Chapter 5 #2
Since he doesn’t say anything to me or demand specifics, experience tells me he thinks he’s won so he’s “magnanimously” leaving me alone to lick my wounds. In the past, the gloating would happen once I followed through with whatever the “thing” was.
In this way, at least, he’s predictable. Yet I know my window is quickly closing. He believes I’m scared—I am—and that this time he’s finally put his paw on my throat in such a way I can’t escape.
Only Mom was home when I packed the car to leave that morning after my father left for work.
She froze when she saw me in the garage.
I’d backed in and parked in a blind spot, because the security camera inside the garage pointed at the side door, not at this side closest to the utility room.
It also didn’t have sound, one of the few cameras Dad hadn’t upgraded.
I was loading all my shit in the trunk as Mom came in with groceries.
I hated the pain in her gaze. “Going…camping?” The way she asked tells me she knew that was not the truth. Like she knew I’d run.
“Yeah. Camping. Regular place.” Which wasn’t outside the norm for me.
One of the few activities I regularly did starting in my teens was going camping.
Usually shifted and without gear, but my father approved of it even though my real reason was to get the fuck away from him.
In his eyes, it was something “real” men did, get in touch with their shifter side, even though I’m certain he hadn’t done that during my lifetime.
“Need to clear my head. Before… everything,” I added.
She nodded. “Don’t leave yet. Let me go put these down.”
“Okay.”
Part of me worried she might call Dad, but less than a minute later she returned, and that’s when she pressed the wad of bills into my hand before hugging me tightly.
Like she knew.
“I love you,” she whispered, barely a breath, definitely no way the outside cameras could pick it up on their feeds.
“Look at the moon and know I love you.” That was something she said to me every time I left on a camping trip.
A special thing she only said with me. “Please, stay safe.” Her breath hitched, “Don’t look back. ”
A prickle of tears stung my eyes. “Me, too. Love you, Mom. I’ll be gone no more than four days.”
“Okay.”
I offer a smile I’m sure didn’t fool her and in a normal voice say, “If he asks, tell Dad that Lana and I will start planning the wedding when I get back. Have it in four weeks. I just…” I force a smile.
“I know when I’m beat. I’ll keep my head down and suck it up.
He’ll always win. It’s pointless to fight.
I’m too tired and scared to fight anymore. ”
At least that last sentence is true.
She nodded again, knowing damned well I’m lying because the tears welling in her eyes were a goodbye.
At least she can honestly say that’s what I told her.
Because I don’t know if Dad can compel her to tell him the truth since they never had a mate bond. Theirs was an arranged marriage.
I can’t risk it. If he can do that to her I want her able to tell him what he’ll think she believes is the truth, because I don’t want him hurting her more than he already does in the normal course of events.
That made sense, right?
I also don’t want him thinking she’s complicit in my departure.
Just before I pull out of the garage I call Lana—who I know is equally unhappy about this development—and tell her I’m going camping for a few days. Again, this isn’t unusual behavior for me, and she knows it.
“He’s going to ask me where,” she says. “I can’t lie to him. I’m terrified of him, Mal. I’m sorry.”
“You’re not the only one. I’m going camping, usual place. I told Mom. She just got home as I was getting ready to leave.”
I know Lana just well enough to recognize she sounds doubtful but wants to believe me to make her life easier. “Okay.”
“I also told Mom when I get back we can start planning this bullshit.” I snort. “Do it in four weeks.”
“Then what?” she asks.
I feel bad for her because she’ll soon end up married off to someone else, probably against her will, once I’m not around. And then she won’t get her free college education, either.
“I guess we’ll figure out where you’ll go to school and then get an apartment there.” I snort. “Any chance you can go to school in Washington State or Alaska?”
She laughs a little. Again, I hate myself for getting her hopes up like this, that we could have at least this illusion of freedom while testing the strength of a very long leash. “I can try. I haven’t filled out applications yet.”
“The Pacific Northwest has lots of great forests to run through.”
“True.”
“I have some ideas. For the wedding. I picked up a few magazines. Nothing huge, right? Please tell me simple’s fine.”
“Thank the Goddess,” she says. “I hate that kind of stuff. I want it small and simple, preferably outside. I’m sure your father won’t let us get away with eloping, or having it in the backyard, but let’s keep the guest list as slim as we can, okay?”
“How about you start hunting for venues? I’ll put together ideas for food and cake, and we can finalize that next week. We don’t need to worry about flowers if it’s outside, right?”
“Exactly.” She hesitates. “I’m sorry, Mal,” she softly says. “How about I try to find a venue that can’t get us in for a couple of months? If I pretend it’s somewhere I have my heart set on, it buys us a few more weeks. Right?”
I reeeally hate myself for this. “That’s genius,” I say. “Tell your parents we talked about this today. They’ll believe you, right?”
“Yeah.” She sniffles. “They’ll want us to have a baby.”
“I know. But with Brynnella due soon, and Carleen actively trying, maybe we can duck that and enlist Mom and your parents to defer it until you graduate. If we pretend we’re doing what he wants, and if he’s elected, he’ll be too busy to pay any attention to us, right?
I’ll even start letting him give me money.
He’ll think we’re completely in his pocket. ”
“We are,” she grumbles.
“I’m sorry. This is my fault for getting sloppy and getting caught.” I do mean that.
“No, I don’t blame you,” she says, which makes me feel worse.
“I really thought we could pull it off. I should’ve accepted it was a deal with the devil when I agreed.
Dad said he’d made excuses when your father asked him before, but he didn’t know about the deal with the college tuition.
I know there are at least three other girls in the pack who would jump at the chance to marry into your family. ”
That last part surprises me, because I damned sure never had girls fawning over me when I was a teenager. Not even at pack events.
“All right. At least this is a plan of action. I’ll call you when I get back.”
“Okay. Have fun.”
“Yeah.”
Again, I hate that Lana’s been enmeshed in my father’s web more than she already was simply by being born into our pack.
But I don’t want to die, and it’ll only be a matter of time before I draw my father’s attention and he tries to snap the trap around all four of my legs instead of just one.
I refuse to spend my life miserable. It’s worth it to run rather than be forced into working for him—which I know is the next step after getting married—and then being forced to have pups I don’t want.
I damned sure don’t want to bring more innocent children into the world to be crushed under his paw.
I blink away the memories and focus on my walk. On my return to the hotel, I swing through a convenience store and buy snacks that’ll pack and ride well. I’m planning to head out hours before dawn and want to take a nap first.
Because once I’m out in the open and running again, I know sleep will be a precious commodity very hard to come by at first.