Chapter 14
Two and a half months before
“This all looks delicious, Stella,” he praised me as soon as he saw the dinner trays that I put in front of him at the table in our small, cheerful yellow kitchen. The house was tiny and old, but it was cozy and pristine after my mother, Valerie, and I spent a weekend cleaning every nook and cranny.
When he smiled, my husband was the most handsome man to ever walk the face of the Earth. I wished he would do it more often, but the last few days he hasn’t come back in a good mood. “Well, you went out of your way to welcome me home.”
A special dinner. That’s what I thought when carefully choosing the vegetables in the store. They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, right?
The time had come to share my dreams. I was sure that Lionel would support me in my decision. He was my husband, the man I had decided to share my entire life with. I supported his dreams, so I hoped he would do the same with mine.
We were making great efforts to stay afloat, moving into the rental—Lionel said that every newly married couple needed their own space, and I agreed—my expenses increased. Lionel was saving every penny from his salary to buy the old vineyard by the river as soon as possible.
A dream that perfectly complemented mine, since my idea consisted of expanding the small beekeeping company I inherited from my father. Bees and vineyards mix well. I did some research and it turns out that to check the plants’ condition, some winemakers plant rose bushes at the beginning of each vine row, which would provide food for my bees. Between the hive in my mother’s backyard, which produces clove honey, and the one in the vineyard, I would have a good selection.
Not only that, it turns out I had a profitable hobby since a little over a year ago. I started to make handmade soaps with honey and natural essential oils. At the time, I was only selling them to people around town, but I was sure they would love them and want to buy more. Soon, other people beyond my county’s borders would follow.
All I needed was for Lionel to help me pay the rent on the house for a couple of months and support me in starting my process of going to college. The only option would be to tighten our belts. I was even willing to go back to living with my mother. After all, most of the time I was alone in this house. I had gotten used to the idea of having him from Friday to Sunday, sometimes until Monday, that’s how it was since the beginning and, unless we bought the vineyard, that’s how it was going to continue.
And when I started making money, I could help him, everything was coldly calculated.
And I was willing to do whatever I had to do to get away with it. A good dinner, a couple of drinks.
A blow job.
Whatever it took, I believed that Lionel really loved me, so helping me meet my goals the same way I did his will be expected, right?
I put the beer bottle next to his plate smiling. My seduction skills weren’t the best, but I was managing. I would have liked to buy something sexy to wear, but I didn’t think it was wise when the whole point was to save money. Not in new clothes, at least.
“This week was crap at work,” he complains and my sails went down a little, he wasn’t in the best mood. But still, I decided to stick with the plan. “This makes it all better, to be received like a king in your house. Thanks, babe.”
“It’s my pleasure,” I replied smiling, not only for the compliment but for what was to come.
“I bought two shirts this week. They’re quite expensive, so be careful when you wash them. Or better yet, do it by hand. I don’t want you to ruin them in the washing machine.”
Lionel always told me he had to spend a lot of money on clothing as part of his sales strategy. No one would think of buying fine wines from a vendor who arrives at the door in rags, so I did my best to be very careful with all his stuff.
Washing and ironing clothes.
Polishing his shoes.
Packing his suitcase.
And, of course, making him something to eat for the trip.
Also, I had to be ready to go to bed with him at any evidence of fatigue. The truth is that I was exhausted. That week it rained almost every day, so I had to make sure my bees were dry, as well as making sure they ate enough by providing them with white sugar syrup and water. I also needed a back massage, a good fuck, and a good night’s sleep.
I waited for Lionel to devour everything on his plate and give me a few pecks too. After that, with another beer in hand, he sat in the loveseat we had in our little room to watch an episode of America ’ s Got Talent recorded on the device that he insisted we get. One more thing that would have to go. It was a luxury, after all.
It annoyed me when he put his feet up on the coffee table in front of the sofa in that carefree way. After all, we had bought it a short time ago, taking advantage of the fact that one of my mother’s friends from her prayer group had given me all his VIP points in a well-known department store.
It had counted as a wedding gift. It was pretty plain, rustic wood, but I loved it.
But I decided to shut up. Give in a little for the sake of triumph in the end.
“Come sit with me, Stella. I missed you this week,” he requested while he kept his eyes on the screen in front of him. We were newlyweds so hearing that he had missed me made my heart skip a beat. I was a woman in love. “And bring another beer with you.”
Kral brand romance , I thought. At least that’s what I discovered as soon as we returned to Carrollton with the signed marriage license in our hands. My mother almost had a heart attack, her only daughter married without warning and worse than that, it was a civil ceremony instead of in the church, presided over by Pastor Moore, her lifelong minister.
After taking another bottle from the refrigerator, I headed back to him, ensuring we were sitting close together, well, not that the two-seater sofa allowed for much space between us, but the proximity helped my purpose.
I ran my hand through the strands of his blond hair, enjoying the way it unraveled between my fingers.
“That’s it, babe,” he groaned. “Follow that path and I will take you to heaven later.”
And I didn’t hesitate for a second. Lionel was excellent in bed, generous, and passionate, so I knew he could keep that promise.
“Lionel, there is something I want to tell you…” I had to hurry up to give him the news before I regretted it. I knew myself well, I was going to end up making an excuse unless I spilled the beans at that exact moment.
“It better not be to ask for money to buy junk, you know the answer is no. We have to wait.” By junk, he referred to everything I had to buy to make our house a livable place, new sheets, pillows, and many other things like that.
