumble when we’re finally alone. “Bizarre things are happening. Ethan, Ethan Conrad has been talking to me, but I don’t know much or understand what he’s saying. He told me that while you were with me, you were also…”
Beep, beep, beep.
The noise of the machine echoes in the silence of the room.
I continue to hold his hand, squeezing it gently, I need this connection with him.
“Wake up and fix this mess. You’re the only one who can, baby. You’re the only one who knows all the answers.”
“Baby,” I hear him say in a hoarse voice as those beautiful eyes the color of melted chocolate open.
It takes me a moment to realize what is happening.
“Lionel!” I yelp, full of emotion, my eyes filling with tears.
“Who are you?”