“Don’t look at it as an expense, but rather an investment,” I said in a mellow voice. “An investment for our future.”
My hand went down to his neck. There I found two knots and began to massage them with both hands, relieving the tension. He was clay between my fingers, things were going according to plan.
“It’s about the hive.” Lionel wasn’t interested in the bees, the only thing he cared about was how much money it made.
“How many damn bees did you kill?”
“None, everything is fine, that’s why I want to talk about expanding the business, maybe trying some new things.” Beneath my fingers I could feel his muscles tense, so I put more pressure, trying to stay on track. “You see, a lot of the time I have problems with the weather and other things which makes it hard for me to sell, so I think it would be good for me not to have all my eggs in one basket, you know, I could go to school and learn…”
He moved so fast I couldn’t stop him, the massage, the dinner, and all the other preparations had been in vain, Lionel was furious, his face made it clear to me.
“What are you saying?” he asked with a frown, his brown eyes burning with fury. “Why do you want to study and all that crap? Why do you want to waste your time in such a stupid way?”
I looked at him with my mouth open. My plans were solid and I trusted that it was more than an expense, it was an investment for our future. For our future, together.
“Lionel, we’ve talked about your plans to buy the vineyard and all that. Now I want to tell you about my plans and the future of my business.”
I didn’t think it was possible but his brow furrowed even more, at the same time he pressed his mouth into a thin line. Troy was about to burn because I, too, was ready to go to war. Giving up wasn’t part of my plan, not when something as important as my heart’s desires were at stake.
“What plans for the future?” he asked me as he got up from the sofa. “How are you going to take care of the house, our kids, and run a business?”
There goes another one of his obsessions, getting me pregnant as fast as possible. He had told me how sad his childhood was, growing up in an orphanage, so he dreamed of starting a family, and the sooner the better.
“I’m not pregnant yet, Lionel,” I said quietly, trying to calm my already heated emotions. “Why not wait a little longer? I’m sure that everything will go as planned, and we’ll be more comfortable. I will be able to help you pay for the vineyard’s improvements and all that.”
With his hands on his waist, he let me know that although my arguments were solid, Mr. Kral was unwilling to give up ground. Well, me neither.
“What happens when it doesn’t work out?” he yelled. “Tell me, what are we going to do then? We would have wasted valuable time.”
Yes, there was always that possibility, but the truth was I had faith in my dream. It wasn’t going to be easy, but I would make it.
“I made a few notes,” I told him before picking up a notepad that I had appropriately placed on the side of the television. “Look, here’s everything.”
My notes must not have seemed meaningful because without even looking at them, he ripped the notebook from my hands and threw it across the room.
“I’m not interested in any of this shit,” he snorted. “And I don’t want to hear another word about this nonsense about going to college and selling scented little bottles.”
“Lionel, but I just need…” I added as I hurriedly picked up my notebook, I had to get him to take a look at it. The plan was good, at least that’s what it seemed to me.
“You need to keep doing what I tell you,” he proclaimed. “The man is the head of the household, right? Isn’t that what they teach women in that church that your mom likes to go to so much?”
Yes, it is, but I clearly remembered my mother saying playfully—even in front of my father—that while the man is the head, the woman is the neck. And it’s the neck that moves the head.
My parents were religious, but they made a caring and loving couple. They got along incredibly well, never not once, did I hear them arguing the way Lionel and I do.
“Look, love, I want to go to school…” Another attempt, I had to make one more attempt. I was sure it would be worth it.
“Stella, you don’t need to go to college,” he said and I felt his words were full of contempt. At the time I was swallowing tears, but I would cry later. I would manage tears, after tasting the sweetness of triumph. “Look at me, see what I’ve accomplished without stepping into a classroom after finishing high school.”
Yes, yes, many people don’t have to go to school to succeed. Unfortunately, I wasn’t part of that group. Also, I wanted to have the experience.
“And you’ll go even further, I’m sure,” I said those words to him sincerely because they were true. “However, just as you have your dreams, I also have mine. Being a housewife is an amazing job, but I’m sure I will end up feeling very frustrated later in life unless I do this for myself.”
He took what I said like I was purposely insulting him. I could almost see smoke coming out of his ears.
Fuck.
“Forgive me.” I know those words may sound conciliatory to many, but at the time it was like a bomb. “Forgive me for wanting to have children with you, for wanting to protect you, and give you everything without you having to lift a finger. Forgive me for wanting to protect you and provide for you.”
I closed my eyes feeling really frustrated, he misinterpreted my entire speech. For me, all his efforts were important. I was very grateful to him for striving to forge a future for us because he always spoke of these great plans not only for himself, but also for the family he dreamed of building with me. So my dedication to keeping the house as he liked, having everything clean, and tidy, I knew that made him happy. Feeling pampered comforted his soul and loving him as I did, also filled me with happiness.
And yet it wasn’t enough.
I felt like shit. I did, not only because I had lost the opportunity to expand my horizons and with it my business, but also bruising his ego.
“It’s not about that, Lionel,” I said softly as he approached me, moving like a hunter. “I’m happy being your wife, but I also want to be my own person, with my own goals and ideas. Do you remember what that is? Do you remember what it is like to dream and make those plans come true?”
Lionel grabbed my arms tight. I was sure that his grip would leave a mark on my skin, but I decided to embrace the pain. Offering it up as a bargaining chip, I needed him to listen to me.
“And it is in your best interest to remember you are mine. ”